Patrol duty was par of the course for the second of ShadowClan's Lead Warriors by now. It was rare for her not to be in charge of one, random cats selected each day to be subject to whatever whims she wanted. They were sent out to hunt that day, leafbare's curse still lingering over the clan's freshkill pile. Her paws had been empty of any catches so far, save for two froglets caught out in the sunhigh heat. The day was poised to be like any other, a meager hunt, a silly comment here or there, an afternoon spent lazing and plucking at the fleas that nested in her wiry fur. It was a complete coincidence that, as she crouched low amidst the thin cover of the marsh's flora, a distant figure caught the warrior's attention. Star-Killer was Ferndance's first thought. SkyClan had admitted to catching him, but who was to say that he didn't have multiple lives either? One for each of Pitchstar's he took. On guard, she edged closer and closer until more of the stranger came into view. They were nosing about, harmless it seemed, but there was something about them that gave the Lead Warrior pause.
A tall figure stood across the marshlands, a russet coat interrupted by erratic splashes of white. A prominent raccoon's mask of ivory fur donned her fur, accentuated by bright green eyes and a smile that painted a faux picture of innocence. "Mama." Ferndance gasped under her breath, half expecting the trespasser to hear her. Ferndance rushed forwards from her hiding space, the rustle of witch's fingers enough to cause the other she-cat to jump. "Mama!" Ferndance didn't care if her voice wavered as if brought to tears, or if she was breaking rules by refusing to chase this intruder off. It'd been two seasons since she'd last seen the matriarch of her giant family, nothing would ruin this for her. The stranger squinted her massive eyes, which then widened as they realised who the cat bounding towards them was. Olly, Ferndance's mother, quickly smoothed down the fur upon her muddy chest and proceeded to allow herself to be tackled by the Lead Warrior. They embraced firmly, bumping heads with each other before pressing their bodies together like jigsaw pieces made whole. Fern knew there were still so many pieces missing, for now, she would savour the piece she had.
"Fernie? Oh Fernie, dear, it's you! I thought I'd have to wait until death to see you again!" Olly mewed, their voice rich and full of love. She ducked away from Fern's hugs to get a better look at her daughter: she'd scarcely changed a bit, except for one little thing that left the tabby pouting. "Look at you, you're like a twig! Come, follow me, I caught a pigeon earlier, we can share." She offered, nudging her nose into the ShadowClanner's shoulder as if urging her to move. It was confusing when Ferndance didn't budge, doubly confusing when she talked back.
"I can't mama, I'm supposed to be on patrol."
"Nonsense! What are they going to do, kick you out?"
"Yeah."
"Oh." Awkward. Olly gave her daughter another once-over and now, it was Ferndance's time to not understand. Why did the long-furred she-cat look so mournful? Her heart nearly stopped as the worst outcome came to her mind. No... surely not...
"Where's papa anyways?" The words were like speaking into a mound of snow, she was certain only she could hear them, but Olly flinched, and Ferndance realised that they'd been said aloud. Olly began grooming her shoulder and Ferndance leaned forwards impatiently.
"Boots is... recovering. A few rogues found us and roughed him up a little. He's safe, just.... shook up." Fern's shoulders sagged in relief. Oh, thank the heavens he wasn't dead. Her mother's words gave her pause, a brow slowly creasing as she repeated it over and over in her head until she was certain she'd heard it right - and was certain that it sounded wrong.
"What do you mean 'found'?" Olly's face went blanch, their mouth as dry as a ShadowClanner's belly was empty. She didn't look at Ferndance but her paws reached out towards her daughter, resting upon each wiry shoulder. Fern's body tensed.
"Look that... was just a slip of the tongue. It's ok, everything's ok. In a few moons, you'll be able to join us again. Silkbreath and Laurelshine'll love to be back, I'm sure."
"I don't think so.... mama, they're ShadowClanners now. I am as well. I am a Lead Warrior, don't ask me how. My heart yearns for family, but I know I can make one here as well." Silence. That uncomfortable, wretched thing that told both sides that something had been said which could not be taken back. Ferndance did not know if she'd hurt her mother by rejecting the offer or if Olly was pondering some sort of mistake. Either way, the white-masked moggy let out a sigh.
"Well... perhaps we can merge both your families together." There was that feeling again, it was like thorns sinking into one's skin, piercing through each layer until it reached one's belly. It made her chest feel as if it were pulling away from the rest of her body with each staccato beat of what lay inside. Worry. Something in the outside world was trying to catch her family, but if they were to join ShadowClan, they would be as good as caught. Static territory, laden with starvation and a war on the horizon: it was Ferndance's home, but it took a special kind of cat to brave the dark. Olly and Boots were special, but not in that way.
"Mama, you're not telling the truth, not fully. Family's not supposed to lie to each other, what are you hiding?" She pressed for another answer instead, and her ears lay flat as Olly seemed to forget what they'd just said moments prior about joining families. It was what Ferndance wanted, it still hurt though.
"I'm afraid I'm not at liberty to say dearie. Just... come with me, please? We could use your skills, now more than ever."
"Not until you tell me why these rogues 'found' you and papa. What did you do?" It had to be something bad. Ferndance wouldn't care usually, she'd been an accessory to so many schemes that had scammed so many cats of their possessions, why should this one be any different? Except, it was very different - because Olly was hiding it. Russet-and-white paws shook as they lowered themselves from Ferndance's shoulders, her mother's squirrel-like tail hidden behind her.
"When he's better, we'll meet you on these here borders, alright? I won't make a decision without him." 'Decision?' Why did she make it sound so serious? What was going on?
"You're not on the borders. You're actually about three fox lengths into our territory." She gestured with her eyes to the Thunderpath, barely visible through a gap in the bushes. Olly's serious demeanour still carried in their eyes, but for a second, her kittenish grin returned.
"Really? Ah, whoopsies! Don't tell a soul."
"Or you'll end up in a hole." Fern smiled as she ended the catchphrase, her own gaze exhausted. To argue with one's family was to be pulled into icy water, already she could taste how bitter the air had become and how heavy her pelt felt. She'd get answers, just not know. It was frustrating for one so used to instant gratification, yet she did not want to brave those depths any further. She could be mad in her own time. "Go, mama. But please... come back. I do miss you, I just know where I belong now." She bowed her head as Olly moved forwards, softly licking between her daughter's ears. Ferndance wanted her back the moment contact had ceased being made. She wanted to be able to cuddle up and listen to bedtime stories as she had done all those years ago, she wanted to be able to count the stars and name each ancestor that now walked among them, she wanted to decorate her pelt and feel the freedom of the loner lands. But, she wanted ShadowClan too. She wanted to see her little apprentice grow to be a strong warrior, she wanted to explore everything that clanlife had to offer and make a family of her own, she wanted her friends to be happy and to love them like the families they'd inevitably lost. Her family didn't need her, but ShadowClan did.
Olly gave a swish of her tail. "Gotcha. I love you Fernie... I hope you're making the right decision." 'Not that you gave me much choice, seeing how you left me, Laurie and Silkie here.' She chewed the inside of her mouth at her first thought. 'I hope so too', she added silently, watching the long-furred figure disappear back into the swampy thicket.
A few hours later, a fresh pigeon appeared on the border.