I PROMISE I'M TRYING // intro

[PERCHPAW]

How...how was he suppose to do this?. Everyone else made it look so easy but here he was struggling, messing up. The usual. Perchpaw stared down at the water with anxious eyes as he tried to find a new fish that hopefully would swim by so he could try...again. It was a early morning and Perchpaw had wander out on the frozen river close to camp until he had spot one of this water holes and from there had been practicing all while his clanmates were back in camp sleeping still. He was already six months old and had yet not captured any fish. By now he should have, many in his own age already had captured one or two. Yet here he was failing over and over again putting shame to his mentor and fathers name. Jawstrike was highly displeased with him, not wanting a daughter who was a drypaw. No matter how much he tried though he was never able to live up to his fathers expectations, and knowing his father was watching his every move was making him feel very anxious.

Perchpaw grimaced, staring into the hole until he spotted movements down there and something shiny. A fish!. Anxiety gript him tightly at his chest, afraid to mess up again. Even so he tried to focus, to follow the fish movements down there and he crounched himself down closer, watching and waiting until the fish were swimming out right in the open to where the hole was. Long spiky ears would flatten themselves back, and the young apprentice swiped out his paw towards the water trying to catch the fish in his paws so he could fly it out of the water. A miracle might have happened in that moment because right in front of his eyes as water came splashing out from the water captured the sight of shiny scales, and a fin belonging to a fish. Perchpaw looked shooked as he had done the impossible!. Stunned he could do nothing but stare after the fish as it hit the cold surface of the ice he was standing on. Had he just?.

Panic were quick to flash through his blue gaze when he realised the fish still was moving as it tried to get itself back inside the water!. Perchpaw hurried himself forward trying to reach the fish before it could.... it was already too late. Perchpaw had reacted too slowly, too late and the fish had managed to find its way back into the hole, and quick was it to disappear into the water once more. All he could do was stare into water watching as this fin disappeared into the dark once more. Tears appeared inside of his eyes but he was quick to dry them away with one of his paws. Perchpaw would never become a good fisher, a good riverclanner. He would never become the warrior his father wanted him to be. He would never become the daughter his father had asked for.

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[Peachpaw.]

Peachpaw too, was less than enthused about water. She could fish, and she would wade in the shallow parts of the river, but she still couldn't swim. You'd never get her in there, absolutely not. She wasn't about to risk drowning like her mother had. It was an event she didn't clearly remember, but the thought of the river made her stomach twist and her paws shaky.

And now, as she went tentatively stepped out onto the ice, a flood of relief washed over her as she realized it was strong enough to hold her weight. Movement flickered further down the stream, and she paused to watch Perchpaw almost catch his fish. The creature flopped back into the hole, and the tom's shoulder's seemed to sag with defeat.

"You almost had it," she reassured softly, padding over to sit beside him. "You can catch another one!"

 

[PERCHPAW]

Just when he had thought this morning couldn't get any worse..someone had seen how he had embarrassed himself. Perchpaw would vinsible tense up, looking uncomfortable as he brought the tail closer to his body and he contunied to stare into the water refusing to meet the other apprentice gaze. You almost had it she said...but that wasn't really enough to comfort him. Close was not good enough. Perchpaw would only offer a sad half-smile not good with receving praise especially when he thought it was undeserved. " But i didn't...." he was as negative he possible could be, not really good at being positive or optimistic. He always had self-doubt, fearing the worst to happen.

In truth he just wanted to return back home, to curl himself up inside his nest and hide his face away from the world. Pathetic he know. But that was just Perchpaw...being pathetic lil him. Peachpaw had seated herself down beside him, and she was trying to encourage him to cheer him up but...all of this positivity just made him feel worse. However, he did not wish to make Peachpaw sad, to throw his insecurities at her. He didn't have any friends and the last he wanted was to get hated too. So he would nod his head, smile growing more forced. " Y-yeah, maybe i will next time..." he didn't sounded so confident about it, but he was trying...but like already mentioned positivty wasn't his strongest trait.


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[Loachripple]

Gobysun was a good fisher, but not without consequences. See, he was different. He went for the big fish. He was the one who jumped into the river after his target, damaged it's gills, and waited for it to die before slipping back in to retrieve it.

Was it dangerous? Yes. Did he care? No.

While he may be built different, he still understood that learning to fish required patience. So he padded over to Perchpaw.

"It got away, but you still caught it!" He said confidently. "Fishing takes time to master, so don't feel bad. Plus, fish are slippery little bastards. They flop around like it's nobody's business."

He had been smacked in the face plenty of times by a fish he caught. Probably been hit more by fish than cats.
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[spiritpaw]

"It's better than what I could do! You should teach me to do that." Spirit appears out of nowhere, eyes wide as she hesitantly approaches the gathered group. Two apprentices and only one warrior, it made her feel... a bit better about herself. She doesn't know any of the names so she shuffles over to the water Perch had been fishing in, looking over the edge to see if she could find the fish he had lost.

"Thats super cool that you can do that... I'm Spiritpaw, by the way." she blinks warmly at the trio, listening to Gobysuns words of wisdom before nodding and sending Perch a large smile. "I bet you'll be the clans best fisher."​

"speech"​

 

[sturgeonpaw.]

I CAN'T DO THIS YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND​

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"Not if I become the clan's best fisher first," A haughty voice came from the icy reeds, the gray tabby form of Sturgeonpaw slipping out, seemingly summoned by the word "best" like it were his name, a bit of a smile edging at his lips as he looked down his long nose at the little group. His eyes flicked from face to face, only Gobysun's presence making his long ears dip slightly in hesitation but still he inhaled, readying his words as his eyes came back to Perchpaw and his empty claws. The fact everyone was sitting here telling him it was okay to have messed up and not caught that prey made Sturgeonpaw's pelt prickle with jealousy, green eyes narrowing. If he had messed up catching something or doing anything, his parents would have given him The Look, no words of comfort would have flowed from their tongues or pelts brushing his idly, no. Instead he'd have felt their disappointment and embarrassment. If you can't even hunt in what you're comfortable, what good are you then?

"If you can't even catch the fish while the ice is frozen and they're at their slowest, how do you expect to do it when the river is back to it's full power, huh?" He sneered, his thick tail lashing behind him and rattling the fish bones he'd shoved in there, "A word of advice, actually kill the thing, don't just stand there mouth agape and mimic it. Playing with the prey isn't gonna feed any of us, y'know?" Despite the words themselves, he spoke them like a joke, chuckling to himself as he tilted his head, feigning pity at Perchpaw.
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[PERCHPAW]

One cat had been enough. Two eyes staring him down had been terrifying enough. But now two had become four, and two eyes had become eight. How was he gonna survive?. Perchpaw wanted to cry but he knew that would solve nothing so he tried to hold them back, to not let it be shown. Stars forbid he embarassed himself anymore than he already had. Loachripple was quick to praise and compliment, trying to cheer his spirit up. They where so bright. Too bright. Perchpaw would shy himself away from their intense look secretly wishing he could be more like that. Confident and optimistic. " Mhm, okay, i...will re-remember that..thanks.." he mumbled so quietly like a mouse they might not even have heared him.

And then there was Spiritpaw a new face to the clan if...he remembered correctly. Her request of wanting him to teach her...oh stars. He couldn't possibly do that!. It was enough that he had made a fool out of himself. He didn't...want to make her feel just as humiliated like he did right now. Perchpaw cast a quick glance at her direction before quickly looking away again, and he wished he was in the snow right now and not on the ice so he could have buried his head underneath. " Me teaching?, no...no, i..couldn't possible..." he mumbled to himself again, just the idea itself gave him anxiety.

Cool...him?. No way...She most be lying or just the cold had got to her head. There was nothing cool about him. Even that fish who had escaped was cooler than he was. Perchpaw felt his cheeks heat up slightly anyway, and he brought a paw up to hide his face behind it. He peeked through his paw to catch that big wide smile and it shone so brightly it made his eyes hurt. Oh, what he wished he could fade away from existence right now. Their positivity being too much for what his lil heart could take. " W-what?, no..." Him the best fisher in the clan?. Oh he didnt even dare to dream as big as that. Dreams should be realistic. He was realistic and the truth was he was lucky if he ever became a decent fisher. If he could get his father to smile at him even once that...that would be good enough.

Lastly, Sturgeonpaw who come out from some of the reeds, his presense shared with words like there was a challenge, a competition between the two. Perchpaw paniced, misunderstanding of course as his eyes went wide. " No!, y-you can become the best if you like!. I...uhm, do-dont mind!. I don't want it..." The fear of having got himself his first rival was terrifying him. That sort of attention, it was far beyond what he could take!. In the shadows. He just wanted to stay in the shadows, unoticed.

And then came the words, cutting and hurtful. It shot him right into his chest. Uff. Perchpaw already had a poor self-esteem this for sure only made it worse. Perchpaw ears flatten, and he stared down with a dark shadow over his eyes. Defeated. Everything Sturgeonpaw had said was things he already know, things his own negative voices keept on reminding him about. But it was different to hear them in his head and for others to say it straight to his face. Perchpaw sniffled, and he would just nod his head to their words like he agreed with them.


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