pafp EULOGY SINGER — infection

[PITCHSTAR]

it starts with an unbearable itch beneath the cobwebs. starlingheart doesn't want him to mess with the dressing, but each passing hour it becomes harder to ignore the crawling beneath his skin. at some point, pitchstar is convinced that he would rather rip his skin clean off than live with this hellish sensation- and when he inevitably scratches the aromatic herbs from his legs and shoulder, what he finds is enough for the shadowclan leader to curl his lip at.

wounds swollen and weeping cloudy pus, with a stench unusual even for him. sickly sweet, it clogs his nostrils and trails down his throat. pitchstar is quick to try and sloppily reapply the herbs he'd ripped off while scratching, ignorant of the dirt that now contaminated the dressing. whatever starlingheart had put in it would fix it, right?

the next morning, pitchstar awakes with an aching body and sweaty pads, despite his shivering. someone tries to bring him a morsel of prey, a scrawny little lizard barely enough to feed a kitten, but pitchstar snaps at them to leave. just the thought of trying to force down food makes his stomach churn and bile rise up his throat.

the days following, his condition spirals downward at a rapid pace. slipping in and out of consciousness, more disoriented with each waking spell. pitchstar feels as if he's burning up on the inside, his veins ablaze. he couldn't even find the strength to get out of his nest, whether he wanted to or not; his legs quiver at the thought. starlingheart doesn't want him to do much, anyways, so he continues to sleep. his lungs rattling with each breath, and it is growing harder to draw them in.

that morning, before the sun had even risen fully, the leader's labored breathing finally comes to a halt. he lays in his nest, eerily still and reeking of infection.

[ tl;dr pitchstar got an infection and died again <3 good job dumbass - that being said, please wait for @STARLINGHEART . to post! ]​

 

[Starlingheart]

// tw for mentions of her mothers death

Starlingheart had been by his side since the first moment she had smelled infection on him. She had applied and reapplied a poultice of marigold mixed with goldenrod for good measure to hopefully speed up the healing, to beat the infection in whatever race this was but it was to no avail. Pitchstar still got sick like Rainshade had, like Granitepaw and Ribbitleap, and he was still dying before her very eyes and she had not a single clue what she could do about it. She wants to scream, to cry, to tell everyone how unfair it was that they put all their hopes on her. She wants to be the child she is for once and have a complete meltdown in front of all her clanmates but she knows she cannot. Look at how weak she is, they would say, we should just drive her out like her no good turn tail aunt. And she would be forced to leave everything and everyone she cared about behind. In her mind, her clanmates are out there whispering about how useless she is right now, even as she loses sleep keeping watch over her brother, trying desperately to think of something to save him and coming up empty.

Finally, it happens. Pitchstar draws a final breath and goes still. Tears flood her eyes as she realizes she has lost him and she lets out a scream, long and grief-filled with a hint of rage, the perfect tone to let the stars and the clan know what she has lost. "It'll be okay" someone says "Pitch will come back, he's like a roach, you can't get rid of him that easily" it's a lame attempt at cheering her up and it doesn't work. Her mother was supposed to have nine lives and still, she had been ripped from her so easily. every time Pitch loses one of his, her mother's body, beaten, broken, a mess of fur and blood and bones materializes in her mind and instead of her mother's sightless eyes staring back at her it's Pitch's instead. "No, it-it's no-not okay" she says whirling on the random cat with an uncharacteristic anger burning in his eyes. "He-hes dead! A-and there-there's nothing I- I cou-could do be-because I-im ju-ju-juust a-an apprentice still!" she whirls on everyone, expecting them to correct her when the small crowd is mostly silent it only fuels her rage more, makes her angrier, makes her want to scream at them more. "Why-why wo-won't any of of you he-help me? Why do why do you all ju-just sit the-there and ju-judge me? Im-I'm barely ol-old enough to-to leave camp by myself and yet- and yet you-you all you all ex-expect me to-to know every-everything" it was an irrational accusation and she knows it. Cats had brought her water and food while she had stayed by Pitchstar's side. But she had heard cats voice their doubts about her, had heard them whispering about how Bonejaw had left a child in charge, how she was going to get them all killed. She knows there are a couple who believe in her but it's not enough, the negative voices and faces stick in her mind now, taunting her. Her eyes swim as she looks at all of them and if anyone says anything she doesn't hear it, shes already running.


She leaves the camp, her feet pounding the earth the only thing she hears for a while until she comes to a small clearing. Light filters through the pines and illuminates the center of it where she falls to her stomach, head between her paws, and starts sobbing. It wasn't fair, she wanted to see her mother again, to meet her father. She wanted Bonejaw to come back and for everything to be okay. She wants so much that she knows she cannot have any of it. She stays like this for a while, crying it out until her sobs become hoarse and her throat becomes dry, she cries until there is nothing left.


When finally the sobs subside she lifts her head to the sky, when she had left the sun had just begun to set, and now, instead of low sunlight filtering in through the trees it is now soft moonlight. She peers at the stars through the branches and whispers in a hoarse voice "Star-star clan please please gi-give me a sign sho-show me show me how to sa-save them. please." Its a desperate plea, her only option, and she doubts it'll be answered but still she closes her eyes shut and sends her prayer out anyways.

When her eyes open again, a rat sits in the clearing with her, directly in front of her. She doesn't move, paralyzed with fear. What if there were more around? What if it killed her like it had killed Pitch? But then her eyes dart to something in front of the scraggly creature. It sits before a herb she recognizes as something in her den. A root that is long and tube-shaped. Burdock. The pieces in her head click together and once again tears form in her eyes. Star Clan has answered her prayers.

She stands to move closer to the rat and the root but as she moves the creature runs off, leaving only the burdock behind. "Th-thank you thank you st-starclan thank you" she whispers before bending her head down and clutching the precious herb in her mouth and making her way back to the clan's camp.

When she gets back home she finds a crowd waiting anxiously for her return. She places the root between her paws and looks anxiously at each of them before she says in a tired voice "St-starclan ha-haas sent me they've sen-sent me a si-sign. They-they tau-taught me how how to uh to cure rat bi-bites. No one no one else wi-will die from from uhm infection" She hopes her words are true and that she hadn't hallucinated the whole thing, but here was a root from her herb stock as proof that it had happened. Still in a sort of a daze she makes her way back into Pitch's den, determined to treat the bites that Star Clan had not healed with the root she had clutched in her jaws.
​

 

[mitepaw]

The camp has been subdued since Pitchstar had been brought back, bloodied and rat-bitten. It's a gravid, heavy quiet, the sort that reminds Mitepaw of ice cracking underpaw and the promise of a storm if someone was to fall through the sharp crackles that supported them. Without warning Starlingheart's mournful wail cracks the evening air apart like lightning, and Mitepaw flinches out of his thoughts and back to the present. It echoes in his ears for several frantic heartbeats afterwards, and by the time his bottlebrush tail lays flat again the camp is alight with buzzing whispers. Pitchstar is dead. How many is this now? How many lives does he have left? Would his injuries claim another? Would Briarstar's kin lose another of their own? He's in a mild state of shock, more so over their medicine cat's outburst and rapid departure from the camp. Poor Starlingheart ...

Time passes quickly, as time normally does in such a catastrophe, and just as Mitepaw has settled in to listen to the small group discussing whether or not to send search parties out after the dark she-cat she returns, triumphant. A sign from StarClan in the form of the root clutched between her jaws. Oh, a blessing on a cursed day! Not all was lost, then.

"Do, um, do you want help chewing the herbs?" He offers. Be useful, Mitepaw, his mother's voice scolds him in his mind. Better to offer help and be turned down than build unnecessary resentment by ignoring that Starlingheart might need an extra paw of assistance.​

 

[Ravenwatcher.]

So I walk alone down the darkest roads​

---

With what happened, it would seem all have been holding their breaths anxiously. Everyones eyes always shifting, waiting, hoping for some news of their leader who had been murdered by something such as a puny rat. Something so tiny yet...it managed to kill their leader. Had leaf bare really affected them that much? Pools of sapphire blue glancing at others as she noticed how they seemed much to be only skin and bones.

The wails of Starlingheart alered her to know that their leader had once again, lost another life and Ravenwatcher let out a soft sigh, watching a child run off in a fit. Something in which Ravenwatcher could not blame her for. She was still so young and had the pressure underneath her shoulders to make sure the whole clan did not perish, even yet still. Why had Starclan punish them so? Her tail swayed a bit as seconds to hours past, concerns on the rest of the clans face, almost seemingly wondering if they had just lost their only medicine cat but also murmuring of patrols to search for her.

Yet, however, it would not be long until Starlingheart will return saying Starclan had given her a sign, that no one else would die. Perhaps that would be a relief to hear but she rolled her shoulders as she approached, her blue gaze landing on the other calmly. Mitepaw had offer to help chew the burdock and she hummed a bit. "Perhaps I can be of service too?" she offered while looking away. It wasn't like she worried or was concerned, it was Pitchstar's own fault for allowing himself to lose another life, and none of this was to her concerns but, help is...help she supposed and Starlingheart was only a kid.​

"speak""Thoughts"​

 

[CHILLEDSTAR.]

again. his stupid ass died again. this wasn't fair. this was so stupid. pitchstar was being reckless and they were hopeless to watch one of their best friends waste away. had he not been leader, they would have watched him die and not come back. as chilledgaze watched starlingheart for a moment, looking over at pitchstar's body, they moved to squeeze their eyes shut, taking in a shaky breath and letting it out as their claws dug into the mucky ground. their tail lashed behind, and with a grunt, they moved to reopen their eyes, sitting next to the medicine cat's older brother, not saying anything. idiot. you promised, dumbass. now get up.

​

[ NOBODY ELSE MATTERS, GIRL ]​

 

[smogstar]

You could tell Smogmaw that his leader had made a full recovery since the Carrionplace patrol, and truth be told, he would believe you. Pitchstar, to all intents and purposes, is a recluse who savours the inside of his den more than the outside world. Someone who would rather welter in self-loathing inside their own little home, and not out in the camp like the rest of the clan.

Without seeing the chestnut tom, his knowledge on Pitchstar's health came solely from word-of-mouth. And as it were, news of him being lethargic and lousy isn't much of an indication of his condition becoming worse. It isn't until the shrieking tone of their medicine cat breaks out from the oak tree's trajectory, and the livid howling which follows, that a grimmer picture is painted.

A multitude of urges are stifled and swallowed down so he may remain silent on his approach. He wants to disagree, to point out the clan's expectations for Starlingheart were in fact quite low and that the bulk of everybody's stress came from having a child medicine cat—yet, he has an inkling such words wouldn't provide much comfort, and so he bites his tongue.

Lurking silently to Chilledgaze's flank, he peers over the others' frames in front of him so that he may get a glimpse of Pitchstar's body.​

 

[GRANITEPELT]

Pitchstar had lost the life after all. Granitepaw snorts, eyes narrow as he sits amongst his Clanmates who offer shallow condolences to their medicine cat. Starlingheart is distraught, and he feels sorry for her -- but admittedly, it's tempered with glee that his detestable mentor has died again after dragging them all to the Carrionplace to be rat fodder.

He wants to comfort her, but she's running out of camp before he can, and he decides for once to leave her be. She's being irrational. She knows StarClan will bring that wretch back. He dismisses her turmoil with this self-explanation, going about his chores until her return.

When she finally does, there's something clamped in her mouth -- some herb he doesn't recognize, though it looks dirty, as though freshly-dug. She explains that StarClan has sent her a sign, to help cure the rat bites. Granitepaw's eyes narrow. "StarClan told you that? Just now?" He studies her, the herb, as cats offer to help her chew. "If she wants your help, she'll ask for it," he hisses at Ravenwatcher and Mitepaw, jealousy flaring blatantly in green eyes. "If she needs help, I'll help her. We wouldn't want any of you fools messing things up."​

[ PENNED BY MARQUETTE ]​

​

 

[Tornadopaw]

If you don't like me, that's your problem

It was a hard thing to watch, seeing Starlingheart bolt of camp the way she did. While part of her wanted to chase after the distraught medic she also understood that she likely needed time to herself. With that in mind, Tornado stayed put until the monochromatic girl returned. Citrine eyes watch as a single root is placed on display for all to see. It was wonderful Starlingheart had access to the medicine needed to treat rat bites but why couldn't starclan tell her that ahead of time? Because they relayed the information so late Pitchstar had unnecessarily lost a life. She leans forward to get a better look at the root and then Pitchstar himself before glancing at the ever snappy Granitepaw. A low scoff falls from her lips. "And why should you be the only one to help her? Since when do you make decisions for Starlingheart?" Tornado piped up, eyes of yellow meeting forest green.​

When I let it bother me, that's my problem​

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[Ratshadow]

CALLED TO DEVIL AND THE DEVIL DID COME ✧​

When she first meant Pitch she never thought he would one day be her leader. She knew she would watch him grow, just like any cat. Ratshadow had seen many cats grow up and become fine cats. She had also seen many meet their end. But, she never thought she would watch one meet their end multiple times. Wasn’t really meeting an end, was it? The panic felt the same even with the knowledge that they had multiple lives. Even knowing they had come back once before.

When she first saw Pitchsun as Pitchstar she knew they would one day die. She just assumed it would be after her. The small black cat was older after all. Was it the will of Starclan for the leaders to die over and over? Ratshadow sits in silence with her tail curled over her paws. Her eyes closed as she waited for Starlingheart to return. Waiting for Pitchstar to return. Humming softly at their good news. Sending a silence thanks to the stars above.

Opening her eyes, she approaches the medicine cat. “Let me know what I can do for you, Starlingheart. Weather it’s finding herbs, getting wet moss for those infected, or staying out of your way. Just let me know.” She says, not showing it but she was worried for those suffering from the rats. ​

 

[Starlingheart]

"No." The word comes out harsher than she means it to, they are only trying to help after all, but the insistency of them all threatens to overwhelm her, to make her head spin. All she wants is to go back to her den, curl into her nest and forget anything had happened at all. She is grateful to Star Clan for teaching her, and for guiding her paws on how to prevent her brother from dying yet again because of her lack of knowledge but it did not make the burden any easier. "No I-I'm a-alright" she says, softer, more like the Starling that they all know her voice broken and stammering though there is a new heaviness to her words that comes with the tiredness she feels.

She has to go to Pitch, to tend to the wounds that Star Clan has not healed yet, and then she needs to put more herbs on the cats with infected rat bites, cats like Granitepaw. Her eyes find him in the crowd, using him as an anchor, a rock to cling to in this tumultuous river of emotions that she is feeling. He speaks up for her, is her voice, and she is thankful to him for it. He asks if Star Clan really told her about the root and she nods. She knows some of her clanmates have their own opinions of their starry ancestors but it was unmistakable what she had seen, what had just happened in that moonlit clearing.

Tornadopaw speaks up now, against Granitepaw. Her voice is venom, like grating stones. "St-Stop." She says, moving closer to the gray-furred tom. "Do-don't argue not not ri-right now" She is not certain if she can handle it if two of her friends get into a fight right now.

"I-I'm tending I'm going to te-tend to Pitch now if any of- if you're bi-bites are in-infected please co-come see me in my-m-my den late-later" Before she turns away she gently bumps Granitepaw's shoulder with her head affectionately, a quiet thank you mouthed on her lips. She turns her gaze on Tornadopaw, hoping the she-cat wouldn't cause any more trouble then she's gone, retreating into the darkness of her brothers den to use her new knowledge on him.
​

 

[PITCHSTAR]

pitchstar leaves his baby sister a wreck, her wails falling on deaf ears as he slips into the starry fields for the second time this moon. he would've clawed his way out of this pit of death if he could, for her. but his body is frail from malnutrition, succumbing to the oblivion without much of a struggle.

as always, it seems like an eternity is spent waiting in the stars, his burning copper gaze fixated on his claws pressing into the glittering marshland with each step. not even wanting to acknowledge the specter watching, cold and uncaring, as they've always been in his mind. (they're probably laughing at him. two lives in one moon? how pathetic. this must be starclan's grand design, to strip him of life after life before he could even breach the surface for a breath in between.)

when he resuscitates, pitchstar does so with an audible gasp. heaving in air that had been expelled from still lungs, gulping it down as if he would go back under at any second. the feverish sensation, the throbbing behind his eyes, is gone. but the hollow aching in his stomach is ever persistent, perhaps as the only reminder that he is alive once more. (he couldn't remember what a full belly feels like, now. he doesn't think he would ever know.)

as soon as his chest does not burn with the lack of oxygen, pitchstar's eyes finally rake over his den- sees a couple of his clanmates standing over him, more of them watching from the entrance. "did i- really need a fuckin' audience-?" pitchstar wheezes, tail tip fluttering over the edge of his ragged nest in a weak twitch. how many of them had watched him die? how many of them knew how many lives he had left? his lip curls at the thought of everyone keeping score... six lives. he has six lives, and only him and his council should be aware of that. (who knows how many more traitors lurk in the shadows of his ranks? who knows how many of them are waiting for him to linger on his final life, just to take it from him themselves? how many more fleecefurs are out there?)

he tries to push himself up, but his legs are weak from misuse during his healing period as well as hunger. the leader flops back down into his torn bedding- surely in need of a change by now, but like most things in pitchstar's life, it is neglected- with an exaggerated groan. guess he would need a bit more time to regain whatever strength he could in the midst of a famine. or maybe he's going to wither away in this wretched den, too feeble to make it outside thanks to jutting ribs and a shrunken abdomen.​

 

[Ravenwatcher.]

So I walk alone down the darkest roads​

---

More came to the scene of the event, some offering a concern look in their own ways or even offering to help Starlingheart out. Granitepaw was beijg a little shit of course saying only he could help Starling out but she shrugged a bit, Tornadopaw trying to encourage a fight with the tom from her own reaction causing the medicine cat to step in and defending her friend, even promting she did not need the help. The gasp of their leader couldnbe heard and her gaze flickered to the weak form of their consciousness leader and her tail swished a bit. Alas he was alive, a good thing to take as he would not be leaving Chilldedgaze to a clan in shambles.

"All that matters is that you're alive. I'll take my leave" she stated before getting onto her paws and walking away, she did not know how many lives their leader has still but she worries for the clan. They could not afford to lose a leader just yet and hope to starclan they dare not strip them of another. Chilledgaze did not need that weight of a burden on their shoulder yet, and the clan could not afford to lose a beloved member of their clan, Starlingheart needs her older brother after all, Bonejaw had abandoned her and the clan, so right now he needs to survive, for hers and the clans sake.​

"speak""Thoughts"​

Out ))