- Feb 21, 2023
- 32
- 1
- 8
.you want a battle —————————
————————— i'll give you war.
THE FRECKLED TOM SHUFFLED, WIGGLING HIMSELF CLOSER TO THE BRAMBLE walls of the nursery, nose burrowing deep within the willowy strands of his tail, hues blurry. He wasn’t hiding from everyone. Okay. Maybe he was, but it wasn’t because he was embarrassed! No…. He just—Dove frowned, blinking back the tears that threatened to spill from his dampened cheeks. He wasn’t sure why he was hiding from everyone, but he really didn’t want to see the disappointment on everyone's face.
Stupid Dove. He scolded himself, muscles spasming from the extreme tension that he coiled himself into. His breath wheezed past darkened lips, light blue optics dull as he stared at the willowy strands of his tail, willing the ground to swallow him whole. How pathetic can you be? He wasn’t sure how to answer that other than to berate himself even more until he became a puddle of messy hiccups and muffled sobs. Stupid! I knew better than to … to do that!
Dove seemed to sink further into himself, pressed up against the brambles that prickled his skin, relishing in the pinpricks of pain that dusted his flesh. His nose twitched, sneezing shortly afterward with a pitiful whine.
Would he ever become a warrior? He wasn’t so sure. He didn’t feel worthy of it. He doubted he ever will. He was behind. So far behind. It made his anxiety skyrocket, heart palpitating within his chest drawing out a choked gasp, frame tensing at the odd sensation. His owlish hues blinked until the odd sensation blew over minutes afterward. A shiver danced along the lengths of his spine at the weird sensation that had happened, biting the inside of his cheek, kneading the ground with his front paws in a hopeless attempt to self-soothe. I don’t deserve it. He knew, but it was the only thing keeping him from tittering off the edge into the depths of his darkening mind.
The black-and-white tom uncurled to stare up at the canopy of pines that loomed, blinking several times to clear his vision. I just have to work ten times harder. He thought with a bob of his head. Even if he collapsed from exhaustion, he’d continue. He had to. He needed to catch up. His mind whirled with a plan, light blue optics flickering from area to area until he grew dizzy. A soft trill escaped his maw, reaching a paw to hold his pounding head, brows scrunched up.
Okay. Once the headache subsided, Dove went back to plotting, keeping in mind he really didn’t need that many breaks. Could he train by himself? Would he be allowed to leave the comforts of home to wander the territory without a warrior? Could he be trusted? Would they hold him back? They … They wouldn’t hold me back again, right? His chest constricted, freezing at the thought. No. It was my fault the first time. Should he prove himself to the others that he was … that he would be a decent apprentice? What if he was doomed from the start? Oh. I kind of did, didn’t I? He thought with a self-deprecating smile, light blue optics dulling.
thoughts speech