- Nov 1, 2022
- 11
- 0
- 1
The loss of a parent is truly, nearly, indescribable. Everyone knows the theatrical dramatics associated with it; sobs wrack your body and stall your breath as you crumple to the floor, knowing that nothing will ever be the same again. You go to them on their deathbed and reconcile your differences, the grudges and bitterness that have lingered in your time together. These are well played scenes and everybody knows them. Theatrics have their place as an overemphasized model of emotion, experiences tuned up and put on display for all to associate with, but the truth is often much quieter. You generally cry, yes, but nobody seems to talk about the nothingness that follows.
The world keeps going even when someone's stops.
Some folks never recover from that loss. It sits, it rots, and it festers within them. What they know they're missing, what they once had, it's too much for them to bear. They're the ones that you hold your breath around. You have to choreograph your steps, pre-plan your conversations, lay awake as anxiety rocks through you at the thought of something else going wrong. You know they're at their limit and anything, even a bad day, could mean you'd never see them again.
The death of her mother is never far from Squirrel's mind. The details have grown soft and blurred over time, she wouldn't be able to paint the scene, but the emotions hold as true as ever. It wrecked her when it happened. She'd barely had true consciousness, her responsibilities were childish games, winning arguments with her brother, what she'd eat before bed. She'd been about to apprentice and she was so excited for it.
The events that unfolded left Squirrel broken. Her sister was actually her mother and was left dead by the ravages of some disease. Her father was a cruel and brutal tom that showed up to try to carry the kits off to Windclan. He'd succeeded in taking her brother, leaving Squirrel behind and feeling truly alone.
She'd spent some time in the clan after that, absently walking through the routines of apprenticehood and hoping that maybe, just maybe, she'd begin to feel something, someday. It didn't happen, life kept moving, and she left Skyclan. She'd taken her absence in a moment of quiet. The camp had been still and the moonlit sky kept the moors aglow with pale light. The only noises were those of her clanmates, gentle breathing from the apprentice den behind her back and the murmurs from the warriors that stayed awake to keep watch. She didn't know or care what they said. She hadn't paid mind to anything that happened in those days. Squirrel had made it out of the camp and through the grasses that brushed her legs and the bugs that flit past her nose. Her small paws had carried her across the border, under the trees that lined the territory, and onward.
She had walked, and walked, and walked, and now she was back.
Squirrel sat on the border she'd crossed so many moons ago with an unrecognizable feeling curling in her chest. There were many reasons behind her return, it had been so long, but she felt almost.. scared. She was a different cat than she used to be, shaped by a life of difficulties, and she wasn't sure if she was coming back to anything she knew. It was very likely that everyone she'd known was gone, lost to plague, famine, pestilence, or, even worse, they wouldn't recognize her. She looked different, held herself differently. Her fur was still the same blue tortoiseshell as before and her eyes, though hardened, were as green as ever. She hadn't grown much, destined to be small by birth and solidified by poor nutrition, but the kitten softness that Skyclan knew was gone. She was, undoubtably, scrawny and scarred. She didn't much resemble who she had been.
Her paw tapped a staccato on the dirt beneath her, a nervous habit she'd picked up somewhere along the line. She'd wait where she was until a patrol came around. Her first impression, to undoubtably so many new cats, needed to be good.
[do not feel the need to match length !! this got away from me]
The world keeps going even when someone's stops.
Some folks never recover from that loss. It sits, it rots, and it festers within them. What they know they're missing, what they once had, it's too much for them to bear. They're the ones that you hold your breath around. You have to choreograph your steps, pre-plan your conversations, lay awake as anxiety rocks through you at the thought of something else going wrong. You know they're at their limit and anything, even a bad day, could mean you'd never see them again.
The death of her mother is never far from Squirrel's mind. The details have grown soft and blurred over time, she wouldn't be able to paint the scene, but the emotions hold as true as ever. It wrecked her when it happened. She'd barely had true consciousness, her responsibilities were childish games, winning arguments with her brother, what she'd eat before bed. She'd been about to apprentice and she was so excited for it.
The events that unfolded left Squirrel broken. Her sister was actually her mother and was left dead by the ravages of some disease. Her father was a cruel and brutal tom that showed up to try to carry the kits off to Windclan. He'd succeeded in taking her brother, leaving Squirrel behind and feeling truly alone.
She'd spent some time in the clan after that, absently walking through the routines of apprenticehood and hoping that maybe, just maybe, she'd begin to feel something, someday. It didn't happen, life kept moving, and she left Skyclan. She'd taken her absence in a moment of quiet. The camp had been still and the moonlit sky kept the moors aglow with pale light. The only noises were those of her clanmates, gentle breathing from the apprentice den behind her back and the murmurs from the warriors that stayed awake to keep watch. She didn't know or care what they said. She hadn't paid mind to anything that happened in those days. Squirrel had made it out of the camp and through the grasses that brushed her legs and the bugs that flit past her nose. Her small paws had carried her across the border, under the trees that lined the territory, and onward.
She had walked, and walked, and walked, and now she was back.
Squirrel sat on the border she'd crossed so many moons ago with an unrecognizable feeling curling in her chest. There were many reasons behind her return, it had been so long, but she felt almost.. scared. She was a different cat than she used to be, shaped by a life of difficulties, and she wasn't sure if she was coming back to anything she knew. It was very likely that everyone she'd known was gone, lost to plague, famine, pestilence, or, even worse, they wouldn't recognize her. She looked different, held herself differently. Her fur was still the same blue tortoiseshell as before and her eyes, though hardened, were as green as ever. She hadn't grown much, destined to be small by birth and solidified by poor nutrition, but the kitten softness that Skyclan knew was gone. She was, undoubtably, scrawny and scarred. She didn't much resemble who she had been.
Her paw tapped a staccato on the dirt beneath her, a nervous habit she'd picked up somewhere along the line. She'd wait where she was until a patrol came around. Her first impression, to undoubtably so many new cats, needed to be good.
[do not feel the need to match length !! this got away from me]