private GIVE ME A SIGN, SHOW ME THE LIGHT — firefly, howl

[BLAZESTAR]

He calls them into his den separately, quietly asking Butterflytuft to watch Howlfire’s kits. Both of his kits are busy, now—too busy for idle chitchat in the middle of the day. Fireflypaw is the sole medicine cat in the Clan right now, despite still carrying his apprentice name. Howlfire is a queen now, a full-time mother to rambunctious kits who require her full attention. His expression is grave when he beckons them behind the elderberry bush, and if either is perceptive enough to notice, the scent of salt in the air and the dried streaks on his golden cheeks will let them know the grief that has burned him dry.

“Slate told me something… you should know, as her kits.” His voice is hollow and strangely stiff, though his heart bleeds for his son, for his daughter. They had not been close to Little Wolf in some time, but the ending is so terribly final. Little Wolf will not see Fireflypaw get his medicine cat name. She will not meet Howlfire’s kits. She lies buried in a world of ice and stone that is lost to them all, and none of them can even visit her grave.

“Little Wolf is not returning.” His voice softens. He looks first at Fireflypaw, and then at Howlfire, continuing in a low, choked voice, “She died a hero’s death. She saved Cherrypaw’s life… it was an eagle.” He bows his head, curling his tail tight around his paws. “They had to bury her in the mountains… it would have been too much and too long of a trip to bring her body home.” His voice fades into a gruff whisper, as if he is still in denial of it himself.

@Fireflypaw @Howlfire

, ”​

​

 

[Howlfire]

She is the last to be summoned, following close after her brother as Blazestar summons them to his den. It feels strange being away from her kits, her life so used to them being in it, but she can think of no better cat to look after them than Butterflytuft. Howlfire could only hope they wouldn't be too much trouble.

Howlfire sits close to her brother, looking at her father for a long moment, studying his grave expression. She glances at Fireflypaw, trying to gauge some sort of reaction from his expression, but he doesn't seem to know anything either. Her father's first words immediately put her on edge, her body going tense with anticipation knowing he was about to say something about their mother. Howlfire presses against Fireflypaw's shoulder for comfort, something she has always done since they were kits and he was the protective big brother.

Little Wolf is not returning. Blazestar tells them, his voice oddly soft. Howlfire's expression drops and tears well in her eyes. No, no, no, don't say it! Her expression seems to beg. She died a hero's death. She saved Cherrypaw's life… it was an eagle. "Stop it! You're lying!" Howlfire says in denial, shaking her head as tears start to fall. Her mother couldn't be dead! Her mother was supposed to come home! She was supposed to come back to her family! And now her bones lay all alone on a frigid mountain, the only cats who would mourn her and remember her being so far, far away. "She didn't know," Howlfire says after a moment. There is a sort of horrified expression on her face as the realisation of things left unsaid weighs on Howlfire's mind. "I never got the chance to tell her..." About the kits, about Coyotecrest, about how much she still loved her.​

 

[Fireflyglow]

It was never good when the smell of salt hung in the air, Fireflypaw realizes. He's come to loathe the smell of it.

He's lead into their father's den, but Fireflypaw can feel the sorrow in the air as he walks with his sister. Her body presses into his own, and Fireflypaw's tail instinctively reaches out to wrap around Howlfire's frame just as it had always done. His expression is firm as he listens to his father's grief-filled voice, the mention of Little Wolf's name making his ears perk as he leans forward to listen more. He couldn't miss a detail.

Little Wolf is not returning.

It's like a dam breaks inside of him, flooding his body with a sense of haughty grief that makes him almost collapse from the pain. His legs wobble visibly, eyes growing wide as tears pour forth from milky blue eyes. His mother was dead. His head swings over to Howlfire as she cries out that their father is lying, grieving that she never got to tell Little Wolf that she was a grandmother. Fireflypaw feels like he can feel the pain Howlfire does, can swim in the vast pool of emotions the two of them share in this moment. His forehead presses to her own to comfort her, a paw reaching up to pull her close as a sob wracks his body.

She won't be able to see me become a medicine cat in full.

But she will, won't she? She would ascend to StarClan, and Fireflypaw of all cats would see her. He would see her again. He would be able to press his nose into her fur and breathe in her scent one last time, wouldn't he? If she was lost in the mountains, in the snow and dirt, would she ascend to StarClan or be lost to the mountains? His eyes blink sadly as his lip trembles, jaw clenching firmly. This wasn't fair.

A whimper of a cry leaves his lips as he hugs his sister close, his form shaking with emotion. His mother was dead.

Fireflypaw was losing the people he loved faster than he could count.

"I-It's.. It's going to be okay, Howie.. It's going to be okay. Ma isn't.. Ma isn't suffering anymore. She died a hero's death."​

SKYCLAN MEDICINE CAT APPRENTICE ✦ 15 MOONS ✦ CHUNKY, BIG-FOOTED SEAL POINT ✦ TAGS​

 

[BLAZESTAR]

His heart shatters. Howlfire’s reaction is predictable, an explosion of denial: “Stop it! You’re lying!” Blazestar does not begrudge her the surge of anger, of disbelief. He’d wanted to deny it himself, but he shakes his head, voice dropping in pitch, in fervor. “I’m so sorry. No, she didn’t know.” He looks to Fireflypaw, who shakes but holds himself together. They will see her again, he realizes, his blue gaze narrowing. Just like Morningpaw.

“Little Wolf will watch over your kits from StarClan,” he tells Howlfire, crossing the distance between them. He presses his muzzle first to Fireflypaw’s soft, dark ear, and then he lowers it to rest atop Howlfire’s head, just as he’d done when they were kits, before their family had been split apart. “She and Morningpaw both will watch them grow up, and one day—one day, far away, you’ll all be together again in a place with no borders.” He tries for a purr, but it sounds hollow even to his own ears. A far-off promise is little comfort to his grieving children, he knows. And he wishes there was more he could say—but there isn’t. There’s nothing he can do to take the pain from their hearts.

, ”​

​