How the damage gets done | Lichentail

[Snakeblink]

MAYBE I'D BE A SAINT IF I WEREN'T ————————————​

Snakeblink is, admittedly, not one used to friendship. He is cowardly and calculating; he says the wrong thing all the time; he’s generally been described as unpleasant and as such does not meet much success in social endeavors. He could count the number of cats who’ve called him a friend before on the claws of one paw and still have some left. His one saving grace is that he is more jaded than he is desperate: many find it easier to ignore rudeness than to excuse over-familiarity, and it’s easier on his heart anyway — he can only take so much disappointment.

Yet sometimes even this works against him. It’s all well and good to shrug it off when Hazecloud mistakenly attributes the term of friend to him in regard to Lichentail; but when the other lead repeats it… Then it means that Lichentail agrees with the word, doesn’t it? Snakeblink feels terrible at the thought: he certainly hasn’t been treating her like a friend. Out of ignorance, yes, but that doesn’t excuse it.

Today he sets out to make amends for his behavior, starting with some quality time.

”Ah, Lichentail,” he greets when he finds them alone, trying to fit his expression into a smile — though it comes out as awkward and off putting as usual. ”I was looking for you. Would you care to accompany me on a patrol? I would welcome your company.”
​

——————————————————————————————————— so god damn lonely ​

ooc. information.

• 
  
• — Snakeblink • he / him. 43 ☾, riverclan warrior
  — a sleek, skinny tabby with long ears and a scar over his right eye.
  — gay, not actually evil, penned by @Kangoo
  
  
  

​

​

 

[lichenstar]

Perhaps it is some sort of divine retribution... bad luck? Fate? They are a bunch of words that could offer some sort of explanation or even minor reassurance to most but not for her. It is tantamount to an eternal, unwavering punishment, she decides. It is one thing after the next, in rapid succession and therefore must mean it is deserved, right?

An ear taken like a trophy... A branding of disrespect to disgrace her name all too quickly... And then, as if that was not enough, her complicated affairs with a bygone woman exposed to the clan in vapid conversation. She was not an idiot... and though she had one less ear to show for, she was not deafened by the loss. Spoken with such a lilt of uncertainty, it wasn't as if Lichentail herself was good at identifying what made one a 'friend' rather than an... associate. A positive acquaintance? It had been under Hazecloud's suggestion that she was willing to identify it that way but the unintended harshness of his response had soured that experience quite swiftly.

So maybe it was no surprise then that his voice now felt more grating than before... An ear flattens at the sound of her name being articulated by such a conniving tongue so soon... Had he not done enough? Outside of making it clear he did not agree they were friends he had also been meddling and she much preferred her private life kept that way.

"Snakeblink," she replies, tone flattened by the recent goings-on. Though she recognizes it a harmless invitation, it does little to mend the awkwardness she now finds when in his company. Once slighted, she could ignore... but twice... now even three times? He knew when to choose silence... and had chosen not silence when she'd expect it to be most advisable...

"A patrol... Hmm.." it is an act to ponder the suggestion, like she might actually consider saying yes. "I believe the last time you said my name in such association it was not to my benefit..." It is a struggle to find a polite way to chew him out for his nosy antics and how much discomfort they had caused her. Did he really insist upon playing dumb now?​

 

[Snakeblink]

MAYBE I'D BE A SAINT IF I WEREN'T ————————————​

The reprimand stings: Snakeblink had guessed, by the reactions his discussion with Catfishpaw garnered, that Lichentail did not appreciate being at the center of gossip, but if he had known sooner how… hurt? They were by his ill-thought words, he would have done more sooner to correct his mistake.

His ears flick back, only just keeping them from pinning against his skull in mortification. He does lean away from Lichentail slightly as if anticipating a physical blow following her reproach. Knowing himself, it might still come: Cindershade is hardly alone in her desire to slap some sense into him. ”I apologize,” he says, stiff despite his earnestness. ”I never meant any insult, nor for you to hear yourself being discussed in such a way, and I regret any and all… distress I may have caused.”

A sigh as he shakes his head. ”I did not know you would mind but that is, of course, no excuse. If there is anything I can do to make amends…” His voice trails off, leaving space for Lichentail to step in with any proposal they may have. His eyes jump around and linger on their surroundings, her torn ear, a mote of dust in the sun: anything but her eyes. With an apologetic grimace, he adds in the hope of lightening the atmosphere: ”If anything, this incident has shown that you are, in spite of everything, an incredibly vigilant cat, and any patrol with you is sure to be successful. I doubt any prey or threat could go unnoticed in your presence.”
​

——————————————————————————————————— so god damn lonely ​

ooc. information.

• 
  
• — Snakeblink • he / him. 43 ☾, riverclan warrior
  — a sleek, skinny tabby with long ears and a scar over his right eye.
  — gay, not actually evil, penned by @Kangoo
  
  
  

​

​

 

[lichenstar]

It was not an outcome she'd necessarily been fathoming when first approached by the striped tom, his golden tongue caught unprepared between a nervous smile as it struggled to find purchase again. Perhaps... he was not as used to conflict as Lichentail thought, though they'd be remiss to say they had expected that much; one would think that if you were so keen to jabber about others you might be more aptly prepared to defend that prying disposition. Hazecloud, largely, was the far angrier of the two when it came to personal affairs, if only because she genuinely had something to hide-

That's always been the problem with Hazecloud. She'd rather hide me.

Who knew what would happen if poor Mother Dearest found out her beautiful little angel actually had some sort of scandalous affair with the blue-furred lead warrior over four seasons ago? Her eyes rolled at her own monologue but.. it came at an inopportune time in Snakeblink's heartfelt cowering. It was not the first time he'd left her out to dry either...

"Your humility is nothing short of admirable," she replies, hoping he did not misinterpret her flittering gaze for anger or disinterest (acknowledging it would require explanation and explain her private life she would Not). But the option still lingers there, tentative and eager in a way despite the uncertainty. A way to make amends?

She was touched, in short, that Snakeblink cared enough to actually properly pursue her insincere remark towards friendship... Scrunching up her nose for a second to twitch her whiskers in contemplation, there was no denying how delightful the look on the blue smoke's face would be if she saw Lichentail hanging out with the town gossip unaffected by the information he had shared so publicly. Really... it was mostly her that was humiliated anyways.... The blue point hadn't done anything wrong to begin with.

"I'd much rather we try again... to be proper friends," they agree, lost for how he might yet make it up to her when her anger wasn't much more than severe irritation. Maybe they could... take notes on apprentices? Or... maybe she could show him her interest in collecting fish scales! These were... casual.... friend things, right? Her mind ran wild with the opportunity, excited and eager to start again and, "Maybe we c-"

But he had a most spectacular way of tripping over that slippery tongue of his... His eyes drifted somewhere not quite at her eye-line (wasn't that a feature of liars usually?) and then... A frown settled very quickly and very comfortably on her face. "Snakeblink if you came here to mock me I'd have just asked you to be direct rather than insult me with false adulations."

A tail lash of frustration, feeling yanked around by the intentions of her peer. "I'm glad it's funny to you," their voice is terse, sarcastic, "I am just so pleased you and everyone else find entertainment in my stumblings."​

 

[Snakeblink]

MAYBE I'D BE A SAINT IF I WEREN'T ————————————​

Snakeblink is good at talking — less so at articulating himself. Oh, he can lie: if anything it’s easier than properly communicating his own thoughts. Weaving a convincing story is only a matter of eloquence and he has more words than he knows what to do with. But untangling his own thoughts and feelings, finding a way to phrase them that is true to his meaning and impossible to misinterpret? That is a struggle he faces everyday and rarely if ever comes out of winning.

But Lichentail’s initial reaction to his hurried attempt at apologizing gives him hope. ”I would like that very much,” he breathes with utmost relief at their suggestion of another attempt at friendship.

A second chance is a precious thing, that many of his clanmates have been kind and patient enough to grant him; he does not intend to squander it.

And yet it seems he already has.

Lichentail’s face twist into a displeased expression, and her sharp tongue lashes out at him in a way that has him physically reeling back. ”Mock…? No, you misunderstand me. I meant nothing of the sort.”

His reassuring smile, despite his best attempt, looks uneasy and insincere: an awkward simulacrum of sympathy that betrays his words. His eyes widen then narrow in thoughts, darting side to side as he reviews the very short span of time that has just gone by. What in his words could make them believe he was making fun of them? Oh, Stars — you would think that, after so many compliments to his clanmates, he would get at least one right. But no: by some strange alchemy of his mouth, they all turn into mortal insults on their way down his tongue.

”I understand I have not given you any reason to value my offer of friendship,” he says, careful — so careful — to keep his voice level, his tone neutral, his confusion and hurt hidden under carefully-enunciated syllables, ”But please — I am neither so cruel nor so gauche as to come and mock you to your face like a kit-ish bully. Should friends not assume the best of each other?”
​

——————————————————————————————————— so god damn lonely ​

ooc. information.

• 
  
• — Snakeblink • he / him. 43 ☾, riverclan warrior
  — a sleek, skinny tabby with long ears and a scar over his right eye.
  — gay, not actually evil, penned by @Kangoo
  
  
  

​

​

 

[lichenstar]

⋆ ✧　 　 · 　 ✧ ⋆ ✧　 　 · 　 ✧ ⋆ ✧　 　 · 　 ✧ ⋆

---

It is a conversation full of back spins and tail whips and inconsistencies and misunderstandings, one damned to failure by sheer virtue of who was speaking. Snakeblink, doomed to twist his own tongue until he swallowed it and choked. Lichentail, cursed to misunderstand and be misunderstood in turn.

It was a joke then, that the stars must be laughing at, to sit them aside each other and press and push and insist their proximity. That they might be friends... if they just tried. Tried so hard to understand and be understood, both defensive of the reception they'd been given for moons, if not longer. So then why did it feel like ripping out teeth? A punishment for some sin they'd forgotten.

The quiet, shifting reply begging for a chance not to be taken as an enemy on a verbal battlefield, the blue struggled to find a peace in themself to share with him. If he truly had meant no harm, then it should be that simple... it was that simple. Just...

Let it go.

The pairs of gleaming eyes and gleaning ears made her skin crawl like it begged to be rid of its body. His concerns are too vapid, shared with his own self esteem, his own reputation in mind and not the one he was speaking to. A hubris that blinded him to the simple fact of his nature; he was selfish, above all else. Or at least... that's what a paranoid, lonely soul might be driven to think.

"I will grit my teeth and bare your misplaced words," curt, tense, struggling to find the virtue of patience and not to devolve into the same old story of having no one to place faith in. How badly they wanted to have someone else to say they were close to... even if Hazecloud had only meant it as a means of making Snakeblink feel guilty, the truth had been close by.

Friends... please, let us be friends. Just... stop... talking into your own grave.

"Only you can determine what your value to me as a friend is, Snakeblink... I'm not your judge. I don't know you well enough to cast that kind of judgement but you.... you most definitely know yourself plenty." Tail lashing as the need to dispel some rising frustration bubbles at the seams, threatening to spill, the molly turns her head in an effort to stretch it out of the knot it was forming at the base of her skull. "So... show me. Needn't be now but.... we can consider this... a start."

Why are you like this... Friendships are not contracts... Why did I say that?​

 

[Snakeblink]

MAYBE I'D BE A SAINT IF I WEREN'T ————————————​

I will grit my teeth and bare your misplaced words.

Another cat might have walked away then. Out of pride, or hurt, for having been confronted with what others think of him — someone selfish and cruel to be endured, whose words’ only meanings are their worst one. Thankfully Snakeblink is lacking in the former and used to the latter, and he is hungry: he sets his teeth to any hint of friendship like a starving fox to a rabbit.

He inhales deeply, eyes narrowing to poison green slits, and lets out a deep sigh that carries all the tension out of his shoulders. A very deliberate show of relaxation. Bristled fur and pricked egos will get them nowhere today.

”I appreciate it,” he says and then, as plainly as he is able: ”I do wish to be your friend. Or, if nothing else, on friendly terms with you.” Indeed he knows himself, and he doesn’t think this friendship would bring them much, but… Ah, perhaps he is as selfish as some clanmates make him out to be, because he wants it so much despite.

With a slight quirk of his eyebrow, a risk at light-heartedness: ”I doubt we could do anything today but take each other the wrong way, but... What do you say we go hunting together in, say, a few days’ time? I promise to bring only my most carefully-selected words to the patrol.” He, somehow, manages to keep himself from adding that she can show him what this one ear of hers can do then. He’s put his paw in his mouth enough as it is today.​

——————————————————————————————————— so god damn lonely ​

ooc. information.

• 
  
• — Snakeblink • he / him. 45 ☾, riverclan warrior
  — a sleek, skinny tabby with long ears and a scar over his right eye.
  — gay, not actually evil, penned by @Kangoo
  
  
  

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