FROM THEN ON IT WAS HIS BIG SHOW | smogmaw

Flintpaw's shoulder still stings from his spar with Granitepelt. For once, she's glad to not be assigned to one of his patrols– and though hunting with Smogmaw was not her idea of fun, exactly, she has not cared about what's fun for most of her childhood this far. The pair have been creeping through the mire for a while now, stalking and pouncing on whatever frog is unfortunate enough to not notice their looming figures; Smogmaw is, of course, markedly better at the task than Flintpaw is, though they try not to compare themselves too harshly to ShadowClan's deputy. He just hopes he is fine enough at the task to not feel burdensome. He is quite sick of being a burden.

The sun beginning its languid descent when they finish their patrol. Flintpaw finds Smogmaw with a snipe in her jaws. "Are we going back to camp now?" he queries around the bird's ash-and-tawny feathers.

@smogmaw

4d5460.png
  • 73170392_SiQj6vHFEl9zNOA.gif

    flintkit . flintpaw
    — he / they / she ; apprentice of shadowclan
    — short-haired solid blue tom with low white and blue/green heterochromatic eyes
    — "speech" ; thoughts
    — chibi by dreamydoggo
    — penned by meghan
 


Immersed in the shadow of his mate's ill-timed demise, Smogmaw faces marked impairments in emotional articulation. Where he could at least coerce an upward curve upon his maw in just a season prior, a glacial scowl lay engraved on his features in a stasis frozen and constant. Apathy frosts a glassy sheath over his amber eyes, through which the wetlands and its inhabitants are surveyed with a dull and faded gaze. It is reminiscient of the tom he was before this current season cycle, and those that had preceded it—an impassive shell of a cat, divorced from compassion and connection.

In Flintpaw's presence, the detachment intensifies with a sharper edge. She's the leaden-furred catalyst for all that has gone awry, the root cause behind Halfshade's cold and lonely passing, and so long as the constellations shine overhead, she shall never see a lone flicker of warmth in his stare. For her to patrol alongside him is a trial of unmatched difficulty; she must endure his silent judgement and begrudging attendance, the frigidity of his ire yet to thaw or wane.

They reconvene where the grass is ankle-high and the soil is somewhat stiff, silhouetted against the Burnt Sycamore's skeletal canopy. A pervasive chill brings his teeth to a chatter as he drops his catch to the ground, but he meets the plea to return home with a curt shake in the negative. "Place your fresh-kill at your paws and follow me," the deputy orders, and he pivots around and makes off towards the great tree itself. It isn't clear, not even to him, what guides his intent aside from sheer impulse.

Haunches settle amongst the gnarled roots looping throughout the earth. His tail flicks and brushes against the coarse, ashen bark that he has sharpened his claws on so many times. "Climb to the top, Flintpaw," comes his voice in a husky drawl. His regard promptly flits to the other's and refuses to let go. "Climb to the top and stand upon the far end of a branch. Show me how good an apprentice you are. Then, we'll go home."

It's within that momentary interval he crafts the image he desires to behold: doubt, fear, and the craving for recognition, all coagulated into a single, helpless expression. He wishes to see it plastered across his sorry face, and to bask in his apprehension.

 
They're not going to camp. Smogmaw shakes his head decisively; orders him to drop the snipe he'd worked hard for. Trepidation creeps across his tongue in a velvet coat. When they look into his eyes, they are little red rocks in deep hollows, unpolished and dull and cold. In them he sees Granitepelt's stony glare; in them he sees himself reflected. She hates the way they turn on her, chiseling out small parts of her with a spite-pein hammer. But could she really blame him? For as long as Flintpaw carried that Halfshade-sized debt, he'd do almost anything to squirm to squirm out from under it.

So he drops his bird and slinks after the deputy. Shale blue pelt ruffles against the icy nip of winter's portent. Soon enough they are wreathed in root shadows, and Smogmaw sits atop the gnarled crown, tail flicking like the pendulum of a grandfather's clock, acknowledging each second between the given order and Flintpaw's compliance. But they can't think about the order they've been given; as soon as Smogmaw had spoken the words in his blacktop-gravel drawl, Flintpaw's time had warped so that the wraith of memory might remind him of Granitepelt's teachings. Prove you were worth the lungwort she used on you. Show me how good an apprentice you are. The burnt sycamore gets taller. The branches get more and more impossible to reach, stretching up into the sky with the same desperation Halfshade had employed when trying to draw her final breaths. For a moment, something in Flintpaw's stomach turns; some sick or guilty snake, he thinks, trying to sabotage him further in front of the deputy.

Climb to the top, he'd said. Then, we'll go home.

"Okay," she chuffs, about as firm as reeds in the wind. Smogmaw's stare cuts to the bone as she approaches the trunk of the blasted-black tree, barren of leaves and life alike. Its bark is rough, so surely there must be clawholds in it somewhere– but he's not a SkyClanner or a ThunderClanner. ShadowClan doesn't teach their apprentices to climb trees, do they? He supposes he wouldn't know– he's behind, anyway, and it's all because of that same illness that lands him here now (the one that lands Smogmaw without a mate; without all his kits accounted for). Still, she'll try, if for no reason other than to go home.

Claws, milk-white and thin, sink into the bark and hold there. Flintpaw glances back to Smogmaw, but is met only with that piercing jasper stare. Unease sets in to the space between her ribs, the fibers of her lungs; she turns back to her task. All she has to do is climb. So she pulls herself up, hind legs hitching into the trunk, too, and attempts to continue that path– but success has a hard time finding Flintpaw. She tumbles to the ground with a small oof. Still, she doubts that she can just call it quits. The deputy of ShadowClan has ordered her to climb the thing; when she spares him another look, he still wears that permafrost scowl, that impassive gaze. To her, he looks like Judgement itself. She does not want to be deemed wrong. She does not want to be deemed unworthy. She would very much like to put all of this yellowcough mess behind her (she would very much like to damn Starlingheart for setting the weight of this guilt upon her, the vitriolic part of her suggests, and appalled Flintpaw casts away the notion), so if this is what it would take then StarClan she would try.

Flintpaw sets upon the trunk again. This time she makes it farther; finds purchase on a low branch, even, where she can perch and catch her breath. He measures his progress in the twinging of his muscles and feels compelled to press on further. It's not a fast climb by any means– he scrambles for footholds, and Balance seems to evade him just to amuse herself, but eventually the stone-pelted boy stands at the top, and now all he has to do is walk the tightrope to the edge of the branch. There is a great intake of breath, and then a pause, and then he makes his way, milk-dipped paws grasping the increasingly-thin branch as tightly as possible. And then he's at the end. Just as Smogmaw had asked.

It is only when Flintpaw seeks the tabby-pelted tom that he realizes the height to which he has ascended. Where he'd once measured his progress in each mote of brown trunk between himself and the ground below, he can now feel that distance in each fox-length snapping its teeth at his dangling tail. Smogmaw gets what he didn't ask for, too, as a range of emotion crosses the boy's face; the need for recognition, doubt in his mission, fear for his life. But what his expression settles on is not mere fear, but terror.

The stone-hewn face contorts. Flintpaw is on an island he cannot escape from; not on his own. His only hope for rescue hates the guts that digested his mate's share of lungwort. His brows pinch considerably, and he makes himself oh-so-small against the pathetic excuse of branch he clings to, his fur creating spires against the amber sky as it spikes. It's too high. It's too high and I'm going to fall and all my bones will break and it will hurt and it will hurt and I will die and it will hurt as I die and– the spiral hollows his skull; mines through his spine until it's all cold and freezing. The lungs, weakened by illness and refusing to fully recover, seize with the force of the fear that chokes them.

It is all they can do to quietly sputter, "help."

4d5460.png
  • 67694416_kQ42UEsE5sNMUt4.png

    flintkit . flintpaw
    — he / they / she ; apprentice of shadowclan
    — short-haired solid blue tom with low white and blue/green heterochromatic eyes
    — "speech" ; thoughts
    — headshot by me, signature by dreamydoggo
    — penned by meghan
 


How deliciously daunting it must be for wee Flintpaw. Unfledged eyes gawp at the towering spiral of lifeless bark, awash with building resignation. Doubt takes root in the heart before it does the brain and nerves. As such, he anticipates an eager start once she regains her wits, and whatever paltry resolve she musters will soon be lost to the breeze. That's anguish summarised. Strength may be shown in the initial push, but the growing sense of futility will reach a deafening point, for it is loudened by every subsequent step. One will find their willpower sapped once past the threshold. This he knows, because he has walked this route since his return to the marshland. The young apprentice is poised to discover her limits in the coming moments, the sorry soul she is, and he's content in being privy to the spectacle.

Smogmaw finds his breath hitching when the other's claws get their first taste of bark. Only, Flintpaw stalls in her motion, and presents a look tinged by expectation, as though silently asking for something. "C'mon, get up there," he meows, words gliding forth on an icy breath. "You won't fall." It's a belief swiftly debunked. Come a pawful of seconds later, she's collapsed and crumpled, intimately acquainted to the twigs scattered underfoot. His tail flourishes dramatically. What a shambles.

A gravelly hum emits when she gives it another go. At a pace rivalling that of a lowly snail, leaden limbs carry the fragile feline skyward. He cannot show it, hence he doesn't, but his delight knows no bounds in observing her navigate from one tree branch to the next with precarious charm. The tom has half a mind to yawp up at him, a distraction to disrupt his focus and render it as unstable as his balance, yet he's unable to find reason to. By this point in time, Flintpaw nearly claimed the Sycamore's crown as his own, no less than a whisker away from her target.

Sunset-kissed eyes narrow ever nominally, vision tightening around the far-reaching tendrils and the cat caught up in them. His companion is naught but a vague, stationary outline, having reached the tippity-top, though a squint aids him in deciphering the mannerism written into their face. What meets his scrutiny is an expression arrested in fear's icy clutches, a posture emanating pure terror and surrender. No triumph lingers on his tongue, it is lost alongside the breath stolen from his lungs.

The laurels go Smogmaw, today. He has won. Amidst the apprentice's underlying helplessness, a steeper level of vulnerability unfolds. Yeah, it's kind of fucked up. That's a kid up there. Nonetheless, Flintpaw's misfortune comes as a drop of vigour to his otherwise monotonous lake of existence, so forgive him for indulging.

"You did it!" hollers the deputy, deaf to their pitiful mewling mere moments before. "Now, get down here! Hustle! Come on!"

 
You did it! Now, get down here!

Flintpaw can't hear the deputy over the roar of terror in his ears. It inhabits the pockets between his skull and his brain; swims effortlessly in that hot cerebral fluid; graces every synapse with a cold, numbing rasp of the tongue. He can't hear Smogmaw. He can hardly hear the way his own breaths seize and shake, more rapid by the second. The height he's perched on is dizzying, and if it had been hard to climb down before it's impossible now. But the thought of Smogmaw coming to his aid pushes bile against the back of his tongue. He needs saving (when doesn't he?) and that is revolting enough. Smogmaw, the cat who has put him up to this torment, cannot also be his knight.

The bog spins below him and the red sky spins above. His claws gouge ribbons out of the dead piece of branch he clings to. His breaths come quick, and his heartbeat comes quicker, a rabbit thrumming its feet against the chest of the beast that will devour it. It's all so much, and so fast, and he really doesn't know how he'll get out of it — and then something snaps.

The branch bends and sways beneath her panicked weight. The scream that had been locked behind her larynx before rips cleanly from her throat now. Thankfully, her perch is not completely torn away from the mother tree, but the half-breakage is enough to cement the fact that she will not be able to leave this tree on her own. Beneath white-hot fear, a single idea scribes itself into stone: This is the worst day of my life.

Worse than contracting yellowcough; worse than stupidly accepting Halfshade's dose of cure; worse than Granitepelt's claws ripping through his shoulder; worse than any death he'd seen so far. Nausea pushes up the tract of his throat. Smogmaw would have to save him after all, or else he'd surely fall and it would hurt, hurt, hurt. Terror ignites into anger. Granitepelt had asked him, before, how it felt to draw blood; Flintpaw thinks she would like to draw blood now.

Ichor, burning cold, runs through heat-stressed veins. "I can't!" Flintpaw protests Smogmaw's order, tail bristled completely. The broken perch swings, hanging onto its branch by mere threads. Desperate, she yowls again: "I can't get down!"

4d5460.png
  • 67694416_kQ42UEsE5sNMUt4.png

    flintkit . flintpaw
    — he / they / she ; apprentice of shadowclan
    — short-haired solid blue tom with low white and blue/green heterochromatic eyes
    — "speech" ; thoughts
    — headshot by me, signature by dreamydoggo
    — penned by meghan