- Aug 18, 2022
- 704
- 193
- 43
they're supposed to be resting. seems to be a common theme these days, as they get hurt and are told they need to be resting. heal. rest. yes... but what about everyone else? didn't they deserve to rest, too? to heal their minds and their bodies? they should have been allowed. but shadowclan has never been lucky. all good things turn bad. luck is not on their side, and the stars sit back and laugh at them, at their expense. they only watch the raindrops from the mouth of their cave-like den, blinking slowly as their head lowers to rest against the edge of their nest. they let the soft scent of the rain calm them and push them right into dreamland. anything, to be quite honest, was better than being away and facing their problems.
--
fuck, it's cold. why is it so cold? their paws feel frozen to the floor and when they look, they are. their ears flatten and they clear their throat, before calling out.
"h-hello?"
their voice cracks, and they swear they sound like a kitten all over again. they squeeze their eyes shut for a moment before trying to move but their paws just won't go. they're not in control, and before they know it, they're going off in a different direction than they wanted to go.
"hey, wait a second! wh-what's happening, where am i– sh-shit!"
they suddenly are slammed to the ground by an invisible force. their claws come out on instinct, and they try to crawl out from under the pressure but they're stuck. they can't go anywhere. they're starting to freak out, struggling to breathe but they just can't move. why can't they move? why can't they do anything besides flail and panic?
"wh-what's... h...happening... please s-somebody..."
an eeriely familiar figure stands in front of them. they can only move their eyes to look up, and immediately their pupils shrink back.
"...mommy?"
the word comes out just above a whisper, filled with a lot of emotions and practically drowned by the grief and confusion. there was no way this was real. there was just no way. so why did it feel that way? the cat that looks similar in likeness crouches down to eye level, but unlike the last time, or any time, they've saw the molly, hatred and pure vitriol. it makes them wince but they can't even move away or cower. they're forced to deal.
"mousebrain. froghearted. you are a coward."
"wh...what? what do you..."
they don't even know what to say to that. they don't know how to react. their mother would never be so mean, so angry at them.
"oh, did you think I'd be so proud of you? of who you've become? look at you. weak. pathetic. you whine and cry about how the stars forsake you but what have you done about it, huh? and what about everything they've given you? a clan to take care of. lives to use properly. and what do you do? you waste them! you cry! you complain! you do nothing with the blessings you've been given! pathetic. weak. a true leaded would have all of their lives, chilledstar."
they wince. their mother was never this angry, or spiteful. this wasn't her. this wasn't her and they know that. even then, why does it hurt so bad? they can't stop their tears from falling from their face.
"i-i... i'm doing my best! i just want my clan to be okay! I want them to live! if i n-need to sacrifice my lives for theirs, I will do it! don't you get it, mom? they're all I have left! I love them, and I care for them! I... I just..."
"bullshit. you are reckless. you are stupid. was losing your lives not enough to stop you to try and fight a fox over a stupid measly frog?"
that one was painfully true. they should have cut their losses. but they couldn't. why couldn't they? suddenly, their mother waves her paw and their throat is bleeding and they collapse to their side, blood pouring from their wounds as they struggle to breathe.
"did the bear not teach you anything? or perhaps,"
there is a sudden black shadowy figure on top of them, digging its teeth into their throat as they struggled to push it off.
"granitepelt. embarrassing how easy he killed you."
out of order.
"yes, you're right. i forgot. sickness. maybe ferndance was right that we should have killed all the sick, starting with you."
they can't breathe. their body feels so heavy. so sluggish. it hurts so bad.
"and now. fox. takes two to tango and they took two of your lives for your stupid little dance, chilledstar. i have never been so digusted and disappointed to be kin to you."
their stomach is ripped open by the fox and they collapse to the ground, struggling to try and stay alive. they can't fight this. it feels like they're dying all over again.
"m...m-mommy pl...please... i-i'll be a b-better leader... please... s-stop thi... this..."
eyes of blue are filled with pure horror and fear. they don't wanna do this again. they don't want to die again. and their mother only stands over them, claws flexing.
"your existence is misery to those around you. why do you think geckoscreech left you? she doesn't love you, anymore. no one does. you're foolish. reckless. and anyone who pretends to love you is doing so out of pity."
their gaze shrinks, and they start to cry. they truly start to sob, a heartwrenching feeling in their chest.
"s-stop..."
they weep and their mother snorts.
"killing you now is merciful to your clan. goodbye."
a flash of claws, that they can't even move away from and sudden–
-
they gasp awake, panting and beginning to hyperventilate. they can't breathe and they truly start to cry for the first time in stars know how long. their emotions have gotten the best of them. pot boileth over.
———————---***ALL OF MY FEELINGS ARE GONE***———————---
--
fuck, it's cold. why is it so cold? their paws feel frozen to the floor and when they look, they are. their ears flatten and they clear their throat, before calling out.
"h-hello?"
their voice cracks, and they swear they sound like a kitten all over again. they squeeze their eyes shut for a moment before trying to move but their paws just won't go. they're not in control, and before they know it, they're going off in a different direction than they wanted to go.
"hey, wait a second! wh-what's happening, where am i– sh-shit!"
they suddenly are slammed to the ground by an invisible force. their claws come out on instinct, and they try to crawl out from under the pressure but they're stuck. they can't go anywhere. they're starting to freak out, struggling to breathe but they just can't move. why can't they move? why can't they do anything besides flail and panic?
"wh-what's... h...happening... please s-somebody..."
an eeriely familiar figure stands in front of them. they can only move their eyes to look up, and immediately their pupils shrink back.
"...mommy?"
the word comes out just above a whisper, filled with a lot of emotions and practically drowned by the grief and confusion. there was no way this was real. there was just no way. so why did it feel that way? the cat that looks similar in likeness crouches down to eye level, but unlike the last time, or any time, they've saw the molly, hatred and pure vitriol. it makes them wince but they can't even move away or cower. they're forced to deal.
"mousebrain. froghearted. you are a coward."
"wh...what? what do you..."
they don't even know what to say to that. they don't know how to react. their mother would never be so mean, so angry at them.
"oh, did you think I'd be so proud of you? of who you've become? look at you. weak. pathetic. you whine and cry about how the stars forsake you but what have you done about it, huh? and what about everything they've given you? a clan to take care of. lives to use properly. and what do you do? you waste them! you cry! you complain! you do nothing with the blessings you've been given! pathetic. weak. a true leaded would have all of their lives, chilledstar."
they wince. their mother was never this angry, or spiteful. this wasn't her. this wasn't her and they know that. even then, why does it hurt so bad? they can't stop their tears from falling from their face.
"i-i... i'm doing my best! i just want my clan to be okay! I want them to live! if i n-need to sacrifice my lives for theirs, I will do it! don't you get it, mom? they're all I have left! I love them, and I care for them! I... I just..."
"bullshit. you are reckless. you are stupid. was losing your lives not enough to stop you to try and fight a fox over a stupid measly frog?"
that one was painfully true. they should have cut their losses. but they couldn't. why couldn't they? suddenly, their mother waves her paw and their throat is bleeding and they collapse to their side, blood pouring from their wounds as they struggle to breathe.
"did the bear not teach you anything? or perhaps,"
there is a sudden black shadowy figure on top of them, digging its teeth into their throat as they struggled to push it off.
"granitepelt. embarrassing how easy he killed you."
out of order.
"yes, you're right. i forgot. sickness. maybe ferndance was right that we should have killed all the sick, starting with you."
they can't breathe. their body feels so heavy. so sluggish. it hurts so bad.
"and now. fox. takes two to tango and they took two of your lives for your stupid little dance, chilledstar. i have never been so digusted and disappointed to be kin to you."
their stomach is ripped open by the fox and they collapse to the ground, struggling to try and stay alive. they can't fight this. it feels like they're dying all over again.
"m...m-mommy pl...please... i-i'll be a b-better leader... please... s-stop thi... this..."
eyes of blue are filled with pure horror and fear. they don't wanna do this again. they don't want to die again. and their mother only stands over them, claws flexing.
"your existence is misery to those around you. why do you think geckoscreech left you? she doesn't love you, anymore. no one does. you're foolish. reckless. and anyone who pretends to love you is doing so out of pity."
their gaze shrinks, and they start to cry. they truly start to sob, a heartwrenching feeling in their chest.
"s-stop..."
they weep and their mother snorts.
"killing you now is merciful to your clan. goodbye."
a flash of claws, that they can't even move away from and sudden–
-
they gasp awake, panting and beginning to hyperventilate. they can't breathe and they truly start to cry for the first time in stars know how long. their emotions have gotten the best of them. pot boileth over.
-
— black feline with a white marking across their face, a white chin, a white right front paw, and blue eyes. chilledstar is covered in scars, the most prominent ones being the one across their face, and the one across their neck.
— 46 moons old; ages the 3rd every month
— they / them pronouns
— aromantic / homosexual ; currently not looking / looking
— child of JAGGED andRAVEN
— shadowclan ; loyal to shadowclan ; other info if applicable
— mildly difficult to befriend ; trusts barely anyone; trusts no one outside of shadowclan
— "speech", thoughts, attacking
— peaceful powerplay allowed