good news is on the way | lily pad

[tansyshine]

It's been a handful of days since the boars were first spotted in the forest, and even less since the wind had abruptly stopped. It's been... two months since she lost her two children, two months since Crystalkit was left the only survivor. It has been even longer since she had first gotten together with Sunflash (short was their departure from each other), and even longer since she had aimlessly followed Ember to begin Thunderclan. Tansyshine settles in to the earth below with a keening sigh. Her mind always tends to wander to past actions these days, specifically when Crystalkit slumbers away in the nursery. She finds herself always searching for something that she could have done differently, something that would have unleashed Starclans ire upon her. She searches and searches, but she did not kill. She obeyed every word they said.

A pale gaze surveys the camp as she lays, the sun feeling anything but warm against her fur. It's suffocating, really, and she has to shift in her position to rid herself of the sick feeling it brought. She tries not to drown in her grief, but she finds solace as she watches Lily Pad emerge from a den. It's like something switches in her head as she rises to her paws, dipping down in a stretch as she prances forwards, feeling infinitely lighter in her skin. "Lily," she greets warmly, a light trill in her voice as she stops in front of the other girl.

They've bonded more recently than ever before, both suffering losses, and perhaps thats why Tansy feels so at peace with her. They know what each other are going through, Tansy did not have to mask the grief she felt. "Care to share a squirrel? I... saw a big one on the freshkill pile." and truthfully, when she had first emerged from the nursery today, she did not care enough to eat. "Whitelion taught me a game a couple days ago..." she'd murmur, ears swiveling back, gauging if Lily Pad would like to hear about it.

// @lily pad ​

"speech"​

 

[lily pad]

Lily knew how hard it was to lose a loved one. Although she had never lost a kit, thank StarClan, she had lost many relatives in her lifetime. Gray Wolf, Tempest, Morningpaw, and now Graystorm. Each loss hit her hard; she knew how difficult the healing process was, so she was happy to see any signs of improvement in Tansyshine's well-being. When her friend asked to share a meal with her, Lily didn't hesitate. "I'd love to share a squirrel!" She knew Tansy hadn't been eating as much as she needed.

Following Tansy to the freshkill pile, Lily's ears perked up when she mention a new game. "Oh? What game is that?"​

[ earth girl ]​

 

[tansyshine]

"Great! Here, lets go grab it." Tansy purrs softly, slowly blinking as they make their way over to the freshkill pile. Tansy leans down to grab it before she flicks her tail, beckoning Lily Pad to follow her. She leads her to a sun-warmed spot, curling into the warmth. It’s not a routine, but its familiar, and its comforting to be so close besides a friend like this. And she’s happy, in the moment. She’s okay in the nursery, with Wrenflutter being good company, but being out in the camp, able to breathe fresh air- it’s so much more liberating than being cramped in to the nursery.

Tansy briefly wonders how long she has until someone mentions their names, or the ocean of grief swallows her back again. She already begins to feel the dread build in her stomach.

She relaxes against Lily Pad, eyes fluttering shut for a brief second before she realizes she nearly forgot to tell her about the game. "Ah, so it’s a game of strategy, is what he said…" she hums lightly, taking a bite before her stomach curdles. She forces herself to swallow, taking deep breaths to get her mind off of everything. "Theres two sides, mossball and bark… I thought it was silly, at the time. You have to capture the other cats pieces, and you can only move diagonally, I think? I’m not…. I don’t quite remember." she blinks, turning her head to watch Lily Pad beside her. "I’m no good at strategy, though. Shinekit- paw, now, forgive me- he watched. They grow up… so fast, don’t they?" her voice cracks and wavers at this, she forces the tears down. She will not cry today. "Sorry, sorry." Tansy lifts a paw and waves it off like its nothing, but she feels the grief mounting; it makes her shoulders ache.


She takes another deep breath. "Have you learned of any new games, Lily?" she meows, a little more monotone than she’d like. "Crystalkit is always begging me to teach him more. I’m running out of them."​

"speech"​

 

[lily pad]

Curling up next to Tansyshine, Lily listened close as her friend explained the game. "That sounds interesting! Maybe I'll have to talk to Whitelion about it and learn all the rules!" When Tansy stumbled over Shinepaw's name, a soft smile appeared on Lily's face. "They really do grow up too fast. Wolfwind has been a warrior for... how many moons now? And I still forget that's her name sometimes."

Lily paused to think about different games. "Well, honestly I haven't played many games recently. I know Wolfie and Lakemoon used to play a lot of make-believe style games. They had so many different story lines- one day they'd be two leaders of separate groups who were allies, the next they'd be enemies. And, of course, they played the classics, like moss ball and tag." Her eyes widened as she remembered another game. "Oh! I saw them play this one game a few times.... oh, what was it called... I can't remember, but basically, one of them would think of something and give a hint, like what color it is, and the other would try and guess it."

For the most part, Tansyshine seemed to be healing after the loss of her kits, but grief isn't linear. Lily was still worried about her. She saw the far-off look that sometimes entered Tansy's eyes, and the way her eyes watered when talking about kits growing up. In her experience, however, when cats asked how she was while she was grieving, the answer was always the same. A mumbled "I'm fine," to end the conversation. Lily decided to take a different approach.

"How is Crystalkit doing?"​

[ earth girl ]​

 

[tansyshine]

"When he teaches you... Maybe we can play against each other." she speaks in a light-hearted tone, her head tilting as the smile returns back upon her face. "Oh, definitely! I still remember when they were kits! Wolfwind is certainly a model warrior, now." she attempts to nudge Lily's shoulder gently. Lily's kits had definitely grown since the Marsh Group, Tansy hadn't been around in camp, much, running herself thin trying to hunt. "You raised a fine girl."

There's a brief hot-flash of relief that runs through her bones as she thinks to the coming greenleaf. There would be no more starvation, no more hunger-pains in kits' bellies.

"Oh, I get that all the time with Crystal. Fickle, could never stick with a game, hm? Kittens come up with the silliest of ones." and she giggles as she thinks of the two warriors as kits once more. The grief recedes like an ocean wave, briefly taking away the ache that held her down. "Oh! I spy! With my little eye, or something. Thats a good one, i'll have to remember it." she beams, and she feels like its old times. Sunshine in her eyes and wind in her sails, it's so much lighter than she has felt in so long. Tansy makes a quick mental note to get out more rather than keep herself and Crystal inside the nursery. Theres a chill that runs down her spine that disappears just as soon as it came.

She's not sure what it was about, but she doesn't want to even find out.

Lily asks about Crystalkit and Tansy sighs slightly, an ear angling to the side. "He's okay. He's growing bigger each day, he'll be a tall boy when he grows up, like his mama. Certainly more leg than body right now." she lightly laughs. "Uhm," she's getting a little choked up again, a paw coming to awkwardly scratch at her throat as if it could get rid of the metaphorical lump that grows. They should be here, too. With Crystalkit. The panic only flares in her chest, like a tree struck by lightning. It's sudden and its cruel."Sorry." she apologizes once more. Would Rainkit's little rain-drop markings stay as his fathers did? Would Littlekit's pelt flow as hers? It's not fair. Deep breaths, in and out. She shifts her weight, falling silent for a second as she stares as her paws that come back to tuck under herself. I shouldn't have spoke so soon about feeling better.

"You think greenleaf will bring more flowers? Once the... boars... move out, would you mind taking me on a walk?" she changes the subject again, knowing that if she dwelled on it any further there would be no calming the keening screams of sorrow that would leave her. "We can go hunt for seashells by the riverbank, too! I can maybe bring back some flowers for Wrenflutter and Sunfreckle, too..." she muses the last part quietly, filling her mind with thoughts of flora of many colors.​

"speech"​

 

[lily pad]

"Oh, we should absolutely play against each other! That would be fun." Lily grins as Tansy nudges her shoulder. "Thank you! I don't know if I can take all the credit, Wolf was... honestly, I think she would've turned out wonderful no matter what mother she had."

When Tansy brings up how fickle kits are, Lily giggles. "Kits are definitely interesting little things. I swear, every day, I learned new things about them. I'm still learning new things about Wolf, and I'm sure Lakemoon is off developing traits and habits that I never would've expected." That's a sad thought, but it's one Lily has found herself struggling with many times. Lakemoon, growing up, out of reach. She has a mate that Lily didn't even know existed until the battle at Sunningrocks. A mate that Lily doesn't know. A future that Lily doesn't get to be in. She shakes the thought off.

"Oh, I can definitely see him ending up tall! Watching him grow is so exciting."

The mention of hunting for seashells causes Lily to hesitate. Memories of long walks along the river, collecting shells and any other pretty trinkets she and Tempest could find, flood her mind. "Yeah, we can do that." It's not a great answer, and she knows it. While she desperately wants to help Tansyshine get out more, that specific activity would be bittersweet. But she would do whatever it took to help her friend heal, and if that's what it took... well, she'd do it.​

[ earth girl ]​

 

[tansyshine]

Lily Pad’s voice is music to her ears as she shifts in her position, reaching forwards to take another bite as the curdling sensation subsides. "Even if she turned out the same, no one could ever replace you." she smiles softly, shaking her head at Lily Pad’s musings. She truly does think her friend is a Starclan cat sent to help her sometimes, with her ability to be able to get Tansys mind off of things so easily. "I’m sure Lakemoon is just as wonderful as her mother, too." she places a soft paw on Lily Pad’s, nodding gently as a sentimental hum. She had not raised children to be warriors, but somehow she understands... Too fast, too little time with them. "One moment they’re babies curled up at your side and the next they’re warriors, fighting battles and everything. I… dread the day Crystalkit becomes an apprentice." she mutters quietly with a small sigh, something apathetic rising inside of her. It gnaws at her stomach and the sick feeling returns again. "He has everything of mine but... his fur. He has his fathers fur." oh, shes going off on a bitter tangent again, so she clamps her mouth shut. She doesn't like talking about Sunflash and part of her blames him.

His arguments, the stress he put her under... Perhaps she'd still have her babies if they were not born sickly.

She turns to say something, but Lily hesitates. Tansy catches it near immediately, heather blue eyes sliding to the tabby besides her. Her chin tilts up, and then down, and she opens her mouth to speak but nothing comes out. She only shifts to press closer to her friend, her eyes fluttering shut. "How about we go out at night, instead? And stargaze. Crystalkit has named a couple of the star formations... I'd love to point them out to you." she hopes the suggestion doesn't bring up any memories for the other, instead offering a moment of respite. ​

"speech"​

 

[lily pad]

Lily Pad smiles at Tansyshine's paw on hers. Taking a bite of the squirrel, she says, "It's not all bad. As they get older, you get to have really interesting conversations with them. While they're still always your baby, and it's sad that sometimes they grow apart from you, watching them grow into this cat that you never could've predicted and couldn't be more proud of is an experience like no other."

Tansyshine mentions Sunflash and Lily's face immediately sours. What Tansyshine saw in him, Lily had no idea. "Honestly, that piece of fox dung isn't even worth mentioning. He didn't deserve a mate even half as good as you." She looks at Tansy in the corner of her eye and gives a quick smile. "Plus, Crystalkit is far cuter and much more fun to be around."

And then... Tansyshine notices her hesitation. Honestly, she's is too sweet. What did Lily do to deserve a friend this caring and observant? As Tansy shifts closer, Lily presses her face to Tansy's side. "I'd love to go stargazing with you."​

[ earth girl ]​

 

[tansyshine]

Tansy lets out a small breath at Lily Pad's words, they leave her heart twisting and turning. Would she be prepared, then? Lily makes it sound so... easy, but she's afraid. Crystalkit would always be her baby, she lets her gaze drift to the nursery, where he's safely tucked inside. An experience like no other, Lily says and she slightly relaxes against her. If Lily said it would be okay, then it would be okay- shes sure of it cause after all, the other raised two fine warriors.

"You really think so?" heat rises in her cheeks and her heart skips a beat. Elation, it's powerful and ignites in her body like nothing else mattered in the world. She's speechless after, mouth opening and closing as if she had wanted to say something, but it dies on the tip of her tongue before coming to fruition. "I agree... About Crystalkit. You know... Littlekit, she was the only one that had my fur." and its so odd because for once, for once speaking her name does not sound like a mourning prayer. It sounds normal, it does not bring grief in waves akin to the river lapping at a pebble shore. It sounds... Heavenly. For once she does not weep speaking her star-bound daughters name.

Her next words only bring Tansys euphoria higher. She's not sure why she feels like this but shes certain that she needs to get out more. This isn't a normal feeling, she needs to be more social with others outside of her circle. But... Oh, Wren and Lily, the latter especially, they were so nice to be around. "You would? I mean, i'm excited." she squeaks, eyes widening as Lily presses her face in to her side. She swallows, but she settles against the other like they've known each other since kits. "I haven't had a chance to stretch my legs in... moons, really." she sheepishly smiles. Crystal took up most of her time, and so did grieving.

It feels normal. Everything feels normal and fine and like nothing ever happened in the first place. Theres another smile that upturns her lips. Would Lily think of her as weird if she begged her to stay, never get up from the sun-warmed spot? She doesn't speak, instead turning her head to the blue sky above.​

"speech"​