private HEART TO HEART | doepaw

[COBWEBTAIL]

Truthfully, Cobweb isn't sure how to really begin Doepaws training. With Wolfwind gone he does not feel as if he could give her justice, and so they hadn't really... started, much- border patrols, yes, but much one on one time? He wants to give her time to recover, just like... he needs time, too. We'll be okay, he feels like it was a lie because day by day he feels the loss more and more. His sisters daughter, his direct littermates little one... He has siblings, but he was always naturally close to Lily Pad, affection shared by the same litter.

The grief never seems to stop and day by day Thunderclan seems to lose cats faster than the change of seasons.

He finds Doepaw in camp and before her he feels much more like a failure than any time else. He tries not to tear up as he sucks in a breath, forcing his voice steady. "Are you feeling up... to going out at all, Doepaw?" he tries to offer gently. "We can practice some moves and your hunting crouch." he doesn't want to force her, but tacks it on as if it would be an incentive. It probably isn't and he won't blame her if she rejects it. Cobweb knows very well how Doepaw is feeling, and its not good at all.

𝙸𝚃𝚂 𝙰𝙻𝚁𝙸𝙶𝙷𝚃 ⋆ ☾⁺⋆ ☁︎ 𝙸𝙼 𝙷𝙴𝚁𝙴, 𝙴𝚅𝙴𝚁𝚈𝚃𝙷𝙸𝙽𝙶𝚂 𝙰𝙻𝚁𝙸𝙶𝙷𝚃

• // @doepaw ࿔
• 
  ❥ cobweb ,, cobwebtail
  ❥ cis male ,, he/him ,, 44 moons
  ❥ thunderclan warrior ,, mentoring doepaw
  ❥ spindly blue & white tabby tom with blue eyes
  ❥ "speech, 827aab" ,, thoughts
  ❥ bisexual ,, single
  ❥ smells like oak trees & an odd mixture of smoke
  ❥ art by inkcap ,, penned by chuff

​

 

[doepath ࿔]

Sulking doesn't do much... it's an extreme useless time sink. It is unbecoming of someone meant to be a warrior but Doepaw struggles to feel like that's where she's destined to go. Hunting is harder than she anticipated, because even though the trees do not change from day to day, the blurriness of a muddied world makes the sheer simple camouflage of prey a very effective strength against her. Combat feels even more daunting, because it admits that there will be violence in her life-time she cannot avoid. It brings to memory a maternal face contorted by rage, a painful betrayal... and then there is the too-still body of her former mentor to remember. What good had training done for her?

Muzzle tucked under her paws and effectively staring off into dead air, Cobwebtail's sudden presence is enough to make her jump- fawn fur bristling in alarm only smoothed by the quick recognition of his voice as explicitly not Skyclaw.

His voice is kind, a gentle patience in his cadence that reminds her fitfully that he is Wolfwind's kin. They are both like that... She was like that. Folding her ears as he talks about leaving camp, the younger molly shakes her head with stubborn insistence, "What if there's... there's more snakes out there! What if the wolves never left all the way? I'm.. I'm useless! We'll die... We can't leave Cobwebtail- we have to stay right here." Her paw presses into the dirt in front of her and grinds against the softness of her pads.​

 

[COBWEBTAIL]

She refuses. He wasn't surprised, but to be frank... He is surprised about the worries that leave her mouth because he sounds so painfully like a younger him. All of the sudden, being a mentor seems much more daunting.

What if theres more snakes out there?

His heart tugs, threatens to bend and snap.

I'm useless, we'll die, we can't leave.

The insistence of her words makes his eyes sting. "You're not... useless..." his words warble from his throat, choked and pained, ears flattening down to his skull. For a moment, the pair settle in to silence after Doepaw finishes speaking. What does he say? How is he supposed to comfort her? Eyes flutter shut for a split second.

"We cannot be afraid of the unknown, I was told that once." a mimicry of one of his family members. Was it something he heard Little Wolf say one time? Or was it Howlingstar? Or Hollow Tree? Or maybe Berryheart, ever wise. Maybe it was none at all. The thoughts of his siblings, buried beneath the ground or lost to time, squeezes his heart. "And, actually... Thats easier said than done. I'm... afraid too. Trust me, I am." he backpedals, because the first statement suddenly doesn't fit. He's always been afraid. But at one point, he learned to live with it until it got too much.

There was a point in time he thought his family was untouchable. That was the root of all his problems lately.

"Well, its okay to be afraid." he thumps his tail to the ground. "And it's okay to worry. And be sad. Thats apart of life." he struggles to place his next sentence together in his head before he sighs. He feels his eyes burning. "But- But i'm here... To help you. Thats why we train. So we start being a little less afraid..." what do I say, what can I say? He can't think. Does he allow her to stay here, can he, until she feels ready? Other warriors would look upon them weird.

"I know its hard. Life... is never, ever truly fair. And as much as I, and I bet others too, wish for it to slow down... It never does." he cringes at his own words. "We won't die. Nothing can kill me," he tries to grin. "And by extension, you, too. We'll be okay. I promise." I promise, I promise, empty promises.

He can only hope he can uphold this one.

𝙸𝚃𝚂 𝙰𝙻𝚁𝙸𝙶𝙷𝚃 ⋆ ☾⁺⋆ ☁︎ 𝙸𝙼 𝙷𝙴𝚁𝙴, 𝙴𝚅𝙴𝚁𝚈𝚃𝙷𝙸𝙽𝙶𝚂 𝙰𝙻𝚁𝙸𝙶𝙷𝚃

• 
  ❥ cobweb ,, cobwebtail
  ❥ cis male ,, he/him ,, 44 moons
  ❥ thunderclan warrior ,, mentoring doepaw
  ❥ spindly blue & white tabby tom with blue eyes
  ❥ "speech, 827aab" ,, thoughts
  ❥ bisexual ,, single
  ❥ smells like oak trees & an odd mixture of smoke
  ❥ art by inkcap ,, penned by chuff

​

 

[doepath ࿔]

The reassurance is nice... even if a stubborn, choked part of her chest clings viciously to the idea that it's only a phrase meant to coddle her. That is holds very little truth. Doepaw could not hunt very well... could not fight. Even Fallowpaw didn't want to fight her- it insisted it was an act of love but what if that too had only been placating? What if all her litter-mates thought she was pathetic too?

Her lips quiver at the thought, tumbling into a slew of uncertainty and doubt as Cobwebtail sits in silence beside her.

Eventually, he finds himself... or rather, finds words he hopes will bolster the both of them. He does not have the same strong certainty as Wolfwind had... far more gentle-spoken and nervous. It feels like talking to herself, sometimes... A version of herself who is just a little braver... a little smarter... a little more useful. Cobwebtail can hunt. Cobwebtail can fight. If those skills came half so easily, maybe it would not seem so daunting.

The admission of fear however, encourages her ears to swivel towards him in confusion. To better hear it just in case she'd misheard. He was afraid too? "How does training... make you less afraid," she asks meekly, still furrowed in a stubborn frown that showed little sign of relenting. "All my... my friends are better at stuff than me... Even though I keep trying."

She doesn't loathe Gentlestorm for his efforts to fix her... but a selfish part of her wishes there had been more to be done. Or that fate had not left her dangling like this for a terrifying blind balancing act. She lets out a heavy sigh, trying to calm the frantic stutter of her breath as the pale tom insists upon their safety... that all they can do is try and try again. That he has her back and will keep the both of them safe. Foolishly, she yearns to believe in his promise... so she takes it between her teeth and swallows it whole-heartedly.

"You promise...."

She brings a paw up to her face to wipe at her nose, before glaring at the ground sullenly. "Then.... how do we start...?"​