sensitive topics forgiveness is a lesson he cursed you to learn || rta

[Harry Styles]

// tw grief & past child abuse (fairly vivid imagery)​

A S H P A W.

The thing about getting hurt is that when it happens enough times, you stop feeling it. You stop crying or trying to get away. You just shut your eyes tight and wait. Spiderfall's claws had taught her that, and taught her well—but the stars must not have thought the lesson learnt.

With his exile she'd finally unfurled, tenacious as she was tentative, guarded heart softening—brave enough to hope. They'd protected her—Willowroot, Cicadastar, they'd protected her. They'd seen the abuser maimed and sent running, ushered Ash into the safety of woven walls and a downy nest. Had he been wrong after all? Could it really be over, his threats empty in the end?

But then came the mourning patrol, dragging behind them a familiar coat—once bright orange, now soaked and bloodied brown.

Pumpkinpaw.

He kept his promise.

And nothing would ever be the same again. Ashpaw told, and Spiderfall kept his promise. Now her best friend was dead, and the blame fell squarely on her own little shoulders.

If she'd just taken it a little longer. If she just hadn't let it slip, if she'd just been a stronger—

Ashpaw jolts awake, biting back a scream before it gets out (she's had a lot of practice), and then collapses back into her nest, breathing hard.

She lies there a few minutes.

Then she rolls over in her nest, blinking back morning light.

Light...

So she missed another dawn patrol.

Ashpaw sighs a tiny sigh. Willowroot doesn't even wake her up for those anymore—doesn't ask if she'll be up to attending, just... lets her sleep. Brings her meals to share later in the day, urges her to eat, half-successful sometimes.

Ash doesn't really... do things anymore.

No one's on her case, though.

The singular perk of being a warrior's punching bag for two months: at least in the aftermath, everyone understands her collapse. They give her space.

Eventually she'll creep from the den, into crisp midmorning air, looking around with glass-green eyes. She spies a few other apprentices a ways off across the camp, and her tail twitches behind her, itching despite everything to join them. She catches sight of some warriors gathered in conversation by the fresh-kill pile, and wonders if she should wander over that way instead, curl up nearby just to feel a little safer.

But for now, the little ginger tabby sits just outside the den, indecisive. She feels a little like a stranger in her own home, so unused to anywhere but the warmth and darkness of her nest.

​

—— " i found gold in the wreckage "

✦ ooc ✦ character information ✦ recent events

• tl;dr she's been a sad little recluse for the last month and she's finally peeking her head out of the apprentices den
• - 6 month old orange tabby with green eyes
  - apprenticed to lead warrior willowroot
  - happy-go-lucky, mischievous, hardworking
  - very friendly, but defensive of riverclan!
  - "speech"
• -

​

 

[Minnowpaw]

( ♬ ) "G-Good morning, Ashpaw..." A voice that was barely above a whisper greeted the orange tabby and should Ash turn to respond she would see Minnowpaw, sitting alone within a shadow of the apprentice den, her paws hovering over a newly weaved nest that was decorated with pretty stones and shells.

The introverted molly usually never greeted any cat first, but she had heard about what happened to Ashpaw, and her heart held only sympathy for her. She could never imagine how broken she would feel if Dogteeth ever hurt her the way she had heard Spiderfall had. A sheepish smile graced her silver-snow muzzle as she wiped her paws down her flanks and fidgeted them, "Y-You look n-nice this morning."

That was a nice thing to say, right? Compliments usually worked for Dogteeth when he talked to his denmates so it should work here too right? A blush of shyness touched her cheeks as well as she nudged the nest she was working on, "T-This isn't ready yet b-but...You can have it when it's done. I-If you w-want..." The project hadn't been for any cat in particular anyway, nest and den weaving was simply a hobby that allowed Minnowpaw to be alone and unbothered. ​

( BUT I WATCH YOUR EYES AS SHE; WALKS BY )

 

[Harry Styles]

A S H P A W.

Ashpaw's own curious green gaze swivels to meet Minnowpaw's. She doesn't startle at the girl's soft approach, the way she still sometimes does at some clanmates—flinching back from Cicadastar's height, Leechpaw's coat, the blaze of Smokethroat's eyes. (Periphery distorts them all into him, a haze of damnation come calling.)

Minnowpaw is timid, dreamy, cream and silver. Nothing Spiderlike about her.

Ashpaw used to fill the silence that quiet kids left, endless chatter and shiny confidence, like the friendships she'd had with Gillpaw or Darkpaw. She realizes, as her silent gaze flicks over Minnowpaw's work, that she's really, really different now. She thinks of things to say and can't really get the words out—finally settles for a wordless chirp hello.

Minnow's next words make Ashpaw flush, nervousness suddenly tenfold, and she ducks her head to give her chest a self-conscious lick. "O-oh,'" she says, "um, thank you." A little purr starts in her chest. I look nice?

She pads closer, eyes wide and wondering at Minnow's project. Her heart stutters when the girl offers the painstakingly-constructed nest to her.

"Me? Oh—wow, okay," Ashpaw says, eyes wider, "that's, that's so nice. It looks really soft."

She swallows, shifting paw-to-paw in the silence—what should she say? How does she fill up all the quiet?

Oh. Ohh, she should compliment back. Yes. That's a good idea. And the first thing that comes to mine is Minnow's own coat—pretty tabby ticks, silver marking her face and frosting her pelt. Super duper pretty.

Ash purrs a little louder, for Minnowpaw to hear, and blurts, "You look nice too! You have, um—good—fur on your face."

Oh god. Oh no. Abort mission. That was bad, that was so so bad. Fur on your face? That's it, she needs to crawl into a hole and die now. Maybe she wants Spiderfall to come back after all—okay, okay, terrible joke.

​

—— " i found gold in the wreckage "

✦ ooc ✦ character information ✦ recent events

• ooc text goes here
• - 6 month old orange tabby with green eyes
  - apprenticed to lead warrior willowroot
  - happy-go-lucky, mischievous, hardworking
  - very friendly, but defensive of riverclan!
  - "speech"
• -

​

 

[iciclefang]

╭── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──╮​

Iciclepaw sits with the other apprentices, listening to their complaints about going out with strict mentors, weary paws after a day of patrols, empty bellies because of the approaching leafbare. She offers a word or two here and there, but she's distracted by a distinct small orange head peeking from the mouth of the apprentice's den.

Ashpaw is finally coming out, leafshade eyes darting from cat to cat as if to determine a safe Clanmate to approach. The tortoiseshell excuses herself from her denmates, wondering if the ginger she-cat will appreciate her company or if the mere shadow of her pawsteps will send her scurrying back to her nest.

Speaking of nests. Minnowpaw, the shy little thing, is offering her freshly-woven one to Ashpaw, and Iciclepaw sits near them. Amusement twinkles in pale blue eyes at Ashpaw's obvious nervousness. Is it because she's out of practice socially, or is there something else there? Iciclepaw is never very good at judging that sort of thing.

"Your nest probably needed an upgrade, anyway," she comments. "I'll help you throw it out, if you like."

Perhaps a more tactful cat would have let Ashpaw's funny faux pas go, but Iciclepaw tilts her head at Minnowpaw and pretends to scrutinize her. "No, no, I agree! The fur on your face is especially nice. Especially that patch just below your left eye." She purrs, but it's brief and dissipates like fog in a brisk wind.

- ,,​

​

 

[GILLSIGHT]

It should have been different, this.

It should have been him and Ashpaw training side by side, sneaking out of camp for chats under the moonlight - like how things used to be; when their apprentice names were brand new and they still weren't used to them.

But, darkness had to creep over RiverClan, had to loom over the territory - curse them in dogs, in loud thunder, in their very own. Had to hurt his mentor, his friend.

So, he trains without his fiery friend by his side as her light extinguishes. He begins to learn how to defend - to protect himself, to protect those he cares about from the evil, as if it will leap back out at any moment. It's all he can do, as Ashpaw learns to regain her light, becomes a flicker in the darkness.

Black and white paws tread over chilled ground as he returns back to camp from the morning's patrol. Though he doesn't carry prey back, he still makes his way to the kill pile - a meal deserved after the early patrol. He hardly takes two steps though, when he sees familiar orange hues peeking out of the apprentice den.

Ashpaw.

She's there with Minnowpaw and Iciclepaw, and Gillpaw silently curses the stars for not being there when Ashpaw finally made an appearance outside of the apprentice den - even if it's only a small one. He can't help but hesitate, wonder if a third cat talking to Ashpaw would be too much for her; would dim her light and send her back to the shadows of the apprentice den.

But, they... They were meant to be friends, right? Shouldn't he be there for her?

He pads over to the trio, hopes for the best.

"H-hi, Ashpaw!" he greets his friend, before greeting Minnowpaw and Iciclepaw with a nod of his head.

Between them sits a nest - intricately woven with shells and pebbles. Pretty. Better than anything he's ever done, his own movements still too clumsy to get any sort of weaving perfect on the first try. He gathers quickly that this is supposed to be Ashpaw's nest now - a gift from Minnowpaw.

"W-Woah, look at that! I-I bet you'll have the... the best nest in the a-apprentice den!"
​

 

[Minnowpaw]

( ♬ ) Minnowpaw would appear to relax ever so slightly when Ashpaw spoke to her with a nervous kindness and even more so when her nest was complimented. A worse blush would touch her face as her paws went up to feel the fur upon her face as Ashpaw returned the sweet words for her own.

"O-Oh, I- Um Well, t-thank you to-" Her voice would die in her throat as Iciclepaw joined them, not because she disliked the molly, on the contrary, Minnowpaw thought that Iciclepaw was just as pretty as the rest of her family and found the calm and flat way she spoke to be calming. But despite all that, Minnowpaw would look down at her paws, now once again placed firmly on the ground. The further compliment to her nest would finally coax her to look up once more and she would fidget her paws as she spoke quietly, "I...I would be happy to make you something too....I-If you wanted."

The arrival of Gillpaw would knock Minnowpaw even more off-kilter, but with the other two present, she found herself not nearly as panicked as she may have been if the tom had approached her himself. Happy that her craft was getting so many nice words, she would point to it and meow softly, "I-I'm sure that we could make some....more...it just takes some t-time.." ​

( BUT I WATCH YOUR EYES AS SHE; WALKS BY )