backwritten i always want you when im finally fine . hollowcreek

[HARBINGERMOON]

☾ Harbingermoon found himself entangled in a peculiar dance of emotions as he strolled alongside Hollowcreek. They had both begun to spend an exceptional amount of time with one another and it never seemed to grow old. He genuinely had begun to find the other charming and their matching penchant for bloodlust soothed him. A change to the usual routine the short tom had with clanmates. Most he kept at arms length and at best a short conversation. Yet, it was as if a magnetic pull had been wedged within their ribs. Pulling and yanking at him to always wish to be at the side of beautiful swirling browns and creams. The air was thick with charismatic amusement, and the warm fragrance of fall wrapped around them both. He marveled at the other tom's robust frame, his coat reminiscent of autumn's decay—a quality that drew Harbingermoon in like a moth to a flame.

He had never grown up in a loving den like most clan cats had been awarded so their friends admiration was a curious subject. No father to speak of and his mother died shortly after Harbingermoon had come into the world. Leaving him and his siblings destitute in those miserable swamps for moons. They had decided to abandoned him in that log and for awhile he fought to stay afloat on their own but he had begun to sink. Thankfully, neighboring rogues had taken pity on his sorry hide. Bathing him in praises and encouraging his need for a distraction anything that could keep the nagging fears at bay. A pound of flesh for him to sink teeth and claws into to burn away at the misery within. Had it not been for his time spent hopping between different clowders Harbingermoon wouldn't be half the cat he was today.

As they bantered about the end of Smokethroat, laughter flowed effortlessly between them. Tonight was one of celebration and they'd agreed to visit somewhere more adventurous. Breaking away from their usual nightly patrol that had grown routine at this point. Of course it had been his own idea to wander into fourtrees. Surely, no cat would question them in the dead of night in a place mingling with endless amounts of scents. Plus, the hardworking Windclanner rarely indulged in free time. Knowing it was the same circumstances for his patrol mate left a incessant fluttering sensation in their gut. Hollowcreek's proximity soon stirred said wings within Harbingermoon, a reoccurring sensation he struggled to comprehend. The inky feline, usually prone to jealousy, found himself intrigued instead, aching to delve deeper into the mystery that surrounded his friend.

With each step, his nerves hummed with anticipation, and a question lingered in his mind: are we just friends? He shook off the intruding idea, trying to focus on the present. At least here beneath the gloom of leaf fall and in the safety of obscurity he could afford to ease up. His tail waved slowly, high, and his gaze fixated ahead. The desire to lean into Hollowcreek's shoulder overwhelmed him, revealing a rare shyness that softened the playful atmosphere. Maybe if I- Just as he went to nudge against his fellow rule-breaker a dead tree split their rhythm. Breaking him from the lulling spell and into a dismayed frown.

Coward. He chided himself, wincing at the self-directed insult. Suppressing the torrent of anxieties, Harbingermoon cleared his throat and uttered a hesitant "Hey." The earlier humor evaporated into a more somber mood as he struggled to find the right words. Paws tingling with volts of nerves as he slowed to a halt. "I never got to thank you for defending me." He continued, sincerity lacing his words. "Not many cats support someone so reactive, but you're... always the exception." His throat constricted as he took a moment to pause. I've nothing of value to give but you're there for me anyway. Head wildly swimming with endless outcomes.

Once they both came to a halt, Harbingermoon aimed to lock eyes with Hollowcreek, searching for answers. "Why is that?" The tuxedo cat's body stiffened with the weight of his implications. Their tail now lowered with silent remorse. Yet, his ears stood tall with hope, a fleeting moment of vulnerability. "I-I mean, you owe me nothing, and yet you're always aware of me. If that makes any sense?" Briefly, his eyes strayed to the side taking note of their surroundings. They had strayed past the usual gathering place and into the thicket of woods surrounding it. Now their path was interrupted by a hollowed out stump.

It's charred remains were enough to trail their nervous gaze back to bright yellow ones. Silence hung in the air, and Harbingermoon, grappling with his emotions, took a seat, waiting with bated breath for his clanmates response, his heart beating in rhythm with the unknown feelings swirling within him. He wouldn't hold his breath forever but despite his usual hang ups there was room for something more. If his kit-like dreams were anything to go by he may as well have prayed for it. ☽

☾ OOC ☽
The stump plot as promised! @hollowcreek

This is backwritten to before the November meeting and just after the Highstones altercation. Harb and Hollow are on a rather romantic stroll through fourtrees. Going against their late night patrol duties to goof off and celebrate Smokestar's 'death'.​

 

[hollowcreek]

( ✧ ) There is a natural pull between the two of them, Hollowcreek could tell. Why he had never noticed Harbingermoon until that moonless night, he would not know, but he was glad they had that moment together. Plucking feathers off of a bird as the brown tabby recited his prose to a curious listener. After that the two of them seemed to always run into each other again. Being displaced from the rogues had him clutching for his allies closer than ever, of course the speckled tom was among those he considered.

In the dragging moons forward while they picked off the last remaining invaders, rolled with the changing tides and gave mercy where it was not deserved he had been pushed further into associating only those he could trust. Sootstar, Rumblerain, Thornrunner- Bluepool. He still wondered where the silver molly leaned to in these times. Leaving things unclear between them.

The night was filled with laughter and rumbling purrs and had slowly rolled into a comfortable silence. Hollowcreek blinked at his companion when he spoke in a more serious tone. His maw curled into a smile just meeting his gaze once again.

An exception. He's been labeled, but he doesn't believe its purpose is bad. But Harbingermoon goes on to confront his intentions, understanding the why behind his actions. Searching for the source of feeling within them. But hadn't it been obvious? Hollowcreek had thought- well, maybe hoped- the other was beginning to feel the same.

"I like having you around." His words are far too casual for how he truly felt. Too vague so he quickly follows up with a fix. "I'm aware because... I look for you. You're very special to me, the time I share with you feels real. There's no pretending, there's no... expectations. No hierarchy to placate. It's just us." He paused for a moment. "I like the sound of us."

His heart must match the others in rhythm as he became aware of how heavy it pattered against his ribs. He didn't imagine this would be how their confession would go but, he didn't really imagine it at all. Plans with feelings were a finicky thing to make.
​

( I SEE YOUR COLLARBONE ; AND WANNA LOSE CONTROL )

 

[HARBINGERMOON]

☾ Harbingermoon felt a peculiar twist in his chest as he listened to Hollowcreek's honey-dipped words. He wanted nothing more than to fall into them with all regard of his hesitation thrown out. The moonless night echoed in his memory, the feathers, the shared moments that seemed to weave them together. A subtle tension had been growing, an unspoken connection that lingered between them. He couldn't deny the way the tabby looked at him or the way his heart stuttered when they mere paw steps apart. A soundless 'oh' formed on their maw as wide eyes followed the beautiful twists of Hollowcreek's pelt. The vitiligo-ridden tom couldn't ignore the unique bond they shared, and yet, the admission of feelings, even the mere acknowledgment of their significance, felt like a weight pressing down on him.

'...the sound of us' felt so bright and warm like the sun and still he shied away from its promises. Squeezing out what little courage they'd mustered in previous comments. He sat there, decayed leaves scattered around them, and a lump formed in his throat. Here they were safe with no outsiders to judge and yet he was still too much of a coward to conceded. Harbingermoon wasn't one to confront his own emotions, especially when they threatened to disrupt the carefully constructed walls he'd built around himself. Now there was a true opportunity to be at peace to share his time with a cat who at least seemed to care. A rarity amongst many many chances they'd faced with other love interests.

He averted his gaze for a moment, as if searching for answers in the shadows. "I like having you around too." He practically whispered, voice carrying a strangled tone that belied the storm within. The admission hung in the air, incomplete and veiled. Taking a breath and steeling away the blooming desires he aimed to crush it before they grew further. "But, you know, we're busy. We fight, we survive, and we build connections in the chaos." His words wove a complex web, a tapestry of excuses and deflections. "Special, yeah, I get that. But, it's... complicated. We can't afford to let emotions cloud our judgment, not now. There's a battle surely brewing out there for our actions, and we need to stay focused." Harbingermoon's gaze briefly met Hollowcreek's, and for a moment, vulnerability flickered in his eyes.

His tone faltered losing it's strength as a pitiful excuse fell from dark lips. "It's not about you; it's about me. I'm not good with these things. I've always been more comfortable with claws than feelings." The tuxedo shifted uncomfortably, tail flicking with unease from the inner turmoil. "I appreciate the honesty and your kindness, Hollowcreek. But let's not complicate things further." It was a rejection wrapped in lies, a shield against emotions he both craved and feared. He regretted his decision the very moment the words left but being as stubborn as Harbingermoon was he'd rather die than give in. ☽​

 

[hollowcreek]

( ✧ ) An uncomfortable swallow felt like cotton sliding down his throat. The hesitance from his speckled friend left him in a spiral of regret over his words. He shouldn't have said anything, came his immediate conclusion. He had ruined what they had, their unspoken feelings were all they needed. All he deserved, for now, and he should have saved this moment for when the rebels had officially fizzled out in the wind.

Hollowcreek had thought it was only right to share his feelings. He had made the mistake before of waiting too long when he still pined for a certain blue molly. Too long that his chances were squandered when their life was overtaken with the focus of preserving their new homes security and power. This time had he not waited enough? Was this all too soon?

His teeth pressed against each other as his jaw clenched back the words he wanted to say. More that he would only come to regret. You wouldn't enjoy it all with me? Knowing at the end of the day we would return to each other? He wanted to say. He wanted to beg for Harbingermoon to reconsider, to simply let them be what their hearts wanted. To not deny themselves of this but he was no beggar, he would not appear desperate for the toms acceptance.

"Then we won't." Hollowcreek's gaze did not leave the other's for a moment, keeping his expression steeled. His heart had closed once more. "I think I'll head back to camp, then. I wouldn't want to complicate anything further with you." He spoke curtly now, as if he were speaking to a stranger and turned away, feeling the heat of rejection burn underneath his pelt. "I'll see you on patrol, then." Hopefully not any time soon.
​

( I SEE YOUR COLLARBONE ; AND WANNA LOSE CONTROL )

 

[HARBINGERMOON]

☾ The pained look in Hollowcreek's eyes was enough to make him want to swallow his traitorous tongue. No wait- Harbingermoon's maw opened and closed like a fish, praying to say something, anything at all, but nothing did. He stepped forward, but the beginning of the end had already transpired. There were no words left to be shared, and Harbingermoon had made a complete ass of himself in a matter of moments. Snapping his jowls shut he gave in to the weakness of senseless acceptance. Just like that, the tense connection between them from all the days of sneaking away, sharing patrols, and finding respite in one another's nests had snapped loose as the bulky tom turned. A part of him had hoped the other would've at least shown anger or cruelty. Now what little they had both joy created was tarnished and the chance of a newer more defined relationship tattered.

Made a fuss, screamed, or blubbered so he could find them disdainful in some way. Putting the fawn-colored tom into a deplorable mental category so he could easily be rid of these suffocating emotions. Making the inevitable end a volatile one not worth his time. That way, their deluded feelings could hate him all the same as the others. Yet, the tom wasn't granted this but instead given a cool and void retort. Each word hit worse than being kicked, and his orange hues grew misty with remorse. Tearing a deeper hole within his breaking heart as he silently watched the tabby vanish into the backdrop. His one chance at something good, and like before, Harbingermoon had blown it without even a second thought. There he sat alone near the stump they'd played at many times, and for a change, his fur did not tingle with anticipation.

No, his body felt weighted to the earth, and rounded ears rang with the slow thrum of his mellowing heartbeat. Saltiness touched his lips, and he refused to acknowledge its origin, having already been well aware of the burning in his eyes. The choice has been made, you fool; now lie in it. Despite his harsh inner-monologue, the tuxedo did not move, for if he did, then he would pray for Starclan to strike him where he stood. To end the misery squirming in his chest and the guilt clawing at his insides. I never deserved you. The thought caused him to lean forward; at least here, he wouldn't be seen falling apart. No cat would see his pathetic warbling as heavy tears trekked dark marks down his masked face.

Please. Come back. ☽​