- Jun 14, 2022
- 26
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✵ ღ ☾ I'LL LET YOU DOWN - She's counting the stars tonight.
It looks preposterous, a rat in her jaws and her head craned up to the sky as she makes her small journey, but she's doing it. Dual-hued eyes casted silver in the moonlight, they bounce from each dot in the sky to the next, under the marsh fades from her paws and turns to asphalt.
From there, she looks forward, her heart beating twice as fast as her destination comes into sight- four large oak tree's. She's here.
She hasn't been here since the first gathering when two became five, but she still remembers the exact location he is, despite the pain in her heart at the memory. She's shaking with each paw step by the time she reaches it, Ash's grave. Delicately setting down the rat at her paws, she tilts her head. What once was an uneven pile of dirt, was now speckled green with quick-growing grass.
❝ Hey, Ash, it's been a while. ❞ She whispered, her voice splintering with emotion.
A breeze ruffles through her fur and she flinches, the shred of optimism pondering, is he here with me, now?
❝ You know, you're a real son of a bitch, saving me like that? I should really let you have it for that stunt, you left me all alone here y'know? You... you were all I had ❞ she began, and soon the words came flowing without missing a beat, as if he really was there, sitting in front of her with a bittersweet look in his glittering optics. ❝ You knew things no one else did, you knew about my dad, and my fears and... and you knew me, and accepted me! Do you know how rare that is, Ash? How much of a risk that is? Then... then you go off and die, I loved you, and then you died! That is cruel! ❞ Now, her words were snowballing, her deepest and darkest thoughts coming out into the open, and spilling out onto his unmarked grave, but she was too busy to notice she was losing control. ❝ I-I know you thought you were cowardly, but you weren't! You were sweet and compassionate, and so accepting... you came into my life so quickly, changed it so quickly, you were special! You didn't need to save me, goddammit! You... you selfish... dumbass... mother- ❞ Her scorching words broke into sobs as she hunched over, placing a paw at the foot of the loose soil. She stayed like that for a moment, or maybe three, letting tears she didn't even know she still had spill until her cheeks were soaking, and her eyes were puffy.
Once she was able to regain control, she took a breath, lifting her other paw to wipe her tears. Silence followed afterward, and eventually Cloudy settled on her stomach, still sniffling occasionally.
❝ I think that was the last bit of anger I had left, perhaps for my entire life, ❞ she finally sighed after a while, resting her head on her paws. ❝ I like to think you're watching over us, over Twilight. She's just as special as you, she actually cares about me, despite what she's going through, I can see why you turned out so good ❞ she mused on, ❝ I know it's not my fault anymore, she helped me with that. ❞
Another cloud of silence hung over her, but only for a minute or two. ❝ Sometimes, I wonder if you felt what I did, and that's why you listened to my horrible history, and let me put my nest next to yours, I only wish I would have asked before that day. Although maybe you were just a really nice guy, I'll never know I suppose. ❞
She remained there until dawn, the rat eaten, and her head cradled carefully in her paws as she dozed, her voice hoarse from all of her talking, her yelling, and her ranting. She awoke right as the sun kissed the horizon, getting to her stiff legs with one last look towards Ash's grave. ❝ This isn't goodbye, but I'm ready to end my grieving, you lost your life so I could live mine, and I won't take that for granted anymore. ❞ She firmly vowed, before turning on her heel to depart. Perhaps she was crazy or coping, the line became blurred so easily, but for the first time in a half-moon, she could feel her heart begin to patch itself, slow as ever.
❝ Speech. ❞
IF YOU LET ME TOO CLOSE
