private INSIDE THE ALTAR BOX ♥︎ OWLHEART

[DOEBLAZE]

Crowsight, then. Her difficult son. But he's not really difficult, is he? No, not anymore—he hasn't been " difficult " for a long time. He hasn't been " difficult " since he was a kitten, scowling when she tried to introduce him to his clanmates. It's not his difficulty, anymore, but hers. She has not been there enough, told him that she loves him enough; she had put the Clan before him, valued the precious lungwort over his formative moons, and it is now that she feels the painful ache of her neglect.

Has she ever been a good mother? She knows she has not been one to her second litter, but she had thought—hoped?—that she had done well by her first. With each passing day, each turn away of his face and word unspoken, she doubts that conviction more and more. If she is not a good mother, and she is not; if she is not a good warrior, and she is not; if she is not a good mate, and she is not ( was not ); then what is she, really? The lack of a good cat?

" Owlheart? " Her own voice breaks her reverie, and it sounds shaking and world - weary, even to her own ears. It tires her to think of how she's failed; the effort of hatred, when directed at herself, is exhausting. She shifts on her forepaws, rolling from the pad to the toe, lifting herself up and then down. She can hardly bring herself to meet the younger cat's eye, the very action shameful, confronting her with the reality of her motherhood the moment she speaks the question into existence.

She does it anyway. " Um, how is—how is Crowsight doing? "

// @Owlheart !!

" speech "

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[Owlheart]

Owlheart had once thought Bobbie was a decent enough cat, she had grown up alongside her first litter so she had always known her to an extent. Originally she had a positive outlook towards her in the sense that all young kits usually do with most warriors in their life. After Crowsight confided in her over how felt in regards to love and a glimpse into how he felt regarding his family she had turned to a bitter mindset. At that time she thought his mother to be some bystander in the turmoil of her partner's life, if not a major catalyst. For a small period of time she thought she hated her, on behalf of Crowsight. Recently, as the moons had passed. In her current stage of life she's had time to reflect on this the tabby had reached a point of neutrality.

She didn’t know where she stood with Bobbie now or if she should be standing anywhere at all? Would she have to have a standing on her if she became mates with her son? The individual at the centre of her thoughts had spoken, she vaguely recognised that her own name was spoken. Yet despite that she craned her heard to look behind her to see if Bobbie was speaking with anyone else. Her ginger ears flicked to indicate that she heard her though she forgot that she had to speak.

“Oh- me yes, hi Bobbie” she smiled as if she hadn’t been trying to crack the code that was Crowsight’s complicated and layered mother. She raises her tail in greeting and moves so that she can walk towards her. Stopping so that she was sitting right in front of the lilac tabby, unable to pick up on the fact that there was a struggle to be looked at in the eye. The question itself brought the young warrior pause, and it is clear that she’s thinking carefully of what to say. She wanted to brag and discuss Crowsight at all times, promote his triumphs and show that he’s putting his best food forward. There was that delicate balance of not wanting to share too much about him, at least, not wanting to discuss anything that he has brought up to her in private.

“He’s… good, he’s really good.” She lands on with a small exhale, that thoughtful expression never leaving her but she still smiled. Like how the sun parts through the clouds to bring daylight across the territory, she looks truly happy talking about him and doesn’t quite understand how much of a claw through the heart this may be. That smile falters slightly, as she recalls recent events. “I don’t- uh. I don’t know if you knew this since you were-” are grieving “raising the kits but he was attacked during the ThunderClan altercation at the border- I don’t know what his name was, some fox-hearted thunderclanner. He… He lost his eye Bobbie” She rambles about her concerns, being nearly brought to tears in worry.

She takes a deep breath to calm her concerns, not wanting to get too emotional. “He’s good right now though, I think he's happy. I hope so at least.” She concludes with a nod to herself, glancing at Bobbie curiously. “How are you- I’m really sorry about what happened. I hope that you’re doing better these days” the closest thing to loss that she’s experienced was Ashenclaw, that was her father though. She had no idea what she would do if she were to lose Crowsight or Oddgleam.
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