HEART OF GOLD 𖤓 evergreenpaw

[sandthorn]

"GOLDEN CHILD, LION BOY;"​

even with how sandpaw had changed, she still cared for her clanmates. some notably less than others, yet even those she disliked she did not wish harm upon. perhaps it was a mindset of folly, but apparently it wasn't so easily changed. although she was not born in the forest, into the safety of a clan and warm nursery, thunderclan was her home. it was the only one she could truly remember. she had a mother off somewhere only starclan knew, but sandpaw did not consider her family. the cats of the oaks took that title, she was happy to give it to them.

despite not being clanborn, she worked just as hard, cared just as much. nobody had ever challenged her business here, she wouldn't take to kindly to them if they did. yet, today bold words spewed from another's mouth that challenged another's. although hawthornpaw was not initially being snide towards the sandy apprentice, she wouldn't stand for such blatant bullying of another. especially when evergreenpaw hadn't done anything to warrant such disrespect. it made her pelt prickle.

later that day, sandpaw was still a little on edge. she hadn't seen evergreenpaw since, but a golden gaze was kept alert for a flash of chocolate. she was finally getting ready to turn in to her nest when she saw it. white paws moved quickly to catch her, nearly tripping herself up. "evergreenpaw, hey!" she called out, half of a smile on a snow-kissed maw. "i just wanted to make sure you're okay, you know after what hawthornpaw said earlier. it wasn't her place."

// @EVERGREENPAW. ​

✦ 𖤓 ✦​

 

[EVERGREENBLOOM.]

Parting ways with her mentor as they returned to camp from a late training session, Evergreenpaw let out a sigh. She had felt a little distracted, a little bit on edge. Despite this, she had done her best with the training, and had been planning to just flop into her nest for what she believed was a well deserved rest.

Before she got the chance to, Sandpaw's voice reached her ears and her head swiveled around to attempt to meet the other's gaze. Eye contact was not her forte, unfortunately, and it felt awkward - what if she just stared into Sandpaw's eyes for too long, unblinking and making things more awkward? It was best to just not meet the other apprentice's gaze, but she still listened to her words.

"It's... it's honestly fine! I'm fine! It's... probably true anyways. Someone had to give it to me straight, r-right?" Evergreenpaw let out a nervous laugh, shuffling her paws as she willed herself not to run away or start spewing out random things that weren't related to the conversation at hand. "...Everyone tells me I do a good job, but... they're just saying that to make me feel better, right? L-like, sure, I caught a few pieces of prey in a short period of time, but... but I'm sure my form was messed up, or it was just a fluke. Stuff like that, you... you know?"

Noticing her voice was shaking, she took a deep breath and forced a smile onto her maw. "So... so I'm fine. Because... because the truth... the truth should be said... right?" Certainly Sandpaw agreed with that sentiment. At least, Evergreenpaw hoped she did.

"Speech"​

---

THE SEED OF MY NEW DREAM WILL SURELY BLOOM​

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[sandthorn]

"GOLDEN CHILD, LION BOY;"​

luckily, the other apprentice stopped. and although her gaze was notably avoidant, sandpaw was not ignored. instantly she justifies the behavior, laughter fills the air to brush away nerves. evergreenpaw would likely not see it, but blonde ears twitch in irritation. putting down a clanmate under the guise of truth was just plain bullying.

however, she politely waited until the girl was finished. a question raised. despite it's truth, this certainly was not an applicable situation. "well, yes." sandpaw sits, pausing for a moment. did she truly not have any qualms with what hawthornpaw had said? "but i don't think that was the truth. you're contributing to your clan, fluke or not. nobody should be talking to you that way when you're making an obvious effort."

a large paw was tapping now, confusion on how to proceed. how could she believe such inflammatory words? "you don't seriously believe her though, right? she's practically a kit, knows nothin bout anything."​

✦ 𖤓 ✦​

 

[EVERGREENBLOOM.]

Evergreenpaw blinked, jaw slightly agape as she pondered Sandpaw's words. Her eyes widened, and her heart started to beat faster. She shuddered, eyes glancing around as she searched for some sort of way to get out of the conversation as the panic grew more intense.

But then she remembered that she had done well with others earlier. She didn't want to backtrack all over that progress, not really. If she wanted to get better at things like this, she needed to stand her ground. She took a big breath, and then sighed.

"I don't know," she finally murmured, ears flattening against her head. "I... I can't tell if... I'm getting praised to make me feel better or not. Whenever I do something, it feels... it doesn't feel like enough. It never has. And it's scary. If.. if I'm right - if Hawthornepaw is right too - then that means I'm not doing good enough. I'm... I try my best, I try copying my mentor's actions and taking her words to heart but..." Her voice trailed off.

Evergreenpaw hadn't meant to spill out all of her feelings, and her pelt felt hot with shame. She let out a shaky breath before awkwardly trying to apologize. "I'm... I'm so sorry, I didn't mean... the words just..."

She hoped she didn't scare Sandpaw off by being strange... And just when she thought she might have actually had a chance at friendship too!

"Speech"​

---

THE SEED OF MY NEW DREAM WILL SURELY BLOOM​

​

 

[sandthorn]

"GOLDEN CHILD, LION BOY;"​

for a moment while she spoke, sandpaw was convinced the other apprentice would flee. eyes darted around as if camp was under siege, but evergreenpaw sucked in a breath, and responded.

"i think everyone feels that way sometimes. at least a little bit, and if they say they don't they're lying." sandpaw shrugged, golden gaze warm yet slightly distant. she herself wasn't a stranger to that feeling, cast to the medicine cat's den for two whole moons in the midst of her training. her return to clan life was so full of doubts, some she still struggled to overcome. "your best's all you can do, you don't gotta please anyone but yourself." it was a statement she was still trying to come to terms with herself.

sandpaw let out a soft chuckle at evergreenpaw's apology, lazy grin on her snowy maw. "you're killin' me," she mused, head rolling back with an overdramatic sigh. "if i didn't wanna hear you talk, i wouldn't have come over here in the first place."

she stretched swiftly, before returning to a move comfortable position. "had your assessment yet? i'm pretty nervous, if blizzard fang tests me on hunting i'll be an apprentice til my fur turns gray," she huffs amusedly, turning her head to wait for an answer.
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✦ 𖤓 ✦​