- Apr 27, 2023
- 121
- 15
- 18
fast, four hundred on the dash
︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶
He felt…
Useless. The words of Venomthroats death hit his ears, and he froze. A rabid fox they say. And he was stuck here- cooped up. His mentor sick, talking in mumbles and groans, apparently has already seen Starclan, has seen her mother. She was delusional, eyes rolling, body weak, and bones showing.
Cats were dying left and right, and Milkpaw had no knowledge of… what to do anymore. The world spun, no, not of sickness. There was no ailment as claws protruded out of the boys paws, digging crevices into the earth to maintain his composure.
He couldn't be dead. Not Venomthroat. No, not him. If Starclan was real, why would they do that to him? How could they? But it wasn't just him. No it was everyone. If Starclan was real, they were awful. They werent as perfect as everyone claimed.
He wasn't there. He couldn't kill the fox that murdered him. He couldn't help the sick cats. He knew no medicine. And this, well, it made him feel like he knew nothing.
But, his body spun away from the other who told him. He knew not many cared about the boy, but even then, he would try to reblossom the old friendship with his sister. He had to protect her, he had to regain that friendship. Because, despite his anger towards her, he still cares about her. He still wanted her safe. He wanted someone close to him… and he wanted his family back. He didn't want to lose her further, before it was too late.
His parents were stubborn. But his sister did train with him for a while… He believes he still has a chance. Frosted blue eyes, fighting back the grief that struck them, searched almost frantically for Blossompaw. The rosetted molly would be found, her spots more prominent, her legs more nimble and providing her extra height. She was gaining mom's build, where he was gaining dad's. Her gaze was a silvery blue and as he approached, she frantically seemed to turn from her conversation and begin to walk away.
"Wait, Blossompaw," He said, picking up his speed to step in front of her. "We need to talk."
She would not meet his gaze, rather looking around in search of someone. Their mom and dad, likely. "I don't think we do." She said, beginning to step around him, but he cut her off again.
"Yeah, we kinda do Blossompaw. Venomthroat died. And-"
"A lot of cats are dying."
"Yeah but-"
"Look, I really gotta go, I'm busy."
His eyes saddened, his ears folded back. "I wanted to say I'm sorry. Whatever I did to make you and Mom and dad hate me. I don't want to lose you Blossompaw. We used to be friends, but apprenticeship hit and-"
"We can't be friends. Mother and father disowned you when you.. decided your own course of actions."
"That's not fair. I was a kid im-"
"You still are a child Milkpaw!" Her words burned, though hushed.There was anger laced in them, venom spitting in his face as the daggers stabbed him in his heart. "You haven't grown, you haven't learned, You've barely changed. You're still off thinking about yourself, Milkpaw. You're selfish."
"You don't, you can't mean that. You're looking out for yourself just to keep on good feet with mom and dad. I get that, but I just, I want to protect you, Blossompaw. I want to, I wanna help you. I want my family back."
Her eyes rolled, and a scoff came from her. "We don't want you back. There you are again. I want, I want I want. I don't need your protection. I don't need your help. You've got the competence of a kit still. I shall not ruin my relationship with my parents by being seen around you and your ridiculous choice of actions. Pranks? What are we, 3 moons? Grow up Milkpaw."
His ears heated in embarrassment, and yet again he was stuck frozen as she pushed past him. Their hushed words and her hostility leaving him hanging over his paws, kneading uncomfortably into the grass. "Why do you care so much about them? They don't care about you. They just wanna use you. They're emotions are fake."
Her head whipped back, a hiss escaping from her throat. "You know nothing of them."
"No! I don't! But I see it! Who disowns their child because they're a minor inconvenience? Who does that? Who leaves a kitten to fight in this world alone?" His voice was raising, his emotions spilling out with tears bubbling to spill. Blossompaws own eyes were frantically looking around now, as embarrassment was flooding her own body as eyes turned towards the pair together.
"Shut up. Shut up, you fool! This is exactly what I mean. You will never understand how foolish you are acting right now! You were the one that made your choices. You knew better. You knew you shouldn't talk back to your mentor. You knew you shouldn't take kits out of camp. You knew that you shouldn't even sneak out yourself! You knew your words to older cats were wrong. You did it to yourself. Every action you make results in consequences. And I'm sorry shit didn't go your way! And I will not be involved."
"That's all the past! Everything you're talking about! Let bygones be bygones. I have learned! You're just, you're brain washed! My training has, it's been successful! I've been catching up, I've been working hard, I haven't even done anything wrong since I've left the nursery! I haven't spoken back! I've been a good little windclan apprentice! You're just-"
"Stop, Milkpaw. Enough. I must go. I do not care to continue bringing attention to us. You tried. But I will continue on my own journey. And you continue on yours."
She said not another word as she walked off. "You're j-just their pet, Blossompaw! They don't care!" But she flicked her tail and continued off. Leaving him there. His feelings were.. hurt. More than hurt. His heart panged, his lungs sore, and his teeth gritting. His breaths were heavy. He did try. He was trying. And it was never ever good enough. The world around him spun. Why did he think Blossompaw would help him? Why was he so.. so fucking dumb? He knew better. He fucking knew better. Claws dug into the grass, his eyebrows furrowing, his teeth gritting, his body stiff.
He could do this on his own, and he will succeed. He did not need anyone to look up to him. He believed in himself.
Venomthroat would watch over him, that's how it worked right?
Come now Milkpaw, raise your head. No cat who stands up for themselves the way you just did should shove their nose into the dirt.
You might be annoying, but you're not stupid.
They reassured him, even if they were wrong to do so, because in the moment, he was wrong. But this, he felt he was trying to fight for a just cause. But was he wrong again?
But it was definitely a wake up call. He did not necessarily want accepted by his parents anymore. He didn't want accepted by his sister. He wanted to be accepted by himself. And he was.. he was proud of himself. He was working hard. He was training hard. He was doing more than he ever would've. The nursery was a lesson. And this was another one. He didn't need anybody.
He was tired of being sad because of them, and replacing the anger, replacing the sadness and grief in his eyes, he would instead have a look of determination in his gaze as he lifted his head, his chest puffed out a bit, and he straightened his posture. If they were done with him, he would be done with them. He would continue his journey and make his clan proud of him.
//1323 words//
︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶
He felt…
Useless. The words of Venomthroats death hit his ears, and he froze. A rabid fox they say. And he was stuck here- cooped up. His mentor sick, talking in mumbles and groans, apparently has already seen Starclan, has seen her mother. She was delusional, eyes rolling, body weak, and bones showing.
Cats were dying left and right, and Milkpaw had no knowledge of… what to do anymore. The world spun, no, not of sickness. There was no ailment as claws protruded out of the boys paws, digging crevices into the earth to maintain his composure.
He couldn't be dead. Not Venomthroat. No, not him. If Starclan was real, why would they do that to him? How could they? But it wasn't just him. No it was everyone. If Starclan was real, they were awful. They werent as perfect as everyone claimed.
He wasn't there. He couldn't kill the fox that murdered him. He couldn't help the sick cats. He knew no medicine. And this, well, it made him feel like he knew nothing.
But, his body spun away from the other who told him. He knew not many cared about the boy, but even then, he would try to reblossom the old friendship with his sister. He had to protect her, he had to regain that friendship. Because, despite his anger towards her, he still cares about her. He still wanted her safe. He wanted someone close to him… and he wanted his family back. He didn't want to lose her further, before it was too late.
His parents were stubborn. But his sister did train with him for a while… He believes he still has a chance. Frosted blue eyes, fighting back the grief that struck them, searched almost frantically for Blossompaw. The rosetted molly would be found, her spots more prominent, her legs more nimble and providing her extra height. She was gaining mom's build, where he was gaining dad's. Her gaze was a silvery blue and as he approached, she frantically seemed to turn from her conversation and begin to walk away.
"Wait, Blossompaw," He said, picking up his speed to step in front of her. "We need to talk."
She would not meet his gaze, rather looking around in search of someone. Their mom and dad, likely. "I don't think we do." She said, beginning to step around him, but he cut her off again.
"Yeah, we kinda do Blossompaw. Venomthroat died. And-"
"A lot of cats are dying."
"Yeah but-"
"Look, I really gotta go, I'm busy."
His eyes saddened, his ears folded back. "I wanted to say I'm sorry. Whatever I did to make you and Mom and dad hate me. I don't want to lose you Blossompaw. We used to be friends, but apprenticeship hit and-"
"We can't be friends. Mother and father disowned you when you.. decided your own course of actions."
"That's not fair. I was a kid im-"
"You still are a child Milkpaw!" Her words burned, though hushed.There was anger laced in them, venom spitting in his face as the daggers stabbed him in his heart. "You haven't grown, you haven't learned, You've barely changed. You're still off thinking about yourself, Milkpaw. You're selfish."
"You don't, you can't mean that. You're looking out for yourself just to keep on good feet with mom and dad. I get that, but I just, I want to protect you, Blossompaw. I want to, I wanna help you. I want my family back."
Her eyes rolled, and a scoff came from her. "We don't want you back. There you are again. I want, I want I want. I don't need your protection. I don't need your help. You've got the competence of a kit still. I shall not ruin my relationship with my parents by being seen around you and your ridiculous choice of actions. Pranks? What are we, 3 moons? Grow up Milkpaw."
His ears heated in embarrassment, and yet again he was stuck frozen as she pushed past him. Their hushed words and her hostility leaving him hanging over his paws, kneading uncomfortably into the grass. "Why do you care so much about them? They don't care about you. They just wanna use you. They're emotions are fake."
Her head whipped back, a hiss escaping from her throat. "You know nothing of them."
"No! I don't! But I see it! Who disowns their child because they're a minor inconvenience? Who does that? Who leaves a kitten to fight in this world alone?" His voice was raising, his emotions spilling out with tears bubbling to spill. Blossompaws own eyes were frantically looking around now, as embarrassment was flooding her own body as eyes turned towards the pair together.
"Shut up. Shut up, you fool! This is exactly what I mean. You will never understand how foolish you are acting right now! You were the one that made your choices. You knew better. You knew you shouldn't talk back to your mentor. You knew you shouldn't take kits out of camp. You knew that you shouldn't even sneak out yourself! You knew your words to older cats were wrong. You did it to yourself. Every action you make results in consequences. And I'm sorry shit didn't go your way! And I will not be involved."
"That's all the past! Everything you're talking about! Let bygones be bygones. I have learned! You're just, you're brain washed! My training has, it's been successful! I've been catching up, I've been working hard, I haven't even done anything wrong since I've left the nursery! I haven't spoken back! I've been a good little windclan apprentice! You're just-"
"Stop, Milkpaw. Enough. I must go. I do not care to continue bringing attention to us. You tried. But I will continue on my own journey. And you continue on yours."
She said not another word as she walked off. "You're j-just their pet, Blossompaw! They don't care!" But she flicked her tail and continued off. Leaving him there. His feelings were.. hurt. More than hurt. His heart panged, his lungs sore, and his teeth gritting. His breaths were heavy. He did try. He was trying. And it was never ever good enough. The world around him spun. Why did he think Blossompaw would help him? Why was he so.. so fucking dumb? He knew better. He fucking knew better. Claws dug into the grass, his eyebrows furrowing, his teeth gritting, his body stiff.
He could do this on his own, and he will succeed. He did not need anyone to look up to him. He believed in himself.
Venomthroat would watch over him, that's how it worked right?
Come now Milkpaw, raise your head. No cat who stands up for themselves the way you just did should shove their nose into the dirt.
You might be annoying, but you're not stupid.
They reassured him, even if they were wrong to do so, because in the moment, he was wrong. But this, he felt he was trying to fight for a just cause. But was he wrong again?
But it was definitely a wake up call. He did not necessarily want accepted by his parents anymore. He didn't want accepted by his sister. He wanted to be accepted by himself. And he was.. he was proud of himself. He was working hard. He was training hard. He was doing more than he ever would've. The nursery was a lesson. And this was another one. He didn't need anybody.
He was tired of being sad because of them, and replacing the anger, replacing the sadness and grief in his eyes, he would instead have a look of determination in his gaze as he lifted his head, his chest puffed out a bit, and he straightened his posture. If they were done with him, he would be done with them. He would continue his journey and make his clan proud of him.
//1323 words//
thought speech
