private GOD STOOD ME UP // ari

[Tybalt [Stagstrike]]

He'd barely made it out of camp before he'd cracked and allowed the tears to fall. He wouldn't cry in front of them. Desperate to not be seen, he ducked into a hollow beneath the gnarled roots of a tree before crumpling to his knees. He buried his muzzle beneath his paws as he tried to muffle his crying. He hated being seen like this. Broken. Vulnerable. Weak.

He hadn't let anyone see him cry since his father had died. But did that really count if the only one who had seen it had been gone mere moments later? He wasn't sure. They'd both cried after his mother had died. It was the only time he ever really broke down like this. When someone died. But the mere possibility had broken him this time, and it had shaken him. And he didn't even know Olivepaw, not really. It wasn't the same!

Plus, a rotten mouse wasn't even the same as a poisoned rat! Much less a city rat, living off twoleg garbage. Maybe Wildpaw was right. Maybe she would've just thrown it back up, and this whole thing was even dumber than it already was. And was this headache from the yelling or from the crying? Or just from his brain working out how dumb it was? Ugh.

@ARIELLA

 

[GHOSTPAW.]

Having witnessed Tybalt run off brings worry to the soft woman. She doesn't know what happened but she does know that whatever it is the tom is having a hard time. Like a silent phantom she follows after his scent, trying her best to not make things out to be worser than what they are. She over worries sometimes and so this situation is no different. Her noss guides her more than her eyes ever food and she follows his scent like a dog to food. Her tail twitches as she peers around gnarled roots, nose twitching before she creeps her way into the space. "Tybalt?" She mutters gently before she steps around him.

Of course she knows he is there but she just likes to make sure as she finds herself a space beside him. The molly is grateful to him for helping her and bringing her here so she doesn't like to see or hear him crying. Being so upset and she pressss her nose to the side of his face. "Everything is okay. It's okay to be worried, it might have been an overreaction but you just wanted Olive to be safe and that's okay."​

 

[Tybalt [Stagstrike]]

As much as he'd tried to remain hidden, the blind molly had still found him, likely by scent alone. He wanted to protest, to shoo her away back to the camp so she wouldn't see him like this. But she curled beside him and touched her muzzle gently to his face, and his tense shape involuntarily softened against her pelt.

He sat up and wiped his face with a paw, letting out one last sniffle as he straightened himself and hoped he wasn't still trembling like a frightened kitten. It was stupid to act like this. Nothing had even happened.

"Of course everything's okay," he told her, as though he hadn't just been crying his eyes out at the mere possibility of a clanmate he barely knew dying. "I-I'm fine." His voice shook, giving away his lie. And then, he added, "I'm not crying. I never cry. I'm just…I had something in my eye." Another lie to cover for something she hadn't even said. He gave a shaky sigh and rested his head on his paws.

 

[GHOSTPAW.]

A gentle frown is on her muzzle and she shakes her head a little. "I may not be able to see you cry, Tybalt. But I can hear you and there is nothing wrong with getting emotional." The pale woman means what she says and she gently noses the tom. But she is careful as well because she doesn't want to overstep herself either. Hr may not want her to witness him like that and she can understand it. Needing to be strong, something she is so far away from being herself. Sighing a little she curls her tail around the both of them and she looks down at her paws, trying to think of something to comfort him. "Life..is hard sometimes but you can't think the worst, right? Keep your chin up. If you need to talk I'm always around to listen."​

 

[Tybalt [Stagstrike]]

Tybalt tensed his shoulders as he listened to Ariella speak. He took a deep breath in and let it out, and he sat in silence for a time with his paws pressed over his muzzle. There’s nothing wrong with getting emotional, she says. But it was different with him. He wasn’t supposed to. He’d grown up steeling himself against the world so that losses would hurt less, hunger would be felt less, threats would be less frightening. He wasn’t supposed to cry. So he said as much.

“I’m not supposed to cry,” he rumbled, still keeping his face turned away from hers. He could feel her near-sightless eyes fixed on him. “Crying doesn’t fix anything. Being afraid doesn’t make things less threatening. It just makes everything worse. Harder to deal with if you think about it too long.”

He went quiet again for a moment, and then finally managed, “I just didn’t want to watch someone else die like that.” He didn’t elaborate. He hadn’t even really meant to say it, but the words had tumbled out anyway, and they hung in the air like a darkening storm cloud.

 

[GHOSTPAW.]

Not supposed to cry he tells her. Something she can not understand and she looks at him with a small frown on her muzzle. Crying is something that is okay to her, natural. A reaction when things become too much and sometimes it helps to release whatever pent up stress one needs to let go of and she looks down at her paws. "Crying...fixes you when you need a moment for yourself. To let your emotions wild for just that brief time. And yes, being afraid of things doesn't make it less threatening. But that doesn't mean you can't be afraid, Tybalt. It's overcoming that fear that makes one brave after all. Feeling emotions is a good thing." She lifts her near sightless eyes up then to peer at him in thought before he spoke is last words.

"Oh...oh dear. I'm so sorry you had to witness something like that..." Someone dying from their own food killing them is atrocious and she has heard from neighboring cats about such things happening and it appals her to no end. "It won't happen here. It can't...we won't let it." We. A strong emotion ripples through her and she shakes her head before she attempts to press her head against the side of his. She doesn't know how she can help but she can try. Just to make him feel better. She owes him that much from all his help.[/B]​

 

[Tybalt [Stagstrike]]

He knew she was right. But then Ariella assured him it wouldn’t happen here, and Tybalt swept his tail around himself. “We didn’t think it would happen then, either,” he grumbled. Ariella pressed her face to the side of his, and he sank into her touch like a kit desperate for reassurance. He was quickly becoming too tired to care whether it was stupid or not.

"We went out hunting and my parents snagged a couple of rats. My dad fought off another alley cat that thought he saw it first to keep his. We…we didn't know it was sick. My mom ate part of it. She…she got dizzy. Said she was just cold and that she couldn't sleep. So she went to sleep up on the fire escape, and my dad and I stayed on the ground. We just…we thought she'd wake up fine the next morning just like she always did." The words tumbled from his mouth, purging the festering ball of grief from his stomach as he spoke.

"I woke up later and the fire escape was rattling, so I went to check on her. I just thought she was having a nightmare or something, but she…she…" His voice faltered, and the young warrior shifted uncomfortably before continuing. "She was shaking and her eyes had rolled back. I…I called to her like that was going to wake her up. I didn't…she just…she threw up all this blood. My dad came to see what I was yelling about but we…there wasn't anything else that could be done for her."

He wiped at his eyes, desperately willing the tears to go away. "We brought her into the forest to bury her. We never went back into the city again. And then my dad…a fox got him. He was never the same after Ma died."

"I got used to being alone. And that was fine, for a while. I was already here when ThunderClan showed up. And I just…" He shrugged. "Didn't really have anywhere else to go."

He couldn't very well have gone back to the city. Not after everything that had happened. And ThunderClan had made it clear they weren't leaving. So he'd joined. And it seemed that every day it became clearer that he was simply better off alone. Better off lonely.