private In Little Ways (Chilledstar) When Everything Stays

[Wheattail]

If you’d told Wheatpaw she’d be doing this four moons ago, she would have assumed you’d just told her a strange joke. The wanderer had a plan; stay in the marshes until she could plot a way home, then abandon these strange cats with their weird notions of non-familial loyalty. Right now, the Somali lookalike was supposed to be heading back to the plains she was born on. Instead, she was thinking ahead to becoming a warrior.

Wheatpaw had been a lazy apprentice, constantly dodging her mentor’s attempts to train her. However, that avoidance was born of the girl’s belief that Shadowclan was nothing but a stepping stone. As soon as she realized where she truly wanted to stay, Wheatpaw had thrown her whole weight into improving for the sake of her new family.

Still, there was one thing that continued to nag at her. Chilledstar, the straight-laced killjoy which Wheatpaw - though she’d never admit it - had come to respect, had been deceived. The wanderer had lied to their face, and continued to lie for moons about her loyalty. It reminded the former loner of her own sister, how Wheat had been too weak to give Farro a true answer about if she’d ever return before abandoning her. That was a sin the she-cat would have to live with for the rest of her life, but this was something that could be atoned for now.

Always conscious of her looks, amber fur was shiny and smooth as Wheatpaw finally worked up the nerve to stick her head into the leader’s den. “Chilledstar?” she asked, sounding much more reserved than usual. “May I speak to you for a moment?”

// @CHILLEDSTAR. ​

 

[CHILLEDSTAR.]

DON'T YOU GIVE ME UP, PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP​

---

chilledstar commended loyalty. they demanded it of their clan, because at least when one was loyal, they stuck through all the insanity that the stars had to offer them. they were loyal to shadowclan since the day it was formed. they earned their position within it because of it. they didn't let a lot of loners join because hardly would they be loyal to a clan. to cats they didn't grow up around or know very well. shadowclan was a typically abrasive bunch, so it made them harder to fit in. to feel like they needed to be loyal. but when they did...

"wheatpaw. come on in. what do you need?"
​

 

[Wheattail]

A long sigh left Wheatpaw as she padded slowly into the den. The girl hadn’t done this in…gosh, she didn’t even remember. It had been so long since she’d opened up to anyone about her inner thoughts, it felt like she was fumbling to open a lock with an old key.

“I shall be twelve moons old soon” she started nonchalantly, eyes sparkling with falsehoods as the key slipped from guilty paws. “Do you really trust me with the responsibilities of a warrior?” It was a joke. Everything was, no, had to be a joke with Wheatpaw. Nothing outside of herself could be taken seriously. With a stiffening frame, the Somali lookalike silently accepted that it was something she would have to learn to overcome. And, annoyingly, Chilledstar would be the first she’d try with.

“I apologize, that Is not why I came. I…when I pledged my loyalty to Shadowclan…” Scrambling for words like a kit searching for it’s mother’s milk was also something the she-cat wasn’t used to, and it further infuriated her that the stick-in-the-mud leader was seeing this side of her. “When I promised that, I was not being-” She almost said honest, but the apprentice stopped herself with a bout of dry self-reflection. When was she ever honest? No, the phrase wouldn’t do.

“I was lying.” pristine fur was shaking now as amber eyes searched the floor. She was prepared to say more, but wanted to hear Chilledstar’s reaction to raw, unfiltered truth first. A small part of Wheatpaw was expecting to be exiled, and thought she deserved it.​