sensitive topics Goodbye may seem forever || Stillborn

[Frostbite]

When Frostbite felt the familiar pains signaling to him that it was time, he felt confident. Hopeful. Excited. He was stronger this time, and he handled birthing quite easily, even if it was still painful. He didn't feel like he was dying at least, like last time.


But when the process was done and he went to see his new kittens, all the warmth in his body began to leave him. No matter how much he nudged and licked them.... Not a single wiggle, not a single peep. He tried and tried for who knows how long, but he finally had to accept.....


His kits were gone. Dead before they even opened their eyes.


Frustration, grief and anger boiled inside him as he curled around the three little bodies. What did he do wrong? He stayed in the nursery, he was well fed, he wasn't stressed or sick.... What happened?


This isn't fair.


Of course Starclan wouldn't be that good to him. He's had it good for too long, hasn't he? Can't have him thinking happiness can be found easily in this marsh.


When inevitably someone comes to check on him, he pays them hardly any mind. He's curled tightly around the cold bodies of his kits, unwilling to let them go even though he knows.... He will have to, eventually.


"They're gone." He whispers. It's all he says to those checking in. What else is there to say?



(( I AM SO SORRY, I WAS EXCITED FOR THIS LITTER BUT LATELY I HAVE BEEN EXTREMELY STRESSED AND ANXIOUS FROM WORK AND NOT BEING ABLE TO POST AS MUCH SO I NEED A BREAK AND WE DIDNT WANT THE KITS TO HAVE INACTIVE PARENTS SO,,

Frostbite will be staying in the nursery as a permaqueen until I hopefully get my shit together with a new job that doesn't hurt my head and chest so much ;-; I loved being an hp for Shadowclan and maybe one day I can Return,,,
Until then, enjoy ur frogs fellas))​

 

[CHILLEDSTAR.]

this isn't the first time, nor would it be the last, that chilledstar has come into the nursery to check on the queens. it's often, nearing every single day whenever they can get a chance. but this is... not what they expected to see. their eyes are wide, and they feel a pain in their chest that they just don't like feeling. their eyes closed, brows furrowing as they take in a breath and out. this wasn't good at all but the smell of death tangles in the air like a horrid dance. they don't like it but they've gotten used to it, so much so thst they cannot bare to let themself fall. not when frostbite needed someone to be strong. surely skunktail would be here for comfort soon enough.

"i'm... i'm sorry. starlingheart will... check on you. just... rest, frostbite. this isn't your fault. there's nothing you could have done."

they move to gently lick his shoulder in a friendly comfort before backing away to go get the medicine cat. there's nothing more they can do. there's nothing that starlingheart can do, either, but they're just... covering their bases. he had to be okay... if not for the little ones he just lost, but for the little ones he still had.

// @Starlingheart for when you get a chance ! no rush !

———————---***ALL OF MY FEELINGS ARE GONE***———————---​

I LEFT 'EM ALL ON THE FLOOR✧ MAN WHO'S TO BLAME IF YOU DON'T LOVE ME NO MORE

•  
• — black feline with a white marking across their face, a white chin, a white right front paw, and blue eyes. chilledstar is covered in scars, the most prominent ones being the one across their face, and the one across their neck.
  — 45 moons old; ages the 3rd every month
  — they / them pronouns
  — aromantic / homosexual ; currently not looking / looking
  — child of JAGGED and RAVEN
  — shadowclan ; loyal to shadowclan ; other info if applicable
  — mildly difficult to befriend ; trusts barely anyone; trusts no one outside of shadowclan
  — "speech", thoughts, attacking
  — peaceful powerplay allowed

​

​

 

[splashdance]

Like Chilledstar, Snowypaw visits the nursery frequently. Her visits have lessened over the moon, as Fleabounce affords her more and more time out of camp, but she does well to try and mingle with her little siblings as much as she can. Such is what she intends to do now, looking forward to showing Gigglekit and Morelkit and Branchkit the latest frog she caught - but she sees Frostbite, and she sees the little lumps of fur unmoving, and she decides that staying in the nursery would not be great for her little siblings.

"I'm -" she could apologize, but it dies somewhere in her throat. She swallows and her ears twitch when Chilledstar speaks, and she nods solemnly alongside them for a moment. She directs her attention towards the trio that she had originally intended to seek out, beckoning them to follow her out of the nursery in hopes of giving the white furred tom some time to himself.​

 

[Starlingheart]

Starlingheart moves through the days following her apprentice's dissapearance in an apathetic haze. A lot of her time is spent curled in a tight ball in the nest Magpiepaw had left behind, like she really truly believes that if she is surrounded by his scent then he is not really gone. As muchas she wishes to shut thw whole world out though, reality persists. Her head lifts when a face appears at the entrance of her den, some cat sent to fetch her to tell her that Frostbite's kits were coming. Hope flutters in her chest. Kits were always something to be excited for, nontheless the kits of her brother and one of her closest friends. A new energy ignited in her, she makes her way on light feet to the nursery.

It was not be, though. The promised kits were born without breath. She could tell when the first one entered this world without a sound. After that, the mood was somber. Her friend delivered kit after kit and each of them were just as gone as the last. How could StarClan be so cruel? She wonders. How could they take and take and take and yet still demand more? Hasnt her family suffered enough already.

She says nothing as she watches Chilledstar comfort the lead warrior, as Snowypaw speaks up to say something then stops. She hides in the shadows, head hung and lone eye glued to the still body in front of her. She would have to bury them, same as any clanmate that passed, but was she strong enough?

( ‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚. ) fly me up on a silver wing

• 
  
  
• 
  STARLINGHEART SHADOWCLAN MEDICINE CAT; SHE / HER ; SISTER TO PITCHSTAR, CHITTERTONGUE, NIGHTSWARM, SKUNKTAIL, AND LILACFUR. MOTHER TO NETTLEPAW, FLINTPAW AND GHOSTPAW.
  

  A skinny she cat with short black and white fur littered with scars and one singular green eye.

  ✦ Easy in battle + has little to no formal battle training
  

​

 

[MIREPURR]

Even as night fell, Mirepurr had decided to still hang by the entrance to the nursery instead of the warmth of their own nest. The promise of new life is always exciting, and with Frostbite's experience as a father, they had no doubt about how the new set of paws would fare within the Clan.

But even as time crawls by, there's no familiar mewls rising from the den. Mirepurr waits for a bit still; they don't want to intrude just yet, doesn't want to be thought of as impatient, even as the bottom of their pads itch with anticipation.

And then the anticipation turns into something else, the very blood in their veins freezing.

"Frostbite?" they ask, and with how severe the situation feels, they're almost surprised their breath doesn't freeze midair. A hesitant, careful paw slips inside... then the other, and finally all four, waiting for their eyes to adjust to the lack of light. Frostbite's stark white fur is easy to spot, only blocked a tiny bit with his offspring at his side.

It doesn't take long to figure out what is amiss. They're gone, he says even when Mirepurr already knows, even when the words certainly hurt on the way up, scratching against the walls of his throat with the finality of it all. The tears gathering at the bottom of their eyes and fogging up their vision don't feel like they belong - the sadness threatens to tear them apart from the inside, but it is for sure not comparable to what Frostbite feels.

"Do you... want us to stay with you?"
​

 

[Gigglepaw]

It seemed as though one moment there was all the excitement in the world packed into the nursery, and then the next, everything had been sucked clean of any joy that may have built up. Gigglekit didn't understand it - she'd been told that she was going to have new cousins to play with soon, so why was everyone suddenly so quiet and sad-looking?

"Somethin' happen?" Gigglekit asks, quietly, not wanting to disturb the silence that has descended over the nursery. She asks the question of Needledrift, lifting a small paw to rest it on her mother's leg as she questions the sudden shift in atmosphere. She may not understand entirely what's going on, but she knows it's a time to stay quieter than usual.

‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎OOC ᓚ₍ ^. .^₎ .ᐟ.ᐟ INFO ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎

• !
  

• 

• GIGGLEKIT ✩ kit of shadowclan, two moons
  → blinks incessantly & uncontrollably.
  → peaceful and healing powerplay permitted.
  → penned by Archivist → .archivist on discord.
  

​