sensitive topics I FEEL BLUE [vigil]

[✧ Snailcurl.]

SHATTERED SURFACE SO IMPERFECT
snailcurl | 34 months | female | she/her | physically medium | mentally medium | attack in bold pink

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He's dead. Her beautiful baby boy is dead. He'd looked so much like his father - even in death, she can see the resemblance. Both of them drowned in red with nothing she can do to stop it. At least she has a body to bury - she'd not been so lucky when she'd lost her mate. She misses their den - wishes she was there beneath the willow tree, wishes she could bury Mothpaw beneath it, alongside his grandparents. But she is in shadowclan - what was supposed to be her sanctuary.

No - it's not shadowclans fault. It's hers. Death follows her like a shadow these days - as if proclaiming loudly that she should've laid down and died. Perhaps she should've - perhaps that was better than brining her children into this accursed hellscape. Tears slip down her cheeks in silence as she stares at the lifeless brown fur before her - cold, so cold. They will bury him soon - alongside Sproutkit. Two of her children - two of her children are dead and gone.

Joined with the stars. She hopes that's true - she has never seen the starclan these cats proclaim to exist, but their legends are not far off from those of her old home. And so she can only sit there, pained and grieving, silently praying. Let my boy be safe up there - happy and safe, alongside his sister. She wishes she was dead too - wishes she could join them. But she still has three living breathing children who need her - and another that might as well be her own.

// takes place after https://tabbytales.net/threads/lord-make-me-a-rainbow-death.5304/
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[Starlingheart]

Death is a natural part of life, Starlingheart knows that. But still, she cannot help but avoid meeting Snailcurl's eyes. There isn't a cat in the whole clan she feels she has failed more than the tortoiseshell queen and though it may not be true, in Starlingheart's mind she blames her. They all do. When they look at her she cannot help but wonder if all they see is a false prophet. Someone meant to save them but who couldn't do a damn thing.

But she is not StarClan, she is just a cat. One who is far from perfect.

On shaky paws she makes her way to the vigil, not even fully certain she is welcome there. Do they think her an omen of death? She would not blame them. Still, she lowers her head and closes her eyes "M-may you find peace in the- in the stars Mothpaw" she says quietly, mostly to herself "May y-you no longer know pa-pain and m-may your belly all-always be full" With her prayer sent to the stars she feels a tiny bit better. Star Clan would hold him safe in their paws. She can just only hope now that he can forgive her for her short comings.


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[heavybranch]

➳ ➳ There is a unique horror to the death of a kit. Heavybranch has seen it plenty of times, kits had a curiosity about them that allowed them to find trouble even under the most careful of eyes, but he doesn't think he'll ever get used to it. Looking at Mothpaw now, Heavybranch finds his mind stuck on the smallness of him. What business did someone that small have training? Mothpaw's a fragile thing — had been a fragile thing. All kits were.

❝I'm so sorry,❞ Heavybranch touches his nose to Snailcurl's cheek, his gruff voice gentle, ❝This one was a playful one. Why don't we find something fun to send with him, hm? A nice feather 'r a mossball?❞

Because for all the ways Heavybranch knows death to come, grief is the one forgotten about. Give Snailcurl something to do other than to sit and think — get her talking, and later if he can, get her to eat something. The long term would be the hardest part, but the first days that follow will be critical. Heavybranch knows better to smile, even if he means it with sympathy, and instead keeps his face soft and neutral.

The look he gives Starlingheart is knowing — he can only hope she can understand the goal without his direct saying, ❝Starlingheart can get him cleaned up while we look, and he'll still be here when you get back. How's that sound?❞

shadowclan elder ✰ brown tabby ✰ flat face ✰ polydactyly ✘​

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[smogstar]

Another day, another vigil.

They're a numbing affair, having to pay homage to a party no longer alive to receive it. Only the gravity of this one bears down heavier than those of Pitchstar or Snowmask. The budding minds of children are too stupid to fathom everyday immoralities. They instead swept up in their games and whimsy, blind to the weight of the world around them, and Smogmaw supposes it makes this occasion all the more appalling. It is unjust for such a young apprentice to have their life robbed of them so abruptly. It is equally unjust that he has to stand here today, lamenting over a tyke who had, for all intents and purposes, gotten themselves killed. Snailcurl had come to this clan with a belly swollen and motives desperate, and the she-cat couldn't even keep her offspring alive for more than a couple of seasons.

His front limbs stand steady, though his hind legs remain beset by his wounds. Nonetheless, he holds a solemn persona while his clanmates give their grievances, and his tail thrashes rearwards when it is his turn to speak. "Mothpaw's entrance into StarClan was undue," the deputy remarks, tone grave and words concise. "He should still be among us, playing moss-ball and training to be a strong warrior. " A frown marks the sentence's conclusion. "We in ShadowClan must ensure this does not happen again. I don't believe any of us were aware he was out of camp, all on his own."

He leaves it at that for the time being. Should Chilledstar speak on Mothpaw's death, be it at this vigil or the ensuing meeting, it is with hope that they give a firm reminder about young ones leaving camp.


// internal monologue is ic opinions :^3​

 

[Ravenwatcher.]

So I walk alone down the darkest roads​

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Death was something so familiar among Shadowclan, she was surprised that anyone still had tears to shed for those whom had fallen, everyone here expressing their sympathy for Snailcurl and her lost child and, Ravenwatcher's eyes softened a bit. Life was too cruel but...Mothpaw walked among the stars and let a soft sigh slip from her maw before looking at Snailcurl gently. "He walks in the stars now." she said calmly, unable to give more sympathy than that of Starlingheart or Heavybranch. Awkwardly she shifted before looking back down at the apprentice.

She did not know the kit at all but she was sure if he had lived...he would have made an amazing warrior. A life lost, shameful, yet something that could of gone in prevention her tail swished a bit before she got onto her paws calmly. "Perhaps I can help you and Heavybranch find a perfect feather for the little guy" Ravenwatcher offered up gently for Snailcurl, still unsure how to help in such a situation since she wasn't one for comfort when it comes to things such as death...something so inevitable. ​

"speak""Thoughts"​