FEELS LIKE NOTHING IS EASY [✦] roeflame

[TOADHOP]

Toadpaw doesn’t remember much from his birth season now, save for the crisp chill in the air, a constant shiver in his scrawny form. His mother’s warmth is a blur of blue, buried somewhere in what little knowledge he’d held onto her upon his arrival to ThunderClan, and the truth he’d been told since. His siblings, he can no longer truly cling onto as he had in kithood - Roeflame, busy in her warriorhood, and Ragwortpaw…

Cold weather is approaching. A shiver returns to him as he walks through the oak forest. He’s fortunate enough to hunt alongside Roeflame today, a rare moment of time spent with his sibling these days. Though, agitation bites at him over having to receive permission from Stonepool to do so. He is grown now, of warrior age. And yet, he still carries the name of an apprentice, still has to seek permission from his mentor - one who hardly pays attention to him as is. Can’t he see how hard Toadpaw trains? How often he’s hidden away in the Sandy Hollow, perfecting his battle moves? What more does he need to do?

“Roeflame,” Toadpaw breaks the silence, trying to get his adoptive sister’s attention. A face the brown tabby had once been so uncertain to be near, the silver-furred warrior is now the only semblance of family he has left. “Do you… Do you think I’ll ever become a warrior?”

// @Roeflame .​

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[ROEFLAME .]

ROEFLAME — break the air to feel the fall.
Her life had been shaken many times in her youth, and while much of it is now only anguish-laced memories and healed over scars, the kittens she had led home that fateful night were a shining light on it all, they told her that her relationship with Cinderfrost and the pain that had been born from it was all worth it.
Yet, somewhere between then and now Roeflame would be ashamed to admit she was not as close as she should be with her last remaining sibling-figure. The last six moons had been the universe slapping her silly, slamming one death after another, sending her birth mother back into her life, plaguing her with a feverish delirium so lethal it almost brought her to Starclan’s front door. After it was all said and done, the terrible truth was Roeflame simply hadn’t been making the time for Toadpaw, not until his smiling face was one of the first to greet her back to the land of the living. Perhaps, if the tabby warrior had properly kept to her vow, the dark tabby beside her wouldn’t feel worlds away.
Roeflame.
She is present instantaneously, hazy optics brightening with her sudden alertness as she turns to face Toadpaw, blinking curiously.
Do you… do you think I’ll ever become a warrior?
Oh, she had almost forgotten. Despite the heavy-toned question, the warrior keeps her upbeat step, encouraging Toadpaw to do the same.
"Why wouldn’t you?" Besides your prick of a mentor.
"You’ve mastered every skill you can, just because some cats are too daft to notice, doesn’t mean the important ones like Howlingstar aren’t, your ceremony is just around the corner." She answers confidently, while still refusing to call an older and more respected warrior stupid so blatantly.
"Do you think you’re ready for it?" A simple question, but an important one. Her brother had always been timid, quieter. Roeflame had hoped with time his confidence would build, but with a mentor like Stonepool… well, the question was critical.
"speech"

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[TOADHOP]

"Why wouldn't you?" His mind searches for an answer to Roeflame's question as he keeps pace alongside her, but he can't seem to find the means of being held back for so long.

Deep down, he fears it may be his lineage holding him back - tales of Cinderfrost have been thrown around since he'd arrived at ThunderClan's camp, and now his connection to her is basically common knowledge. But, it can't be that, right? Maybe he's doing worse than what he thinks he is. Maybe Stonepool sees something he doesn't.

Because, Stonepool was okay enough as a mentor from the start, wasn't he? A little hard on him - maybe in misunderstanding, sure - but he'd learned plenty from him. When his mentor actually paid attention to him.

But, Roeflame must see something neither he nor his mentor can, then. Or, perhaps she's just merely on his side, with her supportive words. He's mastered every skill he can. He's worked hard for this.

"I just... Don't know what else I can do," he admits to his sister, a defeated sigh following. A cerulean gaze lifts, moving toward the warm-hued canopy above them. "Sometimes it feels like Stonepool thinks I'm barely six moons old."

Some days he feels the same, in all honesty - an overextended stay in the apprentice den would feel like that, especially when new apprentices are named and he remains stagnant, the oldest of the apprentices' ranks.

Roeflame asks another question and Toadpaw ponders it for a moment. Was he ready?

"I... I don't know. I think so," he finally answers. The brown tabby works hard - until his muscles ache and still continues onward after that in his training. Would he do the same as a warrior, with no lessons or chores to structure his life around? His gaze shifts, meeting forest green. "Did you feel ready when you became a warrior?"
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[ROEFLAME .]

ROEFLAME — break the air to feel the fall.
While Roeflame doesn’t let even a frown born from thought change her expression, it is almost made into a struggle when the brown tabby admits to what Stonepool thinks of him.
Instead she sighs, letting them come to a gradual slow until they are stopped all together by the time Toadpaw is asking if she had felt ready to become a warrior.
It was in moments like these where the silver-tinged tabby wished she was old and wise like Flycatcher, or comforting like Howlingstar and Sunfreckle.
"Flycatcher thought so." She shrugs, giving Toadpaw a light smile. "I don’t know.. I was nervous, yeah. I like to think everyone’s nervous, it’s a big change." Biting her inner cheek, Roeflame tries to think of a better answer for her brother.
"Its about being confident in yourself more than anything. If you have the will, you’ll find the way." She finally offers, "its okay to stick up for yourself when you know something might be happening that’s costing both yourself and the clan." Roeflame keeps her tone casual, not wanting to overwhelm the poor tom with her spitballing thoughts.

"speech"

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