private in the grand eye | lichenstar

[BONERIPPLE]

જ➶ The sun is rising, heat beginning to bathe the land intensely. The crickets still sing and the birds are walking up. The time for the dawn is a quiet one and a time in which she enjoys, calmly listening and realizing and thinking. The same thoughts churn inside her head and the possibilities are abundant but most of these roads are closed. Once upon a time beckoning her but now all that lies ahead is her own solitude and loneliness. A soft sigh pulls from her throat as she finally allows her gaze to move away from the sky and to the river calmly moving at her paws. Three limbs still and unmoving as she watches it, the water teeming with fish that makes Riverclan thrive. Before she had mastered it, swimming as well. Now she felt neither were under her belt. Nor her way of moving on land. Even though she has grown used to no longer having her leg she still feels like a bumbling fool. With a frown on her muzzle the woman turns away, done with looking at her scarred reflection and now wishing to finally make her decision. Finally. If she is granted such a kindness she will not know how to take it. Perhaps cry. Perhaps go quiet. Either way she steps carefully towards the leader's den. Pausing a moment before speaking up quietly. "Lichenstar...may I come in?"

The quiet settles for a moment and once confirmation is given she walks in. Paws steady, much more steady than they have been in a while. Her aches and pains are well taken care of. Though she will always have them within her missing limb and sometimes suddenly but she focuses on the now, what she has come to ask of the leader. Her maw is set but her gaze is worn as she settles down carefully. "I'm so sorry for bothering you on such short notice. I know you have other things you wish to be doing but I only ask for a moment of your time." A small fraction of it really as she settles now. Her tail swepts and wraps around herself as the snow dusted creature finally pulls herself together to spill what it is that she wishes to ask. "I'm asking...I'd like to be made an Elder. I think my time as a warrior...as anything is over now. I can not provide what I once could to Riverclan. Not as I would like. My mind and body are to troubled. I also wish to apologize for being the burden that I knew I was when I became a Riverclanner."

A burden who forced a clan in leafbare to take her in when she selfishly became pregnant. Left her home to find her mate and child, no longer welcomed back. Nowhere to go. No chance of survival. A foolish thing but she can not see herself changing the choices she had made back then. She couldn't as her family meant the world to her. Losing her sister had broken her, she felt everything slipping through her claws. But that did not mean she had not been foolish.

@lichenstar ​

 

[lichenstar]

✦˚.✦˚✦˚✦˚ ✧ ˚✦˚✦˚✦.˚✦

CLAIM THE BURIAL I SEEK IN DREAMS FLOWING RIVER CEMETARY ✧

• Maybe it was of greater benefit than she'd originally thought, to have a spacious den to herself where others might seek out her counsel in privacy. She doesn't long for it to be half so empty as it has been, but duty weighs on her mate (a wound she'd inflicted herself) and sends her away, leaving her feathery nest void of a warm body. Moonbeam, at least, can take solace in knowing today she makes no effort to stir up trouble or do laborious work herself... but it seems that her ears will not be spared a break as a familiar voice lingers at the entrance.
  
  "Boneripple..." Though kept at a respectful distance by circumstance and bad luck, Lichenstar still found room to trust the former ShadowClanner where many of her clan-mates did not. The tri-paw'd enters slowly, still finding herself stumbling even after all this time. The blue lynx point cannot imagine herself in the same circumstance- pain tingles in her forepaw, wondering what it might be like if that thin, cutting wire had seen it cleanly removed.
  
  The apology for her time is something of a surprise, if only because it is a sentiment shared by almost anyone that enters this space. Lichenstar... busy... Maybe once upon a time, but it feels very less suffocating since choosing a deputy and since being made wary of her own mortality following her first death (the prospect of having to do it several more times is daunting). The appeal that stumbles from white-lined lips gives her pause- startled by the admission.
  
  Mind and body.... The pale skin of her wounds tickles with familiarity, frightened by the confrontation of their potential future. Sunstar had lost his leg... put on a brave face at the Gathering. Did he too, consider that it may mar him in such a way he could not recover? Was his mind troubled by such a loss, stitched together by StarClan rather than Twoleg machinations? The empathy is a fleeting thought, fixating a blue gaze on orange flames with a small sigh.
  
  "I won't pretend... I'm not disappointed..." Not because she has admitted defeat but because of what it means- "But... I wouldn't ask you... to suffer... if you feel... unwell." The fragility of the mind is not something easily cured with cobwebs and herbs. "I won't accept... your apology though." It wasn't for her... that burden had been suffered by Cicadastar above all else and he was not in StarClan to witness it... and she wouldn't deign to understand whether or not he'd be willing to accept it either. "It wasn't my burden."
  
  Ears twitch to pass the moments of brief silence before continuing, "I'll announce it... at the next meeting.... Until then... let Hazecloud know... you're no longer fit... for patrols."
• about
  
  speech hex code ✧ #6368A5
  
  ooc notes ✦
  tagging ✶
  penned by tieirlys
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