private HOW MANY NIGHTS [✦] blazestar

[GREENEYES]

Night arrives over the pine forest again, its star-needled darkness painting the sky. It casts restlessness over Greeneyes — a struggle to sleep that starts long before he can fall into it, long before his dreams can twist into horror and shake him awake.

Tonight, it’s worry that keeps the lead warrior awake, that guides him to sit under the stars in his near-nightly routine. It is his waking mind that grasps onto rogues and foxes, or lack thereof, onto injured apprentices and family members, as his gaze darts from star to star. He worries for his clanmates, worries viridian will seep into the snow they walk on — that it already has with all that’s gone on, with the near misses in the limp forms of freshly made apprentices, in the staggering paws of their leader returning home.

Is it his doing? He finds the question chewing away at his mind, creeping closer and closer to the forefront of it. Had his curse only grown with his rank?

It’s not a thought he settles on for long before he feels a nearby presence. He tears his gaze away from the stars for only a moment, meeting green with the blue inset of lumbering gold before returning to the scene above. The silence between them is short-lived, broken by the flame-furred tom.

" Couldn’t sleep? " he asks, silently hoping he’s not the only one struggling to find slumber, as a hooked tail sweeps around his paws, " You know, it… it might be silly, but I try to look for them in the stars. " It is silly, he knows, perhaps too kit-like for a lead warrior like himself to admit to his leader beside him, but still, he continues, lifting his paw toward a bright star in the sky.

" I think that one’s my mom, " he offers. It always helps to find her, to find the star shining nearby, the two a clustered pair, " And that’s… That’s Snowpath, right next to her. Oh, and over there, I think that one’s Sheepcurl. And… " He’s sure he could go on for a bit, pointing out where he thinks his fallen clanmates stand among the stars, where he thinks Morningpaw and Little Wolf stand, but his words trail off, his paw returning to the ground and shifting him into a straighter posture.

" It helps, sometimes. " It helps, but now he only finds himself grateful his list hasn’t grown in length in recent days, that he doesn’t have to find another sibling beside his mother’s star, that he doesn’t have to find a trio of freshly made apprentices somewhere up there either.​

✦ ABOUT

• // @BLAZESTAR
• 

  GREENKIT ‣ GREENPAW ‣ GREENEYES
  ── Lead Warrior of SkyClan
  
  ── Daisyflight x Raven Ramble
  ── AMAB; He/Him
  ── A red tabby and white tom with bright green eyes.
  ── Mentored by Sheepcurl; Currently mentoring Falconpaw
  ── "Speech"; Attack​

​

 

[BLAZESTAR]

The snow crunching under his paws alerts Greeneyes to Blazestar’s presence before he can say anything. The young lead warrior had been sitting alone beneath the dark sky, his emerald gaze trailing the silver-dusted sprawl above them. It’s a position Blazestar had often found himself in—tonight is no different. He’d left the comfort of his nest, the warmth and reassurance of Bobbie’s body tucked beside his, to stare into the blinking mass of Silverpelt. It’s too early to feel the kits squirm, but their presence reminds him of Morningpaw, of Little Wolf, in a way he cannot help.

“Afraid not,” he murmurs, dipping his head in greeting to the ginger-pelted warrior. “And silly? Not at all. Let me look.” He settles closer to Greeneyes, tilting his face toward the sky and following the young tom’s paw as it traces a line from star to star. Daisyflight, Snowpath, Sheepcurl. Blazestar blinks, feeling small. Are they watching them now, tiny and insignificant, mortal and hot-blooded, their breaths flaming white in the darkness?

“I imagine I can feel them beside me,” he confesses. “Sometimes, when I look behind me, I still expect to see your mother there. Or when Orangeblossom is organizing patrols, I get a faint scent… with Sheepcurl, I feel like she’s beside the apprentice’s den, waking you up, fresh from Twolegplace.” He smiles, indulgent. “Snowpath and Morningpaw, I can see them tumbling out into the snow, blinking sleep from their eyes. And Little Wolf… the kits trail after her and she enters camp as though there were no borders, because there weren’t, not really…”

He trails off. His words become frost-colored breath.

“Sometimes that helps, too,” he murmurs. “But mostly, it’s so I don’t forget them. They deserve better than that.”

, ”​

​

 

[GREENEYES]

Malachite eyes blink. “ It’s not…? “ he slowly questions. He’d assumed his star-searching was foolish, that he’d be better of staying within his nest and hoping for the best, some nights.

But Blazestar doesn’t think it’s silly, and the young lead is able to share where he feels his loved ones are with someone else. It comes as a surprise to him, even, when the ragdoll shares his own methods with him. The ginger tom listens just as his leader had as Blazestar describes where he sees those they’ve lost, and Greeneyes nods his head, contemplating it.

“ I’ll… I’ll have to try that one. Maybe it'll be better than freezing out here, “ he says with a nod, though he thinks he already does take part in similiar methods, thinks he already keeps their memory — in Sheepcurl’s feather, in Snowpath’s cicada shell, in the leaf-bare’s snow, the cold against his paws. He doesn’t want to forget them either. “ I miss them. I miss them a lot. “

All of them. They should be here still, shouldn’t be star-bound recollections left for him to bury. Morningpaw and Snowpath should be warriors — real, SkyClan warriors. Greeneyes should be patrolling with Sheepcurl, should be asking her for mentoring advice. He should still be able to greet Little Wolf at gatherings or from across the border. And his mother… His mother should be here too, calling him and his siblings by their warrior names and meeting her grandkits. She would love them, he thinks.

“ Would she be proud of me? My mom? “ he finds himself asking suddenly, the question pouring out of him before he can think to stop it. He knows she would be proud of Figfeather and Butterflytuft, and Violetnose too, but him? He still wonders, still doubts, when it feels like the three of them have their lives more put together than he does, most days.

Ears threaten to flatten against his head as he looks to the flame point, another question tumbling forward in softened tones: “ Why did you choose me...? “​

✦ ABOUT

• 

  GREENKIT ‣ GREENPAW ‣ GREENEYES
  ── Lead Warrior of SkyClan
  
  ── Daisyflight x Raven Ramble
  ── AMAB; He/Him
  ── A red tabby and white tom with bright green eyes.
  ── Mentored by Sheepcurl; Currently mentoring Falconpaw
  ── "Speech"; Attack​

​