sensitive topics IF I COULD TAKE BACK THE MOMENT - anxiety

[Starlingheart]

Usually, Starlingheart has no problem going out alone to search for herbs. It cathartic, actually, to be by herself, her thoughts. It felt free and less crowded when she did not have her clan mates eyes on her. Today is no different. She grabs her ivy leaf, something to carry the herbs in, and she heads to the entrance of ShadowClans camp.

When she gets there, however, there is a problem. Even after her brothers death, she had no problem being in the pines by herself but today… today she cannot bring herself to do it. She stares with wide open eyes, frozen in horror as images flash in her head of Pitchstar’s body, bloody and scarred. Star Clan had healed all the wounds they could but it had not been enough to save him. 9 lives all taken in an instant.

She only had one.

Her breath comes in quick hitches and as much as she wills it she cannot force herself forward.

She closes her eyes and turns away. One two three four five… she counts her breaths, forcing herself to slow down, forcing herself to remember that everything is okay.

When she opens her eyes again, she is still shaking but her breathing is steady. Desperately, she looks around for the nearest cat, preferably an adult. "Wi-will-will you will y-y-you come will you come on -on a a herb herb pa-pa patrol with me?" thought she tries to keep her voice steady, her stutter is worse than normal, as overcome with fear as she is.
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[BRINDLEPAW]

(=🝦 ﻌ 🝦=) — Brindlepaw was trying to lick damp paws dry when the meek voice of Starlingheart chimes in his hear. Blinking he turns to look at the medicine cat, his inner voice cringing at the idea of trudging back out into the marshland so soon. He had been hoping to lay about and catch a few blinks before departing on another patrol later in the day… but something about Starlingheart made it difficult to tell her no. Besides, after the passing of Pitchstar one could guess it might be a reason for her weariness.

”Sure, we run into any bears I’ll make a mean face and scare ‘em off!” He scrunches up his nose and bears his fangs, he intentionally looked like he had just stubbed a toe moreso than intimidating. — tags​

 

[silkbreath]

TAGS — The smell of fear rolling off of the she-cat is one that Silkbreath cannot help but follow. He thinks he is concerned for her; after all, his brows furrow upwards in a usual show of sympathy. But his chest flutters as if elated, and his smile remains frozen on his pale muzzle, milk-blue eyes fixed intently on the shape that must be their beloved medicine cat. Pitchstar's death had shaken ShadowClan, but it had perhaps shaken none more so than Starlingheart. He supposes he can understand. But isn't it beautiful that Pitchstar could join StarClan? Sure, it was a shame to lose the tom, but death was just a part of life, was it not? It's not like Chilledstar is doing a bad job. Silkbreath's ears twitch as he thinks about it; would he be sad to lose Ferndance, should she part from this realm? ... Not particularly, he thinks, but only because he knows she'd join StarClan, too.

But it's not much relevance now. There are herbs to find. "I'll join, too," the pale tom hums to Starlingheart after Brindlepaw announces his attendance. His sight won't do him much good, but he thinks he's alright at telling each herb apart by smell. "Oh, Brindlepaw, do show me your mean face!" Silkbreath cackles, plumy tail flicking with amusement. Cataract-webbed irises peer down at the blob of warm brown hues and the tall warrior hunches to meet the apprentice's height. "If you can't scare me, you won't scare any bears." He doesn't comment on how this may be an unfair competition.​

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[Sundewtail]

Flytrapjaw watched Starlingheart stop at the entrance of camp with little more than a cursory glance at first, but when she sees their medicine cat suddenly become fearful, she begins to wonder if something was out there. She hadn't forgotten what had happened to Pitchstar. If she met his killer, she would be sure to end them in one swift, hard bite. She got to her feet to go see what was wrong as Starlingheart called out, asking for company.

She happily bounded over to her, offering the pleasure of her company.

"This one will join you!" She said happily, standing among the other volunteers.

She looks at Brindlepaw's mean face and giggles. "this one thinks your mean face is very scary!"
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[CHITTERTONGUE]

જ➶ He can not forget the day that his brother was killed in cold blood. Most days it weighs heavily on his mind, digging into his brain. An image that never relents. Just like his mother. His tail sways back and forth and today is the same as any other. Keeping his head held up high, pretending that he is okay is all he can really do. Because he can't falter and be weak. As his family dwindles he wonders in his mind who will be next. Ahaha, he shouldn't think like that. No, not right now. As he sees his sister the long legged tom slips his way over with an ever eager grin on his muzzle. He hears the talks of his clanmates and catches on to what is happening here. "My sister needs an escort, I'll gladly attend, heheh. Maybe we can hunt while we are out, hm?" The thought of bears hardly bothers him as he flicks his tail, dual colored eyes gleaming but only one seeing.​