He had been assigned the task to feed the kits and queens in the nursery today. That was why he was on his way over there with a squirrel hanging from his mouth. There was barely anything left in the freshkill pile these days. To think how quick the prey had vanished when the snow had arrived. Shallowpaw had been warned but now when he was experiencing it on his own it was still different to how he had pictured it. Somedays his paws were so cold he barely even could walk his way back to the den. To think this was just the start of it all.
The apprentice reached the nursery to enter inside and for a moment he just watched who was inside of there. It was by then his eyes fell on one of the kits that Sunnyday had brought in here together with Roepaw. He had no idea what this kit name was. Shallowpaw had never spoken to anyone of them until now. Without hesitation in his steps, the blue lynx padded himself over to the kit and placed the squirrel down at thier paws. " I brought food." Was the only thing he would say, his violet-blue gaze observing the kit but without any judgement. They were just like him after all. A lost soul Sunnyday had picked up to bring back here for a better future.
A shiver ran through a tiny body as the chill from the den entrance drafted through the den- they should really fix that. Though then they realized it was because a cat had entered the den and they curled tighter around themselves. Maybe if they pretended to be asleep tha cat would just go away or something. Prowlingkit and their siblings had been brought to the clan no more than a moon ago and they absolutely loathed it. The missing piece in his chest was hollow and cold, a place his mother once stayed, but now she was gone. Off somewhere in the territory, leaving their lives in the hands of idiots who never seemed to want anything to do with them anyway.
Then the cat spoke, they brought food? Prowlingkit could feel their stomach growl in anticipation, food was hard to come by now. Ever since that white stuff, snow, fell from the sky it was like the forest fell asleep. Not a single thing stirred and even Thunderclan felt the effects of the snow on their bones. A little black head popped up from being curled up in the nest and these neon yellow hues stared up at this lynx cat. Prowlingkit recongized him, one of the apprentices, though the name escaped them. They didn't really put any effort into remembering these cats names. Mother would come for them at some point.
"Thanks... I guess," The little black kitten spoke rather ungratefully and turned up their little black nose. The Prowlingkit sat up and pulled the squirrel close to them for a moment then looked to the blue cat, "You're one of the apprentices aren't you? Aren't you guys suppose to be battle training or something?" Clearly they didn't know anything about being apprentice, and the whole ranking system seemed so stupid.
Shallowpaw would just continue on to stare at them in a way that most cats would found to be creepy. He had this eyes after all that could make a cat crawl back into thier own skin. Of course he wasn't doing it on purpose or was aware of the looks he could give. To him, he always looked like this. What he come to notice when staring this kit down though was that they were freezing. It was cold these days so he couldn't blame them. Maybe later when he was out on his next patrol he would try to found some moss for them, and if not he could always give this kit a piece of his own moss in his nest.
This kit did not act much grateful to the squirrel he had brought them though, something he took note of but didn't point out. In the end he didn't really care. He had just done what he had been orded to do, and the kit was eating. A success in his eyes. So he let it slide. Unexpectantly, this kit started to ask unecessery questions about his apprenticeship pointing stuff out that he was not exactly sure if he should take it as an insult or not. For the first time since he had started to stare at them, the apprentice blinked his eyes. All this time he had left them unblinking. " We do that too." It might not be much of a response but Shallow was not much of a talkactive cat to begin with.
" It's important to know how to take care of your clanmates too." he would add after a long moment of silence, he for sure had waited so long to add anything more to this conversation that it just sounded weird that he suddenly started speaking again. And then finally, he decided to trace himself back to the thoughts he had been having before thinking it was importand. " Are you cold?."
This cat was weird, standing there unblinking and just watching them eat their food. Was all the apprentices this weird? Why did he need to watch them eat? Prowlingkit gave a small ear twitch and looked up at Shallowpaw from the spot they were laying. Shallowpaw had these weird eyes that stared into their pelt and it made their fur bristle slightly before the young cat started to speak, saying something about doing that as well, "I meant it like, shouldn't you be doing that instead of standing there staring at me?" They questioned back with a twitch of an ear .
Then gave a small huff, "I am fine!" Stubborn as always and never one to admit when something was wrong. Prowlingkit was indeed cold, colder than they ever have been, and they missed their siblings. Missed their mother and her warm fur, but there was nothing they could do about it, "Don't worry about me, you have better thing to do than worry about some kit," Prowlingkit went on with a small glare at the wall behind Shallowpaw, and then twitched their black tail a bit. Though part of them wanted the apprentice to stay, for someone to stay by their side for once, he had to have something better to do.
" Oh." Was all he responded to the misunderstanding of communication between the two. Shallowpaw took words for what they were, he was not good with hidden clues or social norms to search for to better understand what a cat meant to say. He took words literally and didn't go too deep into it. If he did he would probably end up getting an headache. Shallowpaw was always frank with his own picked out words which was why he always carefully thought them out before speaking first. He just expected cats to be doing the same. How was he suppose to know what they meant if they not were frank about it. He didn't look special fazed by this though. Used with miscommunications at this point.
He gave them a shrug. " I have to make sure you finish your food. " He had been told to make sure the kits eat properly especially the new ones Sunnyday had brought in. He was gonna stay until Prowlingkit had finished his meal. Food shouldn't be wasted. If anyone knew how importand food was it for certain was Shallowpaw who had been starving for the majority of his kithood.
Shallowpaw was not convinced, even with the kit trying to convince him otherwise. If there was anything he had learned when associating himself with other cats it was that when a cat said 'i'm fine' it meant the opposite. He too could sin by using these words when he didn't want others to pry. He was left unresponsive, just blinking his eyes at them when they tried to throw a tantrum at him. Shallowpaw really wasn't the most easiest cat to provoke.
He could tell something was wrong though. This kit always seemed to be inside sulking in a corner. Shallowpaw's ears would perk up slightly when this kit muttered something about him not to worry about them, that he had better things to do. " Probably." he could do nothing but agree.There was a whole clan out there who was hungry, and he wanted to return back out there as well to contunie his training, yet he didn't walk away. Instead he sat himself down clearly showing he had no intentions to leave anytime soon.
" You don't seem to like being here." It was rare of him to open up a conversation for another cat to speak thier concerns to him. Shallowpwas was not a fan of getting involved with private matters but he wanted to know why this kit disliked it so much here. Hadn't Sunnyday saved him from a bad situation?. Wasn't his life better now?. Prowlingkit should feel grateful that Sunnyday had brought him here to provide a better life for them. So he wanted to understand why this kit acted like he was here against his own will.
Oh great, so he wasn't going to be leaving any time soon then They thought bitterly as Shallowpaw stated he had to make sure they finished all of their food. That and he also sat down right after that to make an indication they were intended on staying regardless of how much Prowlingkit threw at them. Fine The thought trotted across their mind and the black kitten seemed to relax a little bit under the others' eyes. It wasn't often than someone just wouldn't take their slack.
So far the poor attitude kept others away from them, let them be on their own even though they hated it. Hated not being with their family, of loosing their mother, but Shallowpaw wouldn't know that. Did any of them know Salamnder? The cat who cared for them for months, coddled them when a nightmare plagued their dreams, who defended them against anything? Would Shallowpaw know if she was alive still?
The yellow eyed cat paused in their munching away at the food to look up to Shallowpaw when it was more stated than questioned about not liking it here. The tiny black kitten gave a small huff, "I don't hate it. I just..wish my mom was here too," They muttered a bit sourly and glared down at the pieces of food angrily.
His mom?. Shallowpaw wandered into his own silence as he thought this over carefully. There was a part of him who could understand what Prowlingkit was saying. He too wished his own mother could be here sometimes even though she had not been as loving as Prowlingkit's mom had been. She had never wanted him thinking he was an abomination for being born with only three legs. Even so, Shallowpaw did not hate his own mother despite being aware that she did not love him. One day he hoped he could meet her again just so she could see how far he had come. That even a cat like him with three legs could live a perfectly normal and function life.
" Maybe she will one day." There was no promise because he couldn't tell for sure and he was not gonna comfort this kit with a lie. He had no real clue over what had happend or why she couldn't be here right now but she had trusted her kits to Sunnyday. If there was any cat he trusted completely it was them. " One day i want my mom to see how far i have come." He shared something about himself without going into any details. Maybe Prowlingkit knew he wasn't born here and brought in here by Sunnyday just like him or he didn't. Shallowpaw was not one who thought much about details or share more than he necessery needed.
" Why not try that too?." he questioned. It was better than sitting here sulking all day. What good would that do. Nothing. It was better to accept what had happend and move on to find something to keep on going then give up and let his mothers words become true. That he was incapable to do anything, to be anything.
Luminescent yellow hues looked up at the apprentice as he offered a piece of himself to Prowlingkit; he also had hopes in seeing his mother too. They didn't know much about Shallowpaws' family, but they did know that Sunnday was his parent too. The little black kitten didn't know how to feel about Sunnyday. The tom had helped them out with coming to Thunderclan and promised to take care of them, seemed to know their mother very well like Roepaw did. Was Sunnyday actually Shallowpaws dad? Would that make Shallowpaw his half brother? No..step brother? Prowlingkit felt a migraine settle into their temple at the rush of thoughts. Better stop thinking about that they thought to themselves with a slight shift in their nest.
"I'd like to see her again one day, I really would, but I also want her here for when I need her," The rather angry kitten seemed to deflate a little bit, their hardened anger softening just slightly. To put in perspectic that Prowlingkit was just a sad little kitten who missed his mom instead of this angry soul they put themselves out to be. There was a pause in their words before they looked back to Shallowpaw, "What did your mom leave? Was it cause she didn't like Thunderclan either? Did she fight in the Great Battle?" The curiousity in the kitten was intense and a little naive.
Prowlingkit didn't know that Shallowpaw had three legs, or if that was even abnormal, cause to him the apprentice lost it in some great fight or something. Lost it like a true warrior; protect the clan at the cost of your life and all that.
" You have your siblings and Sunnyday. You're not alone."He tried to remind them. Why need someone who wasn't here when he could seek the same comfort from cats who was still here?. That was what made the two of them different. Shallowpaw did not actually have anybody like that to relay on when he needed someone. Never had. That was why he was always by himself never making an attempt to get close to anybody. He was simply used to be on his own and to him it just seemed easier. Not everyone was like him though. Prowlingkit seemed to be this sort of cat who needed to connect with others to feel at home. If so he should just seek that from Sunnyday. He knew they would be there for them.
Now the tables got turned around. Prowlingkit was bringing up his own mother, asking more questions about her. Shallowpaw who was a quite private tom didn't like to open himself up on personal matters, especially about his past. But now he had opend a door and he wasn't sure how to close it again. So he thought about it for a bit before deciding it really didn't matter much to him in the end. " No." he gave a short answer, to all of his questions really. She had not been a thunderclanner so hadn't left, and neither had she fought in the 'great battle' whatever that meant. " She didn't think i could make it so left me behind." His gaze left them as he glanced of into some distant land now moving his tail over to cover his missing back leg. " Sunnyday brought me here." Just like he had done with Prowlingkit and his siblings.
The young cat stiffened a bit at the others' words; 'you're not alone'. How could he possibly know that? Cause of Sunnday and their siblings? They hardly seemed to want anything to do with them. especially Ragwort, but that was hardly the point. They didn't take care of them when they needed them most in the world. Weren't there to see their first steps, first word or comfort them during a nightmare; Salamnder had done that. Prowling was old enough to have known their mother and now she was suddenly gone; could he really be blamed for missing her?
Though the next sentence to leave the apprentices' mouth made Prowlingkits' gaze narrow slightly, "Why wouldn't you make it? You're not broken or anything," The young kit questioned back and thudded his tail against the floor a few times, "I know Sunnday brought you here, you never let me forget it," Was this Shallowpaws' way of telling him that they should be thankful to Sunnyday? They didn't want to be brought here, didn't want to be taken from their mother, and they were suppose to be thankful?
"I don't know what you're getting at, Shallow, are you expecting me to be thankful or something to Sunnyday?" They voiced their thoughts with their chin raised stubbornly towards the blue apprentice, "Cause you're suppose to be thankful if someone does something good for you. Is bringing us to Thunderclan a good thing?" The words were challenging, as Prowlingkit didn't think they needed to be thankful. It wasn't asked of them if they wanted to be here or not- so why be thankful to something they didn't ask for?
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