private FOR SOMEONE, FOR HIM, FOR ME // FLAMEWHISKER

[badgerstripe]

There is a certain strangeness to Badgerstripe's behavior as of late. Of course, Skyclaw's takeover had its toll on her, just as it had everyone - but stars, she sometimes felt like she hadn't changed at all from the cat she was so soon after the wolf invasion. So irritable, so alone.. even Sleekwhisper was not spared her biting words this past week. And the tears, oh, the sheer amount of tears shed.. any bystander would think the molly had lost her kin in the past moon, the way she wept and mourned after arguments and during the night.

It felt more than that she was no longer herself, and stranger than that she had become a different cat. It felt as if.. something had taken control of her body, poisoning her mind and her mood. So uncontrollable, she was.. like there was no mercy from this mystery parasite and the way it jerked her about.

No cat is safe from the will of the force that controls her, no more than Badgerstripe is safe from it. It had been evident in her arguments with Sleekwhisper, and how she cried afterwords - only to tenderly kiss them between the ears the next day. It had shown in the distance she had built between herself and her friends, whom she had only just began to forge bridges anew. And, now, as she sobs to herself in the furthest corner from camp over no reason that she could discern (as it usually was these days), her green eyes flick up harshly towards the sound of approaching pawsteps, as if to shield a deep, vulnerable secret. Why must she always be caught and seen in these moments?

It is only Flamewhisker.. but not even she is given an ounce of kindness. Instead, Badgerstripe raises a paw up to wipe her tears, though her body shakes with the sobs that keep on coming. " Don't look at me.. " she chokes out, shaking her head. How ridiculous she must look, to cry with such fervor just for the sake of it. If she didn't feel so ugly, she'd have a hefty laugh at herself! " I don't like.. when cats see me like this.. "

" I just.. c-can't stop sometimes.. " Badgerstripe confesses, averting her gaze from the deputy next to her. It falls to her paws that dig into the sand below - had she always sat with such weight into her paws? Stop crying. Stop it, she pleads with herself, silently - for her sake, and for Flamewhisker, who must certainly think something must be terribly wrong with the warrior who had tried so hard to be better. But her pleas only seem to worsen her, as she has to bring a paw up to her mouth to try and hide the ugly, heavy sob that leaves it. " Why.. why can't I stop? " Stop crying, stop snapping, stop the world from whirling around her, the way her mood fluctuates and exaggerates so suddenly it startles her, the roil in her belly even now as she speaks..

BADGERSTRIPE ( she/her )​

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( ooc ) @Flamewhisker

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[Flamestar]

〔✦〕Something about Badgerstripe had seemed...off, but she hadn't been able to place a paw on it. A passing by warrior had told her that the warrior was sobbing near the back of the camp and asked if she could check on her. Of course she hadn't hesitated before padding over to the younger molly. At first she had assumed it had something to do with Skyclaw, or one of his followers. They all seemed to know the best ways at getting under one's skin. The sooner they were gone, the better. Her paw steps lightened and she tilted her head concernedly as she neared Badgerstripe. Don't look at me... She watched as the warrior rose a paw and wiped away tears, barely able to choke out her words.

I just...c-can't stop sometimes..

"Hey it's alright to cry sometimes." the deputy responded warmly, her motherly tone slipping out for just a moment. She had cried plenty of times in the past pawful of moons. There were still days when she just felt the sudden pain of grief, resulting in tears. Perhaps asking her for help was too much stress to carry... Flamewhisker took a few more steps forward to give Badgerstripe a shoulder to cry on, but she stopped when a familiar scent hit her nose. "Wait.." Her eyes narrowed, and she met the younger warrior's gaze. Heavy emotions, a change in scent...

Why...why can't I stop?

"I think I know.." The more she studied her, the more certain she became. She had experienced exactly what Badgerstripe was going through, twice now. The deputy glanced around the camp for Gentlestorm, but she did not see her friend anywhere...he must be away right now. "You're with kits!" Her eyes sparkled with joy for the new mother, hoping dearly that she would be as excited as she was for her.

even on my weakest days ( I get a little bit stronger ) //

• ooc.
  
• FLAMEWHISKER —— deputy of thunderclan , mentoring none . storm x lily . littermate to nala, smokey, and nemo ✦ penned by icey !
  ✦ afab / she/her / 36 moons & ages every 20ᵗʰ
  ✦ widowed / heterosexual / closed to romance
  ✦ peaceful and healing powerplay permitted / underline & tag account when attacking
  —— difficult in battle
  
  ✦ “speech”, 'thoughts', all opinions are in character
  ✦ tags — msg on discord for plots — toyhouse
  
• 
  
  

  a longhaired red tabby with low white and green eyes. flamewhisker's fur is a vibrant hue of red, riddled with thick classic tabby markings. her fur is medium in length, and she has a large, feathery tail. her chest, belly, tail tip, and her paws are dipped white. flamewhisker's eyes are a dark, deep shade of green. her shoulder has a large scar on it from a fight with a dog. she also has a shredded ear from a disagreement with a loner during her time alone before joining thunderclan. on particularly cold days, or sometimes before a major weather change, she will walk with a slight limp from her shoulder injury.

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[badgerstripe]

If there is any cat Badgerstripe would wish to see her above all, it was Flamewhisker. She was motherly and understanding, a therapeutic presence: what's more, she was ThunderClan's light through this darkness, the living promise of something better. Badgerstripe yearns for it now, and quickly abandons her insecurities when the flame-pelted feline stepped forward. She leaned forward, expecting to rest her head on the molly's shoulder - but Flamewhisker stops just short, examining her with a curious look that she knew too well these days.

At least, unlike the way some shorter tempered warriors stare at her when she has these moments, Flamewhisker empethatically offers her answers. " You do? " she echoed meekly, sniffling once to end her crying. Badgerstripe leans forward, as if to listen in on a big secret, with round eyes. What would Flamewhisker tell her? Was she terribly sick, or poisoned? Was this all truly because of Skyclaw? Would she tell her to stay away from Sleekserpent, like Skyclaw's efforts to separate them had already spoken? Or was it truly.. nothing?

'You're with kits!'

Badgerstripe's mouth twitches up into a smile, but not one of joy. In fact, she is fighting the very urge to laugh in her deputy's face. A weird joke it is - so out of the blue, contrasting the sullen mood in a strange way - but hey, not everyone is born a comedian. At least it'd made her chuckle.

If not for the knowing sparkle in Flamewhisker's eyes, and the joyful grin upon her maw. Badgerstripe's jesting smirk diminishes as she recognizes that.. she's really serious, isn't she? " You're not joking? " she inquires dully, taking a step back. It's a disbelieving and scrutinizing look that she gives Flamewhisker now, as if she had just suggested Badgerstripe might grow wings and fly. " That's ridiculous. Why would anyone bring kits into ThunderClan now? " Under Skyclaw's watch, wherein kits have been poisoned and cats have died left and right? Where they would be apprenticed to one of his most loyal, to learn only hate and destruction?

Badgerstripe feels her throat tighten once more, threatening her with another long cry. All the while, she hears her own heartbeat, and time seems to slow for a moment. It all makes sense, doesn't it? The mood swings, the constant fluctuation of her appetite, even the sickness that had plagued her within mere days ago.. As she contemplates, she allows her eyes to trail down to her paws, and then glances over her shoulder to examine her side. She can see it now - though miniscule and not noticeable without a careful look, the now-knowing eyes of her can see how soft her once-sharp features have become, and how her belly began to round out, ever so lightly.

Badgerstripe's gaze snaps back to Flamewhisker, bewildered. What a terrible secret she had discovered.. " This isn't right. I - I don't even have a mate, " she protests, but.. even the strongest of her denial could not overlook the closeness she shared with another. Sleekserpent had become a thorn in her side and her best friend all the same, and she had been stuck to him like glue for more than a couple moons now.. she cannot deny the inkling of desire, albeit few and far between, that they could be something more as they spent countless days and nights in each other's company.

Somewhere along the road, Badgerstripe had messed up. How dire would the consequences be? " Even if it's true, " she croaks out with a wavering, panicked voice. " Oh.. what am I meant to do? Skyclaw - he will make murderers of them. " He had taken young and old under his wing - even sweet Sleekserpent, who resisted all of Badgerstripe's efforts to make things right. In an effort for comfort, Badgerstripe steps forward again and presses her forehead against Flamewhisker's shoulder, feeling tears drip from her eyes once more.

BADGERSTRIPE ( she/her )​

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( ooc ) text

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[Flamestar]

〔✦〕That's ridiculous. Why would anyone bring kits into ThunderClan now?

Badgerstripe's disbelieving look burned into her, but Flamewhisker's certainty didn't falter. If anything, it only continued to solidify what she already knew...for she had gone through similar feelings when she had her first litter. Despite the excitement, she had brought her first litter into the world in the middle of leafbare. They were nearing leafbare now, but Badgerstripe had implied a different danger besides the seasons. Skyclaw. "He will not lead much longer," she breathed silently, "I will not let him." She would fight with the might of Tigerclan to ensure he would be around no longer before any more kits were brought into the clan. His poison would not touch them.

This isn't right. I - I don't even have a mate

Her eyes narrowed for a second, but she blinked the confusion away. Badgerstripe had seemed to be close with Sleekserpent, that's who she had thought would be the father. But she didn't comment, it wasn't her business to pry...especially after breaking such heavy news to the new queen. "Everything will be alright, it will work out." she said quietly. Many queens had raised kits by themselves in the past. "Tansyshine will help you." The permaqueen was there to help in cases like this, and Nightbird was raising her kits still as well. Even without a mate, Badgerstripe would have plenty of support.

I asked her to help fight against Skyclaw. The realization struck her like a branch to the head. Her paws tingled, her stomach began to churn anxiously. "He will never meet them." Her words were merely more than a whisper meant only for her ears in case of any nearby prying ears. Badgerstripe would have all the more reason now to want to fight. She would be eager to rid the tyrant of his throne to ensure their safety. The deputy shook her head as the warrior pressed her head against her shoulder. She could feel her shoulder fur growing wet with tears, but she didn't mind. "I know you agreed to help me when the time comes.." she started, letting a sigh fall from her tongue. "But I must ask you to reconsider now."

"You were not born yet when I had my first litter...but I fought at the border skirmish along the Skyclan border where Morningpaw was killed. I didn't realize it, but I was with kits." Her throat tightened as her words brought memories back to the surface. It had taken moons to push the blood stained snow out of her dreams, but she didn't want Badgerstripe to share the same heartbreak that she went through. "I lost two of my kits from that litter. They were born still, and I still blame myself for them not being able to meet their siblings and experience the life as a warrior."

even on my weakest days ( I get a little bit stronger ) //

• ooc.
  
• FLAMEWHISKER —— deputy of thunderclan , mentoring none . storm x lily . littermate to nala, smokey, and nemo ✦ penned by icey !
  ✦ afab / she/her / 36 moons & ages every 20ᵗʰ
  ✦ widowed / heterosexual / closed to romance
  ✦ peaceful and healing powerplay permitted / underline & tag account when attacking
  —— difficult in battle
  
  ✦ “speech”, 'thoughts', all opinions are in character
  ✦ tags — msg on discord for plots — toyhouse
  
• 
  
  

  a longhaired red tabby with low white and green eyes. flamewhisker's fur is a vibrant hue of red, riddled with thick classic tabby markings. her fur is medium in length, and she has a large, feathery tail. her chest, belly, tail tip, and her paws are dipped white. flamewhisker's eyes are a dark, deep shade of green. her shoulder has a large scar on it from a fight with a dog. she also has a shredded ear from a disagreement with a loner during her time alone before joining thunderclan. on particularly cold days, or sometimes before a major weather change, she will walk with a slight limp from her shoulder injury.

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