camp ICE MELT ☾ coming out

[Swansong]

⋆⁺₊ ☾ ⁺₊⋆ "I'm not going to be a boy anymore," comes the soft voice of Swanpaw, a delicate announcement to any who care to listen. She knows that she is to shed that old skin like a moth from a cocoon, or perhaps the molting of old feathers. The uncertainty falls away as the words leave her mouth. The kind words of Duckshimmer echo in her ears, bringing a bright and soft smile to the lethargic molly's face. "It... doesn't suit me." A simplification perhaps, but true enough.

She muses for a moment. She still feels caught in-between, but in a different way now. "A girl instead... Or maybe not." There's not an indecisiveness to it; her shrug is unbothered. They like this sort of liminal state; half living half ghost, half girl and half not. This suits them well. She's never been one for decisiveness.

Swanpaw continues after a moment, an attempt to pull those feelings from her chest and into the open air of camp. "A girl who's not a quite a girl... That's what I am, I've found. Does that make sense...?" A slight cock of their head. It makes sense to her, of course; she can only hope her clanmates will understand.

‎‎┌── I WANNA BE HAUNTED ⋆⁺₊ ☾ ⁺₊⋆ I WANNA BE LOVED ──┐‎

• 
  

• 

  
  
  "SPEECH"
  ​

• 
  SWANPAW ☁︎ she / they, apprentice of shadowclan, eleven moons.
  ➳ a pale, silky-furred cream tabby with droopy blue eyes.
  ➳ dreamy and detached, more ghost than cat. known for his perpetual sleepiness.
  ➳ halfshade x smogmaw, littermate to applepaw, garlicpaw, & ashenpaw.
  ➳ peaceful and healing powerplay permitted / / underline and tag when attacking
  ➳ penned by SATURNID ↛ saturnids on discord, feel free to dm for plots.
  

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[Snowlark.]

[ ༻❄༺ ] Swanpaw's announcement, soft and delicate danced on Snowpaw's ears and she blinked a bit. Swanpaw coming out as a molly... but not exactly a molly at the same time. Well, that seemed cool, to her at least and yet Swanpaw was brave. Brave for opening up about who they are and, all Snowpaw did was smile at the other. "Makes sense" Snowpaw said calmly.

Though, she figured it must've been hard for Swanpaw to come to such a conclusion, or perhaps not. Still the other knew who they were, just as Thornpaw. Her tail flicked a bit gently. The other was admirable, for making such an announcement, for allowing the clan to know her preferred changes and all Snowpaw could say was, make sense? No, Swanpaw was...amazing for coming out and her own bravery. "You're really cool, Swanpaw" she spoke warmly.

Smowpaw will support the newly announced molly, just as she supports Thornpaw, and if anyone tries to demy the choice of the older apprentice then well, Snowpaw will stick up for Swanpaw, because it sure took a lot of guts to tell the clan, and she wondered silently if the other was nervous that the clan or other mollies would not accept her, and yet the terms that Swanpaw described themselves as... suited her perfectly.

‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎┌── You ve wasted your life , but thanks for applying ──┐‎

• 
  "speak""Thoughts"
  
• 
  Snowpaw ❄ She/Her, apprentice of Shadowclan, 7 moons.
  ⭃ Lithe long hair blue lynx sepia with high white, and yellow eyes. Stubby tail, permanent resting bitch face
  ⭃ Hailfreckle x Mudsplash
  ⭃ peaceful and healing powerplay permitted (ask first) / / underline and tag when attacking
  ↛ see battle info here
  ⭃ penned by Ryn ↛ @/Rynnaro on discord, feel free to dm for plots.
  

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[SHADEPAW]

As soon as Shadepaw had understood even the vaguest concept of gender, she had decided that she wasn't going to be a boy, or a girl, or a tom, or a molly. She was going to be all of that, and more, or none of it, or both simultaneously, just in some different category entirely. The distinction was nothing important to her; she had seriously pondered it once and then never again, that line of thought growing boring quickly. She was Shadepaw, no specific gender attached. She had made that clear. No one had ever put up any resistance.

Nor would Shadepaw when it came to Swanpaw's announcement. She turned when the older apprentice spoke in their soft voice, moss-green gaze flicking to her. She looked like feathers and wispy puffs of cloud. Her voice was much the same, as light as her fur, as she ended her explanation. A girl who's not quite a girl. "That's good," Shadepaw said, sounding impressed. She was referring to Swanpaw's pick of the term but, hey, it counted for a general reaction to her statement as well. If Shadepaw ever wanted to choose anything even close to a label, they would have to remember that one. One tufted ear twitched in acknowledgment of Snowpaw's supportive second sentence. Shadepaw hadn't spoken with Swanpaw- not that they could remember, anyway- so they didn't know how cool they were generally. However, she was stepping in the right direction.
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[CATERPILLARFUZZ.]

CURIOUS TO SEE US STRUGGLE​

---

caterpillarpaw nods in agreement. it does make sense. she, personally, never had to deal with the struggles that was gender dysphoria and having trouble connecting with who she was in that sense of it. but either way, caterpillarpaw would be a good friend and be supportive. were her and swanpaw friends? she hoped so. she was a nice cat and she wanted to be their friend. she took a second before nodding again, clearing her throat as she spoke clearly for swanpaw to hear.

"it does make sense. i'm glad you've come to figure that out... i'm sure you're a very pretty girl who's also not a girl, swanpaw. at least, that's what I've been told. i have no doubts. you do smell quite nice, even being a shadowclanner."

she hopes that makes sense and that she isn't rambling too much. she just wanted to be honest. she was proud of swanpaw. it couldn't have been easy to realize. had it been hard for chilledstar, too? she wonders.
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[scorchfrost]

The concept of 'coming out' was not a new one for Scorchfrost, nor was diversity in gender. He'd known many cats throughout his life, and had never held judgement for that of which he did not understand. He'd said impolite things in his youth but they'd never been from a place of hate, just badly worded curiousity.

He'd never broached 'coming out' with Shadowclan. He didn't feel like anything about him was important enough to warrant telling others, especially considering how boring he was. He didn't do much aside from patrolling, hunting, and sleeping. There wasn't anything exciting enough to make a public display about and he knew it. The apprentices though? it was important for them. They'd lived such a short time and they were still learning to make heads and tails of who they were. It was important to have a defined sense of self, something many struggled with. Knowing who you were was freeing and Scorchfrost was grateful that those around him could feel free to express themselves however they wished.

" I'm glad you've told us, Swanpaw. " His statement was as warm as he could make it and a smile was on his lips. " I think it makes plenty of sense. " He didn't quite understand how she felt, he'd always been comfortable as a tom, but it didn't matter. It was just important that Swanpaw felt supported in how they expressed themselves. " I'm proud of you. "
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[ YOU CAN'T BREAK MY SPIRIT ]​

 

[FERNDANCE]

Gender was something that just made sense to the tabby - it was a form of expression, just as one put flowers in their fur or spoke in a way unique to them. The struggles that may have come with it though weren't known to Ferndance, she was a she-cat, she'd always been a she-cat, she always wanted to be a she-cat. Swanpaw's revelation caused her ears to flick back and forth, an easy smile stretching upon the muzzle of the former Lead Warrior as she moved to settle at Shadepaw's side. Her tail rested upon her kitten's spine in an armless hug. "A girl who is not quite a girl..." She tilted her head in thought. "That makes sense... I think." Her sibling had been a boy who was not quite a boy before they decided that gender was stupid and became whatever the world wanted to see them as. Swanpaw likely hadn't been as... fluid, and that thought left Ferndance humming in thought. She waited for the congratulations and expressions of pride (one she manifested through a lack of jokes, she appreciated those who could self-discover) before she mewed, "How should we refer to you?"


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[BATCHASER]

Gender made sense to the bicolor, he questioned his own several time throught his apprenticeship but decided he liked the way he is. The concept of 'coming out' was not new to Batchaser. He didn't go through gender dysphoria nor have the trouble connecting who he was. The apprentices though? it was important to them at figuring themselves out. Either he would be supportive to the newly announced molly, he pads over to the little group with a lazy smile placed on his face. "Congrats. How should we refer to you?" The tall tom plops himself next to Ferndance, curled fur atop of his head bouncing in movement 'looking' at Swanpaw.

OOC -` ♡ ´- DON'T WALK INTO THE FOG

•  
• no ref yet </3
• ( Ehhh ?! ) BATCHASER : warrior of shadowclan
  ➛ cismale ; HE / HIM, no problems with other pronouns ; currently 28 moons
  ➛ pansexual / single / not actively looking / open to crushes
  ➛ a tall, curly shorthaired oriental mix with half-lidded odd colored eyes.
  ➛ action , thoughts , "Speech , 7077A1"
  ➛ smells of rain-soaked pavement & sweet leaf rot
  
  - tags / @ on discord for plots
  - penned by calzone
  
  

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[smogstar]

The interplay between Smogmaw's gender identity and self-perception is as follows: he simply cannot be more than your garden-variety tomcat, and anything otherwise would require a severe lapse in autonomy. He feels he fits the bill perfectly, scruffy and rough around the edges, sardonic and gruff, equipped with an unchanging and grim outlook on the world, yet undeniably a paragon of efficiency. Of course, these aspects all come naturally to him. Though he has laboured diligently to blend seamlessly in ShadowClan's mould, he would be remiss to overlook how some amongst him fight an even steeper uphill battle for proper perception.

His view on gender dysphoria, as far as it goes, can most-so be described as pragmatic. His chief concern regarding it is simply apropos to the practicality of the whole conundrum.

What does it matter that someone isn't born into their current identity, he wonders, if they bear themselves outwardly with a surety of their place in the world? After all, people change all the time; it's a testament to the versatility and plasticity of any individual, an openness to challenge their own expectations and thus, a capacity to grow. If redefining one's self is a vital step in their journey, so be it. So long as they do not drown in their own uncertainty, how is it anyone's place to question it?

Swanpaw has decided that she is happy to call herself a girl, a girl who is not quite a girl, that this feels the most true to who she is, that it is the label that fits her most and allows her to experience joy. How fortunate she is, then, to be blessed with a name which whispers of beauty in motion, grace and serenity. Halfshade named her well.

Languid pawsteps move the tabby through the fray, brushing past clanmates' shoulders, weaving between their rambling limbs. Narrow-eyed and searching, he finds his way through the noisy fog until cream-coloured strands penetrate his peripheral. It heartens him to hear their collective encouragement. Caterpillarpaw provides a word-for-word account of her support, whilst the likes of Scorchfrost, Snowpaw, and Shadepaw voice their approval. Batchaser and Ferndance share a question, as to how they ought to reference the apprentice from now on, but the query remains hanging in the air as Smogmaw draws nearer.

"Swanpaw," he mouthes once positioned in the forefront. Gentle warmth suffuses his expression, an upward curl at his lips. "Staying true to yourself and asserting who you are, that's really the pinnacle of everything your mother stood for." Dark-capped ears tilt towards her. "I'm happy for you, and I know she is too. Congratulations. Shall I... uh, call you my daughter, then?" He can't help a nervous flick of the tail. Could a girl, who is not quite a girl, be considered as such? And, regardless, should he have made such an assumption?​

 

[LIVIDSMOKE]

This was his first time wittnessing someone coming out to be somebody else then what they had biologically been born as. It was nothing strange to him, knowing their very own leader didn't even have a gender to go by. Yet it left him a bit puzzled strangely so. What had never crossed his mind before suddenly became something to considerd. Lividpaw finds himself thinking this indeed were a topic worthy of his time, curious perhaps even. It wasn't something he just could let go of. Everyone had something to say, all being supportive and accepting. That had never been an issue. Swanpaw looked confident with her new gender identity they had find along the way of discovering themselves. A tom who had become a molly yet not completely. She was also under the same cloud as Chilledstar. For a moment he thought this through, carefully until he realized he also had something to say oddly enough.

" How did you know that you were not a tom?" Lividpaw spoke up only when there was silence around him, his monotone voice coming out like a chill in the air. It was something he just had to ask, something he had during this moment of watching having thought carefully over. It had to mean something otherwise it wouldn't bother him this much. There had to be an answer somewhere. A solution to his problem.






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[Swansong]

⋆⁺₊ ☾ ⁺₊⋆ 　Swanpaw's announcement is well received, and something in them lightens. Their easy smile pulls closer to their eyes. The admiration of the younger apprentices Snowpaw and Shadepaw, Caterpillarpaw with her timid voice speaking sweet words... There is a warmth within her chest. Glowing warmer as more older warriors come to congratulate them... It seems the change was easier than she feared, with all these faces looking to her with pride. "Ah, thank you all..." she breathes, blinking in near-overwhelm at the number of them.

But there is another question which the warriors have asked. How she should be referred to... She thinks on it for a moment before she replies. "She... or they, I think... Either will do." Feminine or neutral, girl and not.

And there is her father. She will no longer be the deputy's eldest son, but the quiet curl of his smile makes it feel like maybe that's alright. He speaks of her mother, and there is a soft pang of sadness at the mention. Halfshade... she would be proud, they think. They want to be like her, hope that they truly are, as their father says. It is all that they could want to carry on her legacy. Her face alights at his words despite the bittersweetness of the memory, and hr response to his question is quick. "Yes, please. Daughter works perfectly..." They are proud to be called his daughter and Halfshade's.

But there is one more question. Lividpaw, lingering. Not carrying the same enthusiasm, but rather a blunt sort of question. She looks to him at the side, studies him for a moment. He is young. Is he having similar feelings to them, they wonder...? "Ah, Lividpaw..." She pauses, thinks. It is a hard thing to explain. "It was not easy... It took long, but I realized it did not feel like myself... I did not feel like myself as a tom, so I found something that did." She offers the young apprentice a smile as well; hopefully, her words can be of some help.

‎‎┌── WE FOUND TWO DEAD SWANS ⋆⁺₊ ☾ ⁺₊⋆ AND FILLED THEIR BODIES WITH FLOWERS ──┐‎

• 
  

• 

  
  
  "SPEECH"
  ​

• 
  SWANPAW　☁︎　she / they, apprentice of shadowclan, twelve moons.
  ➳ a pale, silky-furred cream tabby with droopy blue eyes.
  ➳ dreamy and detached, more ghost than cat. known for her perpetual sleepiness.
  ➳ halfshade x smogmaw, littermate to applepaw, garlicpaw, & ashenpaw.
  ➳ peaceful and healing powerplay permitted / / underline and tag when attacking
  ➳ penned by SATURNID ↛ saturnids on discord, feel free to dm for plots.
  

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[Laurelgrin]

His gaze followed all the cats swarming with questions for Swanpaw. His voice did not join them, he didn't suppose it was needed. He might make a little comment later on when the other cats had dispersed a bit. His sister had shown strength and courage by exposing thoughts and feelings to the outside world, alas the blue tom was not as skilled in opening up. The pride that warmed in his chest was not one he wanted to be heard by other cats. While his father sang praises for Swanpaw, the words were not only for her tufted ears, after all he had just heard them as well. Words spoken in quiet always held something more special to Laurelpaw, and he hoped that Swanpaw wouldn't take offence to his silence.

He was thinking of just what he would have to tell his sister later that day. Maybe something about bringing back the balance, after all Ashenpaw had come to a similar conclusion some time ago. His number of sisters had always stayed the same then, even if there was some confusion to begin with. He cracked a small grin as a thought crossed his mind, there were three of his siblings now that didn't align with what they were told to be at birth, and he was proud of them, but what if it was creeping up on the rest of the litters. Like Starclan had made a mistake with Halfshade's kits, all destined to forge their own paths. He supposed that wasn't how it worked, with Swanpaw's explanation of not feeling like herself as a tom it almost solidified it but still, the thought was one of amusement. He watched as his newest sister glowed, the cats around them truly caring, and he just smiled, good for her... that's what he would tell them later.

"speech"​

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[HEMLOCKNOSE]

you can count on me​

---

Hemlocknose hadn't ever considered his gender, really. From back in his time in the Marsh Colony, even before then, he'd just been himself. His gender was simply male. Swanpaw's quiet declaration was heartwarming nonetheless. He was now she, or they. Simple as that. "That sounds lovely," he chimed in, curling his fluffy tail around his paws. Hearing all the other words of encouragement was enough to make his heart ache, truly. "Forgive me if I slip up, I'll do the best I can," he made sure to disclaim.

 

[lilacfur]

Swanpaw's moment of self-reflection and discovering a part of her was something Lilacfur shared and held close to her heart. Though she was much, much younger when this occurred (so much so that she hardly remembered it anymore), she knew the feelings that came with it, still. The discomfort thats not quite painful but felt wrong. Titles and descriptions that made her feel like a fraud to try and conform to so she simply hadn't.

"You have the whole Clans support for you, Swanpaw." The lead promised with a shine in her gaze. It wasn't always the easiest thing to confront, an unknown territory to explore within oneself but the overwhelming acceptance from her Clan was not a surprise. At the very least, despite the grouchy edge some had, they could all come together for moments like these. ​

[ i need the clouds to cover me ]​

 

[ASHENFALL]

˚₊‧ ⛧ CW: brief descriptions of past gender dysphoria

"Finally joining the flock, sissy?" Ashenpaw pipes up from somewhere askewed from the crowd, easily pinning his preferred nickname for his numerous sisters onto Swanpaw. It had been quite some time now since Ashenpaw had come to some similar (though opposite) conclusion about his own persona.

There was a grain of bittersweetness to the memory, of feeling so alone in his discomfort, the intensity of the writhing wrongness of burning beneath the scorching spotlight of being one of Halfshade and Smogmaws daughters. It had culminated in an inconsolable sobbing fit in the nursery, as he felt like the world had set its eyes on him and intended on crushing him like a little bug, he remembered — quite dramatic, but not unexpected from Halfshades whiniest little scrap. The episode ended, however, with wiped tears and a promptly righted sense of self. Ashenkit was a tom, and then it as dinnertime, and the day moved on without a hitch. Today's little announcement came under slightly different circumstances.

Swanpaw, of course, was no crying kitten, but also there was a distinct lack in a specific someone to dry her tears if there had been waterworks. They had gathered themselves quite the little welcoming party, though, so perhaps that was nice in its own way.

"This means that I get to be the eldest son now, then. So I suppose this is 'congratulations' to the both of us, yes?" Ashenpaw smirks in a display of faux-pride. Swanpaw would have to impart all of her past wisdom onto him sometime later.

YOULL ASK WHAT CAN I DO? ⭒☽⛧☾⭒ AND THERE WILL BE NO ANSWER

• OOC:
• 
• 
  — ashenkit . ashenpaw
  — ftm transmasc. he/him. 12mo apprentice of shadowclan. mentored by smogmaw
  — muted blue torbie w/ pale blue and amber eyes
  — smells of rainsoaked fern and swamp milkweed
  — all ic opinions!
  — “speech”, thoughts, attack
  — pfp by meg sig by nya, fullbody by antiigone, sticker by saturnid
  — penned by eezy
  

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