private I love you so ♔ Littlepaw

[Tawnyclaw]

*+:｡.｡ Claws dug into the soft flesh of their throat and as maggots infested their freely exposed flesh pain invaded. White and furious, offset strangely enough only by the black tendrils that clawed away thought and emotions, memory and instinct, ripping away everything until all that was left of the nameless, clanless, fleshless kitten was the singular thought-

Did I do enough to earn my warrior name?

Orchidpaw woke with a gasp. He had unconsciously fought back the nonexistent enemy so hard that he'd jerked himself into a sitting position. Gasping and wheezing his breath under control, 'Chid was grateful to find as he collected the shreds of his tattered wit that he hadn't woken anyone up. Who knew night terrors could remain muted. Unfortunately, despite coming to terms with the understanding that he was, in fact, alright, the shakiness in his paws didn't subside, nor did the panicky flutter in his gut. In fact, within this enclosed, dark space, it only began to worsen. Something awful lurched suddenly in his gut - that was enough of a nudge to get the tom up on his feet.

Rushing out of the den, he'd pivot to hide behind the walls of the hut, using the privacy to finally free himself of the contents in his stomach. He couldn't afford to lose food, but it wasn't like he had a choice. The boy choked back bile, still shaky but now more irritated than anything. "It's been a while since I had that dream" he muses aloud, just for the sake of being a little less alone in this quiet camp.
Leaning back against the den wall, the boy would sigh heavily.

*+:｡.｡ Updated 1/17/24

• 
  
  
• 
  
  
  
  GENERAL:
  ♔ Orchidpaw
  ♔ DFAB— He/Him — Unsure
  ♔ 9 moons — Ages 1 moon every month 28th
  ♔ Skyclan — Apprentice
  ♔ Son of Orangeblossom and Ashenclaw
  ♔ Brother to Cherrypaw, Eggpaw, Glimmerpaw
  
  
  
  COMBAT:
  ♔Physically medium | mentally medium
  ♔ Attack in bold #bf8924
  injuries: None currently

​

 

[LITTLEMOON]

it's not my fault i have my father's eyes .
︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

Littlepaw wasn’t unfamiliar to nightmares, it was why he rarely allowed himself to rest despite the obvious wear and tear on his mind. He could be training, doing better, improving with no one’s help, but that had gone and went, hadn’t it? He needed a RiverClanner to drag him away during the invasion, jumping headfirst into the fray despite the bone-chilling realization that he could have died in his home, a place that had been something he associated with comfort and safety was now a bitter taste in his mouth. He needed clanmates to rescue him, shielding his catch, and adding more scars to the rumpled fray that became his body.

He refused to seek attention because he didn’t need it, he wasn’t someone that needed to be handled with care, not if he was going to be a warrior someday. He had to get stronger, even if it killed him, even if his stomach clenched in hunger or his muscles quivered during light patrols, or when Dogbite took him out.

It was why he noticed the sudden jerk of Orchidpaw’s form bolting out of the apprentice den. He frowned, glancing around—no one had woken up and if they did, none of them revealed it. Eerie blue hues crinkled, tired, but curious, rising to his paws, Littlepaw slipped out of the apprentice’s den, mangled ears swerving, catching the sound of someone upheaping whatever they’d eaten drew on an additional concern. Are they sick?

The small apprentice slithered behind the den, seeing Orchidpaw leaning against the den wall, made him pause, uncertain. Should he interrupt? Deciding to ignore that thought, Littlepaw slipped into eyesight, staring at the other with a bland face despite the mind-numbing concern, biting the inside of his cheek. “Bad dream?” He voiced, pillow-like, barely whispered against the chilly breeze that fluttered through soft strands, drawing a shiver from the black-and-white apprentice. “Do you want something to wash the taste out?” He shuffled closer, glancing at the stomach contents through his peripheral. There was no judgement, standing tail-length from the other, and offering. He didn’t want to know what the other dreamed of, something bad to cause them to punk, but it wasn’t his place to know. ​

​

thought speech​

 

[Tawnyclaw]

*+:｡.｡ His delicate paw presses gingerly against his rolling stomach, feeling the tide of his breath ebb and flow and waiting for the rhythm to calm him down. This isn't the first time he's been woken by a night terror, so he knows all the tricks to calm down and calm down fast. Before anyone knows it, it'll be as though nothing happ-
A crunch of paws on frosted grass sends Orchidpaw's ears shooting skyward. shit he curses the fates for whatever noise he'd made that woke whoever was about to bother him. Quickly, he rubbed a paw over his face, willed the shakiness to ease, and took one finally, deep breath. When the cat - Littlepaw it turns out - rounds the corner, he'll find Orchidpaw bright-eyed and wholly undisturbed - the stage lights bright upon his features!
"You know, most cats would see someone disappear into the back of a den and typically assume they don't want to be disturbed, but I respect that you don't follow social norms" Orchidpaw would tease, the light in his tone implying he didn't mind. And in all honesty, he didn't - putting on an act was the quickest way to fake it 'till you made it.

"Bad dream?"
"More likely a bad dinner" Orchidpaw replied with a loud, over-dramatic groan, leaning against the den wall like a cat about to collapse. For someone who didn't want to get caught being vulnerable, this might seem a bit counterproductive, but in Orchidpaw's time being...well, himself, he's noticed that cats tend to take him a lot less seriously when he acts like this. A cat who suffered a night terror would be whimpering, shivering in the dark - and it'd be those cats who'd get the 'are you okay's' and 'it's going to be alright' cooings. He was much more comfortable with eye rolls and sighs.
He preferred it when people took the hint and treated him like everything was normal and dandy. It made it easier to pretend it all was.
Because it was.

Littlepaw speaks again, and it's to offer a solution to the minor, but very uncomfortable problem 'Chid nearly forgot about. Its a pleasant surprise that his denmate didn't jump on the petty sympathies train, so sincerity bubbles through when Orchidpaw responds, "That would be very helpful, actually, thanks" A feeling of relief washes over him suddenly while he kicks dirt over his mess, realizing that Littlepaw might make for some pleasant company - and only until that thought crossed his mind did Orchidpaw realize how much he wanted pleasant company.

"Ill have to warn Fireflypaw though that you're out to steal his job" the apprentice chuckles, stepping up beside Littlepaw, intending to follow him wherever his secret stash of bile-repellant is. Swiping a tongue over his lips, he can attest - the taste is awful.
Plus, it's a nice opportunity to get to know the elusive mouse-sized shadow he's practically grown up with yet knows so little about.
"Don't take this the wrong way, but do you upchuck often?" 'Chid asks with a mischievous glitter in his eyes. A funnier way to ask 'how do you know what to offer after someone throws up?'.

*+:｡.｡ Updated 1/17/24

• 
  
  
• 
  
  
  
  GENERAL:
  ♔ Orchidpaw
  ♔ DFAB— He/Him — Unsure
  ♔ 9 moons — Ages 1 moon every month 28th
  ♔ Skyclan — Apprentice
  ♔ Son of Orangeblossom and Ashenclaw
  ♔ Brother to Cherrypaw, Eggpaw, Glimmerpaw
  
  
  
  COMBAT:
  ♔Physically medium | mentally medium
  ♔ Attack in bold #bf8924
  injuries: None currently

​

 

[LITTLEMOON]

it's not my fault i have my father's eyes .
︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

He blinked languidly, helm tilted in contemplation, but otherwise remained silent because really, Littlepaw never followed social norms, dutiful, maybe overly so if his quivering muscles had anything to say about it. Or the fact he was small, terribly so compared to the others, sometimes wondering if he’ll always be this small, but those thoughts were short and sparse, fleeting beneath other haphazard thoughts.

Maybe that was why he never had any proper rest since the rogue attacks, or maybe he was just weak. He doubted Dogbite would let him train, not if the other wasn’t aware of it. Littlepaw could be pretty sneaky when he wanted to, small frame and all, the apprentice was easily looked over. He was content with that. Always there, but never seen. It made things easier. Or maybe that made him just the slightest bit more anti-social; avoiding others was his specialty, and he was pretty good at hiding when he didn’t want to be seen.

His brow rose at the dramatic groan, observing the other with blank hues, indeed, saying nothing in response but a simple nod of his helm, tail twitching behind him. Right. He thought. “Crowfood, then.” He nodded, mangled ear twitching, blue hues narrowing. “Are you still—?” He tacked on, helm tilting. He didn’t think do you still feel like throwing up needed to be said, but he didn’t know the other all too well, or maybe he did, it wasn’t if he was clueless, just … observant. “No.” He responded. “Helping, yes. Not taking.” He muttered, peeling away, only pausing at the blunt statement, brow rising against deadpan features. Did he throw up often? He blinked. Only when he—He hummed. “Sometimes.” He responded, tail flickering. “Water helps with taste.” He muttered, almost embarrassed, ears flat against his helm as he continued his small trek to the small stream near the Elder’s den. “Not far.” He glanced at the other, blinking languidly.

Eerie hues shift to the small stream, paw reaching out to point despite it being right within eyesight. “Do you need anything else?” He inquired. ​

​

thought speech​