IT FEELS LIKE JANUARY NEVER ENDS - howling wind

[LITTLE WOLF]

There is something that weighs heavy on Little Wolfs mind, something that has been for a while now. She had first noticed it the first morning of Ragwortpaw's training and the feeling had persisted since. Of course, there is only one cat she wants to run to, to spill her troubles to, only one cat that she trusts above all the other, only one in thunder clan at least. Little Wolf makes her way to the medicine cats den where she knows she will find her mother. Seeing Howling Wind in her brothers den makes her uncomfortable. Her mother was the strongest cat she knew, someone she looked up to and aspired to one day be just like. To see her so weak made her uneasy. Flashes of her mothers blood coating her paws haunt her mind as she parts the lichen curtain and makes her way into the space Howling Wind shared with Berryheart for now.

"Hey ma" she calls gently, placing the mouse she had brought down between her paws for the time being. "How are you feeling? Can we talk for a second?" She does not bother asking if her brother is around, if any family is, she had waited until Berryhearts familiar tortoiseshell pelt had departed to do stars knew what and her brothers and sisters were all out doing their respective duties. For what she was going to tell Howling Wind, she wanted privacy. She wanted her mother.

// @HOWLING WIND
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[HOWLINGSTAR]

Howling Wind lifts her head, blinking sleep from her eyes as a familiar, lilting voice reaches her ears. "Little Wolf?" She purrs drowsily, eyes adjusting to the dim light now being let into the den. She spots her daughter's slim form as she enters and places a mouse on the ground. Her eyes hungrily follow the fresh-kill before lifting back to the warrior's face. Her smile falters as she notices the look on her face. Immediately, she shifts to prop herself up with her forelegs, careful not to disrupt the bandages across her stomach. "I'm fine....what's going on?" She mews, ears swiveling forward. Her eyes bore into Little Wolf's green gaze, urging her to speak.​

 

[LITTLE WOLF]

She watches her mothers eyes dart to the prey she had placed on the ground, the prey she had brought for her and with one black paw she reaches out and pushes it forward, towards Howling Wind. "I caught this myself this morning, for you" she says, hoping her mother would not feel guilty for eating when so many were going hungry. She needed to keep her strength up if she was going to get better. "The queens and the elders have already eaten" she informs her as she pushes it the tiniest bit closer.

She’s stalling, she knows but really was there a good way to tell her the news she bore. She worried about how her clan would see her but even more so, how her family would. She thinks of Berryheart and his quiet judgements and Raccoonstripe and Graystorm and their more vocal ones. She knows how some of them had felt about her relationship with Blazestar and so she had hardened her resolve. The only one who would know her secret is her mother. No one else.

"Im- Mom- I’m expecting kits again" and there it was, her news. Terrible and wonderful in equal measure. New life that she would be bringing into this world only this time… "Theyre Blazestars but- I’m not - I don’t think I’m going to tell anyone who the father is" anyone but you she adds mentally "Thats no one’s business but my own. These kits will never know. The clan will never know. They can make their assumptions but I’ll never confirm them" she raises her head then ever so slightly, a slight tilt of the chin to indicate that she was serious and that she would not be backing down but then she lowers it again, looking away from that brown striped pelt and wondering what she is thinking. Does she think her a fool? Stupid for having kits again with Blazestar even though it has just been outlaws. Stupid for having them in leaf-bare. Stupid stupid stupid. "It was an accident mom I swear things are over between us" she says quietly, sadly. She hadn’t wanted to say goodbye to him or say goodbye to her two kits that left with him. But her obligations were here with the rest of her family and his obligations were there, with his clan. Both of them were tied into place and there had been no other choice. Tears sting her eyes and she feels one escape to roll down her cheek. Quickly she wipes it away with the back of her paw before turning back to her mother, waiting with equal measures of dread and eagerness for her reaction to the news she had borne down upon her.

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[HOWLINGSTAR]

Her daughter's words make her feel a little better. At least, some of the guilt leaves her after knowing those who needed it most were already fed. Even still, there's a hesitation as she sets her eyes on the prey. "Will you share it with me?" She asks finally, glancing back up at her. "Warriors need their strength." An excuse for her daughter to feed herself. She settles in and takes a bite, knowing she needs to eat if she wants to heal. Berryheart would only scold her if she didn't. Brown ears perk up as Little Wolf begins to speak, but the words that came out are completely unexpected.

Howling Wind stares up at the she-cat in disbelief, green eyes stretched wide. It takes her several moments to process.

Kits...Blazestar's kits...more of them.

Her emotions are conflicted and pulling every which way. "B-But your kits have only just been apprenticed," She mews, confused. She's expecting again so soon? It doesn't matter. What's done is done, and these kits are coming whether Little Wolf is ready or not. She draws in a breath, resolve filling her gaze as she nods. "Okay. It's okay. We'll handle it, and no one will ever know." She reaches a paw out of her nest to place it atop her daughter's. She won't let a soul know these kits are half-clan. Her grandchildren will not deal with that prejudice. "These are ThunderClan kits," Howling Wind states clearly, steadily. Little Wolf will have her full support.​