sensitive topics I don't know myself without you // vigil

[✧ Siltcloud.]

◇​◇ I FOUND A MARTYR - HE TOLD ME THAT I'D NEVER ◇◇​

---

siltcloud & 16 moons & female & she/her & shadowclan warrior ​

---

What is she supposed to do now? As she stands there in camp, black furred figure laid out before her - as though on display, mocking her - she feels... nothing. Only numbness, an all too familiar emptiness. She wants to drown in it, like she did when she was young. She- she doesn't know what she needs. She never knows what to do, not when faced with this - green eyes instead turn, searching for a familiar grey pelt. Granitepelt had always been better at this sort of thing - raging like a wildfire, his emotions on display whenever her's fled. She remembers even now, with a strange sense of fondness, that day when he'd thunked ghostpaw with that rock. It'd been nice - being on the same page, an outlet in someone else's pain.

She's twisted, a broken little thing leeching off of others. She's known it for moons now, but she'd wanted to keep playing pretend. Wanted to settle down, have a nice and quaint little life, playing her part - the dutiful warrior, the good mentor, the perfect mate. There's no point in any of that now - loampelt is dead. She's supposed to say something, she thinks - like how he'll be safe in starclan, or something. But... what's the point? They're cursed, all of them - perhaps her brother is right... shadowclan isn't worth saving anyways, so why not throw it to the wolves? "Rest well," she says finally, looking back to the feline laying before her - a half-hearted attempt. She doesn't mean it, not really - bitterness flooding her system as she simply goes through the motions.

She wishes it was anyone else laying there - anyone else.

— with his educated eyes and his head between my thighs ♙

• Actions && "Speech," && ' Thoughts/Quotes '
  
  ooc: —
  tw/cw: —
  
• 
  — A dust hued cinnamon tabby with white markings and sage green eyes. Her fur is dull and unkept, her figure frail and slight, and she most notably has five toes upon each of her four paw. With the death of loampelt, something within siltcloud seems to have changed - no longer is she as soft-spoken as before, instead easily snapping at her clanmates and throwing herself into training her apprentice.
  
  — physically medium && mentally hard
  — non-violent powerplay allowed && healing powerplay allowed && minor injury powerplay not-allowed
  — please attack using [b][color=#ddadaf]action here[/color][/b] and tag account

 

[Halfsun]

Halfkit likes to think herself quite experienced in death. A morbid thing for someone so young but her mother was dead and so was one of her sisters - or so she has been told. She doesn't actually remember the event but she knows that it happened. Halfshade (that was her mother) and Dreamkit (her sister) were up in the stars or something (so she has been told) and now they watch over her and guide her and all of ShadowClan! Ms. Starlingheart had been nice enough to explain it to her and to answer her questions when she asked but she still is not sure that she gets it entirely. She has accepted that death is a natural thing, at least.

Loampelt is not a cat that she knew very well. In fact she didn't even really know him at all. But Siltcloud looks so sad... Should she be sad? Halfkit is uncertain. "Should I cry too?" she whispers loudly to whoever was closest to her. Her mismatched blue eyes cannot tear themselves away from the body. He looked so peaceful, as if he was merely asleep and nothing else.

Had her mother looked like that?

​

OOC NOTES . ✦ . CHARACTER INFO

• ooc : — ​
• 
  

  

  
  

  ➵ she / her
  ➵ shadowclan kit
  ➵ single
  ➵ sexuality undecided
  ➵ a long legged she cat with long blue tabby, cream tabby, and white fur and mismatched blue eyes
  ➵ toyhouse ✦
  ​

 

[NETTLEPAW ♡]

Nettlepaw didn't really know Loampelt, but he knew his aunt, and he definitely knew he'd never really seen her like this before. She was always watchful, always neutral-looking, but... as she crouched over the body of a tom who had meant so much to her, the Starlingheart to her Granitepelt, there was something a-glimmer in her gaze that Nettlepaw couldn't exactly place. It was pain, he could only assume- but not the sort that could be ebbed away by his mother's healing paws. In fact, Nettlepaw was rather unsure of how you'd ever rid yourself of pain like that.

Losing someone you loved so much- surely it'd be like losing a part of yourself. You wouldn't know what to do. Nettlepaw thought about it only briefly before the idea of it made him too uncomfortable to continue. The idea of loving so much, of hurting so much. Jayfeather eyes flicked to the kitten beside him, his dwelling- thankfully- interrupted.

Blessed with a little bit more tact than her, Nettlepaw's shoulders depressed as he leant closer to her, intending to quietly answer her question. "You shouldn't force it," he told her- and he did mean it as earnestly as possible. "But it's nice to say goodbye." Nice, proper- the right thing to do. ​

penned by pin ♡​