everything i wanted ;; blazestar

[Fireflyglow]

@BLAZESTAR

Fireflypaw cannot find it in him to look in the direction of his father, but he attends to him nonetheless. The smell of death, of plague swamps the medicine den in a shroud. It is eerily quiet here, lonely despite all of the sleeping bodies- wheezing is heard to the side, breaking the scary silence, followed by a filthy cough that seems to begin a pattern with his other patients. Not long after, things go eerily silent once more, coughing stilled for now. Fireflypaw's body is the tensest it's ever been, nose prodding at his father's ear to get a good temperature reading. Still warm, of course. The Feverfew could only do so much, could only heal symptoms- this wasn't Lungwort. It was no savior treatment.

They need to hurry back home. He thinks to himself, exhaustion weighing on his shoulders and sagging his eyes as he turns to pick up a wet ball of moss. He dangles it before his father by a claw, before settling it onto the ground by his muzzle. "Drink, pa." He orders, and it feels all too wrong for his father to be here. His pa should be out with the others, helping to catch food and lead the clan through this bout of minor starvation. Fireflypaw's stomach rumbles, but he ignores it- he'd rather save food for cats who didn't have as much meat on their bones like himself. He could go much longer without food, couldn't he? He blinks.

His father says something under his breath, and Fireflypaw leans in owlishly to listen- ear nearly dead-pressed up against his father's jaw. He moves back, giving him some space. "What.. What did you say, pa?" He meows softly, nervous in gait as he slouches over.​

SKYCLAN MEDICINE CAT APPRENTICE ✦ 14 MOONS ✦ CHUNKY, BIG-FOOTED SEAL POINT ✦ TAGS​

 

[BLAZESTAR]

He’s lost, somewhere in the red, hellish mists of a fever dream. Blazestar has come to find sleep a cruel mistress while in the throes of yellowcough. Though she gives him refuge from the symptoms, she leads him down long, winding roads of tainted memory he would give anything not to have to tread. Today, his dream is fragmented, skipping around and showing him only the most brutal parts of his life. He finds the blood-smeared earth where Centipedepaw’s body had been dragged away—then, he’s kneeling before Haze, cold and covered with wounds inflicted by Sootstar—then he’d staggering, defeated, away from his daughter’s body as ThunderClan retrieves it for burial.

He stirs, but he cannot tell if he is awake or asleep. His grasp on time and space is tenuous, and his vision is hazy. He sees a hulking pale shape that makes him think he’s looking into a reflection—until the figure turns to him, and the eyes are scarred over and sightless, the points on his face and body jet instead of fire.

“Fire…fly…paw.” His throat is hoarse. His son offers him a cool, wet ball of moss, and Blazestar moves his aching body to drink from it. The soothing is instant, though his fevered eyes never leave the medicine cat apprentice’s face. “I’m.” His eyelids creep over dark blue orbs until they’re nearly covered. “I’m so proud… of all you’ve become…”

And then he’s slipped back into that world of dreams. In his sleep, he sees a soft-pawed kit, her blue eyes fixed on her father with guileless wonder. She tells him she doesn’t want to fight, but worries about helping her Clan, about being useful. Blazestar does not remember what he’d told his daughter then, but in the dream, he murmurs, “I should’ve protected you. All of you, I should’ve protected you and your siblings… Morningpaw…”

It slips from his mouth, and his eyes widen again, fixing blankly on nothing.

ooc ✧ 𝒷𝑒𝒻𝑜𝓇𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒹𝒶𝓌𝓃, 𝒾𝓉'𝓈 𝓈𝒽𝒾𝓃𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒷𝓇𝒾𝑔𝒽𝓉

•  

• 

• 

  — blaise . blazestar
  — he/him ; leader of skyclan
  — pansexual ; divorced ; single
  — longhaired flame point Ragdoll with blue eyes
  — “speech”, thoughts, attack
  — penned by Marquette
  — chibi by Mercibun

​

 

[Fireflyglow]

His shoulders are trembling, he realizes all too soon- he watches his father struggle in the throes of sickness, of fever. He cannot do much to stop it, Feverfew already given by his mentor and a prayer already murmured. His name is on the cusp of his father's lips, calling out to him, and he leans in to listen to his father's words.

I'm so proud… of all you've become… He croaks out, and Fireflypaw feels his claws grip the floor beneath him. Proud? Why should he be proud, if he's done nothing but fail? His lip trembles, and for once, Fireflypaw lets the torrential downfall of tears fall from his milky eyes. The way his nose sniffles, pulling snot back as he lays himself down beside his father- he wants it to stop, the illness, the starvation. When would they ever have anything good? "Mornin'.. Mornin' would be proud of you, too, dad.." He hiccups softly, wiping snot from his nose as he kneads the corner of the nest his father laid in.

It's like this again, when Sparrowsong was wheezing helplessly and all he could do was watch. More water, more water. No. His father begins to mumble, delirious, and Fireflypaw leans in to gently nuzzle his father's ear once more. Still warm. His father murmurs something about his sister, about having to protect them all- it's too late to protect them, they must protect themselves. But Fireflypaw keeps his words to himself, lets a low purr rumble deep in his chest in an attempt to comfort his father.

"You protected us best you could, pa." He speaks softly, reassuringly. It's a bittersweet feeling, knowing that Blazestar couldn't have done anything further. Morningpaw was in StarClan now, where she was with the rest of their clanmates. She wasn't alone, she had Snowpath, and Daisyflight, and Sheepcurl, and Mouser, and so many others. "Now let me protect you in turn, okay? Don't you worry a single whisker. I'll make sure the Clan stays together while you're sick. I promise." Even if I have to speak up for myself, for what you would believe in.​

SKYCLAN MEDICINE CAT APPRENTICE ✦ 14 MOONS ✦ CHUNKY, BIG-FOOTED SEAL POINT ✦ TAGS​

 

[BLAZESTAR]

Mornin’ would be proud of you too, Dad, he hears through the fiery mist. Blazestar chuckles, a choking sound. “She would visit me, if she were,” he murmurs, placing a ginger paw on the crease between his eyes and his snout. His breath is shaky and labored, his throat clogged with sickness and sore from his ever-present cough.

“…The best I could wasn’t enough.” He thinks of Duskpaw and Skypaw, but StarClan mercifully does not make him betray Little Wolf’s secret even in his sickness. “And I’m… sorry.” He does not know if he is speaking to his firstborn or to SkyClan or to the forest, to Little Wolf or to Bobbie, but he speaks those four syllables with all the strength he has left in him before flopping back into the moss bed.

ooc ✧ 𝒷𝑒𝒻𝑜𝓇𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒹𝒶𝓌𝓃, 𝒾𝓉'𝓈 𝓈𝒽𝒾𝓃𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒷𝓇𝒾𝑔𝒽𝓉

•  

• 

• 

  — blaise . blazestar
  — he/him ; leader of skyclan
  — pansexual ; divorced ; single
  — longhaired flame point Ragdoll with blue eyes
  — “speech”, thoughts, attack
  — penned by Marquette
  — chibi by Mercibun

​