sensitive topics IN SWEET DREAMS [ ❁ ] DEATH


Lichenpaw isn't much of a medicine cat, he knows. Always so out of place, in ThunderClan and among the other healers. Lying through his teeth to keep suspicion off his back, pledging faith to ancestors he didn't believe in. Basilwhisker's exile was enough proof that the two of them never belonged here. There's guilt beneath his pelt, a want to tell Berryheart of what they've kept secret. He, at least, deserves to know. But Lichenpaw is so tired, and he barely has the energy to look for his mentor amidst the crowded medicine den, much less tell him anything. Maybe after he gets better. Maybe when the journeying cats do not return. Maybe when they do, by some miracle. He could almost believe it, now. He's too tired for desperation, though.

The stars overhead are silent in their watching, a thousand tiny pinpricks dappled like the freckles that color his mottled pelt. He can't see them from here, in the medicine den. If the stars wait for him, then they will be waiting for all of time. The comfort is a distant thing, a thing for cats far brighter than he. Lichenpaw was never the hopeful sort.

Who would wait for him? Basilwhisker is dead, he knows. Parker, his brother. He must be, sick as he was when he left (and ah, Lichenpaw meant to bring him lungwort, but they ran out so fast that he couldn'tslip out with any). But Basilwhisker never saw hope in the stars, either. It is the cats down here, they know, that wait. Wait for him to return from his illness, his delirium. It has not been long since he contracted it; they know there are others who lasted longer. But Lichenpaw has always been the restless sort, the impatient sort.

And they are tired, so very tired. They want to rest.

It's easy, to stop holding on. His clan needs him, he knows. The thought drums at the back of his head, growing quieter and quieter. It's nice, to feel wanted. But Lichenpaw is selfish, and he knows what he wants.

His breathing is shallow, but steady. Slowing. Lichenpaw's glassy eyes fall shut, and there is a distance to all of it. The pain of his throat, the strain of his breathing. The fog in his head thickens to envelop all of him, a gentle blanket coating his shaky body. It feels... peaceful. Nice. The confusion drifts distant, unworrying, like a mind half-asleep. Their thoughts have felt so hard to grasp for a long time, now. There's an apology left on his tongue, but the muscles of his mouth feel too weak to move. He doesn't have the energy left to care, really. He thinks he should. But it's so easy, to just let go, to let all the muscles in their body relax. That's never been easy before. Their breathing, thin enough to be barely a whisper, grows quieter and quieter.

...And Lichenpaw drifts off to sleep. They do not dream.

  • // RIP ;-;

    thank you all so much for having me as your MCA!! i love all of you in thunderclan very much and i had such a lovely time playing lichen, but unfortunately i just don't think i'll be able to keep up with the role or the character anymore. still wanted to give him a proper sendoff though <3
  • LICHENPAW named for the lichen on the trees of his home.
    — he/him or they/them. 15 moons.
    — thunderclan medicine cat apprentice, mentored by berryheart.
    — bears a near-permanent nervous grin.

    penned by saturnid.​
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Quiet is the clan, for once. Well, quiet really isn't the term for it. It is.... still. ThunderClan had been in stasis, in a sense, caught between an anxious worry for the cats that had disappeared over the horizon a moon ago and a steady concern for the cats that laid in their camp, praying for their lives. Chickadeepaw - whether miraculously or just luckily, had managed to avoid the illness, but had not been allowed to join Flamewhisker and Stormpaw and Little Wolf on their journey (much to her disappointment.) They made for lousy company, the sick. She wanted to train and play but now... now all she could do was hunt and train and come back and tell Lichenpaw about it from afar so she didn't get sick as well.

They know that they are tempting fate everytime they visit their friend, but they can't help it. Lichenpaw must be so bored, all cooped up in the medicine den with nothing to do but wait for that special herb they needed. She tries to visit every couple of days and today is one such a day. A scrap of a bird (really, barely more than a wing) is clutched between her teeth as she peeks into the medicine cats' den - an offering so her friend may keep his strength up. "'iche'paw?"

Silence greets her. Well, alright, it's not like she hasn't talked to sleepy cats before. She pick her way into the den, so so careful to not wake the others, and settles down next to her friend's sleeping form. "I saved this for you." The masked she-cat whispers, pushing the bird's wing beneath Lichenpaw's nose. "I wasn't that hungry-" - a lie - "-and thought you would..."

She pauses. Lichenpaw's breath doesn't tickle her paw when she holds it under his nose for a beat longer than normal. His chest doesn't move when she stares at it in the dim light and he doesn't make the typical wheezing sound as he sleeps.... because.... because.... he wasn't breathing. He wasn't moving. He wasn't wheezing.

Lichenpaw just.... wasn't..... anymore.

"Lichenpaw?" comes her little whisper again. "Lichenpaw.... you gotta get up.... Shinepaw-Sh-shinepaw's sick. And you- you gotta -" Her eyes feel hot. "Berryheart- he- you-"

But Lichenpaw doesn't gotta do anything. Because Lichenpaw couldn't. Because Lichenpaw wasn't there.

"You gotta get up..." She pleads, louder, and now it's more of a cry because she is crying. Crying big fat tears that slide down her cheeks and onto the forgotten bird's wing.

"You told me you'd tell me goodbye..... you promised you'd tell me goodbye..... you didn't... you can't go.... because you didn't say goodbye..."
 

Berryheart had no tolerance for those who just wandered onto the medicine den without asking him, knowing that the sick lay there. Seeing the back of Wails' head, the first thing he uttered was "Out." His tone was stern and without any of the patience he often held- this was how many times she had wandered toward his apprentice? He had no lungwort to help her- did he have to scream it for her to listen?

Away from the initial knee-jerk reaction, though- he noticed she was sobbing. And then, awry eyes flickered to what she was sobbing over- who. Wails was soon forgotten.

His apprentice was not breathing- and for how long he had not been breathing, Berryheart did not know. Toward the speckled tom he strode- for once, silence did not sit comfortably upon his lips. It festered there, still and horrified, as he reached a white-toes paw to touch Freckles' shoulder. Cold.

Berryheart sighed as if it were his final breath. A huffing gale of a noise that grew tainted with tearfulness when it was scraped back in again, a shaky sound. The fact he couldn't quite feel StarClan's presence was lost on him- he cared not about the afterlife, wherever Freckles had gone now. He cared only for the stolen future at his feet, his stammering student who had never met his destiny. This is meant to be the other way around, he thought, squeezing his eyes so tight it felt as if he might never be able to open them again.

I will not let this happen again. It was a defiant thought. I should not have let it happen in the first place. It was a regretful thought.

Cured of the illness, safe to touch him, Berryheart pushed his nose into Freckles' frigid flesh. No words left his maw except for another long sigh that displaced the now-still speckles of his student's fur. I will miss you. The words are imbued in the touch, but he could not stay here forever. A dappled tail beckoned Wails out of his den. She would not stay here.

When he emerged into the camp air, he could not look at any one of them. Lead sat in his paws- it had been a task to drag himself out here. Every step sent a beat through his head, a sickening reminder. "My..." his voice hitched. His shoulders shook with something, his voice felt not his own. Rain hit his paws, but the sky was clear. "My apprentice..." And he took in an ugly, gasping breath, a shattered sound. Crooked teeth shuddered against his lips, and he tried to squeeze the tears out of his eyes- tears that would not cease.

"Lichenpaw is dead." All over he ached, abuzz with dull agony. From the sorrow, from the failure, he did not know. Fire-flecked fur quavered with silent sobbing, then. I had not given all I wanted to give to you, he prayed to the starless sky, though you deserved to know it.
PENNED BY PIN ☾
 
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Reactions: Marquette
It was hard for every individual to cope with loss, sickness, and the absence of the journeying cats.

Often the spotted she-cat prayed for their safe returns but with how morose things were - she usually kept her hopes low. Wandering and pondering the territory Honeydapple sat selectively picking through mosses. She had a soft spot for the splotched medicine cat. He was always kind and careful, an attribute many cats lacked these days. The warrior had taken it upon herself to clear out dirtied nests from most dens and exchanged them for fresh plush nests. Making a satisfactory selection she scooped the pile up and headed back towards camp. The days the molly had spent inside were miserable at best but both the Medicine Cat and their Apprentice made the experience more bearable.

Now the warrior felt an obligation to help every now and then.

Yet, this was not the circumstances she expected to stumble upon. After making another run for more fresh moss and sticks. Her routine halted on its helm at the corpse of Lichenpaw. Not even a few hours ago the youth had been sitting up and blinking her way. Jaw falling agape the moggy dropped her collection as Chickadeepaw cried over their body and Berryheart walked past in an eerie quiet. Frozen blue eyes slowly turned as the Medicine Cat's heartbroken voice croaked and shattered in front of them all.

Stabbing the older she-cat right through the heart. Her face contorted as fat tears welled - rushing to the other's side she aimed to bury her nose into the smaller tom's shoulder and wrap her tail around their grieving form. Despite their lack of closeness there was no way in heaven above she could ignore his tragically trembling frame.

Murmuring whispers of comfort and nothingness if only to lend her body and words as a pillar of support. "Shh. Shh. I'm here. I'm here, just focus on breathing, please." Honeydapple's voice was riddled with grief and weariness. She couldn't fathom the pain Lichenpaw's mentor was experiencing but she prayed they would rely on her even for just a moment. I could lose Shardpaw. The harrowing thought invaded her senses and caused her to hiccup with pained disbelief.

How are we going to make it? Please Starclan, send our clanmates home with a cure, and soon. I don't think we can hang on much longer.

OOC; If powerplay isn't allowed please assume she is amongst the gathering cats and mourning!
 
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Reactions: BERRYHEART
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XXXXXIt’s Chickadeepaw’s shrill cries Raccoonstripe hears first, bleating Lichenpaw’s name from within the sanctity of the medicine cat’s den. The tabby bristles as he watches Berryheart emerge, looking more defeated than he had ever seen him. His voice trembles with emotion, and a claw stabs the lead warrior through the flesh of his heart. He’s never heard Berryheart’s words tremble, and he seems unsteady on his paws as he delivers the gruesome news. “Lichenpaw is dead.”

XXXXXRaccoonstripe’s eyes close against the roaring in his ears. Another cat lost—and his brother is weary, eyes dull with sorrow. He goes to his littermate, to where Honeydapple attempts to support him, and rests his muzzle atop Berryheart’s speckled head.I’m sorry,” he murmurs. “I’m so sorry.” His chest has grown cold, as though the frost from their pending leafbare has snuck into his ribcage and settled. They are less a healer now, and his brother is less a friend.

XXXXXAfter a moment, he pulls away, gaze sharpening. “I’ll get Howlingstar.” He turns slowly, as though his feet have become stone.



─────────​
@HOWLINGSTAR
 
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Reactions: BERRYHEART
Howlingstar had not been in camp when the crying began. Unaware of the tragedy within the bramble walls, she hunts semi-peacefully, a small rasp in her breath but it isn't anything she concerns herself with. She holds a freshly caught mouse in her jaws when Raccoonstripe finds her and tells her of the news. In her utter shock, the mouse is dropped as her snowy jaw hangs open. "No..." She utters to her son, tears already pricking at her eyes. Their medicine cat apprentice, who had chosen his loyalty to his clan over his loyalty to his banished brother. He didn't deserve this. He deserved to live a long life as a wise healer. Not this.

She shakes her head in defeat, eyes finally dropping so she can pick back up the kill and follow her son back to camp with a dragging tail and hanging head. ThunderClan has lost many cats. Lichenpaw...Lichenpaw is a hard one to lose.

When they push through the bramble tunnel, Howlingstar forgets the fresh-kill pile and quickly trots towards the medicine den, tossing the mouse to the side to retrieve later. "Berryheart," She croaks, grief straining her vocal chords. "I'm so sorry, love. He walks with StarClan. He is no longer in pain," She tells him, oblivious to the fact that their medicine cat apprentice is not in fact with their starry friends. She pushes her nose into his speckled cheek and closes her teary eyes. ThunderClan lost one of its two healers today; it's obvious the loss will be felt heavily.
 
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Someone is crying loud and shrill and it draws him sleepily from the nursery with tired eyes, another restless night left him briefly disoriented and all he can think of is 'why is Chickadeepaw in the medicine cat den, does that child have no sense-' it was quarantined for a reason but the wails indicate that the reason had been fatal this day. The sun rises, and yellowcough claims another. Sunfreckle is not prepared for the sight that falls before him as he finally makes his way over. Limp spotted fur and heads bent in grief. No.
"Oh, Lichenpaw..." His voice cracks and he steps forward to the scene with eyes blurred with tears and ears pinned back. It was one thing to lose so many older warriors, even as tragic as it was they had lived longer lives than this apprentice had. The young healer had never even gotten to earn his name, was taken from them too soon and all he can think about is how big and empty that medicine cat den stayed. His gaze drifts to Berryheart and he leans forward just long enough to offer his three-legged friend a gentle nudge in the shoulder with his nose before he is turning with his head forced up dutifully - while he was unable to do much still in the nursery he knew the grim task at hand was one of his duties he could still perform and he would fetch one of the other queens to help him in preparing for the vigil to the best of their abilities. It is not much, but it is a small weight he can offer to carry for now and Sunfreckle does so with a grit and insistence he does not often give to performing tedial camp tasks.

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    Sunfreckle
    —⊰⋅ Lead Warrior of ThunderClan
    —⊰⋅ He/Him
    "SPEECH", 'THOUGHTS', ATTACK
    —⊰⋅ Large red tabby tom w/green eyes and no left foreleg.
    —⊰⋅ penned by Rai