private I love you, but I don't like you ♫ Meadowpaw

[Bugpaw !]

*+:｡.｡ Clovers and baby birds, sunset fluff and a lightning heart, all things that made a beautiful molly beautiful, especially with a smile as radiant as her spirit...all things that once made Bugpaw so very happy...
Lesson three, love isn't always sunshine and roses.

"Hi" For once in Bugpaw's short life, her energy is extinguished. As she approaches Meadowpaw, her body language is stifled. Head hanging low, almost receding into the fluff pulled up from her neck, it's clear that she's reluctant to be here. And Bugpaw is never reluctant to do anything. Or at least, she used to not be.
She doesn't like how much things have changed between her and Meadowpaw. It feels like only yesterday they became plant-tonic - every moment spent together making Bugpaw's heart race as bit by bit, her paw grew steadily closer to wrapping around her pretty girlfriend's....and all that is just...gone now. No, not gone - if it was all lost then Bugpaw's heart wouldn't be hurting so bad; squeezing so tight as though the runner within is hugging the walls of her chest as hard as it can. Perhaps it's trying to reach through the barrier to get to Meadowpaw...and yet, it's more than just bones and fluff that's keeping them apart.

Not talking to Meadowpaw was excruciating. Not being able to look at her was torture. But worse than both, was not being able to comfort her. 'Dow had looked so devastated during the Mutiny and...and while she'd been a total jerk for siding with Skyclaw and still siding with Skyclaw...with Morningcloud's killers...Buggy couldn't just ignore her "mate"'s heartache.

"I'm still mad at you" For the sake of her strained morals, Bugpaw informs her partner of this clear-cut fact. Staring hard at her paws, she continues "and I...I don't wanna forgive you" The lack of finality hopefully makes it clear that there was still room in her heart for 'Dow - as angry as Buggy was, her arms will always be open and waiting for the day Meadowpaw came back - no judgment, no blame, no hard feelings just...come to the right side, please. But she doubts she can get 'Dow to change her mind anytime soon, so Buggy leaves it at that.
Moving on as she looks up at her friend with watery golden eyes. "But...are you okay?" she asks, a wobble in her lip. She knows all too well the agony of seeing your mentor hurt...of not being able to do anything to stop it. Swallowing painfully, Bugpaw studies 'Dow for a moment, before lifting her arms, "can...can I hug you?"

*+:｡.｡ Updated 3/22/24

• 
  
  
• 
  
  
  GENERAL:
  ♫ Bugpaw
  ♫ DFAB— She/Her
  ♫ 6 moons — Ages
  ♫ Daughter to Flamewhisker and Flycatcher
  ♫ Sibling to Falconheart, Stormfeather, Lilykit, Butterflykit, Scorchedpaw, Squirrelpaw, Sunpaw
  ♫ Thunderclan — apprentice
  ♫ Apprenticed to Falconheart
  
  
  
  
  COMBAT:
  ♫Physically easy | mentally easy
  ♫ Attack in bold pink
  injuries: None currently

​

 

[Meadowpaw]

Inside her heart, unseen, a battle rages. Skyclaw was her kin, her family but so was Howlingstar. Two cats she loved in equal measure, one now dead at the others claws. That awful moment plays over and over again behind her eyelids every time she closes her eyes, her grandmother's eyes wide open, her uncle's maw stained in crimson. Kin slayer she heard others call him, her ears flat against her head as if she could block out the words, that ugly truth.

She did not miss the way the other apprentices sneered at her now, how many did not meet her eyes and if they did there was anger and dissapointment laced in their gazes. She had made her choice, drawn a line in the sand, and her friends remembered that choice. Remembered it and hated her for it. It did not matter that she had changed her mind, tried to take it back. It was already too late, the damage already had been done.

She lays in a shady spot in camp, alone, a flower resting between her paws. Blue forget-me-not's, the flower her mother always had woven through her own fur. Meadowpaw cannot bring herself to weave it into hers, not today. A shadow passes over her face but Meadowpaw does not dare look up at Bugpaw, not when she knows what she will find there. "Im still mad at you" she says and though her ear flicks in aknowledgement, she says nothing in return. Bugpaw had every right to be angry with her, to hate her, even if the words she speaks now brings tears to her forest-green eyes.

"But... are you okay?" "No" she breathes before she has a chance to think better of it, her voice cracking. Everyone hates me, my grandmother is dead, dead at the paws of my own family, and I'm scared, Im so scared of what all this means. I want my mom, I wish she was here, to tell me what to do is what she wants to say but instead she just repeats the word "No. I'm not okay" tears flow freely now and she lifts a paw to stubbornly wipe them away, hating that she was crying, hating that she felt so weak, so powerless. When Bugpaw opens her arms, she doesn't even hesitate, doesn't think of how Bugpaw hates her now, how she hates herself. She lets herself be folded into that fluffy calico pelt and she breaks completely, her body shuddering as she sobs quietly.

( ❀༉ ) there's love in the lightning ₊˚༉‧₊˚

• 
  
  
• 
  MEADOWPAW THUNDERCLAN KITTEN ; SHE / HER
  LIGHTSTRIKE X MOONWHISPER SISTER TO SCARLETPAW & MOTTLEDPAW ; MENTORED BY PALEFIRE
  

  A large fluffy red tabby kitten with a white chest, stomach, tail, muzzle and stripe running along her back. Her eyes are a deep, forest, green and in her pelt one can usually find flowers woven

  ✦ easy in battle + no formal training
  

​

 

[Bugpaw !]

*+:｡.｡ Bugpaw holds her close.

Soft fur meets softer still, a warmth that makes her cheeks feverish and her heart skip even as it slams heartily against her ribcage filling her from toes to ear tip. She tangles her paws in Meadowpaw's fur, and pulls her girlfriend - her friend - even closer, squeezing her ever tighter, as if somehow in some way Bugpaw held the strength to suffocate all the bad feelings filling Meadowpaw's heart and head. Meadowpaw chose her side in this civil war - the side that hurt Bugpaw's mom and brother, that fills her other friends' heads with fear and anxiety and Bugpaw is...confused about how she should feel about that. How she should feel about Meadowpaw. She's not not mad at her childhood friend but...no, she could never say she hates Meadowpaw. Although a part of Bugpaw's heart aches with what this means about her loyalties to her mamma and brother, Bugpaw is sure they'd understand. She's sure none of them would feel great seeing Meadowpaw so devastated.

Blinking sympathetic tears already soaking her freckled cheeks, Bugpaw blubbers, " That - it's okay to not be okay - that's what my mamma says" She rubs circles into Meadowpaw's back, recalling the times Flamewhisker comforting Bugpaw through nightmares. What a doozy this nightmare is for Meadowpaw. "We'll figure it out, I promise," she says, steeling her wobbly lip into determined stiffness. Maybe they can put ants in Skyclaw's nest enough times that he leaves? Or ask him nicely to not be so mean? Maybe they can pray to Starclan together and Flycatcher will come down to scold Skyclaw until he goes away? Yeah, there are things they can do!

There's always tomorrow.

But for now, Bugpaw puts all her focus into nuzzling Meadowpaw and holding her so tight that no matter how hard her friend trembles, Bugpaw will ensure she never falls apart.

*+:｡.｡ Updated 3/22/24

• 
  
  
• 
  
  
  GENERAL:
  ♫ Bugpaw
  ♫ DFAB— She/Her
  ♫ 6 moons — Ages
  ♫ Daughter to Flamewhisker and Flycatcher
  ♫ Sibling to Falconheart, Stormfeather, Lilykit, Butterflykit, Scorchedpaw, Squirrelpaw, Sunpaw
  ♫ Thunderclan — apprentice
  ♫ Apprenticed to Falconheart
  
  
  
  
  COMBAT:
  ♫Physically easy | mentally easy
  ♫ Attack in bold pink
  injuries: None currently

​