private FROM THE CYCLE'S BITTER LIGHT ♱ [ sneezeduck ]

[SHARPSHADOW]

" Sneezeduck. " She says it as if the tom had been made a warrior only a day before. It's weird... After so long of Sneezepaw, Sneezepaw, Sneezepaw. Sneezepaw was suddenly Sneezeduck. Her apprentice was suddenly not her apprentice anymore. It's a tiny miracle that he made it here at all, she thinks... Of course, she could never tell him that. She would never want to. And she knows that if newly-named Sharpshadow had ever been called a paw to her face following that day, she would've never forgiven the maw that spoke it into the world, no matter how right she feels they are. Sneezeduck it is then. She'd sooner leap into the jaws of a fox than inflict such a thing on him.

Sharpshadow looks upon him, and he's... relieved. Relieved a too-old apprentice like himself could do anything but train other too-old apprentices. Had he ever told him that yet?

She finds him in a quiet corner of camp. The skinny lizard set at his paws is something like an icebreaker. One of those things you were supposed to do whenever you approached anyone out in the open. " Looks like your first real fight might be soon, " he says. He had asked him something similar back when he was still a 'paw. Now, she asks him again. " Do you think you're ready? "

OOC: @sneezeduck

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[sneezeduck]

It's strange to be a warrior. He's so used to.. following Sharpshadow around, looking up to someone, not having cats look up to him, nor warriors treating him as an equal. Sneezeduck is still struggling to wrap his head around it. Perhaps that is why he had found a.. 'replacement' mentor, to re-introduce the expectations that Sneezepaw struggled to follow. To fill in the spots he thought Sharpshadow couldn't fill.

It feels even stranger to think of his old mentor that way. She probably doesn't deserve it.

When Sharpshadow approaches him, he is.. confused. A lizard sits between them, a sort of peace offering that he's not known his aloof mentor for. Sneezeduck's brows raise as he looks up at Sharpshadow, as if expecting something. Instruction, criticism, orders.. but that's not what he does for him anymore, is it?

Sneezeduck remembers, not even a pawful of moons ago, asking his mentor if he thought he was ready. For warriorhood. Now, mere jump-lengths later, he is being questioned the same thing - for battle. "I have to be," he answers stiffly. Beneath his fur, there are aching scratches from a place most cats couldn't even imagine seeing. StarClan was teaching him to be ready.. so he had to be. He couldn't fail them like he failed Sharpshadow time and time again. There is no greater shame.

Sneezeduck isn't sure what else to say - and for a moment that feels like forever, the space between them is silent and awkward. He stares at Sharpshadow, waiting, but not sure what he's expecting. You're not my mentor anymore, he reminds her in his head. But you're not really my friend, either, he reminds himself.

Well.. he's waiting, so Sneezeduck should say something. The boy shifts over, making room for Sharpshadow to settle next to him if that's what she wants to do, but he's certain she won't. He gestures vaguely to the lizard, a wordless offer to share, for his own appetite is struggling these days as he anxiously waits for this battle. "Do you, uh.. have any passing words of advice?" He raises his eyes to her again, suddenly thinking of an ever better icebreaker than a scrawny reptile. "What was your first battle like?"

WADE THROUGH WATER IN DARKNESS YOULL SOON DISAPPEAR ☾

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  sneezeduck. a young shadowclan warrior with a thirst for vengeance - a self-appointed justiciar. son of duckshimmer. brother to singeglare and swallowflutter. mentored by sharpshadow. mentor to none.​

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[SHARPSHADOW]

Sneezeduck lifts his gaze to meet him. Sharpshadow gazes back, trying to ignore the anxious prickle of his spine. His answer is plain. A bit lame, maybe... but relieving if she's honest. Her eyes are unsteady on her former apprentice. " True. " Fighting for shoulds above anything else... Sharpshadow knew that pretty well, yeah. Was it the kind of should he'd follow through on, or the sort that'd fall to the wind the moment Sneezeduck is met with the tang of blood? If it was the latter, he'd pay with his life, he's sure.

In his own first battle— would he have appreciated the boring gaze of Smogstar in his corner throughout at all? ...He doesn't think so. He didn't... deserve to be coddled over anyone else. He didn't deserve a life that was uniquely coveted... but eevn if that's what he should've thought, is it what he had wanted? He remembers thinking he was going to die, that day. Would he have wanted Smogstar to save him from such a fate? At the very least— and it's an admission to herself— she would've liked to see his eyes. She would've liked to know that he saw her, at all.

Quiet falls between them. Unbeknownst to Sneezeduck, Sharpshadow vows to see him, at least.

Oh, is he... making space for him? Sharpshadow blinks. A step is taken toward him, though he doesn't settle right away, unsure where... this fit within whatever weird relationship they're meant to have. He had never sat beside Smogstar like this, but would he have wanted to? Her face lifts at the gesture. The lizard was practically a mouthful for one cat. To share it would practically be to take it from him. Wordlessly, a black paw scoots it closer to him.

" It sucked, " without thinking, she says. Not a moment later, she grimaces. " Which, um, I'm sure fills you with boundless confidence... " Stars... how did she explain?

There's another moment of silence before she at last takes his offer to... sit, or something. " Sootstar, right— How old are you again? " Would he have ever seen her... " She was tiny, y'know, b-but if she wasn't one of the scariest things I've ever seen... She showed up with her ff- dogs one day. Yelled: "Smogmaw of ShadowClan dies!" or... something like that. M-my mentor. " His heart seems to be convinced he's there again, with the way it starts to pound against his chest. Isn't that embarassing? " And y'know, it's... war. Not like they... crawled out from their hovel hellbent on killing our uh, deputy, and our deputy alone, but it was still- It still sucked. Being an apprentice, hearing your mentor's name used as a... rallying cry. "

Sharpshadow swallows. With the way he slouched, did he look like him? " I thought I was gonna die. " he feels breathless when he says it, for some stupid reason. " I, uh, probably almost did. " He turns his head, trying to put the whole of his left eye on display, uh, even if it's a bit awkward... " I don't know if you can see it- The... fur grew back, e-even if it isn't perfect... Um, I'm lucky I didn't lose my vision. " There's a flurry of blinks. If he does it enough, he can still feel the sting. " Only lucky thing that's ever happened to me, probably. Uh, that and surviving the mountains, I guess. "

...Why did he just talk for that long? Sharpshadow purses his lips. " Um, probably none of that was helpful. "​

 

[sneezeduck]

Sharpshadow doesn't quite settle. The awkward step forward, the prickling of her spine as she shifts uncertainly - it is a sight he is quite used to seeing. Sneezeduck doesn't take any offense, but only wonders.. was there ever a time she was comfortable, chattering with a friend, lounging side-by-side in a rare moment of peace? Maybe there is a story to be had, another time. He sets the idea away in his mind and brings his paws comfortably underneath him while the prey between them remains, so far, untouched.

It sucked. Sneezeduck's whiskers twitch, uncertainly. Not quite what he wanted to hear, but it was realistic. And - what did he want to hear, anyway? A tale of glory, of bloodshed? It was remarkably unlike him to hope for a grand battle to bring him inspiration, but so too was a lot of his behaviors as of late.

But, his curiosities aren't left unanswered. Sharpshadow carries on to retell a war between WindClan's most treacherous warriors, and their own former deputy. Sootstar. Sneezeduck presses his tongue to the roof of his mouth and reaches into the depths of his mind. Of course, he never met her - but her name was whispered by only the bravest kittens in the nursery. She was something to be feared. "You - fought Sootstar?" he asks breathlessly, like a kitten in awe of a nursery-tale.

He doesn't recall the absence of Halfsun and her sibling from the nursery - he was barely grown into his own conscience yet. But he's heard of it, through whisper and rumor, that they spent some time in WindClan, stolen by Sootstar with the help of Granitepelt. That must've been why they battled- why they wanted Smogmaw of all cats. Sneezeduck tries to imagine a neighboring Clan at their doorstep, demanding Sharpshadow's head, and it forms a pit of grief and fear in his stomach. That must've been what Sharpshadow felt.

"That sounds.. scary," he admits. Beneath it all, the need to prove himself and protect his family and avenge their fallen, Sneezeduck was scared, too. The stories of war only open his eyes more. She shows her scar, visible to a squinting eye, and he realizes that he's never quite.. noticed. The scars were a part of Sharpshadow, as natural to his appearance as his stripes and crooked tail. Barely nicking the edge of his eye; he was quite lucky, Sneezeduck can agree.

He's brought out of his thoughts as she finishes her story with an awkward conclusion. Some form of regret is read on her face, similar to that of a loud-mouthed kitten spilling a secret or an excitable warrior realizing they've said too much. Sneezeduck smiles reassuringly in return, nodding his head subtly. "It was. It reminds me to be realistic. That battle isn't.. easy." It keeps him humble, loathed as he was to admit that he needed humbling. "But it was a good story, advice or not."

With the thought that he wants to hear more, Sneezeduck realizes that he hadn't really known this much about his mentor before - his thoughts, his experiences, his origins were all a veiled mystery to him. After finally taking a small bite from the lizard, Sneezeduck presses on. It's more than just mentorly talk and advice, now. He's curious. "You mentioned the mountains. They must've been pretty tough too, huh?" He can't imagine life away from the Clans, from family. Even for a nervous introvert, Sharpshadow could've still been lonely..

WADE THROUGH WATER IN DARKNESS YOULL SOON DISAPPEAR ☾

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  . . ✧ *
  · · · ·
  + · ·
  . · .
  · ·
  * ✵ · · .
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  sneezeduck. a young shadowclan warrior with a thirst for vengeance - a self-appointed justiciar. son of duckshimmer. brother to singeglare and swallowflutter. mentored by sharpshadow. mentor to none.​

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