private IT SHOULD'VE BEEN ME [♱] FORESTSHADE

[SHARPSHADOW]

A lot has happened.

And yet, nothing has, because it seems like things were always like this in ShadowClan. Sharpshadow feels that she shouldn't be upset anymore, but then, what did that say about her? She feels that she should be upset, but then, what did that say about this clan? Beasts larger than themselves ravaged them just like they always did; cats died just how they always have. Sharpshadow is lucky to be alive, he thinks, but he doesn't feel lucky. Time marches on and on without change— with too much change, but nothing of it that she wanted to see. Chilledstar's blood had smelled the same as anyone else's, why was it that he so desperately didn't want them to die?

A dark form slumps into place besides their not-quite-friend. His not-quite-friend that she was angry at, actually, and she'd be damned if she let her forget that. But they had also been apprentices together, even if they hadn't really talked. They also stood beside Chilledstar together. Led patrols together. They were not the same... but they've been in the same places.

Contradictions pick his mind to the point where he wouldn't be able to say anything. Not about himself, at least. It takes a crawl through mud and murky waters, to get a word out. As if it owed him something, he stared at the ground. Mud is worked inbetween his toes, with all of his figdeting. Punched out, then, with a sideward glance at tortoiseshell fur. " Are you okay? "

// OOC: @FORESTSHADE​

 

[FORESTSHADE]

She can recognize the lead warrior's gait as she approaches, her familiar scent calling her name louder than any verbal greeting could. They haven't really spoken one on one since she had dragged her peer along out into lands unclaimed, since she had forced him to bring back Stryker with them against Sharpshadow's judgment. Better judgment, maybe, but she'd never say.

Are you okay?

Her ears flatten to her skull and she shifts her muzzle away for fear of the other seeing a frown pull at her muzzle. That question is one that she's heard so many times over the last half-moon. How is there any possible way she can answer it? To everyone else, she merely huffs a brisk 'yes' before moving on - some cats only get a grunt or a snarl. But Sharpshadow is the closest friend she's got, even if he doesn't think so. For once, she lets bits of her walls sink into the dirt. "I don't know...how to continue on like everything is...normal." She wants to grimace. Talking about her feelings has never been her strongsuit. ​

 

[SHARPSHADOW]

Another few deaths is all it is. It's the pattern— the usual. It has been, since she was she was little. At least before, warriors died fighting for something better; a sprawling forest ripe with prey for the taking. Now, they were pushed into their cold, dingy corner and being eaten alive from the inside. The nature has changed. The outcome hasn't. Sharpshadow doesn't comfort others for a reason. Just do what you've been doing your entire life, is nearly what he levels with. This isn't any different from anything else.

He supposes he'd think differently if it had been... his child. Even if the very thought of having kits made him uncomfortable in a way that told him it should certainly never happen. Sharpshadow looks straight ahead at nothing, pallid eyes half - open. He's probably the worst one Forestshade could have admitted this to. What comes out is froggy, " But you have to. "

...She's sure she was't saying anything that Forestshade didn't know already. A slouched exterior readjusts, slightly. " It... It doesn't have to be right now, " he swiftly amends. " But eventually... You'll figure it out. " She'll probably ram her head into the solution completely on accident, as she tended to do with her thick skull... It's been working for her so far. Why would she stop now?

It's been working for her so far. Is that what this is? Things " working? "

" I want to hunt down... every stupid thing in this territory that sh-shouldn't be here, " suddenly, she says. Her bile is thick with contention; with exhaustion. " Every fox. Every rat. Get rid of them or die trying. "​

 

[FORESTSHADE]

But you have to. It's indeed the same thing she's been saying to herself for forever. But this grief...it's unlike anything she's ever experienced before. She has no idea how she's supposed to figure it out. She sighs, shoulders sagging as her muzzle dips towards the ground. "I hope so." She hates being like this. She hates everything about this. She wants to go back to when her biggest worry was if Screechpaw was sneaking away again. Now, that danger becomes all too real. What if her more risk-taking son is next? What if...?

She huffs in agreement to Sharpshadow's desire, her face hardening as she lifts her chin again. "Then why don't we?" She hisses lowly, the fur along her shoulders beginning to prickle. She wants to tear her claws into this damned rats. She wants to send a million bites into them just as they'd done to Sweetpaw. She wants revenge. Her face angles slightly so that it's facing her companion, her jaw tightening. She could bring Stryker. They could slaughter as many of them as they could, the three of them.​

 

[SHARPSHADOW]

Sharpshadow shifts. The wilting of Forestshade's form betrays just how unhelpful Sharpshadow's words are. Well, now he feels bad, and he doesn't want to feel bad over this anymore. He doesn't want to care about every cat that leave them, about every cat that drops dead, about every life ripped from Chilledstar. It'd keep happening regardless of how much any of them gave a damn, so why should their guts get in a twist about it all? It's a blessing — No. No. How terribly, terribly wrong was that to say? He appreciates, that... he doesn't have to hide his faces around Forestshade. Pallid eyes screw up upon her face. Couldn't she just let his words mean something? Did she have to make him feel worse all the time? ...Most of the time.

Sharpshadow grits her teeth. Whiskers twitch as if she herself has ever been anything but inconsolable for her entire life. Forestshade was already doing better than he ever has. Everything always comes so easy to her. It isn't really fair.

He looks away. It's wrong, blind or not. Not long after, it's Forestshade that prompts a look instead, her fur prickling. He's relieved to not be the only one stupid enough to be mad. Relieved, relieved, relived. He glimpses her only from the corner of his eye, as if the full weight of her gaze would turn him to stone. But his gaze is wide and frantic. He thinks, I like when you're like me.

But ironically, at the same time, that seems to snap him into consciousness. Venom that he'd spit mere moments ago evaporates into nothing. " Well – " A pathetic, dry mouth. She's still so hard to look away from, somehow. " Well, 'cause that'd be ss-tupid. " He stumbles over his words again. He needs to stop doing that. " We'd lose. And then we'd die. " No matter what he says, he doesn't really want to die. And, " I don't want you to die. "​

 

[FORESTSHADE]

To a desperate ear, it almost sounds like Sharpshadow is considering it. Nevermind she's probably making that up. She wants to hear her say yes, let's do it, let's go show those stinking maggots who's boss! She says it would be stupid, and Forestshade snorts. Of course it's stupid, she doesn't care! She wants to go, she wants to sink her claws into ratty flesh and tear.

We'd lose. And then we'd die. I don't want you to die.

Somehow, those words are able to calm her down, even just a little bit. A rapidly beating heart slows and she ighs something heavy, eyes shutting. "Yeah," She says lowly, ears flicking back against her head as her shoulders sag. "I guess I don't want you to die either." It's selfish, she realizes, to push to drag her friends into something like that. To satisfy her anger. But it wouldn't help nothin' by the end of the day to have all of them dead in the ground.

Sorry, She wants to say to him, but instead, a heavy head just rolls to the side and leans against her shoulder dejectedly. If he shoves her off, so be it. She's tired.​

 

[SHARPSHADOW]

NOTE: mobile post!

She expects Forestshade to not care. She expects — in a sudden bit to prove him wrong — she would whirl around then and there, storming off to find the nearest dangerous thing to fight, and it'd be Sharpshadow's job to follow follow her. Maybe it'd be her fault too, for planting the stupid idea in her head to begin with. Sharpshadow tenses at the warrior's defiant snort. Silver eyes look sideways at her, wide and frantic and afraid and furious that Forestshade made him feel that way. When did he let this happen?

And then, that fury is suddenly sucked away. Reason sinks into Forestshade's being like it never has before, making her... tired. Or something close to it. Sharpshadow glimpses her fully then with trembling eyes. Yeah. The agreement is so easy that it leaves Sharpshadow stunned. I guess I don't want you to die either. It feels like... an admission, even though it should be the bare mimimum. Sharpshadow takes it as one, even though it should be the bare minimum. A disbelieving series of blinks wracks him. A lie is what it sounds like.

...But Forestshade didn't ever really have the tact to lie, did she? Sharpshadow doesn't think she'd be as upset with her, if she did.

The loll of her head onto his shoulder makes him flinch, but he didn't have the heart to tell her to go away in this moment. It takes a little while, but eventually, like Forestshade, his shoulders fall... too tired to stay tensed, or something like that. What she says is meant to come out thick with venom. Sarcasm - laden; a joke on how unflattering of a thing that was to say, but it comes out way too sincere, the lowly spoken: " ...Thanks. " And a sigh.

He didn't like to lie. Not when he could help it, but something compells him to say, " Things will get better. " Maybe it was the fact that it didn't have to be a lie, so long as they tried hard enough.​