private illuminating my parents house ࿐࿔ hazecloud

[lichenstar]

✦˚.✦˚✦˚✦˚ ✧ ˚✦˚✦˚✦.˚✦

CLAIM THE BURIAL I SEEK IN DREAMS FLOWING RIVER CEMETARY ✧

• The grind of tense muscles over stubborn bones doesn't go unnoticed... The crack wedged firmly between them- when had it formed? Lichenstar can't say she recognizes the real start, only the fragmenting of rocks along its edges that widen it with every passing day. Was it Snowflakekit that had set this all in motion? This distance? Her nose scrunches up in annoyance, sifting through every argument and trusting that it wasn't any fault of their son. They'd talked about that. Fought. And made up... hadn't they? Or was the difference in their feelings so opposite that despite coming to an understanding it was doomed to drive them further from each other over time? Like a split in the river...
  
  That could be okay... sometimes streams shoot off into nothing, stumble through their own path, before finding the embrace of the river again. They would embrace again... someday, even if it wasn't now.
  
  A last ditch effort to rekindle that bond is found in the same shifting fields they can't seem to escape. Dappled in the last petals of summer sun. A final hurrah as they approach a full seasons cycle of a love woven together with far more careful paws than the first time they'd hastily glued themselves together. "Hazecloud," they breath on hardly more than a whisper, as if it pains them to say her name. "I understand... if you're frustrated... with me..." How many tiny little cuts had to made against tender, beloved skin and said it was out of love?
  
  The blue lynx point turns her gaze sheepishly towards their mate, a pinch of brows an admission of whatever guilt gnawed at them. Humiliating her was never the goal, even if it tended to be the outcome. "I'm... going to make things... easier for us," they promise, collecting images of faces they might entrust their clan to, ways they might grow their council to have more paws and paws they actually trusted, rather than fragments of those that Smokestar once loved. "I don't want... for you... what I had."
  
  The cycle of giving this speech wraps around their throat like barbed wire, sinking into their throat painfully to be strung up as a liar beside the monochrome tom that had once promised her the same thing. That her passage to leadership would be smoother... calmer... like wading into the water rather than being thrown. All we can do is try.... They're certain he hadn't meant to lie.
  
  They pause, waiting for her to round to face them before a tense frown creases their face, "I love you." Because it bears repeating... and they hadn't said it enough. Maybe she owed her children the same affection... It had been a blur of moons painted in shades of suffering. The rift she'd gouged between herself and her family something of her own subconscious making... and something that would have to be undone with intention, with her own paws.
• about
  
  speech hex code ✧ #6368A5
  
  ooc notes ✦
  tagging ✶ @hazecloud
  penned by tieirlys
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[hazecloud]

—————————————————————⊰✿⊱————————————————————
It is difficult to enjoyment in the new world of perspective when it came delivered on barbed wire intent. The role felt more as a punishment than a reward, and for the first few weeks she had questioned her capabilities alongside her peers. Spending nearly three seasons rearing and softened by her absence in any battles or hunts. She had been easy prey to capture when twolegs swarmed their charcoal-dusted campsite, how was she supposed to wield respect when it had been fresh in their minds?

Each forgetful mistake was another thorn stuck beneath plush fur that she couldn't get out. Late to dolling patrols, misremembering who mentored what apprentice, trusting the wrong warriors to lead and direct their Clanmates. Mistakes dotted throughout her term so far, easily dismissed as a beginners stumble for those who understood, but Hazecloud sought impossible perfection.

There had been some hope for it, even if she had a shaky start. Of course, that sliver of hope was ruined the moment Lichenstar had agreed to Orangestar's new code. How obvious she was unfit for it, she must have been nosediving straight for the bottom of the river if that was how her mate truly felt.

"Frustrated?" That could not begin to describe what she felt. Shame, anger, betrayal, was there a word that could consolidate it all together?

A promise. To what manner Lichenstar would find help brought out a curious look, leaning toward them slowly. What did Lichenstar- or Lichentail- have that she would find unfavorable? Smokestar had seen them as kin, entrusted the both of them so far as to raise his family. As much as they butted heads against each other, finding ways to inconvenience one another in throws of spite, she could not imagine him leaving Lichentail to be swallowed up the way she had been.

"What do you have planned?" Because now she wonders for the day where Lichenstar will greet her for a star-studded blessing, how that will bear to be repeated.

Of course, Hazecloud is easily unraveled with such simple words. The tension of contempt in her face softened to the touch of affection while she leaned upward into Lichenstar's chin. "I love you, too. Today, tonight and tomorrow. Forever, no matter how many times you make me want to..." She took a paw to a scar-struck throat, placing a soft pink pad over furless skin and grumbling a mocking growl. "I keep trying to change with you and for you but... I'm an old woman. I still like to be stubborn."

✿ ———— I'll be your regular mama ✿ ————— And I'll put that gun away

•  
• 
  
  
  Hazecloud
  —⊰⋅ Deputy of RiverClan
  —⊰⋅ She/Her
  "SPEECH", 'THOUGHTS', ATTACK
  —⊰⋅ LH blue smoke with green eyes.
  

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