i might always try again tomorrow

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    SUNLITPAW ; for their sun-dappled leaf-fall pelt, in honor of their father.
    a timid, frightful apprentice who's wartime hardships have dulled their childlike wonder. they feel like a walking failure to their family, as though they live in the shadow of their powerful family. their paws have lost their tremble and instead gained a quietness, a wish to be unseen. sunlitpaw is a deeply caring individual with a weight they cannot carry and a future they know not how to take hold of.
    — afab genderfluid; they / she & masculine or neutral terms; they use different pronouns during different phases of their life so their biography and posts will not always align in pronouns used. listed pronouns are their current in-roleplay pronouns.
    — apprentice of windclan, to thornrunner foxglare / born in windclan
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    — born 09.08.2023, currently 7 moons / ages every 8th
    — penned by izanami; reach out on discord (nullmoons) for plots
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    LARGE LH CHOCOLATE BROKEN MACKEREL TORBIE WITH LOW WHITE 🍂
    the hawk's wing has reflected in his mottled body, patched and broken cocoa stripes reaching down his body to cradle across warm hues of amber laced throughout. thick bands stretch down his shoulders and flank, tail tipped in a deep brown much the same a hawk's feather is tipped in soil. looking at sunlitpaw from the top while he's squirming at wolfsong's belly, he's a striking image of a hawk's feather given life. his pelt is dappled in embers of fire, orange kisses across his face and hind with a large patch on his left shoulder asymmetrical to his left. his right ear is similarly colored, lacking the dappling across his body to instead stand fire red against the rest of his coat. his fur looks like a leaf-fall forest smattered in sunlight, lending further to his name given to him in honor of one of his fathers. his parent's snowy origins show in sunlitpaw, like a reversed mountain where a snow colors his chest white with its summit sharp atop his nose pointing toward his ears. like snowfall itself, his white markings are a bit messy, flecked with dashes of chocolate and red around the edges of his cheeks and his chest. his eyes are a bright fern green, a promise of spring.

    sunlitpaw is a rather large apprentice, making it hard to tell what of him is his husky frame and what is his overflowing fluff in his youth. as a kitten learning to walk he almost looks like a mudball, a hazelnut dropped from its branch rolling after its family. his legs are stocky in his youth, keeping him close to the ground as he toddles behind in the shadows of his fathers. as sunlitpaw has aged, his legs have lengthened as he grows more into his thick plumage of fur rather than being lost within it. in adulthood his fur is luxurious and long, as he takes care to keep it groomed and maintained, silken as it sways in the winds much as the grasses of the moors. a seamless fusion of his parents homeland and their current homestead. while he will grow into the length of his fur, the fur around his neck continues to grow with him. early in his apprenticehood it's clear that sunlitpaw has inherited a mane from his fathers, framing his face and billowing down his chest. that fur grows with him into warriorhood, where he now stands large and tall in comparison to the lithe and sleek frames of his clanmates.
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    INQUISITIVE. SKITTISH. FRETFUL. DEPENDENT. SHORTSIGHTED. BIASED. COMPROMISING. ANXIOUS. OVERWHELMED. GENTLE. QUIET. OVERTHINKER. SELF-DEPRECATING. SINCERE.
    sunlitpaw has grand ambitions hidden behind his soft demeanor. he wants to be a paladin, a storybook hero and someone the kits behind him will tell stories of. he finds fantasy incredibly alluring and will soak up any and all stories with a fervor, thirstier for the fantastical than he is water on a hot day. his dreams are likely to stay dreams however, as despite the blessing of the valiant hawk (and perhaps in spite of his name, should be be named fiercely) sunlitkit is a bit of a coward. he is a follower, not a leader. loud noises make the kit jump, raised voices will make him creep away. he relies deeply on the sunlitpaw of his family to lead his own paws forward and will most commonly be seen trailing behind one of his fathers or a more boisterous, charismatic sibling. his eyes are wide with curiosity at almost all times, and he can be easily distracted by a skittering leaf or a particularly shaped cloud rather than having the attention span for full conversations at a young age. sunlitpaw has a propensity for wandering off because of such, and while he's too fearful to break the rules on his own accord he can do so accidentally by failing to pay attention to his surroundings or what is being told to him at times. he requires a level of active guidance in his youth to keep him from putting himself in a spot that might hurt him.

    although sunlitkit is slow to lead himself into a situation, he's not a particularly quiet kit. in fact, having sunlitkit around, you're going to hear "why?" more times than you'd care to count. he loves picking the world apart to the best of his ability, to the best of the ability of those around him. when asked why he has to stay inside at night, even though he has no intentions of going out alone, he will ask "why can't i?". when told to watch for hawks because they can snatch kits, you guessed it, "why do they do that?". his views and opinions are heavily influenced both by the answers he's given, and the manner in which he's given them. sunlitkit will react negatively to harsh tones or impatience, and associate such topics he had questioned over with negative feelings. depending on the clanmates sunlitkit mingles this might lead to some particularly odd aversions and negative feelings. like any other kitten, sunlitkit is prone to bursts of stubbornness, as well as lacking any foresight that might point to something being a bad idea early enough for him to stop himself. this can lead to him snappishly defending his actions, especially as a kit and into apprenticehood. it's the most temper one might see out of the well mannered boy.

    despite windclan's political turmoil, sunlitkit grows in an abundance of kindness in the light of his family. he is a friendly and smiley figure around the clan, especially as he ages and his social anxiety is weaned from his youth. he is a second chancer, a benefit of the doubt cat. he turns much more confident in his warriorhood, especially as he finds himself more situated with his own identity and truly steps into who he feels he is with the support of his friends and family.
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    SINGLE ; UNKNOWN SEXUALITY ; INTERESTED IN NO ONE...?
    although incredibly shy, sunlitpaw is quick to trust and form connections with. they try very hard to always see the best in someone unless they're afraid of them. they will likely consider someone a friend well before it's a reciprocated feeling, and are slow to forgive transgressions unless a forward apology is offered. they will not forgive, nor forget, on their own volition.
    SOUNDS LIKE: small metal windchimes in a gentle breeze, a quiet rasping whisper
    SMELLS LIKE: moss and catmint, the inside of wolfsong's den
    speech is #9b7143

    SUNSTRIDE xx WOLFSONG sibling to singedpaw, bearpaw, rivepaw, and featherpaw
    CONSIDERS FRIENDS: cottonpaw, admires her kindness and the time she spends with them ; scorchpaw, admires her chivalry and patience toward them ; icebreath, admires their soft-spoken nature and listening skills
    WANTS TO BEFRIEND: downypaw, finds their quietness interesting and their fur pretty ; heathpaw, intrigued by her inability to hear and wants to befriend her ; rumblepaw, wants to befriend scorchpaw's littermate and learn more about badgermoon
    NOTABLY DISLIKES: snakehiss, for being bossy and rude ; sootstar, for being scary and uncaring ; pinkpaw, for being very loud and mean to featherpaw ; finchpaw, for defending pinkpaw and insulting featherpaw

    THOUGHTS ON THEIR FAMILY: they love them deeply and will always stand by their side, right or wrong. they have a far deeper loyalty to their kin than their clan.
    singedpaw and bearpaw they speaks little to, and while they adore them as their littermates, they do not actively seek them out as much as others.
    rivepaw is their loudmouthed and courageous sister, living up to her name in stride. they will usually step up and defend their sister when she gets ahead of herself as long as she can scrounge up the courage, and will often seek protection and shelter from rivepaw when their nerves get the best of them.
    featherpaw is their closest sibling and best friend, their sour-faced confidant who always has time for their worries and passions alike. they will always stand to defend featherpaw, even if featherpaw is in the wrong, and gathers bravery by lingering alongside the quiet and contemplative youngest sibling.
    sunstride is the parent they looks up to the most, admires his loyalty and bravery and seeks his attention and time. they worry deeply about their fear being a disappointment to him, but will always look to him to solve their problems if they're incapable or need help.
    wolfsong is the parent they spend the most time with, shadowing him around camp when he's available and keeping his patients company while he's away. they trust wolfsong with their inner turmoil and fears and find deep comfort in his company.
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    PLAY FIGHTING: poor. they are afraid of hurting their playmates and refuse to fight back at times.
    POUNCING: average.
    a habitual tail and paw pouncer who almost always gets away with it.
    MOSS BALL: proficient. good luck getting the ball back. they'll only hand it over if tears start flowing.
    WEAVING: adequate. they have little experience but lots of patience to figure out and fix mistakes.
    KITCLAN: woeful.
    far too afraid of disapproval to participate meaningfully.
    LISTENING: excellent. they always follow the rules. they have a knack for understanding emotions in words.


    ○○○○○○○○○○ HUNTING: untrained. sunlitpaw has yet to be taught hunting.
    ○○○○○○○○○○ TRACKING: untrained. sunlitpaw has yet to be taught tracking.
    ○○○○○○○○○○ COMBAT: untrained. sunlitpaw has yet to be taught combat.

    ○○○○○○○○○○ RUNNING: untrained. sunlitpaw has yet to be taught moor-racing.
    ○○○○○○○○○○ CLIMBING: untrained. sunlitpaw has yet to be taught climbing.
    ○○○○○○○○○○ TUNNELING: untrained. sunlitpaw will not be taught tunneling.
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    IMPORTANT THREADS / ( ☆ ) Interaction ( ★ ) Development

    09.08.2023 — present ; their time as sunlitkit
    ★ 09.08.2023 THREADS OF LIFE
    ⤷ birthing thread, born middle of their litter
    ☆ 09.10.2023 TURN TO PAGE 174
    ⤷ sunlitkit is taught by cottonpaw how to weave grass [weaving skill obtained!]
    ☆ 09.14.2023 RESTLESS, TRYING BY BEST
    ⤷ sunlitkit learns consequences after attacking snakehiss' tail [pouncing skill obtained!]
    ☆ 09.14.2023 THE GARDEN
    ⤷ sunlitkit begin growing comfortable around scorchpaw
    ☆ 09.17.2023 FALLING LEAVES AND SIMPLE THINGS
    ⤷ learning that not everyone likes stays in wolfsong's den - will she have to move out when she's an apprentice, too?
    ☆ 10.01.2023 BITE MY TONGUE
    ⤷ watching her clanmates bully an elder, sunlitkit worries if they'll be treated the same if they're seen as weak or uncooperative. [anxiety worsened]
    ★ 10.01.2023 BED OF ROSES
    ⤷ sunlitkit watches a clanmate die in front of her and begins to struggle with a severe fear of death. [anxiety worsened]
    ☆ 10.03.2023 UNBRIDLED CATACLYSM
    ⤷ catching pink-kit harassing featherkit, sunlitkit (tries to) stands up to to someone for the first time [bravery increased]
    ★ 10.03.2023 WILL WE EVER FIND OUR NEVERLAND
    ⤷ questioning their gender identity with featherkit

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    1. try again tomorrow - liana flores
    cardboard houses swaying from that sunlit seas / the creatures creep in thirsty for their fill to hold me underwater 'till I'm still / i could always try again tomorrow / cement inside my ribcage, hardening to stone / tired as the pavements underfoot / heart's still beating black and blue

    3. let you down - dawid podsiadło
    tell me where you'd rather be / i can hardly see the moon, hope we'll get there pretty soon / trying so hard to release you out of the misery / hold on to your wishes if you can't hold on to me / forgive me for letting you down / i guess I'm not strong enough right now / trying so hard to be free, to make you see what i see / oh my love, let you down

    5. agoraphobia - autoheart
    If you gave me all the money / i would buy such ordinary things like tv magazines and coffee beans / i have such simple needs / and it’s not agoraphobia / it’s just a lack of air supply that keeps me up at night / i know im getting older / but I’m told that I’m not momentarily out of my mind / i don’t really want to go anywhere

    2. the prince - madeon
    im gonna be the story we believed in silence / til I profess my youth to nothing / im running from the floor / "i beg of you", im trying to / she tells me that the world is up to you / 'cause i fall when i feel / but if all that you give me is enough to fight it / wish i was younger with hunger to be somebody / and now that love has come, im gonna keep going on

    4. neverland - crywolf
    will we ever find our neverland? / will we ever be at peace again? / stand up, child, and turn toward the lightning and thunder / so i can see what i've known for all these years / you're cold, but i know it's not your fault / the storm is coming now / can we survive, somehow? / will we ever find...

    6. shadow of the moon - strawberry girls
    make river sounds / i need you now, i want to live my fire dreams / i couldn't hurt you if i tried and tried and tried / shadow of the moon, i see you in me / i feel like im burning when i am with you / im still alive, so leave the light on for me / lay me down safe and sound in your arms


 
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