sensitive topics HEATHENS [ prompt ; argument with mentor ]

[SNAILSTRIDE]

[ cw for mentions of past abuse + trauma surrounding it ]

Snailpaw had often aligned his shenanigans with his mentor as being similar to a game of cat and mouse - except, the rascal of a rodent was rarely ever caught. Snailpaw had mapped out WindClan's territory exceptionally when finding new places to sleep, almost to the point where it could take his clan-assigned teacher days to find him. Oftentimes, there'd been a groan from the blue-furred feline and a scolding from Shrikewing, other times, when the latter rolled out the wrong side of the nest, things could get unbearable for them. Nestled within a bank of snow on the outskirts of the moor, Snail had been peacefully watching birds overhead when a scarred, off-white body suddenly appeared at the top of the burrow, blocking his view. Their stomach dropped immediately as they scrambled to their feet, hitting their head off the top of the bunker. "Shrikewing! Hi.. Hi! Haha, you found me, good job! I... guess I'm ready for training now, huh?" Snailpaw grinned nervously, their humour failing to reach the large tom.

"You've been avoiding me for weeks. Cats are asking questions thinking that I'm failing as a mentor because you refuse to take your duties seriously and just want to lounge around all day doing what, nothing? You selfish sack of shit, why can't you do this one thing for me?! For your clan?! Why can't you be a normal apprentice?!" The tabby shrank as his mentor seemed to grow, looming over his exit. It was a scene his body remembered, his scar flared at the memory and sent pain shooting down their leg. Shrikewing had always said it'd been an accident, the driving factor for why he let them get away with so much. He wanted to believe a WindClanner would never be so cruel as to lie, nowadays, they weren't so sure though. The other didn't move, as if expecting Snailpaw to answer with some sort of flare or gusto as if to prove that he could be strong in the face of adversity. When the apprentice flinched, Shrikewing scoffed, considered the creature with a scowl, and recoiled. Snailpaw took it as a sign to crawl out of the burrow, their belly touching the floor. "I only ever want what's best for my apprentices, that means pushing them past what they think their limits are. You're scared of your limits, so you run away instead of bettering yourself. You won't even compromise with me, you-"

"I tried. I tried so hard but it wasn't enough. It was never enough."

"Three moons is hardly trying."

"Maybe not to you but that was half of my life I spent back then trying to be a good WindClanner, but where did it get me? Nowhere! No one took me seriously, at least now I'm giving them a reason to treat me like a joke." Snailpaw's eyes grew glossy, their skin prickling as they spoke a truth they hadn't wanted one of their enemies to hear. "Let me have this, please.". His trickster role, his burrow, he wanted anything from his mentor that wasn't a new scar or new reason to hate how much their group had failed them. Snailpaw found their footing and reluctantly, their mentor's eye. A fire burned in the citrine eyes they tried to plead with, one that told the tabby that their request fell on deaf ears before that grizzled muzzle moved again.

"You truly are my greatest disappointment. Fine, do whatever, but tomorrow, you are sparring with another warrior. Maybe they'll knock your head on straight or do me a damn favour and get you out of my fur for good." The lithe tom stormed off before Snailpaw could get a word in. It was only when he disappeared out of their sight that Snailpaw found the confidence to collapse back into their hiding spot, clutching their chest with a flexing paw. Their arguments had been frequent, the insults even more-so to the point of numbness from the tabby in response to it. Still, it never got easier on the older apprentice's heart, which raced with a beat that made Snailpaw ponder if it were about to give out entirely. They breathed audibly as they closed their eyes began to flutter shut, the tabby trying to think of anything but the interaction they'd just had.

[ prompt : You've found a delightful spot to nap, even despite all of the rain! Your mentor does not find this so delightful. Make a thread sharing your nap spot with a friend, or friends! Or, if you'd prefer, share how your mentor reacts. ]

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[Firefang]

Firepaw believes in the rigorous training regime Winclan put it's apprentices through, the question was if she believed such a thing because it's all she knows. It's a system that rewards the strong, that encourages it and doesn't soften up for those who's claws weren't as sharp. She will never struggle as much as Snailpaw does, she was born into this and while it couldn't be said she thrived she did succeed at her training whenever it came down to it. Her attitude just needed adjustment, she was a blade that needed tempering but it wasn't a flaw that held her back in her training if anything she was over eager. Far to much to handle for her first (second truly, but she wishes to forget about her first) inexperienced mentor who struggled with the challenge of having an apprentice who wasn't so keen as to bow her head and do simply what she was told and only that, instead Firepaw pushed for more challenge found it by butting heads with the other apprentices and always rushing forward before her lessons were complete. In her mind all she wanted was more chances to prove herself, wanted to stand out to gain admiration from her clanmates and make up for her failure as a Tunneler.

In many ways she's the opposite of Snailpaw, their differences were too stark but they shared the same clan bore the same consequences when it came to failure the biggest rift between them was that Firepaw desperately did everything in her power to avoid being a disappointment to her clan to an almost obsessive degree while Snailpaw accepted that no matter how hard he tried he'd never be what his clanmates wanted him to be. They were both pushed by the environment by the expectations of the clan that raised them, Windclan valued strength and faith in ones abilities and of Starclan. Firepaw would never be able to properly empathize with him, but she could sympathize all of the apprentices knew the feeling of claws raking against their pelt of being pushed until their muscles began to quake under their own weight. They all knew to varying degrees the punishment for not making it up to snuff at some point in time. Every mentor was different, there were those who were incompetent and unready for the task of training a impudent kit into a warrior, those who valued softer methods like Curlewnose and those who were unrelenting and domineering like Shrikewing and to a greater extent Lynxtooth.

She'd heard the exchange at least part of it from when she was returning from a patrol, it's not unusual to hear her peers being scolded but with Shrikewing she's surprised to see the tom even around Snailpaw it felt like a rarity and she reckons it's more to due with her older peers elusivity then the tom's lack of trying. They knew were to hide out more then any other in the clan, and it's part of the reason she so often likes to forget that they're not a Tunneler. Maybe they'd be better at that, but she supposes it's far to late for them to switch now. She purposefully waits until Shrikewing is out of earshot ebfore she pads on over and ducks her head to look at Snailpaw. ❝If you want him to stop botherin' you why didn't you just headbutt him, he wouldn't have expected it❞ she says before getting a properly look at their ghastly face hesitating for a moment, off put by just how small they look. It makes her uncomfortable and she has half the mind to just leave them there but she doesn't instead gritting her teeth and slinking into the burrow besides him. ❝All I'm sayin' is if you show him you have some strength enough to at least knock him on his ass then he'd leave you alone more❞ it's what she would've done but she'd never have gotten to this point in the first place would she? She tucks her paws under her chest making herself more comfy besides them.

❝This is a nice spot, dun' blame you for not wantin' to leave it❞

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( PLACE ME IN MY CASKET TONIGHT ; BECAUSE IM ALREADY DYING INSIDE )

 

[SNAILSTRIDE]

There were times when the tabby's hiding spots made them vulnerable, it was easy to imagine a fox or badger finding him after such a loud shouting match and the apprentice's legs did tense up when he heard snow crunching. A smaller, friendlier head poked in, less sharp or broad than the ones he'd been expecting, thank the Stars. The feline flinched at first, then eased when he recognised Firepaw and offered an uneasy smile - how much had she heard? Snailpaw's eyes grew at her suggestion. "I'm not attacking my mentor, I like life! I'm not losing it because I wanna regain some pride, sorry! Their older clanmates had proven to be more savage than their naive brain could have ever comprehended, chasing former friends like bunnies and seemingly enjoying the taste of their blood on their tongues. As far as they knew, their mentor hadn't gotten involved in the hunts, but they didn't doubt the pale tom would've in a heartbeat had he been at the raid's aftermath. Shrikewing didn't seem enjoy fighting, there was a temper there that made him exceptional at it though, a temper the marbled tabby had crossed time and time again. It'd only resulted in a scrap once, and they weren't keen to repeat that day.

His head fell to his paws as Firepaw followed up on her suggestion, his tail wrapping around himself like a comfort blanket. Their muscles were there but as defined by their clanmates, who spent far more time training and running. Maybe they could stand up for themselves, but not for very long, they'd burn twice as bright and last half as long. "I'm... I'm scared I... I guess." They admitted, kneading their paws into the firmly trodden snow. "Dunno if you know but blood makes me sick. Prey blood, cat blood, anything! I see it and my legs turn all wobbly and I wanna throw up. Maybe I don't have to draw blood to prove a point but... I dunno, he'd sure as hell draw mine if I sparred with him again." Their sapphire eyes focused on the walls instead of his friend, admitting anything was wrong felt like a betrayal of their family values, but they were shaken enough by the argument mere minutes ago that they needed someone to confide in. They were glad that cat was Firepaw, she'd cheered him up before, even if her advice felt impossible to agree with.

A quiet chuckle escaped Snailpaw, trying to ignore what they'd just said. They just needed to endure it for a few moons longer until they got lucky and became a warrior. Maybe they'd get lucky and get an easy assessment for a change, like catching a rabbit or winning a race. Being a warrior came with its own challenges though, some bigger and scarier than Shrikewing ever was. "I do find the nicest spots... I bet I could find the tunnelers a whole new underground camp if I wasn't so darn tootin' fluffy. "

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[VULTUREMASK]

Snailpaw was not much younger than he was and unsurprisingly it seemed like their warrior ceremony would take longer just like it had been with him. Vulturemask had become a warrior at eleven months and had barely been a warrior for a week before his new position had been forced upon him. He was still eleven months old...His time to enjoy his warriorhood hadn't lasted for long. Now he was back at the start again lacking knowledge and experience.

Vulturemask had just accidently overheared the conversation that had happened between Snailpaw and his mentor, not all of it though. But it was enough to bring some sort of distaste for the warrior althought he suppose having Snailpaw as an apprentice was challenging on its own. He wasn't sure how tolerated he would have been if he had someone as unmotivated as Snailpaw as his apprentice. So in a way Shrikewing's reaction was justified...at least to a certain point. Snailpaw was not a child anymore either. A snort would escape the medicine cat as he stept out from the tall grass his figure had been hidden in to approach the two apprentices. " I doubt you wanna end up in my den either for being foolish enough to rebel against your own mentor." he would warn them over how pissed that would make him to have to work extra for something stupid as two windclanners going for each other throat. He would cast a gaze down at the burrow to give a pointed glare at Firepaw like he was challenging her advice. It was a bad idea which only would put them in even more trouble just like Snailpaw had pointed out already.

Moving his attention more over to the late 'bloomer' the medicine cat would stare down at them from his lil hidden place with a grim frown. Scared of blood?. What sort of bad joke was that?. " You better find a way to overcome that. Running away from your fears all your life will not do you any good. You will end up becoming your own worst enemy." he spoke from his own experience. Sometimes you had to bite your fears in the face. At this rate Snailpaw would become nothing but a burden to the whole clan if he not even could hunt because he was afried to see blood. They would never get anywhere in life just stuck in the same place until their fear would drown them. The best he could do for this one was pity them, and he couldn't help but to wonder for how long they would make it here.


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[Firefang]

Firepaw being considered a friendly face was an oxymoron in itself; she'd never quite been entirely kind to Snailpaw after all even now she isn't entirely gentle with him when he needs it most. Is it because she simply doesn't know how or doesn't care to? It's hard to say, but regardless she lays in the dirt with him fur brushing together, one ear flicks as he turns the idea down she really didn't see much of a problem with it it wasn't flawless but it was simple and understandable even for the slowest minds. She grumbles in response to both him and Vulturemask who also doesn't seem too fond of the idea. Really she can care less what the new medicine cat has to say, he should be focusing on learning herbs not giving his opinions on the lives of warriors! Yeah sure he trained with them and all but he had other duties to attend too and never seemed like the most promising apprentice anyway, not when he was compared to her anyway. ❝It's not rebellin' and even if it is Snailpaw already is rebellin' by hidin' away from him❞ she'd argue but there's really not much more to say, Snailpaw didn't have the guts for it anyway so what was the point.

It's something that becomes even more unlikely as Snailpaw reveals a great vulnerability one that makes her brows crease in confusion, she knew just a tad he wasn't fond of bloodshed or seeing clanmates hurt but she'd only believed it was out of his own weak heart and sympathy. He couldn't handle blood itself, she's never heard of a cat whose been that way before not in the kit stories her peer seemed to enjoy nor in clan gossip. Possibly there were others like him but they knew better then to admit it, it was a great fear something almost debilitating and it explained a lot. She's at a loss for words, how could he ever become a warrior if he couldn't stomach even the blood of prey he'd never be able to go off on a raiding patrol never be able to protect their clan. ❝Thats....❞ she tries but the words don't come out, she gulps uncomfortably and really it's not until Vulturemask says something that finally she finds something - anything to say to him. ❝That's crazy but you'll overcome it dun' worry, you have to❞ and that was an undeniable truth, Sootstar wouldn't allow him to just continue to live how he was living a dead weight in their ranks served no purpose. She doesn't want to chase him out as well.

❝Ummm. I can help you I guess, show you some battle moves so you aren't so bad i'll even keep my claws sheathed so you won't be drippin' blood all over the place❞ she shrugs, she knows even with that handicap he'd surely lose in a spar with her but it'd be better then getting his ass whooped by his mentor wouldn't it?

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( PLACE ME IN MY CASKET TONIGHT ; BECAUSE IM ALREADY DYING INSIDE )

 

[Periwinklebreeze.]

DONT EVER WANT TO SEE THINGS CHANGE
periwinklepaw | 06 months | demi-boy | he/they | physically easy (pacifist) | mentally easy | attack in bold #ccccff

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Periwinklepaw hadn't meant to overhear - he'd simply been trailing along after vulturemask, content to spend what time he can between task with the few friends he has left, ever wary of the very real possibility they might not be there the next day. He doesn't want to waste any time - not any more.

What he does hear stops him in his tracks, pale gaze following snailpaws mentor with a cold glare. If he was anyone else, perhaps he would have said something - unlike most of those present, he's never really agreed with the harshness of most of windclan. Violence in any form really isn't as necessary as they make i tout to be - at least, he thinks. But it's peri - and so he keeps his mouth shut and settles for a glare. As firepaw speaks up, he almost turns and leaves - jaw set tight in irritation. He thinks he hates her even more than sootchaser - at least he was easy on the eyes; tolerable when quiet - she was just... awful in every way he could think of.

'Dunno if you know but blood makes me sick'.

Oh. Something akin to understanding shakes him, and suddenly his paws are moving without his permission. Skittering over to join the older boy, he hesitates for a moment, hovering, eventually deciding that if he didn't want company he would make it clear - and until then, he'd join them, settling down just a few paces away. "I-it g-g-g-gets easier, i think;" he says quietly, not quiet meeting snailpaws eyes nor actually elaborating. But visions of blood flash before his gaze, the tang of it cloying in the air, and even though it's in his head it feels just as real as when it's in front of his face. He understands in a way he doesn't want to. There's nothing much else he can offer to the conversation - he doesn't want to speak with firepaw, doesn't have any advice to give, any training experience to offer. But the judgment that had previously lined his gaze is gone - after all, they share similar reasonings in their actions even if they've chosen to deal with it differently.
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