i'm getting sick of this now

[dovethroat.]

The knowledge of his wholesale failure had been weighing heavy on him for the past few days; it was an expected response, one could easily argue. Half of his short life having been spent preparing for one job, one assessment—and doing quite commendably in said training—only for it to all crumble and fall apart in the finishing stretch. That, and his rapidly deteriorated relationship with his closest friend and confidant in the clan, had all eventuated to his disastrous results in the assessment, and to his ultimate failure. It made him feel sick, like the bile was begging to escape from his throat. He did not even know what to do with himself: the act of sitting still and the idea of doing anything else made him feel equally miserable and near tears, and so he typically tended to go for the nothing. At least that took less energy.

However, for the first time since his failure, Dovepaw had actually left the camp. Whether he had done it with his mentor who had left him alone for a moment or if he had snuck out by himself was unclear. Perhaps it would be fitting of someone who had lost such a golden opportunity to suddenly care much less about the rules. The sun was falling behind the earth, the sky before him turning a pleasant orange. At least not everything was terrible, he thought bitterly. The weather was nice.

Staring at his reflection in the river, Dovepaw idly batted at the water. A few fish passed by and he made no attempt to catch them. He hated hunting, and if he was not even going to be a warrior—what was the point?

His ears flattened to his head in an almost comedic display of discontent, Dovepaw pondered the feeling of his wet paws in silence.

Mostly silence. He did grumble a few times.

@hyacinthbreath

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[hyacinthbreath]

It was always easier to avoid the world than face reality. When she had been brought into RiverClan, she had struggled with adapting to a less violent Clan. She could understand how Dovepaw might feel in his situation; she'd been ultimately passed on when Sootstar had chosen her first Deputy. A Lead Warrior with strong loyalties to her Queen, passed up on by some unfamiliar tom whom Sootstar saw something in. She remembered the day beneath the full moon, when Sootstar had named Duskfire her Deputy instead of herself. She was angry, oh so angry. Every fiber of her being was supposed to be devoted to her Leader, to be her closest confidante. It took her losing Lavenderstorm to realize that she was going down a dark path, one that could easily be set straight if she began to do good. One by one, as her attitude towards her clanmates shifted into a positive light. Many things might have added into that, but Hyacinthbreath never lingered on the bigger details when it comes to her past. Not anymore.

She's wandered back from her meeting with Pollenfur on this evening, eyes glazed over happily as she recounts the events that transpired. Pollenfur had confessed her love to her, and Hyacinthbreath returned her feelings- she actually.. She did it. A lovestruck smile pulls at her face as she pushes through reeds- shaking herself out of her stupor when she spots a familiar apprentice. "Dovepaw?" She calls out instinctively, pushing her way out of the reeds to greet the tom. He's stirring his paw in the water, frowning- eyebrows inward. "Lad, you're going to age faster than me if you keep up with that frowning." She remarks with a chuckle, pulling herself to the bank with a grunt. "What's the matter, kid?"​

RIVERCLAN WARRIOR ✦ WARTORN SOLDIER ✦ 53 MOONS ✦ TAGS​

 

[dovethroat.]

Dovepaw was doing exactly that, really—avoiding reality. He was avoiding reality just as much as he was stewing in the abject misery of it. Though the fact that he had failed so spectacularly had been repeating in his mind on a neverending loop, he was also withdrawing from all of society. He had perhaps said two sentences since he had failed his exam. Even to his mentor, he had been speechless as the news had been relayed to him. It was no shock, really. Dovepaw wasn't much of a talker, anyway. Not to anyone but a handful of people. If a handful was, like, two.

Unlike Hyacinthbreath, Dovepaw had no romantic prospects. In fact, he might have just plundered his only ever-to-exist hope, but he tried not to think about it in that way. Pondering on that for even more than a second would make his head hurt in entirely new ways.

At the sound of the warrior, Dovepaw immediately seizes. Though he is exceptionally morose, his natural skittishness is not gone. If anything, it may be magnified. "Um." He coughs, pulling his paws out of the river and immediately feeling himself go hot with embarrassment. "I, uh, I—I, um," he sputters, finding himself at a loss for words. He doesn't know how to lie.

Eventually, he just doesnt.

"Um. I, uh, f-failed... the, uh, the w-warrior. Exam."

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