private FEAR OF GOD // THUNDERGLEAM

[badgerstripe]

It all happened so fast. It's all so.. unbelievable.

Badgerstripe doesn't adjust as quickly as Skyclaw's followers to his leadership. She doesn't adjust at all to the lack of Howlingstar's presence. The lack of that feeling of safety and security that she brought - that all of her council brought. She feels suffocated - the dynamics between her and her friends have changed, as Palefire grieves and Sleekserpent now sees himself as above her with his traitor friends in charge.

It's all too much. It takes so much energy for Badgerstripe not to forsake all the progress she's made to be better.

It would be.. nice, not to feel so alone. Maybe that's why her paws lead her approach to a star-coated warrior, the first cat to look at her and see the good underneath all her blatant bads. Thundergleam had been there for her before, time and time again, against Badgerstripe's bitter demands for her to leave her be. For the first time, her approach to the molly is voluntary - she seeks comfort, sure, but also wants to know..

" ...How are you feeling? " she asks softly, taking a seat next to Thundergleam. Were they friends? Could they talk like this? Would she confide in her as she allowed Badgerstripe to confide in her? " You must be.. so worried. This must not be the ThunderClan you saw.. when you came to us so long ago. "

BADGERSTRIPE ( she/her )​

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( ooc ) @THUNDERGLEAM

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[THUNDERGLEAM]

In the past, sparks had flown between Badgerstripe and herself, but Thundergleam hoped dearly that they could call each other friends, now. For all she knew of healing hearts and stopping pain, one thing ThunderClan had taught her was that some friendships truly needed to be earned. Respect was a gathered thing, not a gift instantly bestowed. She truly cherished that knowledge now ... though it still set Father's teachings askew.

Her heart thumped with pain when she remembered the fear in Howlingstar's eyes ... when she recalled the way Stormywing had looked at her, before it had all happened, when she had been sent away. The light fading from Mousenose's eyes, painless potential cruelly squandered... that, too, lingered in her mind with poisonous aftertaste. To think of who else would have cracked and shattered beneath mutiny ...

So she was glad, truly, that Badgerstripe was here. It lessened that hammering agony just a little bit. How are you feeling? Gentle eyes of pink blinked away sadness. Her soul searched for tranquility, peace she had been trained to find for her whole life. Silken tones dipped low. "It certainly is not," she murmured, nodding gravely. "But ... neither was Howlingstar's ThunderClan. I expected to find Emberstar... to be let in without trial. There are things StarClan shrouded from me... presumably to test my perseverance." Her voice trembled a little at the end of her sentence.

"I do not believe this is StarClan's will. But ... but I do believe they were preparing me to stay determined, through ..." Her tone grew thick, nearly tearful. "A disaster." ​

penned by pin ☾​