private HEART FOR YOU - cal

[HOLLYWHISPER.]

Shiori is aware that he's been acting strangely since he and Tatteredlight spoke. His carefully crafted self had been cracked, and his mind was trying to wrap itself around his emotions. He didn't know what he appeared as outwardly - maybe more sad, lost in thought, or both, but he's certain that any cat who knew how he usually was could see that something was off.

He's been jumpy and spacey too - Duskpool scared him half to death by checking in on him. He'd even told him not to get wrapped up in his own head, and that he was here for him. But still, Shiori said he was fine. It's too embarrassing to talk to his papa about this.

The most noticeable thing, however, was his seeking of solitude and avoidance of Cal. If he wasn't with the fawn tabby tom, he was usually chatting with someone else or at least listening in on a conversation. But he'd done none of that, too wrapped up in his own thoughts to carry on with the usual.

What does he feel about Cal? Did Tatterlight's assumptions hold some sliver of truth?

Shiori had spent his time pondering this, and he had finally come to the conclusion.

It was not hatred nor dislike, and it was not merely friendship.

It was love. Maybe some weird sort of love, but love nonetheless. And that fact scared him. Terrified him.

Knowing now means that he'll be all too conscious about what he says around Cal. He doesn't want to ruin anything, but if it's already ruined then he has no choice in the matter. So he'll tell him, he decides. And what he'll do after that depends on the outcome

If Cal rejects him and freaks out about it, he'll disappear. He'll say goodbye to Duskpool and continue wandering - alone. One less mouth to feed for SkyClan, and Cal doesn't have to worry about him anymore. If Cal rejects him but says that they can still be whatever they are now, then he'll deal with it and eventually those feelings will fade. If, for some reason Cal actually accepts, which he won't, then… Well, if it happens, he'll go from there.

Hesitantly, he approaches the other, taking in a deep breath. “Cal,” he begins, forgoing the nickname. “I need to talk to you. Right now. Privately.”

Shiori takes a look around, making sure nobody was eavesdropping. He looks at his paws, taking in one final shaky breath before he says it and it no longer can be taken back. “I think I'm in love with you.”

No taunts, no teasing, no jabs or jokes. Just pure feelings, feelings that would most certainly be denied, because in his own eyes, he was not worthy of such a thing.​

"Speech"​

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SOMETIMES THAT LONELY LOVE DEFILES YOU​

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[DUSTSTORM]

this is who i am . nobody said you had to like it .
︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

At first, Cal feared the worst, brow shooting upward in response, almost wanting to say ‘What did you do now?’ He nodded mutely, releasing a drawn-out breath hoping to let go of the bubbling tension building underneath his skin at the loaded statement. Didn’t these conversations always end up going the way neither wanted? Arguments. Yelling. Things Cal wanted nothing to do with.

He nearly slapped a paw over Shiori’s mouth, claiming whatever it was—it wasn’t important. Not if it ruined them. Not if—Damnit. The impossible thought. The mere notion of leaving brought a swell of fear, going their separate ways was something Cal didn’t think he could do. Not how the idiot took care of himself. His stupid insomniac friend who barely took care of himself. He couldn’t tell who was worse. His injure-prone father, or his son. Admittedly, both. Tatteredlight wasn’t any better. It seemed Cal was the last one with enough brain cells.

No. What he didn’t expect was I think I’m in love with you was certainly not what he was expecting, gaze widening in surprise, Cal stared at Shiori. “Are you sure it isn’t the hate talking?” He responded without thinking. “Shit—” He cursed, stumbling over his words, heart palpitating because really, this wasn’t something he even humored, no less thought about. Being life partners, mates when the only thing he could apply it to was the love his parents showed, toxic and cruel. Cal was afraid.

He was afraid.

Would he turn into the monster everyone thought he’d be? The short-tempered asshole that came out despite everything he did to reel it in. He stiffened, breath shuddering. What the hell are you doing? Don’t just stand there! His tongue felt dry, sitting heavily in his mouth, silent as he stared at Shiori, no doubt thinking this was a rejection when it was Cal being stupid and the fear—How many times had he said this? He wasn’t his parents, but that didn’t—Oh! Shut up! “You love me.” He breathed wordlessly, ignoring his raging thoughts.

Take the damn leap. His inner thought cursed, urging the stumbling male forward because what else was there? Shiori liked, no loved him. The stubborn asshole. Short-tempered and disgusting. He loves me. He repeated, gobsmacked. He laughed, breathless and ugly, letting instincts guide him, curling around the other, scents mingling into one, Cal pressed his forehead against Shiori’s, purrs rattling his frame. “I love you too, idiot.” He whispered, expression soft. “My stupid idiot. What am I going to do with you?” He snorted, muscles for once falling lax. “Be mine?” He rumbled, staring at the other. ​

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thought speech​

 

[HOLLYWHISPER.]

“Are you sure it's not just the hate talking?”

That was a sure sign of rejection, just as he thought. Shiori sighs, averting his gaze. “I'm sure. I thought about it long and hard, and… even though I hoped it was, because that wouldn't change anything… it's love.”

The silence was agonizing - he was mentally preparing himself for either a giant outburst or an awkward existence. Regret was forming - this had always been a horrible idea, hadn't it? He'd known from the start that there was no way his feelings would be reciprocated. Really, what was the point of this? To give him a reason to hide away? To make himself try and not think too hard about what he said around Cal?

Shiori hates not knowing, especially when it comes to himself. But emotions are not his strong suit, and he always seems to stumble when it comes to dealing with them. For someone who tried to act confident, he truly lacked much confidence at all.

Inhale, exhale. A shaky breath, and more words he might regret on the tip of his tongue, Shiori prepares to speak. But Cal says something first. He simply repeats Shiori's sentiment, but the tortoiseshell nods, snapping his jaws shut. The fawn tabby laughs, and Shiori considers that this sort of rejection may fall under the ‘leave and don’t look back’ category.

But then Cal acts, pulling him closer, pressing his forehead to him, and he responds with a soft whisper. “I love you too, idiot.” And Shiori, who had not accounted for this outcome, lets his instincts guide him. A sigh of relief, pressing himself closer, and purring back at the tom.

“Of course I'll be yours,” Shiori whispers. “Now and forever.”

His judgment had been wrong. But perhaps the unpredictable outcome was okay, if it meant that they ended up like this.​

"Speech"​

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SOMETIMES THAT LONELY LOVE DEFILES YOU​

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