HUNGER HURTS | ashenpaw


designfluffyneck2_by_jrentropy_dg93zrs-pre.png
ASHENKIT - ASHENPAW : he/him ; afab transmasc – On paper, Ashenpaw is the spitting image of his mother, a dilute torbie with long, silken fur and a face halved between soft blue tabby and amber, with heterochromatic eyes to perfectly mis-match. But, even with all these boxes checked, it will be immediately clear to anyone who knew Halfshade that her small clone's visual similarities to her end there. His appearance, in comparison to the memory of her unique vibrancy, seems dull and muted, grey and beige tabby patched carelessly upon his body and his eyes pale and darting. He lives as a hollowed mirror of her, lacking her mesmerizing confidence or self-assured poise. Ashenpaw prefers to slink along the periphery, tail never held higher than a 180-degree angle from his body, and eyes shifting away from prolonged contact. He is conventionally attractive, by the blessing of his mother's genes, but there is a dreariness in his aura that offsets any potential inherent magnetism, perhaps he'd gotten that from his father.
─ (adult) voiceclaim: L Lawliet (Death Note)

─ 6 moons ; ages every 17th : SMOGMAW xx HALFSHADE ; littermate to SWANPAW, APPLEPAW, and GARLICPAW, older sibling to DREAMKIT, HALFKIT, TANGLEKIT, and BIRDKIT ; apprentice of shadowclan

✦ envious, fatalistic, sullen, sensitive, attention-seeking, defensive, prone to outbursts, people-pleasing, generous, hedonistic, intelligent, clingy, dramatic

─ At the surface, he may come off as something of a shit-stirrer, disagreeing with peers on impulse and playing devil’s-advocate for the sake of riling others up and drawing attention. He’ll poke fun at and provoke cats to draw out a reaction, only to scurry away and insist that “he wasn’t being serious" and to, "relax, you’re being craaazy” when someone comes to get their bite back. When faced with real confrontation, however, he will shrink away and deflect, and he will have trouble legitimately defending himself.
─ Ashenpaw has a rather fatalistic approach to life, often feeling out of control and at the whim of a destiny that has been predetermined. He will come off surprisingly jaded for his age, and almost completely lacks optimism.
─ His moods seem to be at the mercy of the wind, shifting constantly and turning sour at the drop of a hat. Those closest to him will unfortunately face the brunt of his outbursts, especially his siblings and his father, who he is most sensitive to the judgment of. He will spend much of his time appealing to them and trying to cuddle his way into their good graces but snap and self-destruct at any perceived rejection from them, cursing and insulting them only to return the next day as if nothing happened.
─ One may recognize the hollowed-out pit that sits unmoved within himself, it only drives his every action and shadows every thought. Completely taken by a spirit of envy, Ashenpaw is possessed by want. His wants do not manifest in material objects, though, they reside largely in the realm of other cats. He wants others' skills, their appearances, their passions, their friends, to the point he may not stop to consider why it is he wants so badly what he cannot have.
─ Most notably, Ashenpaw covets the affection of others most, longing for an uninhibited and unconditional love he attributes to the passing of his mother.
─ He regards the stars with the same hot-and-cold embrace that he holds everyone else with, flipping between cursing them for their impersonal, twinkling disregard for him and his needs and other times sending crooning prayers and begging for their forgiveness.
─ Ashenpaw wants so badly to be imbued with the grace of his idolized, unreachable mother, to be someone filled with poise and worthy of unquestionable respect, but such a thing is difficult for someone like him—who is a small boat governed by the oceanic tide of ever-shifting emotion. He holds a lot of resentment for himself, his impulsiveness and ill-temperedness lead him to be a pain in the ass to be around, to say the least, which is unfortunate when all he really wants is to be liked.
─ As he grows older and learns to get ahold of himself and his emotions, Ashenpaw will attempt to craft a persona for himself that's worthy of respect, someone cool-tempered and confident, perhaps sarcastic but no longer explosive. Unfortunately, as a cat raised in Shadowclan from birth, he will not have the privilege of making a good first impression, so his carefully constructed mask may be quite easy to read through by that point.

✦ motifs and aesthetics.
─ whispers exchanged over library books, fog rolling in over marsh, a dropped glass that bounces once... twice... before shattering, waterlogged swan feathers, the whistle of a tea kettle, worn photographs of a woman you've never met, stopping to make a wish before blowing out a candle, being alone at the bus stop wondering if you've gotten yourself lost, throwing your diary into the fireplace in a fit of frustration, the gnawing feeling that you've been misunderstood by someone with no way of rectifying it
─ playlist ! & pinterest !

✦ misc.

─ (if allowed) he will have a very tumultuous relationship with smogmaw, seemingly simultaneously longing for his affection and approval while also explicitly resenting him and assuming that he dislikes him for one reason or another. This may be eventually resolved in adulthood !
─ much of his plot and development plans are centered around his turbulent and unhealthy relationships with those around him and thus he's subject to changes through ic development!
─ artistic reference by tropics
─ unfinished !


​
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top Bottom
Back