private HERE’S MY SHOULDER // chilledstar // LEAN ON IT

[FORESTSHADE]

// @CHILLEDSTAR.

The discussion in camp has left the warrior bitter. Her muscles twitch with tension, her tail constantly flicking with agitation. Disloyal, ungrateful, self-righteous, the lot them! But to hear her leader's voice drip with such exhaustion…it shook her. She cares for Chilledstar more than she does most every other clanmate. They guided her, taught her how to be a good warrior, how to be a loyal warrior. But others won't stop shooting their criticism at them, putting all of the blame for what has happened to ShadowClan on them. She wishes she could slap some sense into all of them…Skunktail, Scalejaw, Frostbite, Ferndance, Needledrift…she wants to teach them all how to shut their maws.

The torbie slips down into their den cautiously, her ears flat to her head. "Chilledstar? Can I talk to you?" Her voice is softer than it normally is, more like that of the girl she used to be, not the fierce warrior she has become.​

 

[CHILLEDSTAR.]

DON'T YOU GIVE ME UP, PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP​

---

they were exhausted. that little discussion was probably a lot more than they should have been doing so soon after dying. after all was said and done, they didn't have the energy to address anything more than they did. they limped back into their den, nearly collapsing into their nest to fall asleep. but sleep doesn't come. they're restless, in spite of how tired they are. does that ever go away? the looming feeling that one of their other clanmates will strip them of their lives like granitepelt had done? not only to them, but to pitchstar? they don't know if it will.

"forestshade? yeah. come on in. did you need something? no one else is dying, hm? think i am the only death we need for a while."

they try and laugh but it falls flat. ugh.
​

 

[FORESTSHADE]

Looking about as dejected as a kicked rabbit, Forestshade stops in front of her leader and sits her rump down. Their flat laugh is met with an equally lifeless chuckle from her, her smile unable to hold strong. “No, no - nothing like that.” Her head shakes, and her unseeing eyes remain downcast.

“I just wanted to check on you. I got a little, uh, mad…didn’t get a chance to talk to you, really. You’re not gonna listen to, er, Needledrift, are ya? You’ll keep leading us?” She lost Briarstar. She is terrified of losing Chilledstar, too. And the words of clanmates can be hurtful, though she doesn’t try to show it often. She doesn’t show much of any emotion often…but the last thing she can stomach is her former mentor, one of the only cats she truly trusts as a friend, feeling alone in all of this.​

 

[CHILLEDSTAR.]

DON'T YOU GIVE ME UP, PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP​

---

they twitch their ears at her equally flat laugh, frowning slightly as they force themself to sit up straight in their nest. they tilted their head with a soft grunt of confusion. forestshade wasn't the most emotional and cuddly cat so, it can't be surprising that they thought it surprising for her to ask them such a question. they twitched their nose with a shake of their head.

"no. i'm not. she... was hurt by what i said and instead of telling me that, she let it fester. upset also by how i demoted ferndance. but... i'm not going anywhere until my last life is stripped from me. shadowclan deserves that much."

they furrowed their brows, as they felt a soreness within their throat. they hadn't even realized they begun to cry.

"you don't think me a horrible leader, right, kit?"

they sniffled, roughly rubbing their eyes.

"i know im not the best that's not... what i mean. i mean horrible. enough to be killed for it."
​

 

[FORESTSHADE]

Chilledstar speaks, and they sound so tired. She can’t help but hang on every word they say, worry etched onto her face before she exhales in relief. “Thank you….please, don’t go anywhere. I can’t lose you, too.” Not on top of Briarstar.

Her ears twitch when they ask her their next question and her brow lifts. She doesn’t know how to answer that. What makes a good leader? How much prey the patrols bring in? How many battles the clan wins? What is the measure? She settles for a shrug, admitting, “I don’t know, Chilledstar. I’m not sure what a leader is supposed to be like. But if anyone tries to lay a paw on you again…” She flexes her claws, misty eyes narrowing. “You won’t be killed again by a lunatic, I can tell you that much.” They’ve begun to cry, she realizes - the salty scent in the air is unmistakable. Saying nothing, she shifts a paw forward to touch their own, if they’d allow it.​