I AM ALIVE IN EVERYTHING I'VE EVER TOUCHED [✧] Hailstorm

[LITTLE WOLF]

"SPEECH"
It is the kind of day that Little Wolf, among many others, would describe as 'gloomy'. Dark clouds hang low in the sky and the moisture in the air promises rain that never comes. The result is a day that is hot as well as muggy. It is nice to have a break from the sun, but with the air still warm and it being so wet she wonders which she would prefer. She had spent the entire morning hunting and now she was at a loss what to do. She hadn't been assigned to any border patrols and she feels as if she had been hunting since dawn. So she settles down in front of the warriors den, legs tucked underneath her and she looks out at the camp, watching cats come and go, alone with her thoughts.

Her mind wanders to things she does not want to think of. Graystorm, Ragwortpaw, Morningpaw, her father. She thinks of all of them one by one, all the people she had lost, their faces all swirling about in her head taking turns until finally they settle on certain golden fur and blue eyes. Blazestar is not dead like the others, she knows this, but he was lost to her all the same. Never again would she be allowed to press her nose into that soft silky fur, nor would she hear whispered 'I love you's' come from those honeyed jaws. Now they were to only see each other in passing, to look at one another wistfully at gatherings and be cursed with the knowledge that what had been between them would never be again. It was a fate worse than death because there he was in front of her, but unattainable, no better than a stranger.

It all comes rushing to her then, the feeling of emptiness that she had dared not allow herself to feel since the loss of her daughter, her mate, her second home that she had found in SkyClan. She had told herself she needed to be strong, for her kits, and in doing so she had never allowed herself to mourn. Tears spring to her eyes but she is quick to bury her head into her paws so that, to anyone looking in it would simply appear as if she were resting.

// @HAILSTORM.
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[GENTLESTORM]

( ❄ ) Hailstorm had been returning with the rest of his own patrol unable to help but glance up at the skies above and it was indeed quite a miserable day, he felt like he was suffocating and wished he could take off his long coat. "Dreadful weather." The large tom thinks briefly before they arrive at camp, he gives a curt nod in the direction of the rest of his party before looking around camp seeing a few familiar faces here and there but his warm amber gaze focuses on Little Wolf whose settled in front of the warriors den with her head buried in her paws. Hailstorm's head tilts to the side trying to figure out if she's asleep but the rise and fall of her sides is enough to tell him that she is not, he doesn't approach her or at least, not empty handed. His paws carry him to the freshkill pile where he begins to mull over what he should bring over to share with her, Hailstorm hums quietly to himself before mumbling under his breath "I need to figure out what's her favorite prey."

He already knew her favorite season so learning a lot more about her wouldn't hurt, she's his friend and he cares about her a whole lot. He glances over the few birds in the pile shaking his head with a lopsided grin "Too many feathers." Finally, he decides on a squirrel picking the bottlebrush tailed creature in his jaws and his large paws would walk in her direction placing the squirrel near her when he arrived "Bears usually sleep in their dens or that's what I think." It was light teasing to the first time they had spent time together alone during a hunt, he settles down beside her beginning to grow concerned for her "Hey Big Bear... Are you alright? I brought this squirrel over to share... I hope you like squirrel."

Their pelts brush together briefly as he continues "You gotta tell me your favorite prey at some point," His voice more quiet and gentle, both ears perked forward before leaning forward to brush his nose against her head. He didn't need to know now but he wanted to know if she was alright, he needed to hear that warm voice of hers, and see that crinkle her eyes did whenever she smiled at him. Hailstorm feels odd for a heartbeat though pushes this feeling away and tilts his head to the side once more "Do... Do you want to... Talk, Big Bear? ... Little Wolf?" If she didn't then he would understand and would approach her later when she's in a better mood or trying to sleep in camp, he can't tell. ​

( O SOL PEDIU A ; LUA EM CASAMENTO )

 

[LITTLE WOLF]

Her tears are stifled, hot and wet they roll down her cheeks though she does her best to will them not to. She doesn't want to be crying here in the middle of camp - does not want to be crying at all. But once the tears start she is powerless to stop them. What would Moonwhisper think, or Burnstorm or Skypaw or Duskpaw? Would they think she is weak for mourning a cat who they had already cast out of their hearts a long time ago? She knows Duskpaw and Skypaw did not know but Moonwhisper and Burnstorm... She remembers the fiery look in her eyes when Little Wolf had suggested the name Moonblaze, how angry she had been. She had been blind to it for so long, turned away from their hatred because it had hurt her to see it but now she must force herself to look. She herself could never hate her ex, she could not bring herself to do it, but this constant pain in her chest whenever she thought of him, the nights spent curled in her nest with green eyes gazing into the darkness, it was starting to weigh heavy on her heart.

Suddenly, she feels the brush of fur and she hears a voice that is achingly familiar, one that had followed her from the marshes. Hailstorm. He calls her by her opposite name, an inside joke between the two of them but when she does not respond he calls her by her real name, concern evident in his tone. She looks up at him and when she does she knows it will become apparent she had been crying. Her cheeks are stained with them and more threaten to spill from the corners of her eyes. Quickly she lifts a paw and wipes them away. "Squirrel is.. Squirrel is my favorite thank... thank you" she says, her words interrupted by sniffles as she tries to regather her composure.

Did she want to talk? No. She does not want to talk about it at all. What was she even supposed to say? But Hailstorm was a friend, and a good one at that. A shaky sigh leaves her lips "I'm just..." she starts, looking down with glassy eyes at her ebony colored paws. "Have you ever missed someone who isn't dead just... gone?" she asks quietly, hoping he would understand.
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[GENTLESTORM]

( ❄ ) When she finally looks up at him does he realize that she has been crying and he's silent for a long moment unsure of what to say at first but he was no stranger to seeing a friend cry, no, he had witnessed it here and there within the time he has been alive. What he will never know is the pain and mourning that weighs heavily on her shoulders and heart, the one of a mother and an ex-lover having to watch her own children cast out their own father from their lives when she was not quite ready to let go. He wouldn't know, he couldn't understand but damn it he would listen to her and try to provide her the comfort or support that she may need as he believes that she would do that for him in turn. When she speaks, she's sniffling with an obvious sadness that makes his heartache though he chuckles lightly hearing that squirrel was her favorite "I guess I'm a bit of a good guesser, huh?" Its a light joke to try and make things more lighthearted.

He watches her with a gentle gaze as she wipes away her tears and Hailstorm leans forward to touch her cheek gently with his pink nose then pulling back "I'm here for you... When you're ready to talk or if you don't... But maybe it'll make you feel better and less heavy if you get it off your chest," His voice low and gentle as he utters this to Little Wolf reassuring her that she didn't need to tell him anything if she didn't feel comfortable in doing so. The snowy warrior nearly forgetting about the squirrel he had brought over due to being so focused in tending to his dear friend but he uses a large paw to nudge it closer but says nothing both ears perked forward.

Suddenly, she asks him a question and Hailstorm tucks one of his front limbs underneath his large body as he tried thinking of a time that he missed someone who wasn't truly gone. He recalls when Batwing had grown distant with his friends including Hailstorm, he remembers how it hurt and it seemed that things were getting a lot better but the sting was still there but... He is uncertain if that is similar to how Little Wolf felt since it had clearly hurt her. She's crying and the warrior reminisces on how he was less eager to do things but he hadn't cried. His memories a blur in his younger years with his family but he misses them yet they're not gone or so he believes.

He's quiet for a long moment and finally speaks "I have in some points in my life," Hailstorm admits calmly as he glances down to look at her once more and frowns for a heartbeat or two before adding "I don't believe its hurt me as much as its hurting you though." Hailstorm places a gentle paw onto hers in an attempt to comfort her. ​

( O SOL PEDIU A ; LUA EM CASAMENTO )

 

[LITTLE WOLF]

Little Wolf smiles half-heartedly at his attempt to lighten the mood. "It would seem so." she says as she reaches up to wipe her face with the back of her paw, sniffling as she does. When he presses his nose to her cheek, she finds herself freezing slightly. The touch is unexpected but not unwelcome. When the gray tom reaches out with a limb to push the squirrel closer she dips her head gratefully then leans down to take a small bite before passing it back while she listens to him speak.

Hailstorm admits that he has lost like she had and it makes her wonder, but she will not pry. If he wanted to share that information, he would but he does not give it freely, only states that it had not affected him like it was affecting her. "I know I should not let it get to me so bad but..." a shaky sigh escapes her lips "It feels like I lost so much" she says quietly "I loved him you know, I thought we would be together forever." It's a sad feeling when things don't turn out the way you had planned or pictured them in your head. Looking back, she remembers thinking of her mother and her father, thinking how much they had loved each other. Right up until her fathers end. She had wanted something like that, a love so certain that it would live on even in the stars. It is what she had thought she had with Blazestar, but it seemed it was not to be.
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[GENTLESTORM]

( ❄ ) He smiles at her but there's a slight ache in his chest when he sees a half-hearted smile present on her maw not the usual one that he's familiar, the one that causes the sides of her eyes to crinkle but he does not mind it. He'd turn his gaze to the side briefly before focusing on the squirrel that was nudged back towards him and he holds his breath for a heartbeat or two only to lean down to take a bite, they might've been her favorite but he knew that he would probably be picking out small clumps of fur from his jaws later but he doesn't mind it. Spending time and making sure that his friend was alright was priority at the given moment even if it meant he'd likely hack up a squirrel hairball later, the thought amuses him but focuses her attention on her once more as she speaks.

Hailstorm can't help but frown at what she says next and his ears lay flat against his skull got a heartbeat or two only to part his jaws to speak "You're allowed to mourn for someone you lost that's dear to you, Little Wolf. You can't... You can't always hold it in since it'll only end up hurting you more. You're allowed to be sad and sometimes, a good cry or someone to talk to helps... A lot." The gray tom offers her a gentle smile and listens to what she says next about how she believed that she and someone she loved dearly would've been together forever. A part of him wishes that maybe if it had been that way Little Wolf would be happy now but it was harsh reality that a lot of things don't last forever.

His paws shuffle for a moment before he tuck one of his legs underneath his body as he continues to rest near her and Hailstorm takes a deep breath, his eyes glancing up towards the sky and he mulls over a few thoughts in his head only to say in a soft voice "It's a little cheesy and you're free to laugh at me... Even if it didn't last forever like you thought. There's still memories that you can cherish of one another forever in your heart... Even if they're bittersweet," A love like that sometimes felt so unreal much like a fairytale oftentimes but some cats were able to achieve it, Hailstorm didn't think much about it, he found more comfort in having friends than to be padding after someone. But it was true what he said, there would be reminders of Little Wolf's love for the other within the clan, in Thunderclan and Skyclan. ​

( O SOL PEDIU A ; LUA EM CASAMENTO )

 

[LITTLE WOLF]

Hailstorm was, of course, right. She listens to his words and she thinks back to the night she had met Blazestar, the day she had told him she loved him and the day she had told him she was expecting his kits. All the happy memories she would always hold onto. If she could turn back time she wouldn't change a thing, but it didn't make the loss sting any less. It still hurt to look at him when they were at gatherings, to know she could no longer go up to him and press her nose to his thick chest fur, lean into his warm embrace, but looking at Hailstorm, she realizes she has no shortage of cats who care for her in her life. Her family, her friends, she is glad she has all of them.

For a long moment she says nothing but then she looks up and her teary green eyes meet Hailstorms sky blue gaze. She offers him a warm but sad smile and she leans forward to press her nose against his cheek gratefully "Thank you Hailstorm, that does help a lot" she tells him. She had not allowed herself to well and truly mourn for the things she had lost, always telling herself she needed to be strong for her kits. She had cried, sure, but she had not allowed herself real closure. "I know this is a big ask and... feel free to say no but- will you come with me to uhm to get flowers for Morningpaw's grave?" there were other graves she wanted to visit while they were there, of course, her brother and her apprentice among them, but Morningpaw was her daughter, her baby. She was also her hardest goodbye and it had been a while since she had sat by her burial place and talked to the stars above in hopes she was listening.
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[GENTLESTORM]

* ˚ ✦ The moment that their eyes met and she had nosed his cheek gratefully, he offers her a warm smile happy and relieved that his words had helped her a lot. He tilts his head to the side slightly and speaks "No problem, Little Wolf... I'm glad it helped," What he hadn't been expecting was for his friend to ask if he wanted to gather flowers for Morningpaw's grave, he feels as if the breath been knocked right out of him and his gaze still locked with hers. Hailstorm breathes in and nods to Little Wolf "Of course. I'd love to help you get flowers," He slowly rises to his paw unsure if she wanted to go now or later but he would be ready whenever she was, Hailstorm offers her a smile. One of his ears flicking to the side and he thinks about where they could get the best flowers, he recalls seeing a few while he had been on patrol.

"Do you know what kind of flowers she liked best?" He inquires deciding that he could make the topic a little more lighthearted if not just a tad bittersweet, surely, Little Wolf knows... Mothers tend to know their kits the best, he knows that was the case for himself and his own mom. At least, faint memories of her gently cuffing him over the ears when he had done something mousebrained once. "I know a place that we can get some flowers too... The scenery there is rather nice," He adds lightly. ​

[ WE WORE SWEATPANTS TO THE BALL ]​