private INEFFABLE ₊˚✩彡 BLAZESTAR

[CROWSIGHT]

His relationship with the leader is a puzzling one. By no means are they close to the point where he would freely walk up to the leader and ask if they could spend some company together. However, Blazestar is not exactly another passing face. During his kithood the leader would visit them, well... It was more so to see their mother, but by extension his face and presence wasn't exactly surprising. There was a time when Blazestar had brought something to eat for them, which ended up in Crow calling Blaze a terrible hunter and if he liked their mother. It is amusing to look back at those moments. Moments that will never happen again. He no longer has the safety net of being too young to understand the gravity of his actions. After all, It's been many moons since his kithood. As if his bigger and more defined features wasn't an inkling enough that he was nearing adulthood.

It's no fun that I can't mess with him. On the other side of things, he stays away from Blazestar not because he is cruel. The reason is simple. It is his mother. Bobbie and Blazestar are mates and as such they would be together more often than not. Dealing with Bobbie was simple enough. Avoiding her has worked well enough and it's not like she even tried to speak to him. I wish she tried, but maybe it's better that way. He's in luck though. Bobbie is not by Blazestar's side. This means he doesn't pretend to be nice to save face when asking Blazestar for some advice after reporting some news.

The onyx colored tom pads up to the leader and dips his head in greeting before getting into business. "Sorry for the interruption, but I wanted to report what's happening in place of Silversmoke." He only waits for a few seconds before resuming, "We've finished setting up traps for the rogues, while we aren't sure if they'll work, we hope they'll buy us some time." It is short and concise. There is no sense in reporting who helped and what went wrong whilst they were setting up the traps. What mattered was the end result. To that end Crowpaw waits for Blazestar's response, hazel eyes keeping his unblinking gaze on their leader.

He does wonder what the leader thinks of him. Of how he's changed from a crying kit that threw tantrums to whatever he is now. Does she talk about me? Is a question that never leaves his mind when watching Blazestar. He dares not to ask, knowing whatever answer the tom before him answers will break him undoubtably. Blazestar has finished speaking, his job is complete. However, there is something he means to ask. "Blazestar?"

Whiskers twitch before he continues, "How did you become strong?" What does it take to be a leader?

‧₊˚✩彡 nothing compares to the fever dream

• @BLAZESTAR
• — crowpaw / skyclan apprentice / masculine pronouns / 9 moons
  — undecided / single / not looking / open to flirting and crushes
  — long haired black smoke with hazel eyes with polydactyly
  — may powerplay minor harm / can powerplay healing
  — biography / @ on discord for plots
  — penned by velou

​

 

[BLAZESTAR]

Blazestar sits at the base of the Highbranch, his back pressed up against roughening bark. Camp bustles about him—cats enter, prey dangling from their jaws. He’s satisfied to see warriors and apprentices alike contributing to the fresh-kill pile, and even moreso to see the queens and their kits fed first. Others are just exiting camp, their tails lifted with confidence, eyes bright with determination to drive the rogues from their territory. The boundaries are being secured. Kits play at rogue battling as dust quivers in tiny puffs around their flailing limbs.

It’s peaceful—it’s everything that makes the excruciating moments of his leadership worthwhile. The Ragdoll barely stirs when a cat breaks off from a returning patrol, powerfully-built, smoke-colored fur puffed out around him. Blazestar remembers when Crowpaw had been a blunt-nosed babe at his mother’s flank, but there’s power in those shoulders now, both inherited and finessed by moons of training with Silversmoke. The young tom dips his head courteously to the leader before launching into a report that drips with his mentor’s tendencies—get to the point. Blazestar listens to his report and nods, satisfied. “Very well done, all of you. You should rest awhile and have something to eat, Crowpaw. You’ve done great work today.”

But the apprentice does not leave immediately—hesitancy darkens his expression. “Blazestar?” he asks, and the leader is reminded of Lupinepaw. Would Crowpaw have a similar question? But no, it’s unrelated to his mother, seemingly. The young tomcat asks him how he became strong. Blazestar’s blue eyes round with surprise at the question—it’s not a word many cats would use to describe him. Certainly, there is power in Blazestar’s thick neck, his massive paws, his broad shoulders, but he’d never learned to fight quite as well as Slate or Silversmoke or the other lead warriors who sit on his council.

“Strong,” he echoes, thoughtful. “I think experience is what makes you strong.” He considers Crowpaw for a moment, ear twitching. “I went through a lot when I left my housefolk and entered the forest. And every mistake I’ve made, I’ve had to learn from the hard way.” Mistakes—yes. He can speak of mistakes for moons.

, ”​

​

 

[CROWSIGHT]

Experience? He tilts his head, urging Blazestar to go on and explain what that means. Experience is something that Silversmoke gives him, so are you saying I am strong already? Am I misunderstanding? This is the first time he's heard of Blazestar mentioning housefolk, that he had been a kittypet before becoming leader of their clan. It's almost comical that this news shocks him, considering he's heard of their leader being called the kittypet king. Naturally it is an insult towards Blazestar, but now he understands. Understands why Blazestar is softer towards kittypets. Why he would even allow them in their ranks. If he wasn't, then I wouldn't be here. Bobbie was a kittypet too. Not once has the apprentice forgotten his origins nor does he have a contempt for his own blood. That is because Blazestar and many among the clan never made it a pressing issue.

Perhaps that is why gatherings, in all the ones he's been to is jarring to say the least. All the clans few them as weak and kittypets are spoken with disdain. Hazel eyes harden at the recollection of a Windclan warrior who hissed at him for existing. For being an apprentice under the kittypet king. He takes in the older tom's words with interest.

"Do you mean dying?" It is a valid inquiry given the fact that it was not specified in what manner was difficult. He has witnessed Blazestar's unmoving body coming back to life, so it wasn't an abnormal guess. Despite that, there was such a thing known as social cues. The cues being that it was not exactly nice to talk of death. How many lives Blazestar has is not something the public knows, so Crowpaw stating it casually is almost cruel. A reminder that they were equal in death now. One life each.

He does not want Blazestar to think of him as ungrateful for his wisdom, therefore he explains himself. "I want to become the strongest warrior Skyclan has ever known. If you say experience is what makes me strong, then I don't have that. Not yet anyway." A wish is revealed. Whether or not it comes true is yet to be seen. He is only 9 moons has more to experience. More time to become strong. Although... I'm curious about it. Who were you before Blazestar?

A black tail flicks while whiskers twitch, "Do you regret leaving your housefolk? Becoming Blazestar?"

‧₊˚✩彡 nothing compares to the fever dream

• — crowpaw / skyclan apprentice / masculine pronouns / 9 moons
  — undecided / single / not looking / open to flirting and crushes
  — long haired black smoke with hazel eyes with polydactyly
  — may powerplay minor harm / can powerplay healing
  — biography / @ on discord for plots
  — penned by velou

​

 

[BLAZESTAR]

“Do you mean dying,” Crowpaw asks bluntly, and Blazestar’s gaze sharpens. Does he? He has walked with StarClan eight times, each more exhausting and painstaking than the last. Every life he’d lost had been harder to come back from, like fighting to resurface from water with weights on his paws. The most recent deaths from Skyclaw’s fangs had been excruciating to return from. The shades in StarClan that wear his face, his fur, they’d circled him from starlit grass, silver eyes watching him with empty reproach, with longing. Join us, they’d seemed to say... but Blazestar had awakened again, his body full of tears, full of pain that would not leave even when shrouded in marigold, even when dulled by poppy seeds.

“Part of it is dying.” He twitches his tail. “But most of it is not. Most of it is everything that came in between.” His gaze becomes distant. “Falling in love. Fighting in my first battle. Losing and gaining friends. Becoming a father. Losing a child…” His voice becomes faint, but he continues after a heartbeat. “Making good decisions, and bad ones. Those are all things you may do, Crowpaw. And though they will be hard in the moment… learning from those things is what makes you strong.” He smiles, a little sadly. “Battle skill will get you far, but it’s not everything.”

, ”​

​