- Dec 25, 2022
- 132
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Nerves weigh her down as she pads toward the medicine den on slow, weary paws --- one of which she favors, keeping it off the ground as much as possible. Anxiety and mistrust are feelings she's long associated with the medicinal field; vital as it is, the profession almost feels like a breeding ground for corruption, something she's always struggled to make sense of. How have so many agents of StarClan turned out traitorous, dead, or both? She chalks it up to the amount of peaceful contact medicine cats have with cats from other clans. Boundaries exist for a reason, and nothing good can ever come from blurring them.
But then Wolfsong, someone Icebreath has admired for as long as she can remember, was selected to fill the sacred role. It was an almost disappointing development; the thought of inevitably losing another role model, after so many warriors she'd respected had already dropped like flies, was stressful to say the least. But this was different. He'd begun as a lead warrior, has proven his loyalty and devotion to Sootstar and WindClan tenfold. There was no way she could just... stop trusting him altogether. In fact, he's the only medicine cat she's harbored any kind feelings toward for a long time. But she knows how much it will --- sorry, would --- hurt if he did wind up betraying them, and because of that there is still some reservation that lurks in her interactions with him, though it indistinguishably blends with the general anxiety that always seems to visibly plague her from day to day. She reminds herself that Sunstride loves him for a reason, and Sootstar trusts him for a reason. So she will, too. Cottonpaw's promotion to his apprentice had actually helped; StarClan had personally selected moorland royalty to train under him and eventually fill this bloodstained position. Surely this could only be a good omen, a sign that things were finally right and the medicine cats' curse had finally been lifted.
Granted, Cottonpaw is part of the reason for this new flavor of unease she feels in her approach; the young molly, once Icebreath's own apprentice for a tragically brief stint, is a symbol of her failures as a warrior. Her switch to the medicinal path had actually helped to ease the tunneler's shame just a bit --- Cottonpaw was simply never meant to train as a warrior, so perhaps she shouldn't blame herself as much as she likes to, if everything that had happened was predetermined by the stars. Not that it's cured her embarrassment. Why had StarClan chosen to enact their will in such a cruel fashion? Well, Icebreath isn't meant to question these things; just to accept them.
Most stressful of all is the reason she finds herself on her way to visit WindClan's healers in the first place. The pain in her forepaw isn't new, although its intensity is; each day brings an increasing degree of severity that refuses to subside or even plateau. The blue point has ignored it for as long as she could manage; now is not the time for a setback. Many of the clan's strongest warriors are journeying who knows where for who knows how long, and between that, the yellowcough epidemic, and the encroaching rogues, nobody can afford to slack off. Especially not Icebreath, not with her failure as a mentor still so fresh in her mind; a stain on her record that she fears may be permanent. Regardless of how true this is, she will always manage to find any evidence of disappointment in the eyes of her superiors when she interacts with them --- projection or otherwise. Far in the past is her reputation as an exemplary tunneler, or so she fears.
Even if she can't restore her honor completely, she hopes all of her tireless work in the tunnels is a suitable apology, a promise that her failures are flukes rather than the norm. Rarely is she seen socializing or even resting at this point, so married is she to her duties. Even now, on her way to ask for treatment, she comes from the tunnels with dirt streaking her short pelt. It's lonely, even with a partner or a whole patrol underground with her --- especially so since Curlewnose's betrayal. Her sister's beloved mentor, and always so eager to check in and patrol with Icebreath after the whole Cottonpaw incident. A small light in the darkness, helping to keep her afloat. She tries so hard not to think about him and Badgermoon. They don't deserve it...
"Wolfsong?" The summons alone feels like an admission of weakness, but it's gotten to a point where she can't push past the pain anymore. What if it (or she) becomes unusable from lack of treatment? It's a terrifying thought. "I- my paw, it's been hurting for a while now. It's getting harder and harder to walk on it." There's an underlying note of shame in her gentle, nervous tone.
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