private Everything will be alright ♔ Littlepaw

[Tawnyclaw]

*+:｡.｡ Tawnyclaw's paw hangs limply over the edge of his tree's branch, swaying along with the breeze as he watches on with his mind elsewhere. He can't stop thinking about Sootsprite's last words. About how she didn't...wouldn't see Littlepaw right in front of her. He didn't understand it - wasn't even sure he wanted to. But something in his chest clawed and screamed with misery on Littlepaw's behalf. The look on his face after the way Sootsprite treated him...Stars, poor littlepaw.
Trailing his gaze downward, he watches his home's camp glitter beneath the starlight, nearly devoid of life as everyone sleeps. HAving enough of his endless wondering, Tawnyclaw decides to figure it out for himself how Littlepaw is doing. Leaping out of the tree with a quick kick, the tom lands easily on his paws before proceeding towards the apprentice's den. It's strange to approach the den knowing he can no longer enter it, but he abides by unspoken rules and peeks his head in only. "Littlepaw?" he calls softly, hazel eyes glowing in the dim light.

*+:｡.｡ Updated 3/15/24

• 
  
  
• 
  
  
  
  GENERAL:
  ♔ Tawnyclaw
  ♔ DFAB— He/Him — Unsure
  ♔ 12 moons — Ages 1 moon every month 28th
  ♔ Skyclan — Warrior
  ♔ Son of Orangestar and Ashenclaw
  ♔ Brother to Cherryblossom, Eggbounce, Glimmersun and Owlheart
  
  
  
  COMBAT:
  ♔Physically hard | mentally medium
  ♔ Attack in bold #bf8924
  injuries: None currently

[/i]​

 

[LITTLEMOON]

it's not my fault i have my father's eyes .
︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

Sometimes, Littlepaw wondered if this was still a nightmare and if he pinched himself hard enough he’d wake up and it’d all go away like some long-forgotten memory. As if. He grinned bitterly, muzzle pressed against the fluff of his tail curled tightly around his frail form.

If it was possible, the small apprentice would have curled even tighter, knobby spine pressed roughly against the back of the den where his nest lay in neglected clumps, too small for anyone else.

He flinched, tired optics glancing upward, staring at Tawnyclaw in befuddlement. Why are you here? No one else bothered. He barely had any friends, falling in-and-out of the medicine den until deemed healthy enough to resume training where he was run rugged. His mentor shoved moons' worth of training into a few weeks until something else tugged at the feline’s diminishing immune system.

He sighed, peeling himself away from the cold comforts of his nest, and venturing closer. “Right here.” He mumbled, sluggish, body shivering briefly despite the warm weather. “Did you need something?” He prodded, helm tilted. ​

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thought speech​

 

[Tawnyclaw]

*+:｡.｡ It had been a long time since he'd last spoken to Littlepaw. Looking at him now, pelt ragged and eyes blood-shot with exhaustion, it was hard to believe they were the same age. It seemed Littlepaw only got smaller over the moons. "No" he meows, unhappy with how weak his voice sounds. Padding closer, the tawny-pelted warrior would aim to press against Littlepaw. He'd always been a bit touchy-feely with the white and charcoal feline, so hopefully Littlepaw wouldn't mind. "You don't have to get up if you're not up for it. I just...wanted to keep you company" he meows, tilting his head down to better look at the other's face, "Are you...I mean..." he flounders, then trails off. It felt incredibly stupid to ask if he was alright.
"Do you want to talk about it?" he finally asks.

*+:｡.｡ Updated 3/15/24

• 
  
  
• 
  
  
  
  GENERAL:
  ♔ Tawnyclaw
  ♔ DFAB— He/Him — Unsure
  ♔ 12 moons — Ages 1 moon every month 28th
  ♔ Skyclan — Warrior
  ♔ Son of Orangestar and Ashenclaw
  ♔ Brother to Cherryblossom, Eggbounce, Glimmersun and Owlheart
  
  
  
  COMBAT:
  ♔Physically hard | mentally medium
  ♔ Attack in bold #bf8924
  injuries: None currently

​

 

[LITTLEMOON]

it's not my fault i have my father's eyes .
︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

He hummed in acknowledgment, plumage quivering against the well-treaded ground, lost in thought and no thoughts at all. It was an odd sensation. One that left him floating high above the clouds, but still feeling suffocated, trapped to walk a path he neither wanted nor rejected. A stalemate.

His life was bitterly stagnant. A quiescent mind. Haunted and lonely. He chuckled, freckled cheeks crinkling beneath the curl of blue sky hues. Vibrant like the ocean, but so very dull beneath thundering waves.

“I’m alright.” He rasped, offering a weakened grin, lidded hues falling shut with a ragged breath, willing sore limbs forward in a stretch that pulled at tight muscles and blistering, old scars that throbbed from time to time. It was a lie, and they both knew it, but it was the thought that counted — a last-ditch act of avoiding the truth.

He chuckled, willing small shoulders to bump against Tawnyclaw’s. “No.” He bluntly responded. “There’s nothing to talk about.” He murmured with crinkled brows, dull ocean eyes skimming the muted sky. “I wasn’t what she wanted. I never was …. Silly of me, isn’t it?” He sighed, blinking back the throbbing burn that burst from behind bleary hues. “I’ll always love her, but that will ( he corrected himself ) won’t be returned.” He mewled with a silent whine behind aching teeth. “It’s alright.” He added, returning his gaze to the feline nestled beside him. It isn’t. It’ll never be alright. He adored her as if she hung the moon, and in return, Littlepaw turned into a useless child, but that … Huh.

He chuckled, tasting of bitterness, Littlepaw pulled further into himself with a shiver. “She’s dead now. There’s … no use in talking about it.” He tapered off. ​

​

thought speech​

 

[Tawnyclaw]

*+:｡.｡ Tawnyclaw worked on his jaw, finding he could neither open it nor keep it still. A compromise is chosen instead, simply moving it about as though speaking the words behind the wall of his lips would alleviate some of the strain of keeping them secure. Littlepaw lies. He lies with a smile and a chuckle, and Tawnyclaw isn't sure if that makes it worse or better. Littlepaw isn't the type to smile or laugh very often, but the charade of an attempt makes something twist in Tawnyclaw's chest. Worse, he ultimately concludes.
So he listens. He feels incredibly helpless, only being able to offer his ears to the young man needing so much more, but for now, he gives what he can. Unconsciously, his thick tail curls around Littlepaw, tightly protective of his friend as he weaves a tragic tale of neglect and grief. To think, even after all Sootspritespark had done...her neglected son still mourns her so deeply. There's nothing to talk about is repeated, and again Tawnyclaw can only shift his teeth in a grind, finding he neither has the words nor the ability to speak them if he did.
What was he to say? Was there anything that could be said?
Think, Tawnyclaw! Think -

"I want you"
Tawnyclaw blinks, looking down at his friend with surprise flickering in his hazel eyes. But, as impulsive as the proclamation was..."I do. You're...a great friend, Little" he considers his words carefully, hesitant to insult a mother he still so clearly loves before he settles on, "Your mom missed out." He opens his mouth to say more, but he remains uncertain if anything he had already said wouldn't make things worse. Instead, he flops his head on Little's, pressing his cheek to his friend's cranium. "You don't have to talk about it...but I'm glad you're here. I'm glad to have you." he purrs softly, feeling color rise in his cheeks at the sappiness of the moment. Tawnyclaw wasn't great at holding emotions in the palm of his hand.

*+:｡.｡ Updated 3/15/24

• 
  
  
• 
  
  
  
  GENERAL:
  ♔ Tawnyclaw
  ♔ DFAB— He/Him — Unsure
  ♔ 12 moons — Ages 1 moon every month 28th
  ♔ Skyclan — Warrior
  ♔ Son of Orangestar and Ashenclaw
  ♔ Brother to Cherryblossom, Eggbounce, Glimmersun and Owlheart
  
  
  
  COMBAT:
  ♔Physically hard | mentally medium
  ♔ Attack in bold #bf8924
  injuries: None currently

​

 

[LITTLEMOON]

it's not my fault i have my father's eyes .
︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

A carefully constructed mask falls lax, deadpan features coursing through several emotions, but none can explain what he was feeling more than a bitter swell of anger, love, and grief. An odd concoction that’d certainly never do anyone any good, but did he have the strength to pull out of whatever funk he was in? No. To be an angry apprentice again. Anything over the brittle numbness he’s been feeling since his mother’s death. Or having given up after the few times he’d fallen ill. He breathed shakily, humming softly at the woolly tail curling around thin shoulders, letting his frail form lean into the offered heat without much thought, mangled ears twitching upon a patched helm.

A flicker of surprise fluttered through monotone features. I want you. Littlepaw blinked owlishly, confused inkling forward at the blunt proclamation. “Me?” He echoed, tone off-kilter, but the flood of warmth pooling into icy veins brought a full-blown shiver through the small apprentice. “That’s — Thank you.” Timbre a honeyed whisper. What else could he say? Littlepaw was never good with words, and actions spoke louder, sometimes that wasn’t nearly enough.

I’m not that great. He wanted to mumble, biting his tongue before they slipped out, simply offering a hum in acknowledgment. Ah. Here come the self-deprecating thoughts. He chuckled mirthfully, letting eyelids slip over ocean pools, starving off the worst of his thoughts that threatened to overwhelm him.

Your mom missed out. Did she? Littlepaw had to wonder if Sootspritespark ever had an inking of love for him or the littlest bit of pride for her son. He murmured a soft, monotonous “I know”, uncertain if he believed that statement. A tired hum slipped out, ocean hues still blissfully closed to press further against Tawnyclaw’s frame, muscles falling lax.

He was comfortably warm despite the maelstrom of emotions Littlepaw had no intentions of dealing with, preferring to tuck them to the darkest, deepest part of his brain to stew. “... Thank you.” He mumbled tiredly, bloodshot hues blinking open.

“I’m —” He paused, tongue peeking out to lick at scarred lips, uncertainly falling into place. Was he happy to be here? Not terribly so, but he was happy to be here beside Tawnyclaw. “I’m happy you're here too.” Littlepaw would be holed up in his nest to seep in his guilt-ridden grief. Tawnyclaw was understanding, even during his rage-prone outbursts while they were younger. An awkward, barely audible purr slipped out at the thought. ​

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thought speech​