private IT'S 8 O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING &. falconpaw

[DROWSYNOSE]

STILL DON'T KNOW MY NAME​

---

okay, it's simple. take a few deep breaths, watch the sheep, and fall asleep. don't think about the gut wrenching pain in one's stomach. that... sounded simple enough, right? except it wasn't ever that simple. not especially after his fateful encounter with chi. he can't sleep that easy, even though all he wants to do is sleep and not think about the fact that he watched his crush and sister leave together. it's fine. surely, it's... fine. they're together in some sense of the word. he isn't upset... even if maybe he should be. why would he be? it wasn't as if falconpaw was his boyfriend or mate or anything like that. sure, he'd told lupinepaw that he liked him, but he didn't ever really have any intentions to be pursue him.

he was intimidating. not in a way that drowsypaw was scared of him, but he just didn't think he was worth falconpaw's time. not like lupinepaw. she deserved to be happy above his own happiness, which is why he forced it to not hurt so much, even when it did. he laid his head upon his paws, tired eyes watching the entrance. his torn ear only perks up when falconpaw comes storming back in... where was lupinepaw? safe, surely. maybe he just missed her coming back in. but falconpaw looked upset. be a good friend.

"okay. hey, falconpaw. are you doing okay?"

he didn't wanna say he heard about the spar. he didn't look much better after having been with lupinepaw. maybe he was still upset... he could help, right? he just wanted to be a good friend. he gently bumped against the lanky tom cat, with a soft tilt of his head to one side.

"we don't g-gotta talk about it or anything... but you seem upset. wanna go on a walk? are.... are you okay enough for one?"

// @falconpaw!

​

 

[falcongaze]

-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ- The ink of night spreads long before Falconpaw returns, after that spring storm had passed, when the underbrush of the pine forest is still wet. Falconpaw had wandered- had he? Everything felt akin to a blur, eyes still red from shameful tears, body still aching with the thought of everything they had discussed. Falconpaw wasn't loved. He couldn't be- not with a response like that. She never said it. She never said it.

Paws are aching, weary as he slowly drags himself into camp, mottled lynx pelt moving quickly as to not be seen by his mentor. Greeneyes would be sure to inquire if he knew Falconpaw had been missing, and he... Falconpaw couldn't deal with that right now. It would have to be brushed off until tomorrow, when Greeneyes could chew him out for being outside of camp on his own, his lonesome. Ears twitched as he attempted to sneak into camp but a figure, inked like his other half's- what were they, anyways? Dating? Together? 'Padding' after one another, is what Lupinepaw called it.

He stopped himself from grinding his teeth as vision shifted towards Drowsypaw, only to relax at the sight of the scarred apprentice. No, he wasn't doing okay, but eyebrows knocked together at a good way of denying Drowsypaw an answer. Vision turned, sweeping camp to see if he could spot the other apprentice's sister, but she was nowhere to be found. That was... actually relieving, at the moment.

"I've been better." He admitted languidly, as if it wasn't a problem. He silently thanked Starclan that the ink of night was there to cover his eyes, hide the redness in his vision. Eyes settled on Drowsypaw briefly, and as much as his emotions wanted him to resist, his body instinctively leaned back against his friend, eyes closing and ears flicking- then relaxing. "That's... what I've been doing. Walking. Since that storm started earlier." Falconpaw murmured.

Drowsypaw could likely hear it- the rawness in the apprentice's voice, the hesitation in any kind of explination. "... Your sister and I had an argument." He managed finally, vision shifting to meet Drowsypaw's.

‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎┌── ILL SEE YOU WHEN ⋅❁⋅ THE WRATH COMES AROUND ──┐‎

• "speech"
  

• 

• FALCONPAW 🌧 he/him, apprentice of skyclan, eleven moons.
  ⭃ LH chocolate lynx point with deep blue eyes, and a long scar on his left cheek down under his jawline. pushes his 'hair' back. very long legged, half oriental moggie.
  ⭃ mentored by greeneyes / / mentoring no one
  ⭃ padding after lupinepaw / / brother to spottedpaw and sagepaw
  ⭃ peaceful and healing powerplay permitted / / underline and tag when attacking
  ⭃ penned by dallas ↛ dallasofnines on discord, feel free to dm for plots.
  

​

 

[DROWSYNOSE]

STILL DON'T KNOW MY NAME​

---

he's been walking, he says. if drowsypaw is being honest, he didn't even realize how dark it had been. how late. how long had he been trying to sleep? how long has falconpaw been out there, alone? he looks so distraught, and that tugs at his heart strings a lot more than he wants to admit. he never liked seeing anyone sad, but why does it hurt so much more with falconpaw?

"okay, we don't have to go anywhere. we can stay right here."

his whiskers twitch at the mention of lupinepaw. he doesn't address her as such, it doesn't go unnoticed. whatever this fight was about, it clearly hurt falconpaw really bad. he wonders if lupinepaw is okay after it, or if she's taking it as hard as falconpaw seemed to be? he hopes not. he doesn't like seeing her upset, either. he twitches his ears with a soft hum, heterochromatic gaze blinking at the tom in front of him. in some way... it's kind of nice to see him with emotions. he tries his hardest to hide them, but drowsypaw doesn't want him to have to.

"do you wanna talk about it? what you two argued about? we don't have to, of course. but i am here for you. whatever you need, falconpaw."

he doesn't like seeing him so out of it. he misses that smile he had the other day and if there is any chance, even a slither of a chance, that he could get him to smile like that again, he was gonna take it. not like he was going to sleep anytime soon, anyways, and what better way to use his lack of ability to sleep, than to help his friend?

​

 

[falcongaze]

-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ- Drowsypaw is.. warm- perhaps that's because the long furred other had been resting. He hadn't nessecarily been waiting for him, had he? Falconpaw's brain works in sluggish time, as if still bewildered by what happened earlier. What he had done. He sucked in a hot breath, ears lowering. The other apprentice's vision is intent, making it hard to hide. The doors had been opened, and as such, he needed to close them ones Drowsypaw was let through.

Let through? This isn't like you, Falconpaw. He thought at himself. Numbly, his head nodded. Staying right here would be nice, right? Falconpaw's head turned towards Drowsy's as he speaks, ears gently perking. Did he want to talk about it? He wasn't sure. He opened his mouth, and hesitated. When he spoke, his words were slow, gauging. "I don't want to like... complain about your sister to you." Falconpaw murmured softly. His shoulder shifted gently against Drowsypaw.

"I think I can um, explain what happened, at least." A darkened paw reached up, brushing at his face, over his eyes. No, he wasn't still crying, but his eyes were raw- the stinging pain of what came after crying. A reminder of what he had started. "Can we go sit or lay somewhere? Just not in the den yet." He glanced towards Drowsypaw, and if he accepted, Falconpaw would lead, step in step, to a soft part of camp away from the apprentice's den.

He settled down, tucking his legs beneath him. When Drowsypaw was comfortable, he began to speak, quiet under the guise of night. Most cats would be sleeping. "I- Stars, there's no easy way to say this." He swallowed thickly."I asked her if she loved me." Falconpaw said plainly, shoulders lifting in a 'shrug', ears lowering. Shame coated him- he didn't need to explain this, did he? Falconpaw could've shouldered it all on his own.

‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎┌── ILL SEE YOU WHEN ⋅❁⋅ THE WRATH COMES AROUND ──┐‎

• "speech"
  

• 

• FALCONPAW 🌧 he/him, apprentice of skyclan, eleven moons.
  ⭃ LH chocolate lynx point with deep blue eyes, and a long scar on his left cheek down under his jawline. pushes his 'hair' back. very long legged, half oriental moggie.
  ⭃ mentored by greeneyes / / mentoring no one
  ⭃ padding after lupinepaw / / brother to spottedpaw and sagepaw
  ⭃ peaceful and healing powerplay permitted / / underline and tag when attacking
  ⭃ penned by dallas ↛ dallasofnines on discord, feel free to dm for plots.
  

​

 

[DROWSYNOSE]

STILL DON'T KNOW MY NAME​

---

that was nice of him, he thinks. but... that's not exactly what he wanted for him. to hold his feelings back just because drowsypaw was lupinepaw's brother. but he gets it. it's not exactly like he... would ever talk bad about his sister, he loves her. still, that didn't mean that he couldn't comfort his friend. he knows his siblings don't always make the best decisions and even if he sticks up for them as best as he can– tries to justify what they do– he needs to be here for falconpaw. he said he would and he was a tom of his word.

his eyes blink a few times at falconpaw's words before he simple nods. easy enough. he can go with falcon, and sit and listen. he follows after the tom and sits beside him, tail curling around his paws as he nervously kneads the ground, eyes widening when he hears what falconpaw has said. he... asked her... what? his gaze shrinks and he clears his throat, ears pinning as he tries to take a deep breath in and out. he doesn't expect that to hurt so much. had falconpaw loved her? and what did lupinepaw say that made him so hurt, if it was a simple question of love? an easy answer, if you asked drowsypaw.

"...i see. what did she say? and did... you say it to her?"

there is no emotion in his words except softened kindness, and comfort. he does not need falconpaw catching on to the fact that this hurts to talk about, especially when he has no right to feel hurt in the first place. if falconpaw and lupinepaw are meant to be, then they simply are. somewhere in his heart, though, tells him that love isn't supposed to hurt anyone, the way it seems to be hurting falconpaw. he gently moved his tail to lay against falcon's... hopefully that offers more comfort than his words can right now.

​

 

[falcongaze]

-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ- The instant the words left his mouth shame coated him heavily- was this really something he should be discussing with Drowsypaw, of all cats? His watchful gaze, of course, catches the way Drowsypaw reacts- he flinches gently. Was it stupid of him to have asked? He turned his head away, biting upon his cheek until his friend spoke, more even-toned then he expected. Falconpaw wonders briefly if it runs in the family- being able to negate speaking their emotions with their words.

He envies it, to a point. Being able to remain neutral, or even push only parts of their emotions into their speech. Guilty eyes shifted back towards Drowsypaw. He considers the question gently, and he nodded his head. "I had... I had told her-" He cleared his scratchy voice out for something more even. "I had asked her. Maybe.. I asked her in the wrong ways but, I asked her- "If you can't say it, it means you don't, and if you don't love me, then why I do love you?"

Falconpaw inhaled sharply, turning his vision back away with narrowed eyes. "And.. and even if I had asked her in the wrong way, or was rude I... am I wrong?" He whispered that final part, eyes staring a particular tiny mossball, left astray in the camp. He was feeling a lot like that moss ball, in a kind of way. Battered and left behind. His emotions got the best of him again, voice cracking once to allow the hurt to shine through. "When... when Cherrypaw and Edenpaw had a public moment, Lupinepaw rushed off upset. I brought up Cherrypaw calling Edenpaw love once, and it's..."

He swiftly shook his head. The words were tumbling out now, his rant begun and soon to stop- he was running out of things to chant about. "It's my fault, for comparing us to them- but they're happy around everyone. Not just in private, like her and I were." Falconpaw's eyes lifted again, sore and red and tearing up all over again. "Why can't we have that? That's... that's all I was asking for." He whispered, ears flattening and head moving to hang again.

‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎┌── ILL SEE YOU WHEN ⋅❁⋅ THE WRATH COMES AROUND ──┐‎

• "speech"
  

• 

• FALCONPAW 🌧 he/him, apprentice of skyclan, eleven moons.
  ⭃ LH chocolate lynx point with deep blue eyes, and a long scar on his left cheek down under his jawline. pushes his 'hair' back. very long legged, half oriental moggie.
  ⭃ mentored by greeneyes / / mentoring no one
  ⭃ padding after lupinepaw / / brother to spottedpaw and sagepaw
  ⭃ peaceful and healing powerplay permitted / / underline and tag when attacking
  ⭃ penned by dallas ↛ dallasofnines on discord, feel free to dm for plots.
  

​

 

[DROWSYNOSE]

STILL DON'T KNOW MY NAME​

---

there are two sides to every story and right now, falconpaw wanted to be comforted for his own. it makes sense to drowsypaw why he would want to. he's usually so easy to go with the flow of everything, stuff his emotions into a little box under the guise of being stoic and not having any emotions at all, but anyone that watched falconpaw, truly watched him, knew better. drowsypaw has been watching falconpaw for a long time. maybe it was weird but... until recently moons they really never had a chance to truly be friends like they are now. and being the friend that drowsypaw is, he's observant. worrisome that something may happen if he doesn't watch his friend's back, even if logically he knows he can't protect him from any threat that may come their way.

"i think that... that sometimes our e-emotions get to be too much. and we a-act on them and say things a little too hasty. even if... if we really have a r-right to."

he is careful in his wording. he understands where falconpaw is coming from– most cats in the world just wanted to be loved– but he can't throw his sister under a monster. she had her reasons for reacting the way she did, right? maybe she should have gone about it better. but so should have falconpaw. he's not here to judge, anyways. he never could.

"it's not wrong to want to be loved, falconpaw. i... think that's... that's what all cats want. t-to love and to be loved in return. it's not asking for a lot... some cats just have a harder time expressing it."

the apprentice takes a moment before gently moving to lick a stray fur on top of falconpaw's head, promptly clearing his throat as he moves away with a look of slight embarrassment. maybe he shouldn't have done that.

"s...sorry. you just had a fur... i-i... you're not wrong for wanting to be affectionate in public. but perhaps lupinepaw has her reasons as to why she doesn't? both of you are right and both of you are wrong. and that's okay."

​

 

[falcongaze]

-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ- There were things that Falconpaw often missed- how others looked at him was a good one, for start. Normally he had eyes on everyone else, nitpicked their tendencies and noticed when they weren't themselves. He wasn't used to it the other way around, eyes settled into the hollow of his back where he couldn't see them... seeing him. And it was more then just seeing his surface shell- Drowsypaw had found a way to penetrate deeper, see the very soul that shifted and moved in his bones.

Falconpaw, if he knew of it, would be nearly jealous of that skill.

Drowsypaw takes his time murmured his response, thought-through and careful. Hopeful eyes scanned Drowsypaw's, a slow nod following. He was a bit hasty- well, a bit more then hasty, if you could call snapping at Lupinepaw, asking her for something he didn't even think he was owed yet, hasty. He nodded his head again as Drowsypaw continued speaking, suddenly sheepish in his reply- slowly he was realizing that he was in the wrong, being too hasty and assuming what Lupinepaw felt.

Ears fell briefly at the thought, vision downcast, before embarrassing surprise rushed through him. Face flushed and eyes lifted towards Drowsypaw- wide-sit ears twitching in rapid thought. "Ah- um, n-no it's okay, it's alright." He cleared up, a paw reaching up to push his hair tuft back so it didn't hang over his eyes. Eyes shifted back towards Drowsypaw, and he nodded slowly, trying to bring his heartrate back to normal. "Y-yeah, you're probably right. I rushed it. I know that I did." He murmured softly, his tail twitching.

Falconpaw stood then, stepping closer and gently bumping his shoulder to Drowsypaws. His head turned as he spoke low. "Thank you, Drowsypaw. I'm sorry you... had to listen to all that but- I appreciate you waiting up." Falconpaw said, vision turning to glance at a very empty camp.

‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎┌── ILL SEE YOU WHEN ⋅❁⋅ THE WRATH COMES AROUND ──┐‎

• "speech"
  

• 

• FALCONPAW 🌧 he/him, apprentice of skyclan, eleven moons.
  ⭃ LH chocolate lynx point with deep blue eyes, and a long scar on his left cheek down under his jawline. pushes his 'hair' back. very long legged, half oriental moggie.
  ⭃ mentored by greeneyes / / mentoring no one
  ⭃ padding after lupinepaw / / brother to spottedpaw and sagepaw
  ⭃ peaceful and healing powerplay permitted / / underline and tag when attacking
  ⭃ penned by dallas ↛ dallasofnines on discord, feel free to dm for plots.
  

​

 

[DROWSYNOSE]

STILL DON'T KNOW MY NAME​

---

he drags his paw over his face, as if trying to wipe away the pure and unfiltered embarrassment he feels. he clears his throat ever so slightly and nods his head at the response before he continues to listen. his tail flicks back, and forth, and back again as he tries to process the words before he speaks up.

"don't take all of the blame, okay? relationships... wh-whether they're familial, friendly, or even romantic, take time. they take t-two, or more, to be okay. and y-you gotta express how you feel while letting others do the same. y-you and lupinepaw will be okay."

he reassured, closing his eyes with the friendly bump to his shoulder. that hurts, more than he ever would begin to admit. softly he took in bits of his scent before shaking his head.

"i didn't. i-i mean i did... wait for you, but I didn't wait up. i haven't been able to sleep since i... had that run in with the squirrel... thing or whatever. it's... not important. friends listen to friends, right? it's n-not a big deal. you should... you should g-get some rest. you've had a long day."

​

 

[falcongaze]

-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ- Embarressment seemed to have snared them both. His stomach felt funny at the thought of that again- Drowsypaw's comforting touch. Vision stole towards the apprentice's den, and cemented there as Drowsypaw spoke. He nodded, but his ears twitched, blue gaze shifting back towards Drowsypaw. "Come back and try to sleep. I'll wait up until you do." Falconpaw spoke, and much like other times, he made it clear he was going to do it whether or not Drowsypaw wanted to.

A hint of a devious smile found his face as he turned away, padding for the apprentice's den. That's right. Cover it up. Help him. Help him.

‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎┌── ILL SEE YOU WHEN ⋅❁⋅ THE WRATH COMES AROUND ──┐‎

• "speech"
  

• 

• FALCONPAW 🌧 he/him, apprentice of skyclan, thirteen moons.
  ⭃ LH chocolate lynx point with deep blue eyes, and a long scar on his left cheek down under his jawline. pushes his 'hair' back. very long legged, half oriental moggie.
  ⭃ mentored by greeneyes / / mentoring no one
  ⭃ padding after lupinepaw / / brother to spottedpaw and sagepaw
  ⭃ peaceful and healing powerplay permitted / / underline and tag when attacking
  ⭃ penned by dallas ↛ dallasofnines on discord, feel free to dm for plots.
  

​