- Sep 29, 2023
- 111
- 43
- 28
Ashenfall returned from today's hunting patrol empty-pawed, a fact that sat bitter in his stomach alongside the hunger. Truly, what an unfortunate time for a historically never-anything-more-than-just-okay hunter to try his paws back at warriorhood after eight moons or so spent huddled in the nursery.
He missed it. He had half the urge to ask to move back, though he doubted their leader would take too kindly to being asked to give up a pair of capable (in theory) hunting paws, especially coming from him. Though, he knew holing himself up in the darkness of the nursery would do little good in the long run. But really, sneaking glances at the brambled entrance of camp arose the same feeling he had shuffling his paws along Shadowclan's unpassable border.
Was he supposed to just go on with his days? Patrol the border, hunt a frog, patrol the border, hunt a frog, and wait?
He seeks out a familiar side, empty-pawed as he is, plopping down beside his sister with little ceremony. "Promisepaw has my loud mouth, that kid..." he sighs, but there's no bite in his voice, "I'm glad he has you to watch him, though." Ashenfall hums, and he is grateful. Swansong had remained an unconditional sort of support, he was glad Ternstar had the sense to entrust one of his kittens to them.
There's silence for a beat long enough for him to catch his eye on the trampled brown frond of a dead fern. Newleaf summoned the ferns back to growth each year, a cyclical sort of life-and-death. Why didn't that one return?
He can't help it when he murmurs a question, "Has Starclan... shown you...?" Something. Anything. He didn't know why his eyes remained upon this plane only, he figured out by now that it was neither a proximity to loss nor faith in the stars above that led one to any revelations. It was something more like worthiness, a touch from a star itself, or something he shouldn't bother wishing for. He remembered again Mirestar's sad, sympathetic eyes when they told him, there are those who wander out of the sight of Starclan.
And he withers into himself again, tail curling around cold paws, and his whisper crawls beneath the din of camp-chatter, "I can't do it..."
He missed it. He had half the urge to ask to move back, though he doubted their leader would take too kindly to being asked to give up a pair of capable (in theory) hunting paws, especially coming from him. Though, he knew holing himself up in the darkness of the nursery would do little good in the long run. But really, sneaking glances at the brambled entrance of camp arose the same feeling he had shuffling his paws along Shadowclan's unpassable border.
Was he supposed to just go on with his days? Patrol the border, hunt a frog, patrol the border, hunt a frog, and wait?
He seeks out a familiar side, empty-pawed as he is, plopping down beside his sister with little ceremony. "Promisepaw has my loud mouth, that kid..." he sighs, but there's no bite in his voice, "I'm glad he has you to watch him, though." Ashenfall hums, and he is grateful. Swansong had remained an unconditional sort of support, he was glad Ternstar had the sense to entrust one of his kittens to them.
There's silence for a beat long enough for him to catch his eye on the trampled brown frond of a dead fern. Newleaf summoned the ferns back to growth each year, a cyclical sort of life-and-death. Why didn't that one return?
He can't help it when he murmurs a question, "Has Starclan... shown you...?" Something. Anything. He didn't know why his eyes remained upon this plane only, he figured out by now that it was neither a proximity to loss nor faith in the stars above that led one to any revelations. It was something more like worthiness, a touch from a star itself, or something he shouldn't bother wishing for. He remembered again Mirestar's sad, sympathetic eyes when they told him, there are those who wander out of the sight of Starclan.
And he withers into himself again, tail curling around cold paws, and his whisper crawls beneath the din of camp-chatter, "I can't do it..."
- OOC: @Swansong
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ashenkit.ashenpaw. ashenfall
— he/him. 23mo warrior of shadowclan. formerly mentored by smogstar. mated with flintwish.
— smogstar xhalfshade. littermate toapplejaw, swansong & garlicheart. older brother of halfsun & laurelgrin father of promisepaw, tinypaw, mercy, & smokypaw
— a stout, longhaired blue torbie w/ pale blue and amber eyes
— sarcastic, sharp-eyed, sulky, nostalgic, faithful, impulsive, candid, provocative, remorseful
— "speech", thoughts
— penned by eezy
